I have felt sympathy for objects since I was a very young child.
This has caused me a huge amount of sadness and anxiety over the years. I feel sad for the photograph that gets pushed to the back of the display cabinet, the guitar that doesn’t get played anymore, or the once loved camera that has now been displaced by a newer one. As a young autistic child, I played alone with my little toy cars and soldiers. I would be overwhelmed with sadness for the toy that got left out, or didn’t work properly. This was a constant source of anxiety and something I did not know how to explain to anyone, till now.
As I write this, I can actually feel the sadness rising up. Why is this, surely the object in question does not have any feelings? Why do I project an imagined empathy onto an unconscious object? I do not hear the camera, picture or guitar, crying out to me for help. So it must be me that’s feeling the emotion. I admire people that can happily discard a possession when it no longer pleases them. How free that must feel. To be able to move on to the next thing, without even looking back.
So why do I get so deeply upset by this? I have scoured the internet for answers. There are other people, some with autism, that share this strange trait, and describe it in a similar way, how they also feel sorry for things. As autistic people, perhaps some of us have a tendency to invest our emotions in inanimate objects rather than people. Could it be this that leads to our things becoming our closest friends?
There is some evidence to suggest that OCD and Synaesthesia are possible causes. Put simply, Synaesthesia is a neurological condition where the senses are confused. So someone with it, may smell a taste, or see a particular colour when thinking of a specific number. Some people have a form of Synaesthesia known as Personification. This is when a personality or emotion is attributed to an object. It would appear that there is a higher tendency for those on the autistic spectrum to have Synaesthesia in one form or another.
I’m not totally convinced that what I experience is Synaesthesia, and I have not heard a satisfactory explanation of why it happens to me. A clinical psychologist did tell me once, that it was something to do with OCD and autism but could not elaborate any further.
Even at 57 years of age, the sadness I feel from objects stops me from becoming a fully-functional adult. At times it disables me and keeps me as a child that wants to cry all the time.
Does anyone know if this is autism-related or OCD?
I’m leaving this post slightly open-ended. This is because I really want your feedback on this.
Do you also feel sorry for things, and do you get upset if an object is being left out or discarded in some way?
Please let me know.
Thanks for reading.
Steve
www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Autism: Feeling sympathy for inanimate objects
Janneke Rubow says
Hello!
I’m 27 and don’t have any form of diagnosed autism/synaesthesia/OCD.
But I’ve always felt the same as well.
I think this may be linked to a high degree of general empathy and imagination.
It’s similar to our empathy for characters in novels. We know they don’t really exists but it still hurts when they are injured/abused. We still feel over the moon for the tiniest triumph. This is the ability to empathise with imaginary things. Only, in novels the author has given the character a personality and story. With inanimate objects, we do that ourselves. That’s why I think both empathy and imagination play a role.
I also think it’s very common. Every child will cry if you mistreat their favorite toy. Some of us just feel it to a greater degree than others.
Who knows. I think it is a beautiful (if sometimes very painful) thing to have, I can’t imagine my life without it,
Devin says
Hi, I’m Devin. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s in my teens, and am currently 29, soon to be 30. I have a lot of things I collect that this has happened with. I am especially attached to certain plushes I have collected over the years, most given or gifted from my small circle of friends. I feel bad for them when certain ones have fallen off the bed onto the floor and feel like I need to pick them up before I sleep. It’s actually pretty distressing when I can’t find certain ones that are special to me. I recently discovered one of them was missing and had to go through my entire room looking for it. Turned out to be under the mattress though for some reason. But I am not sure what causes these feelings. I have a friend who also is on the spectrum and has a similar attachment to certain plushes he owns. On the one hand, I know they don’t have feelings, but I still feel bad for them if I lose any of them or they fall.
Gina says
Devin, thank you for commenting. I am a 28 year old female, no diagnosis of autism but I suffer from OCD and anxiety. Your post describes me to a T!
I have had the same stuffed animal since I was a child and hated the idea of him being in a bag when travelling or suffocating under the comforter. I would always whisper into him that the journey would be over soon and I’m sorry he had to go in a bag. When I was younger I think I would carry him in a backpack on a plane but as an adult I always pack him in the suitcase. I have a couple new stuffed animal/plushies that I have gotten as an adult and I sleep with one every night, much to my partners annoyance, and I have one ride shot gun when I drive. I will often sit her on my lap for comfort and to stop me picking at my skin or playing with my hair compulsively. I used to be ashamed about this but as I get older I don’t care what others think, they bring me joy and comfort!
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Danielle says
I have something similar, but have never been diagnosed with autism. I have a hard time making cups of tea when the tea bags are connected and you have to separate them. I much rather take them apart when theyre first bought so they have time to get used to being separated. Im typing this and I know it sounds very strange, but I do genuinely feel for the teabags. I identify strongly with your post and previous comments as well.
Virginia Betts says
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s aged 43. I am absolutely the same and always have been. I recently bought an old violin in a case from an antique shop because I couldn’t bear it being alone in the shop unplayed. I have a good violin at home – it felt like i had given the one from the shop a friend. I could not throw away pencil leads when pencils broke. I still feel ill thinking about things I have given to charity shops, even if I don’t want them. When I donated times to school sales as a kid (bring and buy) i had to buy a new item to donate, and then I would go to the sale and buy it back!!!
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Virginia
I’ve always wondered if this issue around objects is tied to autism. There certainly seems to be for many people on the spectrum. I suspect there are also others who feel this way that are not autistic as well. It’s something to do with how we process our feelings, and how sensitive we are as well.
Regards
Steve
Raritan Sailor says
Very interesting, I don’t know what I may have. I’m sure I’m OCD in a minor way.
Maybe a bit on the Asperger’s scale, since I tend to solve problems with pictures in
my head. Anyway…
I too have “feelings” for inanimate objects. I would say to my mother that I had to eat all the food on my plate because I didn’t want any of the food items to “feel” that they were unworthy, or left out.
I would save things because I didn’t want them to “feel bad” about being useless, especially if they
had some emotional connection to my life.
I’m 56 now, and it’s not as strong as it was when I was younger, but it’s still there.
Sherri Magness says
Wow! It’s good to know I am not alone! I have not been officially diagnosed with Autism, but my son has and I find so many of the traits in my own life, especially my childhood memories. My attachments were mostly to toys. I too had to put every stuffed animal in my bed to sleep or was afraid their feelings would get hurt. As an adult approaching 50, I still find myself trying not to “play favorites” with my sewing machines. I will use one for a project, then next time, I will use the other. I have also talked to my cars since I first started driving. I know good and well (with as I put it, the logical side of me) that they can’t feel, but I still find myself trying not to hurt their feelings anyway.
I used to think it was just because I grew up watching things like Raggedy Ann and Herbie.
Thank you so much for this insight.
Kay says
I think it has something to do with the Theory of Mind concept. People on the spectrum may not intuit that others think differently than them and so project their own thought processes. I feel it is the same with this. We feel sad or happy or anxious about a situation and we see an object in that situation and project our emotions on to it. It’s not really any different than a neurotypical imaginings how someone else feels but they don’t tend to carry it over to things.
Juliana says
Hi. I’m a 21 year old woman with Asperger’s Syndrome and anxiety. I can relate to feeling empathy for my ever growing doll collection. I can’t stand to leave my dolls in boxes a lot of the time, unless they’re collector dolls and the boxes are really nice or fancy. I will often intentionally get the doll in the slightly torn or imperfect box so I have a reason to unbox and display it. I never leave any of my dolls alone in an area and like to put them close to other dolls from the same doll line so they will have a friend. For my favorite dolls, I don’t even treat them strictly as collector or display items. There is even an 18″ one I am working on customizing into one of my favorite fictional characters. The doll has recently felt more like a friend or a child to me than just a doll. He is named for a character I really relate to. I constantly feel the need to cuddle him, take care of him, comfort him, and make sure he does not feel alone or scared. I even tuck him in and sleep with him at night and I feel like he’s protecting me, as I tend to get a bit paranoid sometimes. I feel guilty if I forget to tuck him in or leave him alone for too long, as I don’t want him to feel lonely or scared. I even have certain ritualistic behaviors with him, such as reading to him or letting him read fantasy books with me. I talk to him about my problems as well and feel like he listens to and understands me. I can honestly say that he’s my best friend and I love him as a friend/child rather than seeing him as just a doll. I recall having various favorite dolls and objects growing up that I would feel guilty for abandoning or betraying in any way. I even had a Mattel Elsa doll back in 2013 I had a strong friendship with and would take everywhere with me, as well as an American Girl Felicity doll before Elsa. I also feel guilty if one of my favorite dolls become even slightly damaged in any way, as I am a bit of a perfectionist. I know it comes off as weird, but I can’t help but show favoritism with my dolls and have always done it growing up and currently. I also talk to my two dogs because I know they love me back and feel like they understand me. Dogs are amazing like that, honestly. I even feel like they are my babies when I take care of them, and will always help them if they are experiencing any health issues. One of them, my 12 year old blue heeler, has allergy problems and I feel tempted to cry every time he is biting his paw or making any sort of distress noises, knowing that he can’t help it and how sad it is making him. I love my dogs, and no matter how old they get, they will always be my babies/best friends. After reading this article, I think I may be emotionally sensitive and may resort to things like this partially because of my own loneliness and inability to make close friends with other humans over the years. Maybe it’s my mind trying to compensate or supliment for my negative social experiences over the years. I also heard that people are more likely to accept less human things as their friends when they’re lonelier. Very interesting article and thank you for bringing light to the connection between autism and object personification.
Tania says
G’day Steve.
I’m a 34f from Australia DX is Multiplex Developmental Didorder and PDDNOS circa 2004
I definitely struggled with this in childhood. I used to feel guilty if one of my 15 teddy bears fell out of bed and onto the floor. I felt guilty like I was playing favourites.
Many reasons for this. It could be Autism, it could be OCD. It could also be related to trauma or an experience that shouldn’t have been traumatic but was interpreted by me as if it were (a lot of my bullying was me misinterpreting peoples tone, intention and body language)
I am unsure what causes it, I am not a scholar. I didn’t even finish high school (thanks autism)
I’m definitely interested to learn more.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Tania
I also am not sure what causes this. But I think now it may happen to those of us who are highly sensitive people. Perhaps we are unable to process emotions effectively so we project them onto other objects?
There is a lady called Elaine Aron who has done a lot of work on Highly Sensitive People. She may have some thoughts on this. I will try to interview her for the website.
Regards
Steve Slavin
Author: Timothy Blossom -Officially Brilliant
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087QGL6VN
Robin says
I definitely relate to this. I have wondered at times if I feel this way because I relate to the object. For example, I feel sad over a neglected toy being left out because I’m neglected and have been left out, but I couldn’t process that sadness for myself so I kind of project it onto an object. It’s too scary to face my own abandonment issues so instead of being sad for myself, I feel deeply for the abandoned toy. Anyway this is one theory.
Just FYI I am also a synesthete, with multiple forms of synesthesia, so that is also an interesting theory.
eva ryan says
Just finished reading Robin Wall Klimmerer’s ‘Braiding sweetgrass’…which lends another perspective to the concept of ‘inanimate’…and the assumption that ‘objects’ ARE inanimate’,-rather than Beings in their own right..(including animals that are farmed and eaten (live ‘stock’)..
eva ryan says
Does animism,(or recognising and honouring the ‘other than human’ beings) benefit from being considered as ‘autistic trait’-discuss! 🙂
Complex says
If you are easily offended don’t read this because I am very blunt.
Benefits are not being materialistic and the protection of wild life that people should care about because it affects the environment that we live in. The more people who actually care about wildlife the better.
Humans are parasites, the sooner you understand that the better for the earth. I have strong feelings for objects and animals ever since I can remember.
I can watch people cry and suffer without feeling any sympathy for them. But if an animal is suffering, some object is broken or unwanted it makes me feel sad for it. Animals and objects are helpless in my mind.
It affects my life a little because I have trouble throwing stuff out, I also like to be very organized though but short on the dusting. Also take extra time placing things exactly the way I want them to be.
A lot of people look at me like I’m a monster because it’s hard for me to feel bad for anyone. People are completely capable of helping themselves in my mind. My opinion almost the whole human population are slow, stupid, disgusting, dirty, rude and in my way. Not trying to offend anyone it’s just how I feel.
Also for me there is a smell people give off that seems to be something I can only smell that makes me sick in the stomach.
So for the people who are insecure about your mental issues…..there is nothing wrong with you.
You are who you are and who gives two dumps what people think?
Who’s to point the finger and say what normal is anyway? “The bad machine doesn’t know that it’s a bad machine”. People who think they are perfect and have nothing wrong with themselves are delusional.
Lisa says
I thought I was the only one who felt this way until I had kids, my oldest son feels like this and I’m pretty sure my youngest does too! I was diagnosed as autistic last year and so was my youngest, I have another autistic son as well. My oldest we thought was NT but I suspect he is autistic.
Amber Peall says
Yup. Late diagnosis at 33, and I feel you. I make a point of buying damaged books or games with damaged boxes, because I feel better for giving them a home, a chance to be used as they’re supposed to be.
Karma says
I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, sensory integration, etc. I’m 21, so I’m much younger than most, but I didn’t know there were other people just like me.
I’ve always had worries for how my items feel. Even my pillow, Sleepi. He has his own personality, likes, and dislikes. He even talks back (it’s just a cute part of my imagination) He’s considered one of my best coping mechanisms. I used to have other items but all lost them due to homelessness.. I was devastated! I still wonder to this day how they’re doing or if they’re okay.
I used to get abused as a child over this, and still get abused as an adult. I was told there wasn’t anyone else in the world that did this and that I’m very abnormal compared to most.
Lyn (42) says
Omg. I thought I was the only person on the planet who felt like this. I am autistic although I didn’t know until I was an adult. When I was a child I was very attached to my bathroom. I used to worry about it and talk to it. It was basically like my best friend. When my parents split up at the age of 10 and we had to leave the house I was devastated. I wrote notes to the house and left them under the carpet.
When I used to go on holiday I used to talk to my stuffed toys and explain to them why I couldn’t take them all with me and I had to have them arranged around me at night in the right way so none of them would be upset.
Even now I struggle if I have to throw away underwear or socks. I can’t bear to put them in with food rubbish because I honestly worry how they’d feel. Anytime I’ve spoken to family about this they’ve just laughed it off as me being weird so to hear someone else say that they experience the same thing is amazing to me.
Narelle says
Hi My name is Narelle and this is the first time I’ve ever heard of people like me. The pain that feeling this way over the years is overwhelming. I’m 53 and to this day feel sorry for shells at the beach that people insist on taking away from their home. Even the sand on my feet that ended up in the car and eventually vacuumed up upset me. It is mind blowing that I’m not alone. x
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Narelle
Yes, you are definitely not alone in this. It seems to be quite common among sensitive people. It has been a source of great sadness for me over the years.
Regards
Steve Slavin
Author: Timothy Blossom -Officially Brilliant
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087QGL6VN
Liz says
I know a lot of people who feel like this – I always feel sorry for objects. So does my mum, and my partner. As far as I am aware, none of us are on the spectrum. I regard it as fairly normal, however, whatever causes it. I think Marie Kondo’s practice of thanking an item if you have to throw it out, in accordance with some animistic principles, is perfectly reasonable.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Liz
Are the people you know, who feel this way about objects, on the autistic spectrum?
Regards
Steve
Sharon says
This is definitely me. When I was a child I had to have every stuffed toy I owned in bed with me. If I forgot one I had to get out of bed and get it or it would be lonely.
I’ve tried to reason with myself that inanimate objects don’t have feelings because they don’t. But that doesn’t stop me feeling sad for them. It’s very frustrating and makes me feel stupid.
Andy says
I put this issue firmly on being autistic and an over-developed sense of empathy in my case, plus the emotional associations with the people or places or things.. If my best friend gives me something and tells me it’s a gift – even if it’s a sweet wrapper – I can’t bear to throw it out. I used to apologise to my toys and stuffies as a kid for letting them slip out of my arms or rolling over in my sleep. I’ve cried even as an adult over the mobile phone adverts where a phone gets neglected and the owner tries everything to “kill” or dispose of it. I’ve even ended up tearful and feeling sad over a server at work (I used to work in IT) which was configured wrongly and couldn’t be accessed because someone described it as the server calling out in the dark and nobody answering. I find it almost impossible to declutter because EVERYTHING means SOMETHING to me, and nobody seems to get it. I don’t like things for the thing’s sake… I just can’t bear to get rid of them because of the emotions and memories attached to them. And for me, it’s not an OCD/compulsive/anxiety thing. It’s simply “misplaced” empathy as well as the very well catalogued association of meaning (especially to places/people/things that are emotionally important to me). I kind of figured it was mostly just me (especially as I was only diagnosed officially this year, in my forties, though I suspected as much from my mid-twenties). It’s amazing to see how many others are feeling the same way.
Lori says
This is me exactly! Except that I am 33, and was diagnosed at age 5. I still cry if my stuffed animals fall off my bed….
Linda says
Yes, me too ❤
Persephone says
I have autism and OCD, officially diagnosed with both.
I have been like this with objects lifelong as well, though more and more the older I got.
I am pleased to see that this is a more common trait than I realized, but it disheartens me how many of you don’t like being like this.
Caring deeply about anything–be it a person, an object, or the world–is harder than indifference. Love carries the flipside of loss.
But we live in a world which is actively being destroyed by people NOT caring enough. Landfills are piled high with usable items. Our planet is facing climate change that will kill many living creatures. We could be stewards for this world, but most human beings either cannot care or choose not to care.
Everyone here feels a natural love and compassion for the world around them. Whether objects are conscious or not, whether it is a trait of OCD or autism or not, it is NOT a mental illness to love and appreciate the intrinsic value in objects.
Alas, the mainstream field of psychology that tells us what is “normal” is one which serves the status quo. It would rather pound down the nails that stick out than admit that our society itself might be what is sick.
I hope all of you can see how beautiful and precious you are, and that you choose to embrace your compassion for the world around you–even when it hurts to see how others treat it.
Laura says
So well articulated Persephone! Beautiful.
claudia says
I am so glad I got to read your perspective. Thank you!
Steve- adults with autism says
Thanks Claudia
Glad you found the article useful
Steve Slavin
Tom says
Hi Steve,
While I’m not autistic on paper, I am a synesthete and deal with some degree of OCD. What you’ve described is EXACTLY what I’ve always experienced, going as far back as I can remember. I’ve never thought of it as yet a form of synesthesia.
Reluctance to throw things out lest I betray them, and when I am able to bring myself to throw things out, literally kissing them before I throw them out or place them in the recyclable bin as a sign that I feel for them and wish them some sort of speedy reincarnation….. It’s become a ritual. I just find it impossible to separate inanimate objects from their “soul,” even though I know perfectly well that they don’t actually have a soul….. Or do I?
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Tom
Thanks for your comments. It’s really difficult to find a definitive answer to the issue of having sympathy for inanimate objects.
It could be autism, or OCD. But it could also be something to do with being a highly sensitive person. This is an actual thing. I came across a lady on YouTube called ( I think) Elaine Aron. Not sure of the exact spelling.
She came up with the idea of HSP’S: Highly Sensitive People. It would be worth researching this as I really feel she’s on to something.
Best wishes
Steve
Evan says
As many others have said, it’s good to know I’m not alone. I’m not on the spectrum, nor have I been diagnosed with OCD, but I have been diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a strong attachment to objects. For me it was primarily my toys. I would feel incredibly guilty about losing or breaking toys, and it would upset me much more than the average kid. It was bad enough that my parents wouldn’t want to give me balloons, as they only last a few days and I would be devastated by the eventual loss. As I got into my early adolescence, my peers started to lose interest in toys but I could never let them go because of the guilt I felt for them.
I’m the father of a toddler now, and this problem is rearing up again. When my son loses or breaks his toys, it breaks my heart. Even when he outgrows his toys I feel guilty. I try to hide this from him, because I don’t want him to think I’m upset with him. I don’t want him to learn this behavior from me because of the anguish it caused me growing up and the guilt I still feel today.
tahani says
I do not suffer what you feel, friends, but recently I read on a topic that inanimate objects also have a feeling as there is a Japanese researcher and scientist called “Masaru Imoto” who tried it very strange but it showed very surprising results, the world brought 3 bottles and put in each bottle of water and rice And he left the bottles for a whole month during this period. He would direct the stimulating words of the first bottle, such as I love you, and you are strong and similar from these words. While the second bottle went astray, curses and curses them, and gives them psychologically broken words, and left the third bottle without any words. The first The one that stimulated it remained a good smell and its taste did not differ while the second that he used to say hurtful words had become rotten and black and odorless while the third rot like any rice .., so friends I know you are upset with the thing that you suffer but there are also positives as these inanimate objects You feel happy with you so you are not upset
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Tahani,
Thanks for the info, I’ll check that out.
Best wishes
Steve
Jacqueline Aoife says
As a child, I would walk to and from school. I at some point noticed a bare tree root rising up out of the dirt as if from nowhere, and for some reason I fixated on that root. I would visit it every day, talk to it, pat it, and even on a day with an early snow, snuck a napkin from the lunch room at my elementary school and kept it in my pocket all day, then when I got to my tree root on the way home, I covered it up and tucked it in as best I could.
I also distinctly remember the day when bussing children into school finally happened in my neighborhood, and I realized I would never see my tree root again. It was a very real loss that settled physically in my chest and brought tears to my eyes as I sat on the bus, a 4th grade child, trying not to let anyone else see I was crying over my tree root because I instinctively knew they would consider it (and me) “weird.”
I am a 53 year old adult, now, diagnosed with ADD and PTSD from a hard childhood and other issues. None of my siblings exhibit this behavior, and I’m still wondering if I’m on the Autism spectrum but was never diagnosed as such.
Regardless, I own my empathy. There seems so little of it in the world right now — it costs me nothing but personal energy to listen to people, to tend to animals and plants (which I prefer to people, I admit), and to offer another person the opportunity to have a story I don’t know about which makes them behave or live the way they do. I value inclusion, compassion and kindness toward humans and the natural world. And I don’t think those are “bad” traits to have.
So perhaps we just own our empathy and finally acknowledged to ourselves that the world needs us to be just the way we are? I hope so.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Jaqueline
Love your expressive writing by the way.
Wondering if you’ve tried meditation before? I took it up seriously a couple of years ago and fund it a life-saver. Itt really helps with anxiety and creating a calm personal space.
Empathy is a great thing, but sometimes it’s hard to cope with.
Steve
PK says
Hi Steve, at the age of almost 3 years old I put my arm through an electric mangle that sat on top of my mum’s washing machine in order to see if it hurt the clothes. It broke my arm and my conclusion was that it did indeed hurt the clothes. I would make sure all my toys were covered at night so they didn’t get cold and found it impossible to throw or give my toys away in case they felt lonely or missed me as much as I would miss them. At 52 I am still the same to a large degree. I apologise for bumping into the doorframe or for dropping something or accidentally slamming a door. I have neither autism or OCD but I do have a very high IQ. My husband who is on the autistic spectrum says I’m strange for the way I treat inanimate objects and the way I speak to plants, also for the way I put a higher value on animal life than human life. The way I see it, animals are loyal, they don’t let you down and they are dependent on you totally. Maybe I am strange but I care deeply just not for people who have proved to me they don’t deserve it!
Shannon Morrison says
I’ve recently learned about The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.. I would suggest doing a little research… I have found comfort knowing that approximately 15-20% of the population are deep feelers — and feeling sympathy for inanimate objects was something that resonated with many of the members of my HSP group. I too have experienced this – I still have my bears from childhood – if I am at a store and see stuffed animal display I will straighten them up so they look adoptable and wish them good luck
Thank you for sharing your experience- you are definitely not alone
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi PK.
Try Googling ‘The Highly Sensitive Person,’
I came across some articles and youtube videos on this last year. You may find some answers there.
Best wishes
Steve
Allen says
I’m 18 and diagnosed with OCD. I’ve had something similar since I can remember. Except I mostly feel empathetic for plants/nature, for example when there’s a storm and a strong wind I feel some kind of pain(?) in my chest because I feel like the trees may be hurting and I don’t want them to die or be destroyed, I want to protect them somehow but I can do nothing.. I also feel this way for abandoned toys especially plushies. Sometimes when I find my old ones again I feel bad for not taking care of them and sleep with them for a few weeks.. But then I have to leave them again because my room gets cluttered. I’m overly empathetic for people as well, it’s like when I’m told a story I can’t help but kind of “live” this person’s life based on the story? Uh
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Allen.
Yes, it’s like not being able to shut out other people’s energy sometimes. I totally understand.
Steve
James M says
Ah man, I get this all the time ☹️ I’m a 27 Year old fella and feel like a right Wolly. There’s a toy helicopter stuck in a tree outside in a field near my house. It’s flashing a blue and red light. It’s pitch black and freezing outside. I just want to rescue it and return it to its owner. I’ve felt this about objects all my life. I have recently decided to be vegetarian also and I think this is somehow related?
Anyways, nice to see others are in the same boat
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi James
Yes, unfortunately you are not alone. Perhaps we should start a ‘highly sensitive person’ club!!
Steve
Tiffany Robinson says
Finally I have found what I am looking for and see I am not alone. For years I too have felt sympathy for unanimated objects. It really bother me to see things get destroyed. For example, things in the store that someone has opened or damaged and to know that that object will not be bought, because its damaged and no one will want it. I too feel sympathy for items that people destroy or damaging. I know these Item do not have feeling, but it is if I take on the feelings for these objects. I hate feeling this way and want help.
layla wilson says
hello! i was laying down talking to my friend and i realized that my whole life i’ve felt emotionally attached to things other than people. i feel sympathy for objects and i feel bad when i have to replace things and or when objects get pushed to the side. i feel bad when i get a new phone, when i replace my light bulbs, when things are broken in a store and or when objects are left out. my friend couldn’t relate to many of the things i was saying so now i’m starting to wonder why i feel this way. does anyone know what this could be? my friend said i was wholesome but i’m just curious on what everyone else is thinking.
Shannon says
In some ways, I think we project and can relate with the perceived feelings – I can recall many times in my childhood of being left out or feeling displaced or “damaged” so I wonder if that might be one of the reasons for this sensitivity — all of our feelings are okay and we can find meaning if we look for it.
You’re not alone
Anonymous says
It’s weird I’m 11 and have many stuffed animals that I can’t bear to get rid of and at the store I saw a cute fluffy cat plush stuffed under a shelf and wanted to cry I’ve been embarrassed my whole life about this and don’t tell anyone I’m happy it’s not only me that fells this way.
Abby says
Oh my God! I’m 11 too and I feel the same way! Whenever I go to bed I make sure all my toys are covered so they don’t get “cold”. Whenever I was sevn I use to get mad and when I threw a toy I use to feel really bad about doing that. I don’t have autism or anything, it’s just that I feel sorry for alot of things.☹️
Izzy says
I am the same, I’m 13 now and have stuffed animals that I have had since I was 3, my mum wants me to clear them out but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I also have a physical incapability to do the simplest things, such as taking a pack of pens from a shelf and leaving the last one there alone, I end up taking both even though I don’t need them. if my mum picks something up and the store and realises she doesn’t need it she will put it back on a random shelf and I will somehow feel guilty and end up taking it back to the right shelf so its not alone. I honestly didn’t realise anyone else had this.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Tiffany.
Have you tried meditation? I do Transcendetal Medtitation. And also ‘Pranayama.’ It really helps me get grounded. Give it a try, it may help.
Best wishes
Steve
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Tiffany.
Have you tried meditation? I do Transcendetal Medtitation. And also ‘Pranayama.’ It really helps me get grounded. Give it a try, it may help.
Best wishes
Steve
Lori says
All of this resonates with me. Although never officially diagnosed, I believe I am on the spectrum, have OCD and I know I have synesthesia. I only learned about synesthesia a few years ago by accident. I thought everyone associated colors with letters, days of the week, months, etc… I’m almost 60 and my life would have been easier had I know these neurological conditions existed.
As a child, losing and item meant weeks of grief. Just the idea of it being out there in the world all alone, cold and feeling abandoned…killed me.
I recently posted something on Facebook showing how all cans of cat food have to face out. People wrote saying I have OCD. I tried to further explain that I couldn’t bear for the faces of the kittens to be turned away from the front and unable to “see” out when I opened the cabinet. THEN I got a bunch of replies implying I was alone in these thoughts. Some were cruel.
I agree with the person who puts more paper in the printer and moves the few sheets to the top b/c they’ve had to wait so long. I do the same. I also do that with utensils I unload from the dishwasher. Or items in the grocery store. I can feel their hope at being picked and their utter sadness at being rejected once again.
There’s so much more. It’s a painful way to live. I wish it did have a name. And a pill to cure it.
I was told by a medium that I’m an empath. This makes sense to me. But, I extend those empathic feelings to all things on the planet. Including all inanimate objects.
Swish says
Wow I’m not alone. I didn’t use to be this way, it wasn’t until I was a young mom and divorced at 27 that I began doing this. I was always weird about numbers my whole life. Like if I added them at the could somehow equal 6 or a 9’thats an upside down 6 I wouldn’t be able to move past it. Like a grocery cart temp I. The house etc. so I’ve always had that but what your explain I have as well but not until I experienced a big change in my life. I wish there was a cure as well.
Alexander says
I have the same issue. With me, it’s because there’s the idea that it’s supposed to be something alive, but it isn’t. The end result is that it elicits the same response that looking at a stillborn child would- it could’ve been a person, but never got the chance. It’s hard writing this down, but that’s how it is for me.
Stephanie says
I am so happy to have read this because I literally do the same thing! When I’m shopping and if I see something that is misplaced, I get sad because it is on its own and it shouldn’t be there. If I see rubbish on the ground then it actually makes me a bit sad because it is on its own and I feel it is lonely. I always thought I was mad and crazy :’) I probably still am I am glad to have read this.
Swish says
I do this as well but I go a step further and buy the product that I really do t need cause I touched it and don’t want to hurt it’s feelings and leave it at the store. As well as the rubbish on the ground I end up picking it up because I don’t want to obsesse over it later and wonder where it is and regret not picking it up. It’s so crazy and I know it is but they say to not do it and the obsession will pass but it’s maddening. They call it making a deal with the devil. Every time you do it, it makes the feelings go away, but you’ll do it again.
Kelly says
Did Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez say that the world will
end in 12 yrs? As I have no idea who she is, why
would I think she would have any idea about the end of the world?
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Kelly
That woman you mentioned is not someone I would personally give the time of day to!!
Somehow the world will pull through!
Best wishes
Steve
Justin says
I’m 22 years old and my parents were divorced when I was 3. I have no idea what this is called (if it’s a disorder or anything) and I have separation issues. I am married and I can go without seeing my wife, but I always do want to know where she is. (common husband trait?) When I was young even until now, I had this problem with inanimate objects. I would go to Staples or Walmart and see pieces of paper and feel devastated if I didn’t buy its “friend” or other piece with it. I feel that way with everything including separating my new 2 puppies that my wife had to go and get because I have an issue not getting them all. I also have the thing where in stores I will sometimes turn the stuffed animals outward facing the aisle so that they can see everything. Things like that I have, and I really want to know the stem root cause and what this is called. Anyone mind shining some light on this? I want to know possibly if I have anything “special” about me.
Megan says
Hello
I know this post is old and probably a comment from someone now will have no impact on anyone but I did find this article today on the cusp of 2020 so perhaps someone else will find my comment. Who knows.
I am a 38 year female who was diagnosed with OCD at age 12. I have never been tested as being on the spectrum but I would not rule it out. I however do have Synaesthesia (I smell in color) and have had it as long as I can remember (I think this must be something people are born with since I honestly do not remember ever not smelling in color) But I will say I have always had very similar experiences with inantimate objects my whole life. I always as a child wanted the plushie or toy that no one else wanted, I used the broken scissors at school so they could play too, even as an adult I find myself picking up odd objects or toys that no one else wants and to protect them. I even recently bought an ugly purse at a thrift store people I overheard the employees making fun of it.
I do not know if this stems from my OCD or my Synaesthesia but my guess would be the Synaesthesia since this is also a trait I have had as long as I can remember and while my OCD is well controlled this trait has never wavered for me
trace says
WOW I can’t believe this. I just assumed I was alone and there was no explanation for how I feel. Thank you for posting!!!!!!!
Roxy says
Omg I’m 31 and I have just found the answer mine is so severe I couldn’t leave just one tea bag in my canister last night I had to put it with something else because I was sad it was alone I can’t have one cup on my cup stand or 3 because it’s one being left out someone please tell me I’m not crazy
Justin says
I do feel that way as well. I never was presented with anything as autism or OCD or Synaesthesia. What does that mean for me? I want to know if i have a disorder or something. i also made my own comment.
Abi says
Anytime I have to throw anything away I have to split it in half so that it has a “friend” to keep it company. It’s nice to know there are other people out there who are as weird as me!
Sarah says
I do the same thing! Again, not been properly diagnosed with OCD but almost certain I have it. I hate number threes and number ones because they are exclusive numbers. I tend to find I buy all sorts of things which I really don’t need, and often multiple ones so they don’t feel lonely, as well as hoarding things, particularly rubbish. I then find when I have enough things from the same packet to throw away together I can do so then.
Katie says
I found it today too! 2020! Just diagnosed
Anonymous says
I am 29 and I still have my teddy bear <3 I handle him as I would a human to not hurt him in any way! He is a quiet one. I love him a lot.
Elizabeth says
I still have my stuffed toy dog that I’ve had since I was a baby, 48 years ago. I don’t think it’s ever not been with me.
Dee says
OMG. When I see a stuffed toy at the curb for trash pickup I become so sad for that toy. Kind of like the Velveteen rabbit. Many times I turn my car around and pick it up not really knowing what to do with it. Maybe just “saving it”
Elizabeth says
It really makes me sad when people leave stuffed toys at “memorial sites” that pop up near accident sites. Leaving them out in the cold or rain like that. Leave flowers or cards, but not stuffed toys.
I remember reading the Velveteen Rabbit when I was a kid and crying.
Allied Security says
Thanks for sharing.
Ana says
I had severe OCD as a child, I have now recovered enough where it’s no longer crippling but I find more and more as time passes, habits and beliefs I attributed to my personality are symptoms of OCD. I have never been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, but reading on it in the past it seems it’s possible that I am on the spectrum. I searched this topic today, it’s funny because I have searched it in the past and never found anything on it…. but I have very strong emotions for inanimate objects and always have. Sadness and pity for the grass I’m walking on, sadness and pity for a toy having to be thrown away, sadness and pity as my christmas tree starts to turn brown and die. The reason I was searching this topic is because recently my employer offered to let me use a company vehicle for no cost – brand new car, total upgrade, would save me $150 each month on insurance and $100 in gas, but I am just SO upset about it because it would mean getting rid of my car, as otherwise it would just sit around and never get used – I can’t stand the thought of letting it sit around and not get used nor can I stand the idea of getting rid of her. Another comment was interesting, pointing out that these emotions we have are almost always negative and about how they’re possibly us projecting our own emotions and issues onto these objects. That idea is wrong and right at the same time, I have a lot of feelings for inanimate objects that are positive, but generally only while they’re in my care/control – like I am often compelled to kiss or hug a beloved possession, I have kissed and hugged my christmas tree, crystals, any items that contribute to my happiness or help me in some way. But at the same time my emotions for inanimate objects do not extend to all things – I feel no sadness throwing out a half used deodorant, a tooth brush, an empty pill bottle,. I think the difference is that some objects we have in fact projected a part of ourselves onto – a part of our life, items that we have distinct memories associated with, etc. The idea of parting with an item feels like abandoning a part of ourselves, feels like a small death of all that we value and hold dear. It could be as simple as that control aspect, which extends beyond OCD and autism but is nonetheless heightened with these 2 diagnoses, but with the nature of human existence being so fleeting, objects tend to be the only thing that is constant, and perhaps we feel like we can be immortalized through these objects, or feel like the memories associated with the item will be forgotten if we no longer have the physical reminder of it. I think we’re all very sensitive and we carry a lot more emotion and burden then we’ll ever even be able to comprehend, I think by redirecting those emotions we get for inanimate objects towards ourselves may help us to become more functional – to reclaim the displaced emotion assigned to an object and bring it back to ourselves, to hold those memories within us rather than outside of ourselves, to redirect that love to ourselves.
Molly says
My daughter recently lost her stuffed toy cat. I got the cat while undergoing fertility treatment to conceive her.
It’s unexplainable how much it’s destroying me, and broken my heart. I keep thinking about the toy cat out in the rain, or in a bin somewhere etc. It’s been 1 week and I truly feel broken. I feel like I let the cat down. I feel like it must be missing us. I feel so stupid as I’m 28 years old. I feel like I’ve lost a part of me. Part of me wishes my parter would buy an identical one and lie to me and tell me he found the actual one, just so I can stop feeling so absolutely horribly sad about this poor toy cat 🙁
Kendall says
Geez, I am only 11 and I feel exactly the same. Trust me, I am a logical person and I do well in school, so it is just that I am just an immature kid. Same thing here, I am deeply saddened when something like what happened to you happens. For example, I recently just found out that the Wilson volleyball from Castaway, a movie I haven’t even seen, not only floated off the raft in the movie right before its owner, who was emotionally attached to it, got rescued from a deserted island, but that it also floated away in the real filming of me movie. I have just imagined it like he is off somewhere in the ocean, wishing for a person to love him and feeling so sad and lonely. I know this is completely irrational, but I still have been crying for hours… You are not alone.
Kendall says
Wait, I meant I am not immature, sorry I messed up.
Grace says
Hi, i‘m 15 years old, and i have looked on here for answers about the same thing you are talking about. My brother has lost his blankie that has been with him since he was born and we think its left on the plane as we flew back today. Although the toy is not mine, it was a big part of the family, and i am giving myself anxiety and sadness by thinking its all alone on the plane all sad in the city wanting to come home. I feel stupid for feeling this way, but i feel it about anything, even things like computers. Please can someone give me some comfort in that i‘m not stupid for feeling like this, this would help me out, and make me feel a little better about this situation.
Grace says
Other quirks of mine feeling like this include : when i leave a chunk of food on my plate, i get sad because that one lonely chunk of food will get lonely, and so i break it in half so it has a friend, If a family member and i buy the same drink, i always pick the drink with less, because i feel sorry for it. This is another quirk but I‘ll give you an example so it is easier to understand…. i bought a scarf from the streets of New York, and live in a very rural area, and so was very excited to get it to a safe area where it was quiet and it could feel relaxed ( and its a SCARF!! ) I cannot get rid of anything because i feel sorry for it so I hoard stuff, and instead of spitting my chewing gum into the road or out of the car window, i put it in tissue so that it wont be on its own in a busy road and can keep it close to me ( and its gum for goodness sake! )
trace says
I can’t take a fork out of the drawer if it just leaves one fork. Will it be lonely? Are the spoons mean to it? Same with anything else getting left behind. If I throw away something I always sacrifice and thrown something else away as a travel buddy for it. I literally cannot believe there are people who think like me! <3
Andrea says
I’m crying just reading this. Poor blanket. My daughter left her teddy bear, Owen, at a hotel about 8 years ago. It was bad enough that he already had a sad face, but even now, we both cry uncontrollably whenever we think of him. He must have been so confused, why did we leave him? Didn’t we care? Where is he now? Is he OK? He came from a charity shop so he had already been abandoned once. We drove all the way back to the hotel, I pleaded for them to let me search the room, but didn’t find him. I feel like I abandoned a puppy or something. My daughter has autism, but even she ridicules my personification of everything. I tell inanimate objects off for doing things ‘on purpose’, talk to everything as if it can understand me, and one time I had to get rid of our old car that was absolutely clapped out, but when I went to the car dealer to get the new one, and leave the old one there, I sobbed inconsolably the whole time I was there, in front of all the staff and customers. I felt so stupid. I always feel sorry for things, even if I’m playing a video game and I kill another character, I feel guilty, even though I know they’re not real! I don’t have an autism diagnosis, but since my daughter got hers, and I recognise a lot of her traits in myself, and the more I read, the more I think I am probably on the spectrum too. I do feel like I’m a bit mad with this personification, but I’m glad I’m not alone!
Maggie says
Wow…thank you. I didnt know there were people out there like me. I have so many stuffed animals from childhood and I don’t know what to do with them. I want them to go to a kid who will care for them, as it makes me sad to think of them in the garbage. I save every birthday card I’ve ever gotten and most school papers too. Shirts I havent worn in years, Halloween costumes I’ll never wear again, you name it. At the store, if I touch something and then touch the one next to it, I’ll feel bad that the first one might be sad that it thought it was going to be chosen so I go back to that one, but then I’m sad for the other one. I have OCD and often have to go back to check things or touch them the right number of times, etc. Does anyone have any advice on how I can clean and get rid of things like stuffed animals and old possessions?
Katouri says
I feel the exact same way, my sister lost her little toy dog while we were on vacation and it’s been eating me up inside ever since. it’s been 5 months but still feel empty inside for some weird reason I really don’t know what to do at this point
Sheryl says
This is the 2nd time I’ve looked this up over the past several years and I’m glad to see your article. Although I am not autistic, I’ve long suspected I’m OCD. I’m 68. My daughter, 28, also has OCD tendencies. I try to talk myself out of these thoughts and succeed once in awhile. I haven’t yet read the other comments, but here are just a few of my quirks and they seem very strange to me: picking up produce at the store and not wanting to hurt it’s feelings by rejecting it if it has a bruise, a teaspoon that doesn’t match the others not being used by other family members so I use it. The spoon is a source of contention with my husband who thinks it’s inferior and pouts it to the back of the drawer where I rescue and use it. I could go on and on. I have given thought to my childhood as my parents divorced when I was a baby and I got shuffled around from grandparents to two aunts and once to a couple of whom I have no memory. Sometimes my “stuff” didn’t come with me. However, one good thing…I am not a hoarder and willingly donate items so others might enjoy them. At any rate it’s nice to know there are others out there who have this problem but I wish there was something that I could do to overcome out.
Sheryl says
I might add that childhood literature plays a part in it…The Velveteen Rabbit, the Christmas tree that didn’t get picked. Being a mother and a retired pre-k/pre-school teacher, I’ve read many such stories over the years.
Jo says
Hi
My son experiences many of these issues, it’s very upsetting for him. He does have autism (high functioning). I’m interested to know if everyone who has commented here is vegetarian? Once my son found out that eating meat is eating an animal he refused point blank to eat it (he was 4,now 11). The idea horrifies him.
Katie says
Omg you just described myself to. T! I always wondered why I went vegetarian at such a young age
Kes says
What a wonderful and unlikely post to stumble upon! So many heart felt responses, it warmed my heart. I just “let go” and object and at 52 found myself tearing up. I am not on the spectrum but survived a childhood and inanimate objects and my pets were my life. Little things are meaningful, then and now. Special.
I still have these moments but I know for me they are about the memories associated with these things. Some joyful some not…but these were sentinels to events in my life and that is important to me. I never knew a family and perhaps they serve as substitutes, memories interwoven with the objects. Hopes, wishes…..My wistful meanderings do not cause trouble in my life so I let them be. My empathy gives me pause and reflection and I’m a kinder human for it. Little things mean a lot to me and I am grateful for that perception.
So I get through these times by finding a part 2 for their life 🙂 or if not sending them off with silent prose and love. The space they leave makes room for something else and I feel they “know” they were loved and had meaning, they were “seen”.
And now I’m ready to meet my “newcomer”
Warm wishes to you all 🙂
Ashley says
I read through most of the comments here, and it feels so good to know I’m not alone. I’ve struggled with this feeling as far back as I can remember, and I’m 39 now. I have trouble throwing anything away because I feel sorry for the item. I especially hate seeing something that’s broken being tossed, because I feel like it didn’t get to fulfill its purpose in life. I have several plastic bins full of stuffed animals and another giant collection of stuffed animals on display in my bedroom. I can never get rid of them because they feel like friends. When I was a child, they truly were my friends and the source of much happiness and imagination for me. If I see a lost toy on the sidewalk or in the street, I want to cry because it misses its friend or because it will never know what it’s like to be loved. Needless to say, the story The Velveteen Rabbit was one of my favorites as a child.
I worry that I will become a hoarder when I’m older. At this point, I still manage to keep things pretty orderly, but unless I am able to part with my belongings, I will have a huge mess on my hands in a few years. I have a growing collection of knickknacks that I can’t get rid of because they’re so cute to me and I worry that someone wouldn’t appreciate them if I gave them away. Others have true sentimental value to me. These knickknacks become a problem because they create clutter and collect dust. I get the sense that an item, even a tiny knickknack, can feel sad or unappreciated, and it hurts me to put something in the trash or to give it to someone who won’t understand it. As someone else mentioned here, I also feel sometimes that an item judges me as not worthy of it. My keyboard thinks I can’t play it well enough. My clothes wish they were worn by someone more attractive. So, these feelings can work both ways and can be altogether debilitating.
I have been seeing a counselor for two years for anxiety and depression, but my counselor just referred me to an OCD specialist. I am hoping that the new counselor will be able to help me with this issue and also test me for autism. I have a lot of the symptoms of autism in women and I think that I’ve flown under the radar all my life because I’m a woman and because I’m generally high-functioning.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Ashley
I relate to everything you’ve said in your comments.
In fact your experience sounds very much like mine. For me, the thing about storing such powerful memories/attachments to inanimate objects is a source of great sadness. These attachments are rarely about positive emotions. I don’t really understand the psychology behind this.
I continue to wonder if our sympathy towards inanimate objects is related to OCD, or if it’s because of the way us autistic people cope with their emotions?
Best wishes
Steve
FlipSwitch says
Hi all,
Interesting article here. I happen to feel the same way too, as most people feel here.
I’ve been surrounded by stuffed toys (or friends, as I call them) since I could remember and three decades passed, I’m still pretty much stuck with them.
When I was 11, I skipped a year of education after passing an IQ test and was the youngest in the class. Jealousy from some people caused people to spew rumours about me, causing me to be isolated and becoming the subject of ridicule. I started distrusting people and took my bear to school everyday. At 11 years of age. Imagine all the mockery I got in school. Being called weird or crazy is an understatement. There were worse examples they used.
I started to talk more to my “friends” and never wanted to grow out of this friendship even till today. I’ll take my favourite friend out on trips and even for business meetings and business trips because I’d dread having to be apart from them. Can’t even check them in, I had to hand-carry each and every one of them.
When someone hits my “friends”, I get angry. Usually it’s just slight annoyance and disbelief that people could be cruel. And the next thought is about me physically assaulting the person the same way they assaulted my friends. But I stepped back, took a deep breath and told myself that these people lack empathy. And that they don’t feel what I feel. And tell myself that Mahatma Gandhi is right, “an eye for an eye makes the world go blind”. But I wish someone would beat them up in the future (or even their kids, because it will hurt them even more and they will know how they hurt me). And another friend told me, “these people don’t feel the way you do. Their children get beat up? They only think about revenge”
I had to tell myself that everyone is weird in their own ways and that not all “normal” people would go around beating up stuffed toys. And I started to see, they are indeed BULLIES.
I still keep my little “friends” close to me daily, tuck them to bed and even close their eyes if I had to work late and the light is switched on. This taught me a lot about empathy and how I should discuss my true feelings because my youngest friend is three years old and gets a little angry when I don’t let her watch Korean dramas when she wants to. (They all have their personalities so I have to deal with them to make them agree with my rules and regulations).
People call me crazy all the time. But they get freaked out when I can read them (and their personality) like a book. My little friends taught me that. And I’m forever grateful to them.
The phrase that made me think about empathy was this, “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you” when I was 8.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Steve! I sometimes wonder if I’m Autistic, or have some sort of a “problem”, like what the “normal” people would call it. Makes me feel inferior and ashamed of myself that I keep mostly to myself. Feeling like an imposter most of the time because I have to deny my feelings or stuff my friend further down the bag as I reach for the laptop during a meeting for the fear of being ridiculed or looked down upon at work for taking a stuffed toy to work.
bob says
Yes I also feel for inanimate objects, I’m kind of a pack rat in that sense I really feel bad to throw some things out.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Bob, I’m doing some research into why so many people with autism are affected by this. I think one thing for sure is that many of us are highly sensitive. Steve
Anna Jacobs says
Hi there,
If you do figure this out, please somehow publish the results. I searched for this in Google because I have felt these sorts of feelings forever. I am currently 35, and I just searched for this because my mother sends me objects all the time and they trigger this in me.
It’s so upsetting at times because I can’t control it. I try to throw away stuffed animals and I begin crying uncontrollably. I try to get rid of children’s toys that I’ve had since I was young… and I cry. I can’t even go to the toy aisle in a store because I begin to feel like crying when I see these kinds of items. I have never told anyone about it because I did not have an explanation for what is happening to me. It has ruined a significant part of my life.
I have never been diagnosed as autistic, but I have a higher than average intelligence and have been diagnosed with chronic severe depression.
FlipSwitch says
Me too, Bob. I can’t throw my clothes away. Neither can I buy new ones unless necessary!
Cheryse says
How do I edit a reply I made on here?. I tried to and it doubled it. It is difficult to write in the reply boxes to tiny. Can’t see well. I need to delete one of my replies . Thank you.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Cheryse
I can probably delete your comment from my end, please let me know which one it is. Regards Steve
Anonymous says
Hello everyone,
I’m a 23 year old woman from Holland and I would like to write my feelings down at this website.
I’m not diagnosed with autism but I’ve always felt sorry for objects since I was a kid, I still experience this feeling but now I’m going through a tougher time than usual.
My mom has her car for 8 years now (Renault Twingo), I am kind of attached to it and I have driven a lot in this car when I just got my drivers license (I think that has something to do with the attachment). We even gave this car a name: ‘(Dutch) Het Meisje / (English) The Girly’, just because it’s a cute small car. My mom bought a new car today at a car garage where ‘The Girly’ will be waiting for her new owner. I highly disagree with this choice and even admitted to her that I’m not happy for her buying a new car, even though people will normally be happy with a purchase like this. Well I’m even crying because of this. I’m also sad for the fact that nobody understands me.
When I get fired or a person dies (for example) everyone will understand my sadness but now I feel like I’m all alone in this. I can’t cope with the fact that my mom trades her old trusted car for another one. I’m worried for ‘The Girly’ since I will never know who will be the next owner, will the next owner love her and take good care of it? I will never know… When I see ‘The Girly’ standing outside at our house (she’s still here) I say to her in my head: ‘I’m so sorry that I can’t do anything to stop this from happening…’
Normally when I’m sad I can have very good talks about my feelings with my parents but now I’m feeling I’m all alone.
Thanks for reading! I’m hoping to find someone who I can talk with who understands me
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi
It’s amazing, the reaction I’ve had to this article. I thought I was the only one who had theses feelings towards inanimate objects. But it seems that lots of people also have this.
I thought that perhaps it was to do with autism, and maybe it is. But I have also been reading a lot about ‘highly sensitive people.’ I didn’t realize that this was actually a thing, but it is.
I suspect that the majority of people – like me – who feel sympathy for inanimate objects, are also ‘highly sensitive people.’
Steve
Adults With Autism.org.uk
Cheryse says
I have a hoarding disorder due to feeling like things are aware with feelings. I can’t take get rid of anything because I don’t want to hurt it. I haven’t always done this. It’s been since I was brutally asaulted by a family member when I was 30 years old. I had a concussion. Now I am 57. I wish I was like before. I used to be a miminalist. Because of head injury I feel like objects are more kind than humans. It makes me too sad or anxious to discard anything. I know objects aren’t alive but I feel like they are. I would love to be back the way I was before. I try but this is hard to control. I can’t hurt anything by discarding or take anything out. Thank you Steve for your story.
Cheryse says
I have a hoarding disorder due to feeling like things are aware with feelings. I can’t take get rid of anything because I don’t want to hurt it. I haven’t always done this. It’s been since I was brutally asaulted by a family member when I was 30 years old. I had a concussion. Now I am 57. I wish I was like before. I used to be a miminalist. Because of head injury I feel like objects are more kind than humans. It makes me too sad or anxious to discard anything. I know objects aren’t alive but I feel like they are. I would love to be back the way I was before. I try but this is hard to control. I can’t hurt anything by discarding or take anything out. I hang onto things because they comfort me. Thank you for your story Steve.
Keryn says
I have always felt the personalities of objects, numbers and letters. Being an only child, living in a rural area until I was seven with endless time in the freedom of my imagination, strengthened this ability. My mother also contributed, I’m sure, as she would use my empathy for inanimate objects as a tool to get me to cooperate. “Oh, those poor peas left on your plate want to be in your tummy with the other peas.” or “That poor stuffed bunny on the floor. He wants to be put away with his friends.” I have found this ability to be helpful when I plug it into writing fiction, which I have been doing since I was very little–before I could pick up the crayon to write the stories down, I used my Fisher Price people or Barbies to act the stories out, which were the same every day with minor editing. I always felt this ability was a gift, not a curse. It is only when I don’t spend enough time per week spinning thoughts into words, that I suffer from it–if I don’t use my imagination, it uses me. If the experience is causing you pain, I humbly suggest what Frida Kahlo has to say about the matter: “Creativity is the bridge out of our own suffering.” Find ways to put that ability to work for you instead of against you.
JennyJenny says
Finally, I know I am not alone. I’m a 45 year old woman in the US. It recently occurred to me that I might be on the autism spectrum, over 20 years after my younger brother was diagnosed with PDD and then severe autism. I am really good at spotting men who are on the spectrum, but it was only within the past few days that I learned autism looks different in women. When I looked at a comprehensive checklist for female ASD traits, I was shocked to find that many of my “Jenny-isms” are actually symptoms. Compassion for inanimate objects was one such symptom. I distinctly remember at around 5 years of age feeling terribly sorry for the seat in the car and the chair at the kitchen table because I had to sit on them (I knew I wouldn’t enjoy being sat on) and for the grass and rocks I had to step on as I walked. I never before associated these feelings from my youth with the sentimental attachment I sometimes make to objects, but now I see the connection. Although I find comfort and understanding of myself in the list of symptoms, I also feel a little sad that all the “unique facets” of my personality are actually part of a disability.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Jenny, I’ve just seen your comments
Yes, autism can definitely “look” a bit different in women. But I think I’m quite good at spotting it now!.I’m not sure whether this thing about feeling sympathy for inanimate objects is to do with autism, OCD, or some type of attachment disorder. It’s definitely something I’m going to look into this year.
It’s been torturing me for 50 years now!
Steve
john says
Very interesting thread. I am reading Peter Whybrow MD “A Mood Apart” as a tool to understand grief at the loss of a child, and stumbled across this. I believe this book will be helpful to many on this page. subtitle is “the thinker’s guide to emotion and its disorders”
Anonymous says
I do to
My friends think I am crazy
I think I have autism
I have never been
Starry says
So glad I found this article. I have searched in the past for similar experiences which didn’t turn anything up and have thought I was going mad. Even a psychiatrist laughed at me years ago when I mentioned how I’d been feeling since being a small child. From being sad to see old cars go, to being upset about lost toys feeling lonely and not being able to cope with a virtual pet game on the Nintendo and many more stories I could tell about being attached to inanimate objects. I have finally found that so many other people experience the same. I have been referred by my GP for an autism assessment and have been diagnosed with mild OCD, GAD and Depressive Disorder.
Shelby says
I came across this post seeking comfort because of what just happened to me. I’m autistic and I make custom dolls as a hobby. I can buy broken doll parts and fix them up into something new. Recently, I bought a perfectly good troll doll because her short body would be perfect for my latest project. When I got her I was instantly in love. I named her Alma. So, changing her head was out of the question, so I made a mold out of plaster. When I was taking the mold off, I accidentally slit her throat with my knife. It’s just a little cut in the plastic and the doll looks just fine, but I’m devastated over it. I just got her and I want to be nice and I seriously hurt my new friend. At least now I know I’m not the only one.
MW says
OMG SHELBY!!! I feel like your post needs a trigger warning!! I knew you were talking about a doll but I still gasped in shock and covered my mouth when I read the ‘throat’ bit…
I am about to enter into the process of finding out whether my lifelong mental illness exists alongside autism. I’ve never wanted a diagnosis but the DWP are having none of me needing benefits anymore without one so I figured I would finally try and find out. I have been having behavioural problems and problems with emotional ‘dysregulation’ since around age 2 but –
TRIGGER WARNING
– I was also sexually abused from infancy to age 13 so it’s possible my issues all stem from that.
I found this post after looking to see if children with autism (and PDA in particular, which seems to fit me best, then and now) have unusually strong attachments to inanimate objects.
I had no use for dolls nor even teddy bears as a child but had a ‘must have’ red pillowcase (brushed cotton, soft and stroky, lovely – and I still have to have brushed cotton pillowcases now and I’m 47 – and yes they are still red…) I also had ‘my bowl’ an ugly brown melamine bowl my family nicknamed the ‘dog dish’ which I was only allowed to use for weekend cereal or for runny boiled egg when I was ill (if it’d been up to me I’d have used it for every meal). I have no idea where the bowl ended up but I took my pillowcase, all tattered and worn, with me when i left home. In my 20s, someone I was sharing a house with found it in the airing cupboard and tore it up to use as a cleaning rag. I am actually crying as I relay this and I have never ever forgiven her. The loss is still freshly raw 20 years on…
Now I’m aware this type of behaviour may be a little odd for normal children but I was an abused child child desperately trying to control as much of her environment as possible. I was just curious whether this was something that rang bells with people with autism? I also had a faux fur coat that I chose when I was 2 and basically refused to take off until I literally couldn’t get my arms in it anymore (I remember wearing it with the sleeves half way up my arms… (my Mum was not happy as she had wanted me to have the pink one but apparently I went in the shop, walked straight up to it, put it on and refused to take it off… hahaha)
Thoughts?
BTW – I also get properly tearful when it comes to anthropomorphised inanimate objects but I also had a mother who used to smack tables and say ‘naughty table’ when I bumped into one etc…
MW says
P.S. Apology for using the word ‘normal’ – it’s not meant in the way it sounds…
Maggie May says
Yes, my mother did that too, and I would stop crying immediately! I will compose a general reply to the primary post after I get my thoughts together.
Andrea says
We’re made to feel as though it’s us. That there’s something wrong with us. But, truthfully, people are heartless and let you down, while an object never will. Atypical people are so quick to dispose of anything, be it people or inanimate objects, that no longer suit them. That’s where our anxiety comes from. Those people. I don’t believe it’s us. How cruel they can be by disposing of something that truly means something g to someone else. And in a world like our’s, this is more accepted and celebrated, more atypical behavior than someone with a huge heart. Something is seriously wrong with the world, if you ask me!
Andrea says
And, furthermore, we’re the ones being told that we as autistic people lack empathy. But do the people that dispose of people and things exercise their empathy by thinking about how it makes the other person feel by doing so? No!
Sizzle says
I don’t know if i have autism, if i did, it would probably be to a lesser degree but i can relate to this. I literally have a cupboard with a massive box of stuffed toys in it and another two larger boxes. I cannot get rid of them without feeling horrible. I manage to separate some from the ones im going to keep, then i feel bad and pick them back out. When i was a young teen, my mum got rid of loads of our childhood toys, so we went through them all and i remember finding my monster soft toy that i used to take everywhere with me. I had him and a smaller version of him. They went in a box. They were thrown out. I spent 5 years replaying it over in my head and feeling atrocious, even crying and in that five years, i scoured ebay, etsy, amazon, online auctions for him. I would stay up really late and there was never another one until one day, i found a brand new one and i bought him outright for a much higher price from the seller. Every night, i check to see he’s in the cupboard but i still want my old one back. I now have collectors bears, vintage soft toys, branded soft toys, some ornaments and little handmade items, mostly because i saw them on ebay at the time. Some people say, when you give up an item and you feel guilt/sadness that it goes away but i spent five years feeling terrible about that, I can manage to part with other items but when it comes to stuffed animals, i have a hard time. I KNOW that they are going to get binned in a charity store and at least if i have them, they’re safe. Sometimes if i walk down the road and someone has discarded a television or a chair etc, i can feel bad for it, i always think it could have been saved and used by someone else. Very strange but i just call myself a vintage soft toy collector now if anyone asks, although, in a few weeks time, i’m going to have to get rid of a few, god knows how i’m going to manage that. Glad i’m not alone with this. It’s frustrating because i hate clutter and even though the toys are in the cupboard, i know they’re there and i know it’s weird and i know when i move it’s going to be a nightmare but at the same time i like having them and i don’t want to bin them. If it’s to help out a needy child/baby, that’s a different story, i can give them away, i guess because i know they’ll be loved by someone.
Gwyllym. says
Me too. Soft toys are practically people to me. I once had a nightmare where a fire claimed my very first teddy. (I still have him) I awoke nearly screaming with horror until I found him and held him. I’m too old to and yet I still take him to be with me. My mother has never questioned this and in fact has put a lot of effort into keeping him in good condition despite years of love. My biggest fear is that he will not be looked after once I die because the next person won’t have the same connection with him and he’ll be thrown out. And the ones in the cupboard? I have to open the doors sometimes. Cos it’s dark in there and then might want to see me. I am autistic. I believe that I have an excessive capacity for empathy/sympathy where i feel for my things as much as my friends.
H says
Man, I just read through all these comments and think I’m going to cry. I found this page googling “thinking objects have feelings”. I’ve never told anyone about this before, and I’ve been going to a therapist for almost a dozen years. It’s at the point where it is really affecting my mood. For example, in a craft group I am in people post photos of stuffed animals they make and it makes me super sad if they look like they won’t be used. Or someone made a blanket for their cabbage patch doll and someone else commented the dolls freaked them out and I just wanted to cry.
I haven’t been diagnosed with autism but my therapist says I have some autistic traits, and I do have mild OCD and an anxiety disorder. But I think I’ve had some version of this feelings thing forever— I’m not sure I’ve ever thrown away anything that has eyes on it.
All of this is pretty funny because I only feel sad for people I know if something really tragic happens (or death or illness) but a stuffed dog out for trash day and I’m a mess…
H says
For context I’m a 30yo woman
Carolina Pinho says
Hi,
I am currently conduction my dissertation research project. I am investigating how people with ASD think about objets. The project consists of a series of questionnaires administrated via the internet and would take about 25 minutes to complete.
You must be over 18, be a native English speaker and have ASD to take part in this study. You contribution is greatly appreciated. Your responses to the questionnaire are anonymous, will be safely stored and will only be seen by the research team.
Please follow this link to the survey if you would like to take part. It will give you some more information about the study, a consent form and access to the survey:
https://uclioe.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3n2tnKET3g82cjX
Thank you very much for your time and help!
Kind regards,
Carolina
Rain says
Yes! I also teared up when reading these things because I felt I was the only one in the world that felt this way. It’s exhausting to me but I have found ways to deal with it. I haven’t told anyone about this but my mom has occasionally made fun of me about “the time I used to keep orange peels when I was little”. It’s embarrassing but I just smile and nod because no one would understand that I felt sorry for them.
Anonymous says
I feel so scared, I’m 54 and struggled thru my entire life as a basket case, only to find I can put a label on me known as either autistic or bipolar?)??? Where do i start?
Honor says
Wow! I’ve never thought to google this before but I am moving house this month with my family (I am only 15 but I still have loads of my old toys from when I was younger) I do have aspergers which really makes the whole personifying objects worse because not only do I feel bad for having to put them in boxes, I can pretty much name what’s in each box so I feel even worse. I always feel bad for objects especially when they are alone and all their “friends” are somewhere else. My mum doesn’t understand but I have told her I am keeping my stuffed toys on my bed because I can’t bear to put them away as I feel for them the most. Even then I feel bad having some near my feet and some near my head like some sort of favouritism. I need to bin stuff and declutter so bad but the thought of putting them in a landfill for them to be burnt makes me so upset, even the idea of giving my toys to someone else or donating them freaks me out because they won’t love them as much or they might ruin them. I don’t know what to do. Recently, not on purpose but subconsciously I gues I have been so obsessed with animals (even if it does lead to you saving a baby mouse then losing it for a day before finding it and putting it back outside ) and all that extra empathy goes to them which I think helps me feel less for objects or perhaps get a moment of reality. It’s much better in the end to care for the animals and whether they’re being neglected and help them than to hoard small plastic toys that used to live in a penny machine anyways. I love looking after the birds the most and I have a really good bond with my cat because I think I personify him a bit too. Anyway thankyou for this post it’s so nice to know your not alone out there and maybe oneday all of our personified possessions will regenerate into somethign together!
Heidi says
You sound exactly like my daughter, she is 12, even down to the animal welfare points. You both are extremely kind and caring, caring about EVERYTHING, but it comes at a price through the anxiety. I wish I could find a way to help my daughter, and I hope you find ways to reduce the negative aspects and the impact on you, but maintain the caring nature, just be able to turn it down to a manageable level. In a world where people in general don’t seem to care enough, it’s ironic that caring too much carries such a burden.
MW says
I know that having feelings for transitional objects in part of ‘neurotypical’ psychological development but this goes much further doesn’t it? I have had a few people question whether I have autism (I have never cared to find out for sure although I’m currently being forced to by the benefits people) because of other things but what you describe is stuff I can totally relate to, especially the favouritism thing – I really get that. I always get surprised when someone points out that my behaviour is weird because I always just assume that everybody is the same as me and still don’t really understand why they’re not!
I have two toys on the bookshelf at the end of my bed, overlooking where I sleep. I never play with them (but then I am 47) and feel bad for that, I cuddle them occasionally… I always make sure that they are sitting upright and can see and look comfortable though – and because one of them – a tiger called Julian, has long arms – he has his arms round the other one (Deedle Dude) so they can comfort each other in my neglect of them.
Now this to me is totally normal – I get upset if one of them has fallen over because I don’t look at them everyday so wont know when it’s happened. I would never dream of just leaving them toppled over and without Julian’s arm cuddling Deedle Dude. I don’t understand how anyone would not do this – why isn’t everyone the same??
David Ramos Freire says
I was searching for this…
Steve- adults with autism says
Hope you found the article helpful. Steve
claire says
Me too! I just googled this!! and i texted my sisters saying “it’s a ‘thing!’
I’m not autistic but do prob have adult adhd — isn’t that part of the ‘spectrum?’ I dunno.
I had this as a child and just recently noticed it’s back ?!?! i’m 49.
The difference is with me tho is it doesn’t cause me anxiety or sadness to the point it affects my life at all. It just seems ‘funny’ to me.. like wth?
“Claire, stop. That’s just a sponge!” lol
i notice it all the time and i’m able to talk myself into ignoring it and throwing the thing away rolling my eyes at myself. It is constant, pervasive, tho!
I was at the grocery store this morning. Poinsettias were 3 for $10. I picked three but not before trying to sense which one will be lonely if left behind .. ♀️ AND even tho the the first one i picked up was not as healthy as some others, i didn’t put it back because i thought it would feel ‘rejected.’ ♀️
but yeah. it’s not over things necessarily “important” to me — although those things too of course. It’s just everything! does that make sense?
i can see how it could cause anxiety though if it had more intensity, which is what it sounds like in this thread. Hopefully mine won’t get that bad
Max says
I feel sorry for abandoned objects like stationary ect. I feel quite sad when I see objects being broken and no-one caring. If I accidently rub against a wall or something then I feel sorry for the wall and have to touch it a few times to make it feel better.
I’m an INTP and currently have Counting-OCD but I’m now wondering if I have autism.
Holly says
Steve,
Ever since I was little I’ve felt the sadness you described. It can be overwhelming at times.
I used pick out “defective” stuffed animals or the ones no one else would want so that they wouldn’t feel badly. Or the last animal on the shelf. Sometimes I feel sad taking them away from their friends. My bed is surrounded with team members and I feel guilty if I don’t touch or talk to them. Currently I have a fox named Freddy, a nameless bat, a rabbit, a sloth, a talking leopard that says “I love you’ and several pink beenie boos because I love their eyes. I am 51, married with 2 teenagers, and have a graduate degree.
Freddy and the sloth spent most of the summer with me at my yoga teacher training. I don’t know why stuffed animals speak to me but they. Not all of them, just some.
I grew up an extremely lonley child. I was an only child. I have a history of sexual abuse. As a child I carried a large mouse named Mausey around everywhere., he was bigger than me. When I was 10 I got a bear named Bernie who also came to college with me. He is very old and his one eye is now falling out. He stays in my sons room (my son is 16) and I’m pretty sure Bernie still talks to him. Bernie makes me extremely sad. I worry about him dying. I can’t stand the thought that one day my son won’t care about him. I can barely think about it because my chest gets heavy and I don’t know how to describe what I feel.
I do not have autism or OCD but I am diagnosed with c-PTSD and I have an eating disorder. I’ve always been extremely sensitive.
Okay, I’ve written enough. But feel free to email me. You are not alone in your feelings!
Robert says
Dear Holly, my name is Robert. I’m 51 Years old. I had a rat headed stuffed animal as big as me when I was little. His name was Rat-fink. If I see a doll or stuffed animal in the gutter it makes me chokes up and cry. Even thinking of the unrequited love of a stuffed animal crushes me. If someone put their love into something, I will buy it and protect it, especially if it is a misfit toy. I eventually realized that I am the misfit toy. I was brutally abused and nearly killed by my serial/continuous abuser, and no one really cared. I was the stuffed animal in the gutter, full of love and compassion, but unloved and abused. I did a lot of drugs growing up to hide the pain. Over years, the memories of tragedy past become more clear. I had a bunny since I was born. He had a smile embroidered on his face. When my mother died three years ago I hurried bunny with her. It was very hard, but I wanted her to have him for ever. I am a man, who as a child made my own stuffed animals and embroidered them. I know why objects make me feel so sad. I too get teary when I notice that no one will buy the bruised lemon. That is because I am the bruised lemon that no one wanted. I have however discovered a wonderful therapy. Find a lost or neglected child. Perhaps one who lost a parent. Be kind to them. Buy them crayons and paints and little dinosaurs. I have been a sports coach and public school teacher. I find that the greatest therapy for me is showing kindness and compassion to others, especially children. We cannot change our own neglected or abused pasts. But we can make a difference in other people’s lives. I hope everyone who shared on this site discovers the joy and healing that comes from helping others. And Thank You all so much for sharing. It has been a great connection to hear from everyone that we have experienced the same things, albeit awkward, unusual orseemingly eccentric. I wish I could give all of you a HUGE hug! I find myself thinking of a favorite movie “V is for Vendetta.” The woman “Evy reads a memoir written on toilet paper by another woman in a concentration camp/medical experiment. In the memoir the woman tells Evy “even though we have never met, I love you!” The world is not all hurt. It is filled with light and love. Tap into it! I have never met you, but I love you!
Rob.
Karen says
Hello. I just stumbled on this page after searching for an explanation to my own feelings if sympathy for inanimate objects. I have never been diagnosed with autism or another disorder, but at 57 I certainly have become aware of patterns in myself that I wish I understood better. I recently have had conversations with my adult daughter in which she expressed frustration with me because I feel such sympathy for her partner when she describes getting angry with him for his bad behavior. I told her that i have always had extreme compassion, for the underdog, and anything, even rocks and cars, that I worried no one would like. And like others who’ve commented, this has led me to suffer socially because I simply cannot comfortably hear people speak negatively of other people or things.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Karen
This is a really complex area. It’s possible that you are just an unusually compassionate and sensitive person.
But then, perhaps there is also a mental health aspect to your feelings.
Have you noticed any signs of OCD, or are you prone to bouts of anxiety? These conditions can – in my experience – also drive the types of feelings you describe.
Regards
Steve
adultswithautism.org.uk
James says
Many religions believe that objects have spirits, so this is perfectly normal!
Maybe autistic people are just naturally more spiritually aware than we are?
Cheers!
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi James,
Actually, that is a good point. But I think in most cases, there is more likely to be a psychological reason behind this.
Best wishes
Steve
Josephine says
We just experienced this last night! We took my son to toys for us and he chose a sheep that made a noise. He wasn’t sure if it was working properly so when we got to the checkout he went to swap it for the other one on the shelf. My daughter and I were walking to meet them when she said she wouldn’t have been able to do that because she’d feel bad for the other one, which was exactly how I was feeling! I was getting all anxious but pushing it down as my son was obviously fine… Until we saw him walking back with his new sheep. Husband completely oblivious to the whole thing but I could see tears in his eyes then he said how bad he felt because the other sheep thought he was coming and now he isn’t and thinks there was something wrong with him. It took me several minutes to convince him swapping back would be ok because the second sheep would totally understand! Husband said he wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t been there, I think he’d just have been sad and kept it in instead.
This happens to me all the time. I varnished a bread hedgehog when I was younger. My car’s have names and personalities. Getting rid of something is painful. Id be upset to replace something as the other would be sad. My mum’s the same and our partners think we’re loopy!
I assumed it was just over sentimentality. Now my son has suspected asd and having read about it I’m certain my husband and I am the same though different. Possibly our daughter! I literally googled “thinking inanimate objects have feelings” and this post came up. It’s a funny old world!
Kate says
And now I’m tearing up at that story. That kind of thing gets me every time. I feel bad putting something down to choose another object. Like I’ve let that first object down after letting it think I wanted it. Oh man, I’m seriously crying over that sheep now. I’ve been battling the personification of inanimate objects for a long time because it was causing me to hoard things or just get over emotional. I was diagnosed with BPD a couple of years back and I think part of it is the fact that I’m so inclined to being super sensitive. Sometimes I just stay away from things like cute toys or pictures because I know they will make me sad. Like if you show me a picture of something really cute that is crying, my day is ruined.
If I really try to be analytical about it, I think a lot of this stems from my fear of abandonment. I project that fear on to inanimate objects, save them, and then experience a little bit of catharsis for saving something from abandonment. Every time I feel feel something for a personified object, I’m really feeling my own feelings towards myself.
Lisa says
Amazing how many people found this and commented already.
I just saw this old stuffed lion animal on etsy with a compass in his pow. I felt like crying and buying it, “saving” it and giving it a home. Then I closed the tab and told myself I am nuts. – and decided to google.
I also have issues eating chocolate bunnies or throwing away cute wrapping paper, among other things, of course I never threw away any stuffed animal, probably never will. I’ve seen a psychologist, but I have never been diagnosed with any actual disorder – I am just a candidate with potential for burnout so that’s how I end up there once in a while.
Anyway, what really helped me getting over some of it, is the reclycling-green-planet-thought,
1) Everything in this universe is made of the same foundation, essentially we’re all stardust. So just because I throw something away, does not mean it dies, actually the energy and the atoms in it just transform into something else, something new, which is a good thing. Not sure this holds in front of a physics professor, but for me it works.
2) I know that often I connect things I get from people with them and feel bad for giving it away because they meant for me to have it, This can be silly things such as little toys from surprise eggs. But I decided that I cannot live in a trash museum and I rigorously started to throw things like that out. I do it very quick and then bring out the trash right away and then I forget about it and it’s good.
3) I think about it from another perspective. The chocolate bunny I got for Easter was made to be eaten, right? So I am kind of offending it, by not eating it! How frustrated must a chocolate bunny be, if it failed it’s purpose? And what about that old teddy bear? Maybe it’s in pain because it’s arm is already falling off and it’s time for it to die and “transcend” into something new. I mean – if these feelings go into one direction, you can also trick them into the other.
However, I have to say that I find this closely connected to phases of anxiety/burnout/depression. The more safe and stable I feel in my life, the less stressful it is for me to see “objects being mistreated” and the less likely I am to dwell on these things. So I think this is some kind of symptom when you are in an anxious phase.
Lisa says
Ah and adding to my second point – I think that if those people who give me stuff would know how much trouble it causes me to keep them around even though I theoretically don’t want them, they would gladly just take them to the trash for me because likely they don’t care at all or significantly less than I do 😉
Lucie says
Thank you Lisa, I can’t tell you how reassuring it is to read your words and feel that they say exactly what I have been feeling for years forever actually. Your hacks have been working for me, too, it does get better when you’re mentally better.
Jo says
Really useful strategies!! Thank you x
Liz says
It’s such a relief to think I’m not the only one like this! I’ve felt this way since I was a baby, at least according to my mother. I actually cried when we sold a car I don’t even remember because I liked it so much!!
I’m a very sentimental person in the first place and honestly something big has to happen for me to lose my attachment to something. I panic when I misplace things (I almost never lose things) or think I’ve hurt them in some way. As an only child and a bit of a lonely one at that I would treat my stuffed animals like friends, giving them names and stories and acting out adventures. I still have some of my oldest stuffed animals- including a stuffed chimpanzee named Diddy! I try my best to either sleep with them nearby every night or keep them nice and safe on my dresser.
It can be extremely hard for me to lose attachment to something- even if it’s something I’ve never even seen before until that particular moment. With the peculiar exception of videos where squishy toys are cut open and how it’s made type sequences, I cannot stand to watch a video where something cute (and in many instances even things that aren’t all that cute) is done harm- like those videos where a doll is set on fire, or a stuffed animal is destroyed, or a snowman gets hit with a bat (those tend to get popular round winter time). There was a video some time ago that circulated around easter where a little chocolate bunny got melted while some terribly sad music played in the background. While it was apparently intended to be comedic I couldn’t watch more than five seconds of the actual melting because I got too emotional.
While I find learning the mechanics-especially of more complex toys, like toy robots and the like- to be an absolutely fascinating topic, and those squishy videos tend to be upbeat and satisfying to watch, I cannot stand the way some people will senselessly destroy toys!
I’ve had a few theories as to why I feel the way I do in regards to my belongings. Many of my favorite things have positive memories attached- even if I was having a terrible day before usually the item in question lifted my spirits. Therefore I create a positive association with them and similar objects. Second is perhaps the loss of innocence represented there is what troubles me. To me toys and stuffed animals are a symbol of childhood, comfort, and peaceful moments, and seeing them in a distressed state makes me similarly distressed as a result. Third is that I’m already a soft-hearted individual and my brain automatically makes the association that someone else might have loved that toy, or someone else might have treasured that stuffed animal- and as a result seeing the toy be harmed makes me feel bad. While my very early childhood was fairly nice my parents were both unfortunately terribly busy as I began schooling, with my father away on many business trips and my mother working from home. Then my father started his own business just before the housing market crash, and we lived strapped for money for ages. I know now we were never in such danger but I was always fearful of what might happen to us. I even told my mom I’d stop playing video games and watching TV if it meant bringing our electric bill down. Since we didn’t have a lot of money to go around, casual gifta decreased a lot and it instilled a bit of an inflated sense of worth in most everyday objects. Many things now are created to be replaced a few years down the road and now I wind up clinging to anything I can until itnpretty much stops working permanently or falls apart in my hands.
Another theory is the one explained above- that it’s an Autistic trait. I have never been formally diagnosed, however I do see a counselor regularly (and she is incredibly well-educated, mind, and has done wonders for my mental health) has seen a great many signs of female-aligned Asperger’s in me, so I have to wonder if this is a trait that might carry over.
Lastly it could be that I’m simply quite softheared, but I feel it may be a combination of all of the above as well.
Apologies for commenting on an older post, but it was such a relief to know I’m not the only one! Hope you all are well, and thank you so much to everyone for putting your own experiences here.
Danielle says
hi
I have been referred for an ASD assessment, am now 36 but have struggled with some life aspects since childhood. The traits heightened following a nervous breakdown and I decided that after years of wondering I should request an assessment.
I feel very similar to you with inanimate objects – upon leaving jobs I get more upset at the items that I may have lost, were borrowed & not returned etc. than I have done about the people I will no longer see. Having to clear out clutter gives me much anxiety, I stewed for a week when my phone died; I’d found one I liked years before and found no reason to ever have a different phone, I bought one the same from ebay for when it started to fault, but this time it died for real and only smart phones were available, I fretted and did not want to accept it, and bored the Tesco sales person as she tried to sell me a phone, I just wanted my phone to not be dead. I eventually gave in, knowing I had to, and it was actually fine, but I find I do this with many objects. When the time came to get a new car I mourned for my car feeling disloyal, guilty, like I was betraying it. I have cried when each of my cars has gone. I feel like they are friends, like we have a connection spiritually somehow. As a teenager I would buy toy lions from charity shops feeling sorry for them, as though they were a real life dog in a pound. Then each night, choosing one to hug in my sleep I would tick off a rota, ensuring each one had a turn.
Jenjenjajen says
Hi, I found your article when I was looking for an idea of how to nicely throw away my daughter’s doll. Its covered in sticky cream and really needs to just go, but I feel so bad about putting the poor thing in the bin. I thought this was just me being silly, but, hooray! I’m not the only one.
I have always been this way with toys. I remember getting a Cabbage Patch doll for Christmas one year. Its leg wasn’t sewn correctly, so my parents wanted to take it back. But I wouldn’t let them because I didn’t want the doll to feel unloved. And then came Toy Story, which made it all even more ‘real’.
I haven’t been diagnosed with autism or OCD, but I do have my ways about things.
Any tips on disposing of this unfortunate doll (plus the others I’ve been keeping, with broken legs and cracked heads) would be greatly welcomed 🙂
Jenjenjajen says
Sorry for posting twice! The computer said the first one didn’t work….
Danielle says
Hi Jenn
I am a Disney fanatic – I’d say it’s one of my ‘special interests’ or obsessions, but Toy Story is my exception – I cannot tolerate it, I really seriously hate it.
This always surprises people who know me & know how I love Disney. (They usually love this one more than the other Disneys).
The only explanation I can think of is that to me it feels too real & stressful because of seeing the toys alive, hearing their talk & thoughts. The emotions overwhelm me & I cannot watch it.
I’m not a fan of Bedknobs & Broomsticks either – the mix of real & cartoon loses me, I feel it loses it’s authenticity (which neuro-typical people think is odd, because cartoons as a whole & Disney films ARE fictitious in their nature anyway, but I like them to feel realistic, which I feel they usually do)
I absolutely LOVE Mary Poppins though but just the fairground scene when they jump into the pavement picture I’m not keen on. I feel it cheapen the film, lol – I think from ‘Saving Mr Banks’ PL Travers had similar concerns about that scene too?
AutisticTransTeen says
I hate Toy Story. I can’t tolerate the scenes where the stuffed animals and toys are abused. It’s super upsetting for me. Did you also have trouble with Paddington?
Jen says
Hi, I found your article when I was looking for an idea of how to nicely throw away my daughter’s doll. Its covered in sticky cream and really needs to just go, but I feel so bad about putting the poor thing in the bin. I thought this was just me being silly, but, hooray! I’m not the only one.
I have always been this way with toys. I remember getting a Cabbage Patch doll for Christmas one year. Its leg wasn’t sewn correctly, so my parents wanted to take it back. But I wouldn’t let them because I didn’t want the doll to feel unloved. And then came Toy Story, which made it all even more ‘real’.
I haven’t been diagnosed with autism or OCD, but I do have my ways about things.
Any tips on disposing of this unfortunate doll (plus the others I’ve been keeping, with broken legs and cracked heads) would be greatly welcomed 🙂
chrissy says
Can you not wash the doll and make her feel loved. I feel sorry for some inanimate objects. Washing her and telling her you love her may make her feel loved, even though she doesn’t really have feelings. Wash her hair and her body. Maybe you and your daughter can wash or make new clothes for her, im sure there are plenty instructions online for knitting or making dolls clothes.
Delaram says
I can’t believe that there are actually other people with the same problem as mine!
I’m 18 and I haven’t really been diagnosed with anything because I’ve never had a visit to a psychologist or anything, but I’m pretty sure I have OCD because of many symptoms, and things that I cannot explain to normal people, knowing that they will never understand.
In my mind’s rules, EVERYTHING has to be organised but my bedroom is a mess. If I ever wanted to tidy up my room I would need at least three months because I believe that every little thing has to be put in a special place, and if I see order in a place, I just can’t stand even the tiniest thing being out of its place, so my bedroom should either be a PERFECTLY organised room, or a total mess so my mind can’t start labeling things and find certain patterns in anything. Of course the second option is much easier so I keep it that way.
The thing is I have so many objects in my room that I don’t need and everyone else calls them trash and junk but I can’t even think of throwing them away because I believe it’ll break their “heart”, but we all know objects don’t have a heart. In fact they don’t have any organs, they are lifeless.
Yet my mind can’t refuse thinking about the things I’ve thrown away since I could decide, and feeling awful and sad and cruel.
I don’t keep any food or dirty stuff in my room but it’s awful and my mom doesn’t invite guests to our house anymore because she says my room makes her feel embarrassed in front of everybody.
I don’t know what to do, when I tell her I want to visit a psychologist she just lashes out and yells at me and says “you’re not a psychopath you don’t need a psychologist you’re just lazy!” And I can’t afford an appointment on my own I really don’t know how to get out of this mess I’ve gotten my self into…
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Delaram
Thanks for your message.
You are definitely not alone. It may be worth you pursuing the idea of consulting a doctor on this, if you feel it is having a bad effect on your life. As an 18 yr old, I personally think you could make your own health decisions. But try explaining to your mum again about how you feel.
Kind regards
Steve
Phil says
As Will Smith once said in a famous rap track of his about another topic: “Parents just don’t understand”. Maybe they just don’t want to take the time to see the situation from their offspring’s eyes. We can try to meet them half-way and find an orphanage or a little cousin, little sibling or nephew/niece to donate the toys to. Put the toys out there and see if any gravitate towards any of them and let them have it, of they seem to treat it right (like in Toy Story 3), so you get the feeling the thing that made you happy will get the best chance of being loved or used right.
I know the feeling, though. I am self-aware enough about my issue I can laugh at myself when reading these, but know I am neurotic enough to do the same.
Mary says
This is… mind opening. And it certainly taught me something about myself since I also have autism. I’ve had a teddy bear for as long as I can remember. His name is Pannis. Don’t ask me where I got that name because I don’t have a clue! He’s been with me to many places and I didn’t stop bringing him with me until I turned eleven. That’s when the adults around me told me he needed to stay at home. I guess they wanted me to grow up, but I guess I never did completely. I still have him near me when I sleep and I couldn’t think about putting him away somewhere. I promised him many years ago that he would sit in my bedroom, and I kept that promise. I used to be emotionally attached to all my stuffed animals and kept them all in my bed but I somehow got over it. Except Pannis, of course. I used to get emotionally attached to other inanimate things as a kid, especially vegetables. I had to eat at least two peas at the same time so none got left out. I felt sorry for the pea that got eaten last, “it must’ve felt lonely”. I never told anyone about it since I thought I was the only one feeling that way. And kids can be very cruel to those who are a little different, you know…
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Mary
Do you mind me asking; are you diagnosed with OCD or autism?
Just wondering if you have spoken to a psychologist about the things you’ve described here.
In my experience, this is quite a debilitating condition. It certainly stops me feeling like a grown-up!
Regards Steve
Laura says
I have had this EXACT same issue ever since I can remember. I cannot throw out a stuffed animal because I become upset about it being alone in a trash dump. I have been called a hoarder for the same reason. I just cried for an hour because we are getting a new bed in my room and we were disassembling the old one. I couldn’t, and still can’t, cope with the thought that my old bed will be alone in the cold and rain and snow. I have so much sympathy for these objects it becomes unmanageable. I have never been diagnosed with Autusm but I have been diagnosed with OCD and dependent personality disorder. Perhaps it is the OCD causing it then? While I would like to know why, I still embrace it to the best of my ability. If things are getting thrown out, I cannot be the one to do it because I break down. I’ve found ways to cope with it. I hope you can too! Best of luck!
Carley Greenwood says
I have had an elephant teddy called Elliot since I was 7. He holds George, a little mouse, in is trunk to stop him from being stamped on, which I have always admired. If anyone tried to hurt him I would cry and scream and do anything to stop Elliot from being hurt. I still have Elliot now, and I probably wouldn’t cry if someone did that now but I know it would still upset me, I used to have a lot of teddies and I used to have tem all at the end of my bed nicely arranged because I didn’t want any of them to be left out. I used to throw them up in the air individually and catch them, I would spend a couple of minutes playing with each one (I had about 30) in the same way, and again I would feel bad if any of them were left out. I don’t really know what happened to all of them but when my mum put them in the loft, I wasn’t happy because they were going to get cold and dusty, and I found it really upsetting. I’ve only felt this for teddy bears and stuffed toys, never any other objects.
I have never been diagnosed with Autism or OCD but there are things like this that make me feel different to other people. If someone comes up to me with a baby, I am not very interested and I find it difficult to know what to do with them and I feel uncomfortable, and for others this seems easy and natural. I struggle maintaining friendships and I have never quite fitted in. I struggle making eye contact with people during conversation and then this makes me think that the person I’m talking to probably doesn’t think I’m interested and then they don’t like me as much. I have very dark and violent thoughts sometimes and they scare me because I would never do anything violent to anyone. I feel a lot of sympathy and empathy sometimes but don’t know how to show this, so most of the time I just end up not being able to actually say or do anything.
I know this is slightly off-tangent but I have never put all of this down in words before and I feel like this is the right place to finally talk about this; can anyone relate to any of my experiences?
Anonymous says
Holy fuck I feel the exact same things & had no idea that other people felt like me
Shannon B says
Our son is a loveable first grader on spectrum. While he has a hoard of stuffed animals he clings to, the other morning I found our broken toaster in his bed. He claimed it was his friend, and that it was sad that it is broken. This is a constant reality for us, taking care not to attribute personality to objects we need to get rid of. He won’t eat any food resembling a face for this reason as well. (No gummy bears, no animal crackers, no smiley pancakes, etc)
Nar says
I have experienced this for as long as I can remember. It often puts me in a mad mood. Thinking about a slightly misshapen stuffed animal being avoided and trashed, my monitor becoming dusty, objects being carelessly handled, etc makes me sad. Oddly, it’s not with all things. I haven’t yet been able to tell where the line is. Why my shoes but not my dishes? Sometimes I feel self conscious about bringing home a new thing if my home is disorganized because I feel the new thing will be disappointed or fearful of a bad life.
I recently bought a mug that had the design printed upside down because I knew it would be trashed and it made me sad. At work I often arrange the stuffed animals so they’re “comfortable” and I might brush the fur from their eyes. This allows me to bestow some “love” on them in case they never get a loving home or end up in the hands of a destructive child.
I can barely stand to eat gummy bears and I hate to criticize items right in front of them.
I had a mild anxiety attack today at work thinking about the stuffed kitties we have and the idea we would receive an exceptionally badly produced one and it would be trashed because I couldn’t buy it for whatever reason.
Pat says
Why does there have to be a “diagnosis” ? We are all wonderfully and humanly unique.
May be this just shows the tenderness of your beautiful heart, extending to all things —animate or inanimate. I always make my grand daughters furry animals comfortable in her cot, and i don’t consider myself “mad” or in need of a psychological assessment.
I bet lots of mums and grans do the same thing without being Autistic ,having OCD or anything else
On a deeper level everything is made of the same stuff—consciousness—so maybe we on some level already know this.
In her best selling book on how to declutter you home, Marie Condo , suggests thanking all your old clothes for their service before you discard them.
If everyone in the world was as empathic as you and all the rest of the people here –imagine how beautiful our world would be?
Angela says
I’m in the middle of trying to downsize the clutter stored in my house. Did a search and found this conversation. This is so me. Never been diagnosed with autism but I have a hard time fitting in with the majority. And a very shy kid and my little brother was autistic. But the Myers Briggs personality test says that the intuitive feeling types will do this. Like have a hard time eating animal crackers. But thanks for sharing. Helps to know others understand.
Katie says
I have always had this problem. As a little girl, one of my earlier memories is being 3 and my mother brought a lady to the home to buy my high chair. I was too big for it but cried and held on to it because I remember thinking tut high chair would be sad without me. Also, whenever she threw out my stuffed animals, I would cry thinking that they would go in the trash. I also had to kiss every stuffed animal good night. That was probably the start of my OCD. It definitely makes sense that rituals of OCD, or compulsions, would start in this manner. It is like the brain misfiring…. You feel these inanimate objects have a life and that they exert some sort of control. Logically you know it isn’t true, but it is such a strong feeling and emotion. I definitely see it As a form of synaesthesia, as your wires get a bit crossed.
I still get sad sometimes just looking at a candy dish in an old lady’s house, or crumbs on a person’s face. Thrift stores and antique stores often make me feel overly nostalgic and I think intensely about where the items came from… It can bring on positive or very negative emotions.
I am diagnosed with OCD and anxiety, but not autism.
Anonymous says
I feel or have a lot of sympathy for objects, I hate to see anything abused or unloved, especially bears. I try to give things a home.
Anonymous says
I’ve had this ever since I was little. I anthropomorphised anything and everything with “cute” things being the absolute worst. I’ve never been able to throw out a stuffed animal and the though of it right now has me on the verge of tears. I remember my mom telling me a story about how I cried for days when they replaced our kitchen sink. I kind of always knew that it was a strange behavior and yet my mind continued to do it. I attributed it to being traumatized by reading The Velveteen Rabbit when I was younger. Now that I think about it though, I think the reason that book affected me so much was because I was already overly empathetic. Not really sure why the idea to research this popped into my head but I’m really glad I’m not the only one.
Andy says
Oh geez, I didn’t end up reading the velveteen rabbit until last year (I’m 33, FYI haha) and I was just sobbing for hours afterwards.
I know little kids things are probably a touchy subject for me due to physical/sexual child abuse and the association there – was at Kmart with my ex and had to go home after seeing a baby doll like my sister got one Christmas, that just ruined me for a couple of hours too. Can’t see even a bit of kids cartoons, nearly teared up hearing my nephew’s lullaby music box as well the other day.
No ASD/OCD diagnosis here, psychologist has said complex-PTSD is my most likely thing
Anita says
I don’t have autism and I don’t have OCD but I have suffered from anxiety for a number of years now—although at some point whilst seeking therapy for my anxiety my psychiatrist mentioned rather offhandedly that what I may be experiencing in actuality is not anxiety per se but rather some form of mild autism and that anxiety may have just been an offshoot of it, and my GP also mentioned this once, though until now I haven’t pursued any of their comments any further. After reading your piece I came to look at my past and current actions and realised ‘oh shit that’s just like me.’ I’m nearly thirty but I still feel this, and no I don’t think that sort of emotion/action has tampered down through the years, perhaps I just became better at hiding it knowing full well that ‘normal’ people would find that sort of reaction weird. As an example, as a kid I once had this toy truck that came from a toothpaste box, and it’s not meant to last long, but then when it broke, I cried to my dad saying ‘How can he keep up with his other truck friends (my other wheeled toys)?’ My dad became worried about me and weirded out by this deep anguish—yes, that is the term that is most appropriate—that I felt for that seemingly insignificant toy truck. And I remember saying sorry to that poor truck over and over and I can still recall that feeling of having betrayed him (yes, I even assign sexes to inanimate objects, and yes, to a certain extent that have their full range of personalities and characteristics as if I were referring to a living human being). My dad, bless him, saw my state and decided to glue the rear wheels of the truck and make makeshift wheels so that he can keep on playing with the others (the kind that looks like what they use for disabled dogs). Legos, brilliant as they are, a just a nightmare for me. They are meant to be broken down and torn to pieces but once I built something from the bricks, I don’t tend to destroy them as easily since, again I attribute them as being hurt if I break them apart. At times I go as far as to ask permission from the same objects that I built just to break them down.
In order to cope with this and to make my life easier, I just made it a point to own as few objects as I can, and as a consequence I avoid shopping, except for food—and even with food at times I feel remorse for them. This coping mechanism still does not diminish that emotion that I feel for inanimate things. What scares me the most is that the extent I feel for these objects oftentimes fly in the face of all sound logic and reason, and there have been cases where this renders me completely unable to function like a normal adult. A few years back, we moved to a new country, and that was the most God-awful time I had—it almost felt as if I was going through a funeral. You can only imagine the pain at going through my books, and deciding which ones I cannot bring with me, and having to say sorry to them, and for the other things. After putting them in boxes, and having given away the others I was in a near-catatonic state for some days—it was almost like shock to my system—my dad thought I was just exhausted by everything and attributed it to fatigue though he did worry that I might get hospitalised because of that. To put it into proper perspective, we’ve never really owned a lot of things, hence I can definitely say that it’s not my materialistic side being such an arse.
To be honest, I don’t know where this comes from. This is not something that I just happened to have as I grew older, but it is something that I’ve been experiencing since I was a kid. My dad never really thought it was weird, since he says that kids just have healthy imagination—let them be, they are not harming anyone. It was only when I started attending school and the teacher mentioned it to my parents, that I became quite guarded about showing this side of me, and only then I realised it may not be as normal as I thought. I’ve always been introverted and as my dad said, a very sensitive child, and I am not sure how much of this can be a contributing factor. I have two other siblings, one younger and one older, and they don’t display this behaviour at all. If it were merely my hyperactive imagination as a kid, then as I grew older, I should have shed this behaviour, but I still have it, and not one bit diminished in any case.
Adrian Main says
Indeed.
Frank Green says
Logic dictates that if I as an autistic man of 64 who has synaesthesia and whose life is ruled by logic then my emotions must encompass everything because, for me, there is no separation between living and non-living objects. In terms of emotional interaction, therefore, I must feel emotion equally for everything.
Anonymous says
I feel that way too since childhood, and am now 36. I’ve never been diagnosed with autism but feel I do have it. I feel your pain! It’s one of the reasons I have so much clutter… I have trouble even throwing away a piece of broken furniture that has served me well, or anything broken, especially ones with fond memories. My daughter giggled at me when I sobbed while reading her “The Giving Tree” by Shel Sylverstein lol.
Anonymous says
Hi I am 46 yrs old and after my son was diagnosed, I went looking for answerrs for myself. I was diagnosed Autistic at 43. Both my son and I do this feeling sympathy for inanimate objects.. I have always done this from a young child…..even now.. I don’t know why….it just is.
Thanks
BREEGEE says
Yes, I have felt this from a very young age. I always thought it was just apart of my big imagination carrying over into everyday life but It really hasn’t let up at all. I don’t find it that concerning. Only when someone else points it out to I really think about it. I am 28 and not autistic (to my knowledge). This is my first time searching this and I’m glad I’m not alone.
Anonymous says
I am 51 and a diagnosed autistic. I would like to feel able to tell somebody about my life and how things make me feel, but i can’t.
Lisa says
yes I have always been that way. As a very young child I felt sorry for a piece of candy in a bucket at the store cuz it was alone so I took it and of course got in trouble from my mom. I do not have autism,but all my life have wondered from where this stems. I can’t touch stuffed animals in the store or I feel like I have to buy them so they won’t feel abandoned. Velveteen Rabbit–just saying the title almost makes me cry as my animals and dolls have always been ‘real ‘ to me.
Ross Johnson says
I have 5 animals that are technically not living unless I give them life and human characteristics and I feel for them like I feel like. I have 3 t rexes and two Ethel dragons. Finnegan, Rex, and Grimlock are my 3 T. rexes and Draco and Elliot are my Ethel dragons
Mitchell says
I feel it to not sure if it’s autism or not as I have never been officially diagnosed . Or if it is the hormones in the food but either way there are alot of us
Anonymous says
I do your not alone empathy is a powerful emoji to carry
Anonymous says
Hello I’ve not been officially diagnosed with autism but have a daughter who is and a lot of things kinda click now from my childhood. Not sure if this is the sort of thing you mean but I feel sympathy for things being left out like if there are two of the same items left on a shelf I have to buy both or none cos the left over one will be lonely and sad. If I hang washing out I can’t leave one thing on a line cos it will feel like it’s not good enough to be with the other items of washing. Sorry not very good at explaining things.
Sarah Snell-Pym says
I’m not autistic and do this – I would consider toys and musical instruments to be special cases as human culture tends to give those things souls of their own. I apologies to plants I am digging up/weeding and most children grasp onto things they then personify. I think it’s just part of being an empathic human and is part of how we’ve ended up with toys, gods and pets.
A says
Toys make me cry at times, perhaps from a loss of innocence, childhood, history. Just now I entered a store, saw a shelf of stuffed animals with “I love you” signs (it is February) and had to leave after only glimpsing them. I suspect that my general enjoyment of the freedom from the negative sides of childhood (limitations, indignity) might make this effect harder, for I feel I have turned my back too much on its positive sides (family closeness). (The possibility of harm done to musical instuments, as a side note makes me horribly also)
Callie says
I am an austic adult, and I have felt these things for things since I can remember. Stuffed animals are a particular area. I still have immense guilt and sadness about losing stuffed bunny toys from my grandma. I had a nightmare once as a 5 year old that I still remember. My sibling was an infant, and we were escaping something. There were people coming for us. In this nightmare, my bunny from my grandma was super strong and could protect us from anything. Losing them at some point between moves felt like losing that protection. It was very intense when I was younger, but now I can cope with losses or even damages to these things I attribute so much emotion to.
Liam says
I’ve often felt this with many items, especially with older objects, objects I have used frequently, or objects with “character”. Even at sixteen years of age, people will look at me funny because I’m having a full conversation with some object I notice while doing some other task or fixing a problem. It’s one of the reasons I still have about a third of the stuffed animals I had as a child. If I have the chance, I will try to save and keep some old object I notice that may be about to be destroyed or abandoned, such as a set of carving knives and a number of old, out of date and badly damaged books from my grandmother’s house when we sold it. Even if it is inferior and perhaps damaged or worn, I will often choose older equipment or items because they have a history and character. I have Aspergers and dyslexia, but I have not been diagnosed with OCD.
Jenny says
I did this a lot as a child, and I still feel guilt even as an adult. I would feel like a piece of paper needed to be touched in just such a spot, and that all my stuffed animals had to sleep atop me in the bed at night–none could be left out, or their feelings would be hurt. And I had an order for who slept closest to me, and who got to be at the top, so that none of them were ‘left out’ of anywhere they might want to be. It has always been terribly difficult for me to let go of things, especially any thing I’ve developed some sort of emotional attachment with. And I have made ‘friends’ in books and TV shows. I’ve had OCD for as long as I can remember, and also depression and high anxiety. I have never been diagnosed with autism, though.
Anonymous says
I’ve never heard of this before but seen it clearly in my autistic son. It’s been a problem when he names food items on his plate and wants to keep them as pets, but I can see the distress is real. He also has synaesthesia and tells people they smell bad when he means they are talking too loudly. His real emotional attachment to toys and objects is one of my favourite things about him, it’s usually just one thing at a time which becomes his best friend. He once named his toothbrush Gorgeous and had to have it with him all the time. Thank you for writing this, it’s good to hear about your experiences.
Anonymous says
How I happened upon a thread that isn’t 8 years old about something I’m curious about today is amazing.
I’ve never been diagnosed as autistic either, but then have not tried to be diagnosed as anything.
It is lovely of you that it is one of the things you love most about your son though:)
I don’t want to speak for others, but myself and I would imagine many others don’t really talk about it much with others.
Recently a 90 ft white pine fell on my house in March and had to move out for 7 months while the house got rebuilt and
I noticed that while in the tiny rental I stayed in, where I felt very safe, that it got even stronger.
Finding myself silently thanking the washing machine or apologizing to the dryer when the door slammed abruptly.
All I can say is that like the commenter above, it started young, but now I realize that for whatever it is worth, it gets stronger the more vulnerable I feel.
The first time I remember it distinctly as a child was telling my (distant, self absorbed & OCD about cleanliness) mother; that I felt sorry for the floor because the couch was so heavy and always sitting in the same place.
I remember feeling like the floor needed to have a break from those same heavy legs and weight on the same spot.
She was very specific about where things were placed and kept noticing that the sofa was a few inches off from where she wanted it.
I would put my back against the heavy Metetaerrnian coffee table and use that to push off from with my legs, ultimately pushing the sofa off the one spot.
She laughed, thought it was odd and then used it as a way to make aqqaintenaces think that she was actually connected to her child by knowing one of her quirks.
I don’t know. I mean, we all (or so I assume) have felt sorry for the lone cart in the shipping center who’s been pushed harshly onto the curb, right?
Yikes:) I hope so.
Occasionally I wonder if this is something others feel & because it doesn’t affect my day to day living and I’m a fairly reasonable & grounded person I don’t worry so much about it, but because of having such a hard year I have noticed that I’m feeling even more empathetic toward
pretty much everything.
I doubt this helps anyone, but I hope that it does in at least some small way.
If nothing more than to show you that even though it is possibly odd, that it doesn’t mean we are off our rockers.
I pray!
Anonymous says
I have this very same problem. Very strongly and I love that someone used the word grief. Though I have not been diagnosed, my son has and he seems to have something of the same issue.
Anonymous says
I can absolutely relate to this. I have felt this way all my life (I am now 54). I once had an OCD badly when I was 7, but don’t really suffer significantly with any OCD related stuff now. Neither have I ever been diagnosed as autistic, or having Synaesthesia. My husband does say that I anthropomorphise things though – particularly stuffed toys – and I think this is on a par with the personification you mention. I bought a teddy bear from a thrift store last year because I felt desperately sorry for it. It was a Christmas toy which was supposed to have batteries in to make it play a tune, but it had no batteries in it an didn’t work. I felt sad to the point of tears that it had been discarded because it was no longer functional, and therefore no longer loved. It is loved now :-). I thought it was just me that felt like this.
Lauren says
I have fought this for years. I have functioned with high anxiety my entire life. Discarding objects or buying unwanted objects is still something that will send me into a tearful fit. Twice I have gone through my old toys and stuffed animals to donate to Goodwill, and both times it ended the same way. It’s fairly easy to determine what I don’t feel as attached to, but once I’m done and I realize they will be gone I feel genuine guilt. What if the next kid ruins them? What if they miss me? It’s irrational, yes, but incredibly painful regardless.
Cathy says
My 8 year old has had what I can only describe as a visceral response to one of his books being damaged. I was really taken aback by his grief, it did not make sense to me. I tried to console him that we’d mend the book with special tape. I also broke down and offered to purchase a new copy. He stated that he just couldn’t get the image of the torn book out of his head!
Mary says
My son is like this, especially with soft toys. He always wanted to believe they had a life at night, even as a teenager. He won’t throw anything away either.
Anonymous says
My young daughter (with OCD/autism)is the same. Causes her a lot of distress at times. I just wish she could connect the same with people.
Anonymous says
YES! my kiddos too
Anonymous says
Hi
Thank you so much for sharing this with us! My 10 year old Daughter loves her teddies so much she gets really upset if I take them off the bed to change the sheets. I have to place them down carefully and pretend they’re having a sleepover. If I don’t do this she says I’m. Cruel, I don’t understand how it makes her feel and gets really upset. This may sound like many kids her age who love their teddys but when she has to have all 33 on the bed and placed in a particular way it just doesn’t seem like the every day love kids have for their teddys. She feels emotion for all of her stuff in her room and can place a memory too each item and will know if a ribbon or a teddy has been moved and will lose it completely. I have away a fluffy lunch box amongst other household things to a local charity shop, she noticed it missing straight away and got so upset I had to ask for it back. You are not alone in this, thanks for sharing.
Anonymous says
Thank you for your thoughtful post. It really helps me in understanding my twins that are on the spectrum. They are very attached to objects and have cried or laughed about them.
Janci says
i’m 41 and have been this way my whole life — either sad/guilty for ignoring the objects or throwing them away… or afraid they’ll be angry with me. my daughter is now similar.
Maria says
I don’t think this is unusual at all. I think it is human to invest inanimate objects with emotion. A once favorite toy, a child’s teddy bear, the serving dish that was always used at family meals, etc.
Anonymous says
Maria, i agree that it is human to invest inanimate objects with emotion such as the examples you gave. And i believe that what Steve is talking about is more than cherishing something that brings a sense of nostalgia.
It is from my own understanding of reading this that he is speaking of all items. Not just the ones that bring back memories.
I have experienced a similar sensation in regards ro personifying objects.
My most obvious example would be from not too long ago. I ran into a chair. I realized it was a chair. I got angry at the chair for getting in my way and then later that day i went back to apologize to the chair for running into it and blaming it because i felt guilty about being angry at this chair
Anonymous says
i am a huge upright dinosaur and dragon collector and i believe they are more than just inanimate objects. i believe each one of my dinosaurs and dragons has feelings and emotions just like a cat or a dog has
Anonymous says
I am not autistic but I have been diagnosed with OCD. I’ve also observed aspects of synaesthesia in myself. I also feel this way about objects, although the emotions have subsided significantly as I’ve grown older and as I’ve gotten treatment for OCD/anxiety. It helps me a lot when the object in question is going to be given away for a good cause or recycled rather than thrown in the garbage.
Anonymous says
My ten year old son also feels a deep attachment to his things to the point of wanting to keep even the tiniest broken toy because he feel bad for them. He has OCD, autism and axiety disorder. I’ve never heard any clinician try to address this, but never thought to ask either. Im sorry that I don’t have answers for you, but thank you for bringing this up. I hope more research goes into this sure to and you get answers your looking for .
Anonymous says
Could hoarders be autisitc?
Anonymous says
when I was a child, I had many stuffed animals. I would write down their names on the days of the week that they would sleep with me. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting their feelings, as if I cherished one over the other. I felt this on behalf of my son’s stuffed animals and a particular blue blanket of his. I am not on the spectrum, but do have depression and anxiety.
Anonymous says
its just in born tendency or introvertness
Anonymous says
Might this be related to mirror touch synaesthesia? https://www.google.com/amp/s/futurism.com/synesthesia-how-neurons-let-you-physically-feel-what-others-experience/amp/
Anonymous says
I have experienced feelings like that most of my life. I have bought things I felt sorry for, Ike a teddy bear that had fallen on the floor, and broken things I got for a deep discount. I feel sorry for food not bought, or Christmas trees. I have not been diagnosed with autism, but depression and anxiety. I am feeling the sadness now. Did not know others felt like this too.
Gemma says
Im 33 and have felt exactly the same way my whole life aswel.
1st big one i remember was when i was 7, in class i started crying, silently, because i was a very shy kid. Id lost my unmbrella and the teacher finally got it out of me why I was crying, but, the real reason wasnt because i’d lost the umbrella it was really because i felt sorry for it and thought it was sad and all alone. This behaviour continued on until I had kids at age 29 and it seemed to tone down. The last one I remember was I couldnt throw a leftover sausage away in the bin because I felt so sad for it I said it needed a friend. So I cut it in half and say that was his friend so it was ok they could be in the bin (playing together) after that.
There are 100s of examples exaclty like your ones I could tell you about too. Im happy I came across your post as I feel i’m not alone in this and its harmless really. Ive never related to people and to be honest never liked them and always played alone. Ive been called an introvert all my life and a possible empath in recent years after having the kids something has set me off to feel for actual people too much. I think we are all on different and beautiful levels so its nothing to be worried about. The mind is so powerful and for some of us, parts of it work better than other peoples. Maybe we are feeling energy of everything better than anyone can. Its strange how ive changed completely because the old behaviour isnt there as much unless its a soft toy or something that has a face.
Anonymous says
I have never heard of this Steve……. but thank you for sharing this information.
Citron says
!! This is very me. I could have cried (or mourn silently knowing nobody would care/understand) for days over a stone that I had picked up and then was thrown away by someone. That was not synaesthesia, and I’m not convinced by the OCD hypothesis. It has some similarities, like the anxiousness, the fear and the distress, but it doesn’t fill up completely.
It’s a little easier for me now, and I think when I was a child it was the willing to control the most things I could in my environment. At that time, I didn’t had a diagnosis and I wasn’t allowed to be myself (and already aware of it). I could only decide that I could watch, hear and touch and when something had a particular symbolism to me or was simply beautiful it was horrible to loose it… And throwing something I had for long, cutting the tree of the garden, give away an old t-shirt would mean tear a part of myself, to risk feeling regret (I hate this feeling), to accept that the world is changing and that I may never feel the things I like again…
And nobody understands that moving to another place even six months later is very difficult to me.
Thank you for writing this, I feel less alone =)
Anonymous says
I always have done thought I was just over sensitive x
AML says
This is SO good! Yes I’m an adult, female with ASD that “feels” for objects. I have since childhood. For things all around me. As an adult I’ve gotten better and separating my real feelings from those I assume, especially from inanimate objects.
I’d make sure to take turn what stuffed animal, car, or ROCK I took out with me, set on display or played with. I felt horrible for my FOOD if I didn’t eat it all,(this bean has spent it’s whole life waiting to be someone’s food and now it’s the one I’m leaving on my plate for the trash and won’t ever get that chance). My world would crash if something broke and the decision was made (not by me) to discard it. (I pulled many, many things from the garbage to save them because I was so sad for them and how they must be “feeling”.
I’d love to find out more about this. So far my research has lead to the same conclusions you have in this post.
Lindsay says
I’m 32 and female. I have been this way my whole life. Your article is the first time I realized that it might be because I’m an aspie and it’s not an everyone kind of thing.
Kristen says
I am 35 years old and I still feel sorry for things that get left out of thrown away It does affect me almost daily.
Katie says
I am the same way (am also autistic) and see it as a very positive thing. I see it as being heightened empathy which many autistics have. Yes it hurts me a lot but it also makes me more sensitive to other beings. It makes me a better person. It makes me treat the environment better and appreciate things, so that I treat my things well and don’t just throw them out and unnecessarily pollute the environment like so many consumerists do. It makes me a vegan so that I don’t pay for or contribute in any way to violence towards animals. I think many autistic traits are here because we can make the world a better place. Let’s see them in a positive light and use them to do good in the world. We can make a difference 🙂
Anonymous says
I am 50 years old and have very strong connections to things. Empathy for inanimate objects combined with my always feeling like someone might need x makes it very difficult to get rid of anything. If someone needs or loves something, I’ll gladly give it to them, but it’s like I have to know it will go to a good home.
Anonymous says
I had this all the time as a child. I was never diagnosed clinically with anything but it was debilitating and I felt I had to hide the same constant feelings you describe above all the time. Once I actually embraced and allowed myself to explore them and have relationships with the things I cared about, I realized it was my way of allowing my emotional expression to be seen and witnessed by “who/what” felt safest to me. Feelings were unwelcome in my household and as feeling humans our system MUST let those move. Once I did that and stopped judging myself it got better for me. Now as psychic and energy healer I see the gift in it. I find I can tune into other people as I have now learned to include people amongst those I do this with. It is my belief that autism, and other disorders of the mind, heart or whatever people choose to label it are truly those of us with additional gifts or parts of ourselves open and all we need is guidance to explore our relationship with that piece of who we are. I love that you shared this and hope it is helpful.
Anonymous says
Never been diagnoses with either and I feel that way
Anonymous says
Absolutely! I’m 45 and I do have this and always have had it. I feel sad for things or I worry if “things” might “feel” lonely. I’m even “worried” the lonely spoon in the dishwasher might be “scared” if it’s in a compartment all by itself so I rather wash it up if there’s nothing else to “give it company”. Now I recognise that this is somewhat mad and when I say “I worry”, this is probably going a bit far – it’s not like it keeps me up at night, but I do very much notice it. Teddies, soft toys or little hard toys when I was a child. All living things, naturally, so someone putting a nail into a tree to hang up a sign would leave me devastated. People killing insects (wasps, spiders etc) because they are a nuisance… I can rationally understand that this upsets me as they only have one life (presumably), but feeling sorry for the cable that’s trapped painfully with and squeezed so it can pass through the non-existing space between the window pane and the window frame to get power outside on the balcony? It pains me! Then there’s another side of the madness to it – when I hurt myself by walking into a chair (doh!), I almost want to punish the chair for it!! Anyway – I perfectly understand this post and it’s funny how it hit a nerve with me. I am not sure whether I am autistic but I certainly recognise many traits of autism in myself – I guess that’s where the word spectrum comes in. I suspect I wouldn’t fit the criteria to be medically diagnosed. I know a bit about autism as my daughter (non-biological, I should add) is on the spectrum, although she’s also not “classically” autistic. Anyway – this certainly was an interesting read and I enjoyed pondering on it for a little while and feeling perhaps a little less weird knowing that other people have similar feelings and sympathy (or empathy)! Good luck. x
Anonymous says
I’m a 47 yr old Autistic woman who has always been an Animist. If imbuing the world with personality helps me relate to it, why not go with it?? It did take me years to get over the sadness I felt for, and attachment to, certain stuffed animals; but I attribute that more to my lonely, abusive and isolated childhood than my neurology.
Michela says
Yeah I’m the same and I’m now 36 and still do it.
One example is when I’m shopping with my Mum and we need a tin of beans but there are two so I have to get both so the other isn’t left alone.
Nice to know I’m not alone in this.
Anonymous says
I’m autistic but not OCD; this has been me for as long as I can remember. Felt desperately sorry for the toys that got left out, or the book that hadn’t been borrowed from the library for two years.
Anonymous says
I’ve always felt sorry for stuffed animals or dolls/action figures that get “hurt” or thrown/dropped for some reason. I usually treat them gently as if they had actual feelings. Even though I know they don’t, I still feel guilty if I feel they are treated unfairly. I am not on the spectrum, but my children are.. Im a grown woman and still feel empathy for toys.
Kat says
My son does this! In school he couldn’t do an art project because he didn’t want to hurt a cardboard box by cutting it. He says he believes everything has feelings. He shows ocd tendency and is in the final stages of being diagnosed with asd.
Barbara says
You have no idea how happy you make me feel knowing that I’m not mad by talking to a very special Teddy I have, apologising to him for putting him in a cupboard so no one sees that I have him still, after all I’m 61, well educated, retired successful business woman. I’m diagnosed as Bipolar but truly believe I’m misdiagnosed.
Anonymous says
Oh my word, I thought I was the only person who had this!! As a girl, I always felt really upset for any doll I hadn’t played with for ages and feel guilty, same with lots of things. I cut a dolls hair once and then cried all afternoon as I did a bad job. I’ve recently moved house after developing a hoarding tendency, was so hard to part with a lot of things. My son has ASD and doesn’t seem to have this but at 16, he still gets his favourite cuddly rabbit to have conversations with me. My daughter, seems to be experiencing this a bit as she is just really getting into playing with her dolls.
Anonymous says
When I was a kid this happened to me all the time, and I would try hard to keep everything included and couldn’t bear putting anything in the bin. I used to goddess batteries under the bed. But I haven’t got that problem anymore, but I still hate getting rid of anything.
Anonymous says
Omg you have no idea how much this resonates with me and my son. He gets upset about things being left out like teddies or even leaving one yoghurt in the fridge on its own
Julie says
I’ve done this all my life, especially when I was little. I’m the person who buys the squashed Xmas tree and broken decorations, and rescues ancient, battered looking teddy-bears with no eyes and almost no fur left at collectors fairs. I am autistic. 🙂
Anonymous says
Yes 2 of my children are the same and they’re both on the spectrum. My son would save his jelly sweets and chocolate in the shape of people or animals saying he couldn’t hurt them. Sometimes he’d eat an arm or leg if he really wanted it but he’d always feel really guilty and never finish them. He’s still the same now and he’ll be 19 next week
Anja says
I am a 51 year old aspie and to this day I can´t see a naked doll because they must be cold.. Injured plush animals, get a band aid. Whenever I got a new plush animal, I took extra care not to neglect the older ones because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. I also have a hard time parting from objects and still have most of my childhood buddies. Rather than OCD I think it´s exaggerated empathy.
Anonymous says
I wonder if it’s connected to our mirror neurons. We seem highly connected to our imagined activity and I can actually feel the effect of an imagined event. When I think about things I care about, perhaps the mirror neuron response is so strong, it is attached to things in the same way it attaches to imagined activities/events/dreams. I say this because of some research into this arena (mirror neurons in monkeys) and also the connection I have to my dreaming. This is where I can become completely overwhelmed about a dream. I wake feeling its terrible/brilliant happenings have actually occurred but knowing they haven’t. This is perhaps personification combined with a mirror neuron response?
Carl Hartman says
Thomas the Tank Engine is not real. Gumby? Sponge Bob? How many people do we know that talk about their love for trees, flowers, or nature and actually see them with human qualities?
We learn most of our emotional patterns during the development of the amygdule in the brain around ages 2-6. Normally, we acquire these emotions based on subjective and erroneous interpretations of our interpersonal reactions. These are learned patterns / addictions. Our interpersonal interactions will trigger our genetic make up and what kind of ADHD or ASD we have. (It is called “Interpersonal Biogenesis” or epigenetics)
Interpersonal interactions trigger emotional reactions which triggers behaviors. That is the cycle. All behaviors have a source emotional trigger.
Emotional attachments that are unhealthy are addictions and can be broken.
I have ASD and ADHD and I am a business consultant for people with ADHD and Autism. I have a consulting staff of some of the leading doctors in the country that are experts on the subject. This is not uncommon. I have had the same feelings when I was a child and occasionally as an adult. I know the triggers and have trained myself to reframe the feelings.
Lea says
Wow! I found out 2 years ago that I have Asperger’s and have experienced this form of OCD or synesthesia all my life (along with other pronounced forms of synesthesia as well. I had no idea other people felt that way too. For me it’s animals, insects plants and basically anything inanimate too. The perfect example of it is the Ikea commercial with the lamp sitting sadly on the curb in the rain, I was haunted by that commercial and that perfectly represents how I feel about my stuff. It makes it so difficult to get rid of old household items that are no longer useful. I almost feel as though they are crying when I give them to the Goodwill and will miss my house -as ridiculous as that seems, if feels like I’m giving away a beloved pet or child. God forbid I run into my belongings on a future trip to the goodwill because I have to fight myself from buying my things back to “save them from strangers”. It sounds silly tome as I write this but it’s something I’ve suffered with for as long as I can remember. I finally reprogrammed myself to feel less anxious about giving things away by continuously reminding myself that my things will go to someone who will need/cherish them as much as I did. Feeling that they will go out into the world to help someone who needs them has helped me quite a bit to let go and now I’ve gotten quite good about giving clothes and books away, Thanks so much for posting this article, it’s been quite revelatory for me!
Anonymous says
My 8 year-old grandson treats his stuffed animals like real animals…..the real animals he treats more like toys. This has always perplexed me. He does have high-functioning autism.
Anonymous says
My son & I both have autism; I am a polytropic & he a monotropic. In either case, we both experience the same thing as you describe. Furthermore, we are told we are empathy and thus why we experience what we do. Your thoughts?
Anonymous says
Yes!! I form “relationships” and attachments to things instead of people. Always have. Today, I cried in therapy because my therapist bought a new chair and took out the old one.
Wanda says
My two children who are on the Autism spectrum do this same thing.. it makes it very hard for them to choose something in the store or something that someone is letting them choose between because they feel like everything that they are leaving behind is sad. They have meltdowns all the time because of this. It makes them so upset. Then we have to deal with peoples comments because they just see an eleven and thirteen year old crying for something and say how they are too old to cry for things, they don’t realize the struggle that they are having.
Michelle S. says
All things have feelings – and yes, most autistic people I know happen to have strong empathic responses to objects. That I think is because we are strong in situational empathy, and therefore do not differentiate based on what is giving us social cues, and what isn’t.
Anonymous says
I feel sad for the single noodle that falls out of the pan. I *have* to take another noodle out so it won’t be alone….
Anonymous says
My 11 year old son does this too. He also attributes blame and motivation eg if he bumps into the wall he gets cross at the wall and blames and gets cross at it as though it were a person who deliberately hit him. He has a toy seal that he’s carried around with him since he was 2, but recently he played with another toy cat and then felt bad all afternoon as he was sure seal would have felt left out.
Anonymous says
All those Nintendogs left wondering when their owners will return to feed, clean, walk & train them… I’m sure my girls hid/threw the games cos of me sat frantically trying to juggle the care of nine dogs that they’d grown bored of. & cos of the lectures I gave them on responsibilities
Christina says
I do yes. I don’t this it’s unique to autistic people. Have you read he velveteen rabbit, the toy soldier, other stories. Perhaps autistic people just feel emotions more deeply.I’m autistic as well.
Ivanova smith says
I have deep affect for my little plushy wookies I carry with me. I definitely relate with this. It why it hard for me to donate old things and replace things.
Rachael says
My 10 year old daughter feels this way about all her things. Especially her teddies.
Anonymous says
My daughter is 8 and feels the same as yourself i understand x
Anonymous says
I’m not autistic but have this too. I have to move plates to the top of the pile because I’m sure that they’re sad that they’re not being used regularly. And please don’t get me started on cuddly toys. I told another ASD mum that I’m friends with and she just thought I was mad.
Anonymous says
Me too!! So thankful to have read this!
Lynnette Hartwig says
When I was 11-13, my best friend was a ceramic bank I kept on my dresser. In fact, I kept that bank, shaped like a little fat man with the words ‘money hungry’ on his chest and his mouth a slot for coins (which I never put in, because that would be disrespectful).
I arrange pillows and things on shelves so they won’t get jealous of each other for different treatment.
When pencils get short, I retire them respectfully for their good service in a drawer; I have small pencils that are over 40 years old and carried through 5 moves. Some may even be from my own high school years. I feel LOVE when I look at a small pencil. Literally. Their unselfish sacrifice tugs at my heart. It feels exactly like looking at a cute puppy.
I feel bad for papers and things that are curled up; I’m compelled to try to straighten them out because I think it hurts. If they come in the mail like that I must remove them immediately and flatten out, even if I don’t yet have a place for them. Better they take up my only kitchen table for 2 weeks than remain in the tube. Right now I have a map and a print lying on my office floor until I can get them framed. Other people would roll them up or would never have unrolled them. I walk around them.
I like free-range music on the radio rather than music that is my personal slave on CDs, tapes, or recordings on the phone. Sure, there are songs I would like to hear more often, but getting it as a slave song and listening to it whenever I like takes the joy out of it. I do have some CDs and songs on my phone–usually gifts or the result of gift cards–and listening to them on ‘random’ makes it a bit less guilt-inducing.
I resent not finding a radio station that plays Christmas songs in December because then my only recourse is to play slave CDs.
I have two pillows in bed and I make an effort to use both of them equally. If I grab one and think, oh, I used this one the last two nights, I remove it and get the other.
Lynnette Hartwig says
I’m 62. Had I been born into a non-poor family in a good school district, plus 20 years later, I would have been labeled with Asperger’s. I was also savant in several aspects, such as being able to diagnose car problems at 12 and remembering literally everything. Because that photographic memory was too much, overwhelming, I had behaviors to reduce input: talking incessantly when around people, losing my temper simply so I could leave. I turned to reading because I could meter input. I read through every class when the teacher would allow it; by experience, when no one could answer one of her questions and she cast her eye about, odds were good she’d yell at me to put the book away, so whenever there was even a slight pause/no answer, I’d raise my hand and answer it. Always correct. If it was either in the textbook or she had said it, I knew the answer.
Nobody liked me in school, especially the teachers. No one advanced me, no one gave me any attention. I was a poor kid who bathed once a week and had 5 changes of clothes. To them, it was ‘lucky guess’ every time.
I became an Engineer and had a good life. But woe to anyone who shared my job title, because within the first year on the job I was assigned all the truly difficult stuff and the problems they had tried to solve but couldn’t. I learned 4 different 3D CAD systems at 3 companies and was faster than my co-workers at each. But I was a designer only 12 years of my career; most of the time I did cutting edge new product project management and multi-million dollar installations. People loved working for me; managers hated me. Out of perhaps 3 dozen major projects, they all came in on time and in budget. So managers knew I could do their jobs too.
People who became my friends are very tolerant; they also are just fine with not hearing from me for 6 months, then picking it up like it was last week. A sliver of humans. I see people who get together with a friend once a week, but that seems oppressive to me. Maybe I’d like it, but I don’t know.
A good article on masking the symptoms was written a few months ago. I saved it; someday I’ll give it to my son, now 25, so he can understand his childhood. Once he was asked if he’d characterize his childhood as over-protected or neglected, and after pondering it for half a minute, said ‘both.’ You hadda be there to realize the truth of that.
Ruth says
I am a 37 yo female in the US diagnosed with Aspergers (or High Functioning Autism nowadays). When I was a child and my mom would take me to the store and we would go through the toy isle I could pick out one toy. I always wanted a stuffed animal and remember *very* distinctly that I gave her a hard time about choosing not because I was being a brat who wanted more things but because of an overwhelming sense of sympathy I felt for the little animals on the shelf. I wanted to save them and give them a safe home as if they were shelter animals. I would also bring my favorites with me on the way to school in the morning to save them from a potential house fire (nevermind that a car accident was more likely). In adulthood I’ve managed that better but I will say that there was an organizational book about decluttering your home (Marie Kondo’s The life-changing magic of tidying-up) that *really* worked for me because the premise of deciding what to keep/giveaway/pitch was centered around *was the item happy with the way I was storing it/using it* was is fulfilling its purpose? Was the sweater happy being wadded up in the bottom of the drawer? That concept *really* worked for me to decide what was ‘best’ for the item and myself.
Anonymous says
I used to feel sorry for sweet wrappers that I had to discard!
Anonymous says
Hi I’m 46 and female., undiagnosed But yes I have that for objects, as a child it was teddies or dolls, or anything really, I’m just learning about myself as in Iv not really being aware of myself fir many years, just knew I was different but didn’t realise how many trates of mine belong to the autism. As an adult I’m a tidy horder but I find it really difficult to get rid of stuff. I can find a empathy reason to keep everything and I mean everything. I remember putting all my teddies in my bed and I’d be in the floor, my mum would come In and find me on the floor and she would chuck my teddies on the floor and put me to bed, I used to devastated and couldn’t understand why she would do that. Poor mum she didn’t know. But I also have the colour number thing. I match days months to colours and I can’t even go there with the numbers How I can program a phone number in my head, it’s done on a number scale between 0 and 10. when Iv tried to explain that one to people, I’m sure you can imagine there faces . What’s really sad is that people think I’m hard but I’m soooo sensitive, well inside I am anyway. Hope that’s helps.
Anon says
I have no traits of OCD, only Aspergers, and i get this. It used to make decision-making very difficult! I think autistics are often empaths, and this is where this trait is rooted. For me, as a child, the world around me was in such a depth of focus that I couldn’t properly take in all that was around me, or movement and happenings, but objects, one or a few at a time, would fill my awareness so that everything around the things i was focused on would sort of fade into the background. I would be taken up with the sensations; the smell, the texture, the weight, the warmth or coolness, the sound (I recognised pillows by the sound they made when pressed, for example), details such as the outline of individual fibres on a plush toy as the light shone on it. I think this hyper-awareness of inanimate objects is what led to imbuing them with a projected sense of personality. People moved too fast and I couldn’t make meaning out of what they did, but objects could be known fully.
Anonymous says
When I was young (a child, up until I was a tween, early teen) I had this really bad. I remember standing at the counter doing dishes, doing it carefully in the right order and way to make sure no one (of the dishes and cutlery) felt “left out”, and thinking to myself, this is going to really become a problem for me. So I consciously started … Idk, “soothing” myself in my head, talking myself down from feeling distraught, and did this for a long time anytime I realized I was attributing feelings to objects. It helped, I brought down the intensity of it. But I still feel it sometimes, it never completely left me. I also have a small tendency to OCD. I noticed it a few years later (when I was in my 20s), and again thought, this could end up controlling me, so I focused on letting go. It was hard, but I brought it down a bit.
TATIANA says
It’s the first time I’ve realised there are some people who feel more or less the same as I do. I live in the country where the psychiatrists (officially) don’t accept autism for adults, but I self-diagnosed myself as suffering from Aspergers’ syndrome several years ago. I share most feelings which were described in replies to this article. I also can’t persuade myself that some “unanimate” objects are actually not alive.
There’re two basic categories of these objects for me: soft toys and stones. I have a small collection of stuffed animal toys (I’m 37) and I feel inside my soul they have emotions and feelings and relations with each other. I can’t convince myself to see it otherwise, so I stopped trying long ago. I really love my toys more than some people (e.g. distant relatives, who I saw 2-3 times in my life). My toys are dearer to me than most people on our planet. The other category is stones, rocks, mountains. I believe they are alive too, they’re living their life inside, just their tempo is really slow. Also I’ve always believed trees and plants are animated objects and that flowers which have been cut down for bouquets are “dead”. I don’t like the idea of these flowers in my house.
I’d like to share one episode of my life. A couple of years ago I was passing by a house not far from mine and I noticed a small soft tiger without eyes left on the bench as a give-away (this is normal practice in our neighbourhood). I was so sorry for the poor tiger, I took it home, washed it, bought glass eyes in a sewing shop and glued them onto its head. This little tiger is a part of my collection now, and I have doubts about how it gets on with other toys, but I believe they all will be fine.
Reading this article and replies to it has also made me think a lot. What if the wooden chest of drawers has also got feelings? Why do I get so scared and ready to cry if my husband hits some things when he gets angry? Why do dolls (especially nude baby dolls) make me scared and uncomfortable? Thanks a lot for the article, it was really a breakthrough for me in my attempts to understand myself.
Jo says
I came across this article because I’ve been crying for 12 hours today over a large tree in my yard that was accidentally trimmed too far. I love this tree and I’m miserable because I believe it’s sad, hurting, or scared after one of its main branches was cut. The trimmer says the tree will keep growing just fine, but to me it must be suffering emotional damage.
I’m 30 years old, and no one seems to understand what I’m going through over this tree. It’s certainly not the first time this has happened–like most of the people in the comments, I’ve been doing this my whole life over inanimate things. My heart just breaks for them. Because of that, I collect stuffed toys and keep them all on shelves so they can feel happy and safe.
Thank you for writing this and thank you to everyone who has shared stories in the comments. It makes me feel validated and less alone.
Orli says
Hi everyone,
I found this post and all of the stories in the comments to be truly moving and inspiring.
As part of my master’s dissertation project at UCL, I am conducting a study that looks into personal experiences of anthropomorphism (or personification) – a common human tendency, which seems to vary greatly from one person to another – and surprisingly, has received very little attention in research.
I’m looking for participants (with and without autism) who would be willing to share their personal experiences (identifying details would remain anonymous, of course).
If you’re over 18 and English is your first language, and think you may want to take part, I would be happy to chat to you and hear about your experiences!
Please contact me via email at o.negri.16@ucl.ac.uk
Many thanks 🙂
Orli
Rachel says
I don’t have autism but I am OCD among a few other things. I have always felt as if inanimate objects had feelings, but I also have a tendency to break things in anger. So by effect I feel like I’ve killed something in anger. I could tell stories about objects and guilt all day lol.
Orli says
Hi Rachel!
We’re looking at experiences of people with and without autism, so would be very happy to chat and hear your stories! Please contact me via email (address above), or via the site that would come up if you click on my name, and I can provide more information, or answer any question you may have.
Thank you very much!
Orli says
My apologies – I can’t put the site or my email address in the comment, but you can reach it by clicking my name 🙂 Thanks!
Adelaide says
Reading all these comments breaks my heart. I’m just sobbing. I had no idea there were others like me.
For a long time I took a antidepressant. It really helped me. But now I’m pregnant and I had to stop taking it. And my overwhelming sadness and guilt over uneaten food, lost toys etc…. it’s all come screaming back.
I hope that this doesn’t get passed on to my child. I believe my mom has the same issue but is able to hide it better than me.
Laura says
I am 18/19 and I feel exactly the same. It makes me want to cry sometimes because it takes so much out of you. you try and explain it to people and they think you’re joking and say you’re weird and you just let it go. I was doing the post today at work and had a pile of rubber bands on my desk. one band I used around the letters and the rest in the rubber band ball I have made to keep my desk tidy. I then almost broke down in tears over not knowing wether to put the last rubber band with the other around the mail in case it got lonely but then I thought maybe it was young or insecure and wanted to go with the others. I felt like it was crying and I ended up holding this bad next to both piles going back and forth to determine which felt better. This is just one of the many things every day. Sometimes I can put it to the back of my mind and other times I can’t and I feel horrible in case I make the wrong choice. I’m always anxious and I just need to know it’s not just me?
Darsh Mittal says
Hi Laura! I am 15 and I too have the same feeling for inanimate objects. I remember am incident when I was 7 or 8, I had a soft ball which had a smiley face on it which I used to play with a lot. Then suddenly one day I lost the ball and then I felt so sad. Not because I lost it, but because how abandoned the ball must be feeling. I cried for the next 3 days in my sleep. I imagined how the smiley face slowly became a frowning one.
After a week my uncle found the ball and gave it back. I was so relieved and happy. Even after 8 years I still have the ball kept in the cupboard. I’m sure you could relate to this!
Just remember you’re not the only one with such feelings for inanimate objects! Even I thought I was probably the only one, but the moment I saw this thread, I realized that there are a lot more people just like us!
Angela Kirk-ashby says
I used to have a mobo pony made of tin. I loved it played with it. It was a child’s Walker. When it disappeared, my parents doing, I was bereft. Not living in a happy family, he was my best friend.
When I saw him in my cousins field, as part of a jump, it took every ounce of control not to run and collect him.
Darsh Mittal says
Hi! I’m 15 and I feel the same way and find this article really relatable! Even I have this sympathy for any non living object ranging from my pillows to any thing that my parents throws away including a piece of paper. I always feel sad whenever I throw away a wrapper of anything as I feel it may feel sad as it has kept the item inside it safe and in the end, it just gets thrown away. I have same feelings for food as I feel it must be feeling sad that I’m just eating it. I feel sad whenever I see my room in a mess and just think about how all my things must be misplaced and are in a bundle making them feel suffocated. I feel sympathy even for other people. I mean to say for example I get a cut, and it starts bleeding. I just feel sad for the cells that were working hard and then get crushed. I feel sad for my blanket which is not folded properly. Just looking at it crumpled hurts me from the inside. I feel sad if I left my speaker on by mistake and feel how the speaker just kept on playing without anyone listening to it.
This feeling often makes me over think about everything and often causes my to be depressed and this also reduces my social life with others and hence I always feel alone. Whenever I see anyone tagging me in a photo or just sending a message, I feel how they have taken their time to send me a message.
This is a feeling for which I’ve never been able to find the courage to tell anyone about. Many people may find this weird and may find me mad but this is how I feel and there’s nothing really I can do about it. However after coming to this site I actually realized that I’m not the only one who has similar feeling for non living things.
Thanks for Reading!
Darsh
Brittany S. says
As a young child, I vividly remember accidentally letting go of a balloon at a park. I was immediately overcome with horror as I watched it slowly drift higher and higher until I couldn’t see it anymore. I started crying, and had a meltdown that my parents still like to bring up now and again. But, I wasn’t crying because I lost the balloon, I was crying because I was so scared for it. My understanding of physics was about as limited as any three-year-old’s, so I assumed the balloon would continue to go up and up and up into outer space and then infinitely from there. And that thought, to my autistic hyperempathetic toddler self was probably the most horrifying thing I could think of. I remember feeling remorse for months that I had let it go, ultimately sending it to its demise. I still get a little anxious at the thought.
Jim says
When I was 8 I lost a pair of pyjamas at the swimming pool (remember when they used to make us swim in clothes). I was distraught for about a year, constantly wondering where they were, if they were ok, had they been burned at the refuse site, how can I get them back. Every waking moment was haunted by this loss, My stomach still churns when I think about it. I also once found out my mum had sent a baby carry thing to the jumble sale, one that I used to be carried around in but had never seen – I went to the jumble sale and spent all of my pocket money buying it back and hid it under my bed! Attachment to inanimate objects goes with the territory.
Carol Green says
Much of the comment here has a similar theme: that the sympathy is for an object left out, ignored, or uncared for. As an autistic adult, I can attest that much of my life I have been left out, ignored or uncared for one way or another. I feel that the way other people treat me is entirely out of my own control. I believe this feeling may be due to you projecting your feelings of isolation and not being cared for or understood onto objects, because your experience of the world may make you feel as though you are treated more like an object than a living, feeling being, so you have the greatest empathy for something derided, rejected, discarded, ignored or treated exactly as though it has no feelings. I know I certainly feel similarly about being treated like a thing, even though I do not share your empathy with things. Hope this makes sense. The key is projection and I believe a good therapist would be able to explain this better.
Yashar Mikaeily says
Read all of it Maybe helps!
Hi im 17 and i feel the the exact way you feel to my opinion all other normal people that doesnt have this issue have the same feelings but not to the objects. They have these strong feelings to the other people like friend or family members. And i think that all these problems starts from the point when you are too young to remember when something bad happens and you lost the communication to the people around you im too shy to say that but i think circumcision have damaged my mind when i was too young (75 percent of people with autism are male and most of the posters here are male too) then i have cutted my trust to anyone in my mind and the objects have became my closest friend. Just Think about it . Sorry too long and bad english
Posted from IRAN
molly says
i was searching the web for this feeling and i’m seriously surprised that there are people that can relate. ever since i was a kid i remember this feeling. i was at the thrift store when i was about 5 and there was this golden, metallic bear that everyone kept calling ugly. i begged my mother to get it for me and was crying because i felt so bad for it. i wanted to love it on my own so it wouldn’t be sad anymore. i’ve kept so many broken toys and collected so many things. but the past two times i’ve moved(i’m 16 and neither moves were my choice, they were both very rushed and caused me high anxiety), i’ve lost more and more of my things and whenever i think of it or a specific object it makes me very upset. i think of where it could be now and how i was so incredibly foolish to let it go. i think of it sitting alone, broken in some landfill. i’ve lost so much. another thing that i don’t know if others experience is hating to go into stores due to all the stuff. seeing the objects and products makes me wonder how many don’t get bought and how much is wasted. it makes me feel incredibly sad. it also makes it even worse when i see people carelessly bashing cheaper products and making fun of them. i know there are people out there who can appreciate cheaper objects, such as me. i’ve never seen a cheaper object and laughed at it, it only makes me feel deeply sad and helpless, especially when i have no money to purchase and use it. i’m sorry that this isn’t a very good description but it’s something that troubles me on a daily basis. i’m glad i found this page.
Gena says
I always thought I was the only one who experienced this! I make sure that my children’s stuffed animals have room to “breathe” when stored, so I store them in a mesh bag. Here’s one I haven’t heard anyone else say but I experience every week when grocery shopping…….I feel bad for the shopping cart that’s left outside in the cold!
Isabel says
Thanks for sharing this, I’ve been searching for this in spanish, but dind’t found anything, and today I discovered all these comments.
I feel the sameof course much stronger with animals, then plants I touch them, kiss them and love them.
And also with things, I can´t see stuffed toys destroyed or thrown away, I still love mines and….yes….I’ll recognice it I’m 45….shame on me.
I talk with things, Sometimes I caresse them and many times I ask them for forgiveness when I tumble over them.
I don’t know if that’s a disorder, it’s an excess of sensitivity or a projection of the feelings we don’t have in a human beeing devoted to other things.
Thanks
H.J.M. says
It’s interesting to me that so many people have responded to this post. I’ve felt sorry for inanimate objects my entire life. As a kid I had a book entitled “Katy the Kitten.” Our plane had just lifted off the ground for a week’s vacation when I realized I’d left the book on the backseat of our family car! I was in tears thinking about how lonely the kitten would be all by itself, with no one to talk to. I was heart-broken. But, was I crying over the inanimate object (book)? Or, rather the kitten (inanimate object)? I distinctively remember crying over the image of the kitten, not the book itself. They’re both inanimate….but in my mind, it was definitely the kitten being left alone that bothered me. Thanks to all of you who shared!
NC says
HJM. I’ve just read what you wrote about the book you left behind and I relate to this in more ways than you can imagine. Worst thing is it’s continued into my adulthood (I’m now 55). I feel stupid just writing this, but only this year I threw away a broken kitchen utensil I’d been using for years. It was a conscious effort of will to put it in the dustbin and having done so I felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt and sadness, like I’d betrayed a best friend. Where does that come from? I’ve scoured my memories trying to work out if there’s an event in my past that’s caused me to feel this way but nothing. I’m a rational person and I know I’m attributing “feelings” to an inanimate object, but I can’t stop doing it. I’m just relieved to know I’m not alone.
Rachel says
Hi…I just want to thank you for writing this piece. I had no idea this was a thing that more than a handful of people felt. My earliest memory of this dysphoria was with stuffed animals as a child. I had a lot of them, but I would rotate through them and never admit that I liked some more than others for fear of hurting their feelings. I remember holding back tears for an ice cream cone that fell on the ground. I’m 29 now and I am so distressed by these sensations. I am so relieved to see that I’m not alone.
H.J.M. says
Absolutely! I can totally relate.
Dee says
My 9 year old son has synasthesia, he sees days of the week as colours. He is also believes his inanimate objects have feelings, and will become hysterical if I throw out or try to sell old toys.
Chloe says
I am 20 and I have this exact problem. Something so simple as a pen no longer working I feel so bad throwing it away of if I grab something and such as a swab at work and I drop it and I have to chuck it away I feel sick that it hasn’t even been able to do it’s job and I have had to throw it away. Its driving me crazy I can’d do anything without feeling bad as if I have left it out :'( I have never been diagnosed with Autism or anything of the like but I am quite worried after reading all of these comments. Is this something I should investigate or speak to a doctor about?
Chloe
Jordan says
OH MY GOSH, YES! I have this problem REALLY bad, i’m 17, and as long as I remember, I have felt like inanimate objects had feelings, or could feel pain, like, I pretty much felt to me like EVERYTHING was a sentient being, however, instead of feeling sad, I feel the way it would be appropriate if a human being were in the place of the object, such as, tonight, my mom went to Farm Fresh, and they were selling little 1 dollar plush farmer toys, my mom bought one for my dog, at first I was perfectly fine with it, put then my dog ripped it in a few spots, and I started sweating like CRAZY, about a minute later my dog had completely ripped the toy’s head off (oh my gosh i’m tearing up while typing this) I continued to be fine, except I felt nauseous, and needed to look at the ceiling while walking past my dog, one time I forgot about it and saw the now eviscerated remains of the plush toy, I ran to the bathroom and “lost my dinner,” my mom had to drive back to farm fresh to buy me one of the plush toys, that I am now protecting from my dog upstairs, I get sad when looking at it because it has a happy, innocent look on it’s face and all I can think is “Oh my God, how am I supposed to tell him that my dog killed his brother?!?”
Terry says
I am researching this condition for my 16 yr. old son. He has been dealing with intrusive thoughts for a year or so but just recently he says he worries that objects feel pain. He feels guilty if he tears a sheet of paper out of a notebook, for instance. He is on the mild side of the autism spectrum. I read through most of these posts and have learned a great deal about this but I didn’t see any discussion about treatments. Has anyone had any success treating this?
Thanks for the article and all the posts!
Keight says
Wow! Others who feel the same??! JACKPOT!
I am very much like all of you. I am 43 and have been this way since day dot. What is interesting is my 11yo son, just last month, told me he ate his last biscuit in his lunch box because he felt sad for it. It was all alone. Left out and he needed to eat it simply because he could not cope with it alone.
Mike says
Ive had that fealing for objects for as long i can remember.
I still keep my soft teddies on my bed cause if i would put them away id feel terrible like they have feelings.
Last week i had forgot my lunch box at work with some leftover chicken and i felt terrible knowing i had to throw the lunch box away, i atempted to clean it but realised what i was doing and i just had to trash it.
Im feeling sad writing this but thats life i guess.
I am 22y/o diagnosed with ADD/Aspbergers
Cary M. says
I am 62, and have not been diagnosed with either autism or OCD. I do indeed suffer from worry over inanimate objects: I pick up paperclips, etc. from the sidewalk, I rescue pencils from the trash at work when they have been sharpened down to stubs. I have worried about this unusual trait, so I am encouraged by the responses to this post. Thank you.
Glenna says
I’m not an adult yet but I do have pervasive developmental disorder and this has affected me since a very young age and it really helps to see that other people understand what it’s like if I touch something but I wanted the other thing I can’t get the one I wanted because it will hurt the feelings of the thing I just picked up. And I can’t have anyone move anything in my room because they’re all going to think I don’t love them anymore but I do! I probably sound insane, but it’s how I feel and I’m afraid I will never be able to get over this and it makes me worried about how I will be once I graduate and live on my own.
Emma L. says
When I’m walking around at school, or anywhere really, I might see a rock on the ground. Or a stick. I’ll try to walk past it, but I’m already thinking about this: if I don’t pick up this stick, it will never be picked up. It will never be found by me again, never be singled out as that one stick I didn’t pick up. It will be long gone. Blown away in a storm, brutally shredded by a lawnmower. At that point I don’t care how crazy I look. I’ve walked like 20 yards away from it now. I will run back to that stick and put it in my pocket. I’m almost in tears at the point I grab it and run away. Many people don’t talk to me, I pick up every acorn by an oak tree. I’ve never considered the possibility of me having autism. I suffer from Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, Dermatillomania, Scopophobia, And the Depression which I’ve recently gotten over, but will probably come back when I start high school in a month. I had no idea this was an actual disorder! I know that reading this won’t stop my problem, but I feel so much better that there’s a really good handful of others that understand 😀
Colin R. says
I do it at 50. Not as much as when younger and before meds, but if the anxiety is high and I can’t shake it off quickly, I’ll start looking for a place to cry. Meds are pretty good but I doubt I’ll ever feel real joy again, which makes me want to cry too. Lol
With the right Dr. you’ll be able to overcome the crippling compulsions, which are riding on the anxiety subway.
My Doc thinks that GAD has always been my problem. I always thought that anxiety sounded like nonsense, but calling it something else doesn’t make it any more real.
True says
Reading this made me so sad! I have always had this problem. Both of my parents have it too. I have avoided having children because I’ve always been afraid I would panthers trait on. I’m well-educated and have a good job, but I’ve never gotten over this.! The only thing that helped was anti-depressants, but when taking them, I was numb to everything. Inhale to repeat to myself “it’s ok. It doesn’t feel anything.” But it makes me sad to know my parents have the same issue.
golgiapp says
I never used to be able to eat animal shaped biscuits and would cry when other people did, I still get a lump in my throat when I think about an abandoned doll I wasn’t allowed to retrieve from the road (my dad dragged me away) and a special rock I found one day on the beach but lost, and that must have been almost 10 years ago. I can’t bring myself to throw away my many stuffed toys (though I’ve gotten less obsessed with keeping them comfortable and not having favourites). The weird choked feeling just hits in unexpected situations (I can’t deal with people personifying cars and stuff, because of the implications it would eventually have if a thing could break or run out ect., or talking about things suffering even in a joking way it freaks me out) but I can usually manage to numb it (I have to actively suppress the same feeling occasionally when eating meat), I don’t have autism, I do have suspected ADD and some anxiety nonsense.
Marvin says
First of all, I’m shocked! There are so many replies on this article! I didn’t really think that so many people would read such an article and actually respond to it, as having emotions for objects has always been pretty much….weird. And people would usually ignore it. Anyways: I know how you’re feeling. I have been feeling emotions for objects all my life, and sometimes I am able to ignore it, move on, and tell myself that that bottle getting kicked around by my friends is just a bottle and doesn’t have feelings. Or that the banana being mouldy because I didn’t eat it doesn’t feel sorry for itself, isn’t really sad, in fact it couldn’t even be happy in the first place, it’s just a fruit. But sometimes, it just doesn’t work like this.
I am having mild anger issues. So sometimes, it rarely occurs but it happens, I start kicking objects or punching things because I’m really angry on a person or the circumstances (mostly a person though) and I start crying and feeling sorry for the object afterwards, not the person, not myself, but the objects. Why did I punch that wall? Did it deserve it? I should’ve rather punched the person. But…did my fist deserve me to punch someone? Now it hurts. My poor fist. Oh no, I punched his nose and now it’s bleeding. Why did I do this? Does his nose really deserve that? It’s bleeding, oh my god, it’s probably crying now, why did I do this?
Thoughts like this make me think I’m crazy, but it happens…sometimes daily, sometimes not even once in a week. I am really surprised that this isn’t an officially recognised illnesss or disorder yet. I, we, have a problem and want to know how to fix it, but a psychologist would most likely simply laugh at us.
Marvin says
I have to add: I have not been diagnosed with autism (yet, I’m barely 17 years old), I randomly found this article because I’ve been searching Google for feelings, emotions towards objects, which I’ve always felt since I can remember. The younger I was, the stronger the feelings were, though.
I’d consider myself an introvert at most, but seriously autistic would be an exaggeration, even though I am a shy person that’s a bit more reserved and I’ll be honest, I have problems talking to people when I’m feeling uncomfortable (for example when I’m around lots of people who are not exactly my closest friends). But I wouldn’t say that I generally show typical autistic behaviour. So I’m really curious if any of you guys who actually haven’t been diagnosed with any kind of autism are feeling like I do.
Marvin says
What’s also pretty weird, I have emotions for body parts. Just the thought of punching someones stomach and damaging his organs makes me sad sometimes. They didn’t deserve it. But he did!
Kyle Munro says
I’m also barely 17 and have had the same issue all my life. I get so sad every time I see someone neglect or even just critisize an object. For some reason, I’m no where as sensitive towards people and it pisses me off because I sometimes get so sad about an object being tossed around that I start to cry. I’m a 6″ 185lb dude, and I know it sounds ridiculous but I just can’t control these emotions. Just like you, I was looking up what my condition is called. Pretty sure its Anthropomorphism but I just want help.
Alex says
Yes I’m the same, but I think I know why you only feel sorry for objects and not people.
Object are vulnerable. Objects serve us and do their very best for us without question. Theyr’e always there for us no matter what, Even if we treat them badly they will still be there for us..
People are none of these things. People are quite capable of looking after themselves and often do so at at the expense of others.
I could go on and on but it would take all day and more.
Sarah Serena says
Hi everyone,
I found this post so interesting as it is related entirely to my research project entitled ‘Personification an Autism’. As we all know, personification is ascribing human attributes to objects. In this forum, we notice that both adults with and without autism personify, which poses a question of how different the personification is? There has been recent concern from the autism community regarding how consistently personifying affects their daily lives. This has inspired me to conduct this research. Another aim is to determine whether or not personification is related to synaesthesia.
To aid in the research, I am inviting interested participants to complete an online survey. All information is private, and will be kept strictly confidential.
Your participation is greatly appreciated. https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/99RLLDV.
Bernie says
I hold memories in things. When the memory fades, The feeling is still attached. I think the problem you are looking for isn’t Synesthesia exactly as no two autism spectrum difficulties are the same but it does sound relatively close to Aphantasia as it isn’t what you do say when you try to describe what you experience but it is in what you don’t say because this is what you miss in experiencing. You will find the same with me. When I tell a story, In the story they will be something missing that one individual can see but another individual cannot. Whether this helps I dont know.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Bernie
That is very interesting. Ive never heard of Aphantasia. I am going to look into this thanks for the info.
Best wishes
Steve
adultswithautism.org.uk
Louise says
I’ve suffered these agonies since very young childhood. It’s hard to pass on or throw anything away, especially something with a face. It took me six reads of your first few lines to get over the sadness you describe so that I could read on. My sister isn’t autistic but she feels the same about things with faces, though not so much about things without. Her house is a lot tidier than mine and her life in general a lot more orderly.
jason404 says
I have not been diagnosed as autistic and I do not think I am, but my sister has asserted that I am to the rest of my family in the past. I was not happy with this, as I believe that I have more insight into other people’s feelings than her and more than most people.
I think that I have some mild autistic traits, and this is one of them. I do have feelings for certain objects and I find it hard to throw things away when they are no longer useful to me.
While I do not think this is as strong as it seems to be for others here, I feel this especially for objects that are made to bring happiness, like trinkets, toys, party paraphernalia, clothes (children’s especially), etc.
When they lie discarded and forgotten, it is sad. When they were never used or wasted, it is sadder. If they were of low quality, it seems sadder still, as though they were doomed from birth/manufacture.
Phil says
I am a 30 year old biomedical scientist, I have never been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum but I am a deeply anxious person, always second guessing people’s motives. I too have the innate involuntary ability to project personalities on to objects. In my case it’s soft toys, I suppose it must be the face. I have several different toys and would be genuinely heartbroken if I lost one. I am lucky to have found a girlfriend who is tolerant of it, she also indulges herself in this lifestyle too. We went for a walk in the woods several months ago and when we returned the the car it had started to rain and we noticed that there was a cuddly toy on the bench with no one in sight. It had been on the floor and was dirty but as much as I tried to resist the compulsion to “rescue” the cuddly bunny, the inevitable flow of emotions drove me to pick her (yes her) up within about 20 seconds and took her back, washed and dried her and now she is proudly (more importantly safely) sitting here with me now. I’ve decided that I’m not going to fight the urge anymore and just accept that I am a man who feels bad for lonely soft toys. You are NOT alone!
Megan says
I am so glad to find this thread. I want to know why I feel sorry for inantimate objects as well. Since I was a child my heart has been torn for stuffed animals.
Once when I was about 8 or 9 I visited a museum exhibit with a doll in an incubator. I could not bear the thought of that doll lying there all alone in the dark at night when the museum closed. I cried and cried. My dad asked why but I was too ashamed to say.
Later in life, through much introspection, I concluded that the doll represented me. A few years before the museum incident, I had spent a month in the hospital and felt very alone, especially at night.
So I think I was projecting my feelings on the doll, feelings of isolation and fear I had supressed while in the hospital.
(Sidenote: fast forward 30 years and I gave birth to a real baby girl whom I had to leave in an incubator for 15 days. Imagine how difficult that was.)
So my theory is that we project onto stuffed animals and dolls our own feelings of abandonment and rejection. This is why we can’t see them thrown away or torn apart.
I have no idea what to do about this, I am not a psychologist nor do I favor Freud’s theories in particular.
I only hope to stir the conversation as I am anxious to hear what others think.
Rachael says
I have this a lot! I always want to finish every single thing on my plate at meal times, not because I feel bad about wasting food, but because I feel the food was made for a purpose (to be eaten) and by not eating it it hasn’t fulfilled its purpose and therefore is sad. I always tell myself that the food doesn’t mind but I still kind of believe it. This also makes it hard to throw anything away, because everything has feelings and throwing it away is mean, even if it’s broken I still want to keep it. If I break things I always feel bad, partly because it’s broken, but also because it’s sad for the object that it’s now broken. I have no idea why, but it does make things quite hard for me, as no one else really seems to understand it. Anyone else get this with all objects having feelings, not just the ones we particularly love?
Barry says
Yes, definitely!
Wunderbaum(SE) says
I have this too! I have NOT been diagnosed with OCD yet. But I have done pretty much all quizzes there is and everyone one of them are posivitive that I do have OCD. And with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) there is a symptom that you have to check twice or more before throwing stuff away, and with sympathy for objects it can make it much harder to throw away stuff. And I dont feel like the food gets sad because it doesnt get eaten. I feel like I am hurting the food by eating it. And this is very difficult when you love food like me. And when I brake something I feel like I am hurting it and making it very sad. Like right now I hate to erase letters because I feel like I am taking away the letters friends. And it makes me feel very guilty and just kind of depressed. It is very rare that I a trash bag away without hugging it. It just feels like it will be sad otherwise. I might be feeling like this because I feel like inanimate objects cant hurt anyone, and cant betray etc, which some humans do. I have a lot of different sad and guilt feelings when I throw something away or break it, If I break an object I might start to cry. And the worst thing I know is to see ANYTHING crying. Doesnt matter what it is. Please help me with this. Please do not suggest doctors and such, because I am Swedish and I guess the majority of you here are from other countries.
Thank you.
P.S
I hate change, it makes me depressed, that might be a reason.
Darsh Mittal says
Hi Rachael! I’m 15 and I too have the same feeling for inanimate objects. I feel depressed whenever I something crumpled like my blanket or a towel etc. I remember an experience when I had lost a ball that I used to play with around the age of 9. The ball was I white ball with a smiley face on it. The moment I started thinking about the ball, I always pictured the face turning into a frowning one which often made me cry everyone I think about it. A few days later my uncle found the ball and the rElie I got was unimaginable and even after 7 years I still have it in the cupboard. I find it really difficult to throw anything. I just feel sad whenever my mother cuts the vegetables and throws the inedible part. It makes me feel how sad the vegetables must be feeling. After finding this site I realised that I’m not the only one with this feeling and that has made a feel a lot better.
Thanks For Reading!
Darsh
Reiss Mikula says
A few days ago, I dropped a plate and it shattered, and I felt like I had just committed an accidental murder. I also sometimes feel like inanimate objects are judging me when I use them. Like when I play the piano, I worry that the piano thinks I’m not good enough for it.
anne says
I´m 62 and was diagnosed 2½ years ago, but at long as I remember, I´ve felt, that inanimate objects have feelings and could be hurt by being overlooked. Not anymore, though – most of the time. Last year, I put some plants out on our road in a box for any garden-person to take – and when I saw them standing there later, all alone , I felt so sad and worried for them —-me a grown woman! One hour later the box was taken. Phew!
This very childish trait has made me wonder for years – but as I apparently share it with other aspies – I accept it as a trait. (I am very synaesthetic too, if there is a connection to that). I also wonder, if it has to do with the tendency to feel abandoned, – which I wasn´t. It has been a bothering emotional problem for me from age three. Would that be a “trait” too?
De Melendez says
It saddens me to read your article but it relieves me to have another reminder that one of my many “oddities” is a hallmark autism trait. Today, as I walked up to my little truck to run an errand, I felt so TERRIBLE for her because she has a few scabs on her nose that were not there before. I wished I could go get her a paint job right away & make it better.
Because I was not diagnosed until my late 30’s, I thought I was simply materialistic in some odd way due to my very real attachment to objects. I became very attuned to the energy of objects as I entered my 40’s & I stopped IGNORING those feelings and instead used the feelings to part ways with things I owned via waves of purging. Sometimes a week a purging would mean giving away or tossing 43 objects and sometimes a day of purging would mean I donated 16 books. It was like saying good-bye to old friends who just were not contributing to my life any more.
Most recently, I got rid of 1000 items over 6 weeks to prepare for relocation. It’s wonderful now to look around my flat full of 2nd hand items and know each has its story & every ottoman or old book has meaning. It’s like coming home to silent friends!
I do have conversations with them and I am NOT crazy. For example, while assembling an old table gifted to me: “We’re NOT doing this today, Table! Now let me tighten these legs or you’ll be all wobbly. Why must you give me a hard time? We’re in this together, yes?!”
To me, it’s like when people talk to their plants in order to send out positive energy. It’s just something I DO. If I strive to be kind to people then why can’t I be kind to things?
My bigger issue is personifying objects. I’ve been given a VERY hard time because of it. But the few things I personify have great meaning to me and, frankly, I like them more than many of my so called friends. My little truck has been there for me when no one else has. She has patiently helped me schlep furniture that vehicles twice her size would normally haul. She’s kept me safe when I’ve had to pull over and nap after hours of driving. Having used public transit in the worst of weather as a child (my single mum could not afford a vehicle), I APPRECIATE her and treat her well. My mechanic calls her by her name and he gets many bonus points for that!
I remember that while growing up, very often the ONLY place that did not stir up anxiety was my bedroom. Each object evoked a certain feeling & I kept everything just so and beyond tidy. Having my sister leave the room messy could send me into a tailspin of anxiety that was debilitating.
I prefer a simple and spare lifestyle. I enjoy previously owned objects and now I wonder if it’s because there’s some sense of “adopting” things as I would a pet (??)
Psychologically speaking, perhaps those of us who are autistic find it easier to project emotion onto personified items because it’s so terribly difficult to adequately express ourselves around humans. I’m often so excited that I can identify with things being discussed in a conversation among neurotypicals that I can’t stop talking which can be tough on a group as, like many people with Aspergers, I cannot control the volume of my voice. Either that or I’m so overwhelmed that I’m fairly silent. And we don’t have to worry about such stressors with objects, do we. . .?
Megan says
I have felt similarly for my cars and mourned them deeply when they had to be hauled away. The only comfort I have is they will live on in other cars when used for parts. Also, perhaps the junkyard is like a retirement home where the cars get to rest and swap stories about the good ol’ days.
Alexandra Barnes says
This is definitely me since childhood. I felt sympathy for all sorts of objects, most of all my things – my room, my bed, my toys, my ornaments. I needed to try to be fair to all my toys and often felt sad or guilty of one was left out, devastated if one was “hurt” i.e. broken. I think this is quite normal in children – psychologists call it animism.
But, while I have taught/forced myself to be less sentimental with most things, I still feel this way about my books and especially my soft toys (around 50 of them, plus 50+belonging to each of my 2 boys!) which all have their own names, have feelings and personality, show love and compassion. It is these that I turn to for comfort when I’m depressed, anxious or stressed, even more than to my husband!!
I couldn’t bear to part with them, I feel sorry for any of my kids soft toys that have been left out and I’ve cried when my youngest has lost a soft toy – and not just for my son! I find it hard sometimes seeing soft toys in shops knowing that I can’t give them all a good home and also feel awful if there’s one I don’t like the look of!!
If this is part of my ASD, that would explain a lot. I’ve never known why I feel so strongly about this.
Randy says
I’m 37 and in the States… I’m the same way with my daughter’s toys. I find I encourage them to get out their baby toys and play with them for a bit. I’ve seen a doctor for 20 years and they don’t think I have anything beyond anexity and depression. My brother and cousin feel this way, but I’m the worst about it.
Megan says
Same with me. 38, in the States, not diagnosed as on the spectrum, but been fighting severe depression and anxiety for 20 years.
SG says
Hello thank you for this post. I had this as a child (not sure if it was from myself or learned from my parents) and I think my sisters did too. My mum has it – she will feel sorry for cardboard boxes left out in the rain. I have mild colour synasthaesia (seeing letters and numbers in colour). I had assumed that having emotions for inanimate objects was related to hoarding (which we have in our family) and had not considered it could be to do with autism.
Ann Marie says
My eleven year old daughter is autistic..non-verbal, extremely well versed on-line , with devices, coordinated,..etc
I simply wanted to post a photo, (one of many),..
she sleeps with her tv remote control , “as if it’s her teddy bear”.Always.
Thank YOU, for this insight
Lottie Convex says
Hmm I’m not sure it only related to autism….I mean, I can understand the synaesthesia thing, as I have that and ascribe it to everything, but my theory on why I’m deeply sad when I see things like guitars that don’t get played anymore, or cameras that don’t get used (to cite his examples) probably relate to something else – I don’t think this is just an autism thing, I know plenty of people who have this.
Do you not think that possibly the reason we have sadness over things like guitars, cameras and so on is probably more to do with the fact that these object are a: man made and so designed for a purpose, so it’s kind of depressing on a lot of levels to see them big discarded, though i think that possibly has something to do with it being depressing seeing a sort of abandoned relic of consumerism , b: they have a very inherent, fundamental air of utility surrounding them, c: when we view a thing that we have a strong association with we tend to create a sort of back story to it, and relate it entirely to a story as to its use, that we have created.
So in short, the object contains a huge amount of meaning and value judgements that we have ascribed to it. For instance, i attach a lot of sentimentality to musical instruments, because I’m a musician. However, I have absolutely no interesting in things like iphones or gadgets or something that a lot of other people find valuable, because I have no interest in those objects.The same goes for my attachment to some things like a lipstick, say – people who don’t wear lipstick probably wouldn’t care so much about a specific shade or something.
There’s also an intentionality issue here – if we weren’t aware of what the object was, it wouldn’t immediately pop up on our radar. The example I always use is to think of something like a bowl of oranges in a room, and how you would experience the perception of that if you have no conception of what an orange was and no real perception of the colour orange – in this case, you would experience the sense data relating to the orange, but because you had no prior built up picture of the orange, you would see it, but it wouldn’t hold meaning or potential value to you, so your brain would likely ignore it.
The brain tends to “pick out” its reality, and organise the environment according to things its looking for or think it needs. For instance, the old anecdote, about australians being unable to see Cooks’ ships (it was possibly hawaii, but the story is cherry pciked anyway, so I can’t find anything to verify it). while untrue (and pushing a sort of inherent pro-colonial attitude), is an example of what I mean. As a better example – I once saw a very complex superior mirage, on land, and was totally freaked out by it – where as when I reflected on this later, i realised that I had in fact seen tonnes of these mirages, out at sea, where they’re more common, but because it was in context out at sea and was sort of part of the ordinary landscape, I didn’t really notice or care about it. Where as seeing the thing on land was definitely contrary to everything i usually experience, so it lept out at me more, and stayed with me for years.
Also a lot of stuff to do with memory in psychology and only remembering the particular things we were already invested in anyway. Also there are lots of theories over how we recall information, in that we tend to remember things according to how we view the world now.
Your brain is always going to interpret the world according to a story, and a set of meanings that you have built up over time. Ascribing meaning to objects most likely only happens with things that you have a sort of personal story attached to, in regards to their utility..there is also the aspect of pretty much everything in our modern world being man-made, and built with a certain idea of purpose behind it already, so the world is naturally set up to show us utility of objects – if you go into a city, there is very little in the way of stuff that still pertains to something that is removed from man, so removed from tool building and so on. Ii mean, ask yourself, do you find yourselves getting attached to ALL objects, regardless of what they are, like every single object, or is it only SOME objects, that you have a certain experience with, things you actually use at some point or have back story with? There’s always the possibility that more autistic people tend to have more associations with things from the perspective of being able to be used as tools, because I think a lot of autistics maybe approach the world with that air of trying to figure out how things work, for instance there are a disproportionate amount of people on the spectrum involved in the sciences and engineering/general academia and so on.
But just a further thought – maybe it’s slightly more common in autism because of the problem of other minds and also of perceiving way too much information, all existing on the same sort of plane? So, In my personal experience, I see people in the same way that I see a lot of objects, albeit with more unfortunate social interactions.
Sari says
I never thought about this topic before, so maybe it doesn’t affect me to such a dramatic way. I read the full article out off curiosity, because your feelings were familiar to me. I am not a hoarder but I h_te getting rid of things, I believe everything can be useful one day or another. I use a dash in the word h_ate because I don’t like that word. I like to fix things, like MacGyver so I believe nothing is not useful. I will stress over should I keep it or not, making that decision it not an easy task. When it comes to my personal belongings I am very attached, and I don’t share. I did think it was related to some kind of ocd though I don’t have a diagnosis, but I thought it was apart of asd. I am really possessed with my own inanimate objects that I like which I kind of consider a comfort zone for me. I can’t get upset if someone touches them or something happened with them or they’re not where they belong. I am very particular and protective about this, so usually everything stays in order to how I want. If things don’t go well for my stuff I will get very distressed. I am not much different when it comes to my children’s belonging. I don’t know if it is the same thing that you experience. I guess what I am trying to say is anything that I have a relationship with and yes I said anything not anyone, I am much more sensitive, but for others belongs I might feel upset, but not in a devastating manner. I don’t know if my input was helpful, maybe it is the other way around, perhaps your post was more insightful to me. There are a lot of situations and scenarios I have a hard time putting words to them or understanding them on a clear perspective. To thoughts things are a little clearer, but to verbally to hold it all together for expressing, the thought is gone, thought to write it that is a little bit more helpful. If anyone can relate to that please comment. Thank you.
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Sari says
Correction on two things I can get upset, and it is my thoughts are not very clear, when I try to take them from my head to words
Barry says
For me, it’s all objects. Anything I perceive. It can be any parts of objects if I let it recurse that way. I can feel for a grain of sand. Amn enthusiastic leaf. A tired cable. Like people, my closest object friends have more developed personalities. But everything has a history, a connection to the world, to the One, or perhaps to my mind that perhaps is the cause of everything I perceive… but I can, and often can’t help at least partially, be those things, feel their joys, triumphs, sorrows, aspirations, angers…
Megan says
“The brain tends to “pick out” its reality, and organise the environment according to things its looking for or think it needs.”
Very interesting. I will chew on this thought for a while. Thank you.
Mac says
Such relief after reading your article. I have been worried about my son who has Aspergers for a long time. He is 21 but still talks to his cuddlies and also treats them as if they were alive. He wont part with them and wont even put them in the cupboard because he thinks that they will suffocate and not like it in the cupboard. He doesn’t part with anything in his room and I am worried that he will become a hoarder. I have taken him to see the psychologist but she couldn’t really help. But this explains why he does what he does. At least now I understand why! I am hoping that as he gets older, he will begin to realise and maybe change a bit about how he treats his toys. thank you for this article. I wish you all the best
Kahana says
If he’s anything like me, no, he won’t change about his toys as he gets older. The only thing that helped me was realizing that I literally cannot “get rid” of soft toys, stuffed animals as I always called them, so I had to stop buying them so my house wouldn’t become overwhelmed!
Tricia Sloan says
HI Steve-
This is a great topic for discussion. While I am both diagnosed with OCD and have a strong synesthetic sense which may or may not confuse things – both my son and I have a tendency to personify objects. I can remember being devastated when my parents would make me chose only one doll to take on a trip or outing, knowing that my other dolls that I loved just as well would be sad and alone and feel left out. When my son started showing a similar distress with his toys, I understood it, which was helpful. Rosie King speaks of this as in Through My Eyes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g89YYiC7P6Y) that she gave in relation to choosing her shoes. While it is distressing to the person who feels these feels, other people don’t get it at all – and that can be really hard. There are remarkably few studies on synesthesia, but there is definite concrete science behind why we experience these things and evidence that there is a link to mirror neurons in the brain ( I write about it a little here: http://neverlessthan.com/2016/02/29/me-myself-and-vincent/). Bottom line – you are not crazy and you are not alone, in fact you are in good company. Thanks for the provocative topic and kind regards!
Greg says
I’ve always felt this way. As a child doing something as simple as putting stuffed toys in a bag made me feel sad for them and I had to promise them I’d let them out again. I still have every desktop microprocessor I’ve every owned in my personal machine (other people’s machines, not so much, but this was my friend, my partner, in work and play). At least I’ve been able to let go of the mainboards!
In Japanese Shinto they believe that everything has an indwelling spirit, a Kami or God of some kind. This is why many products have faces. Marie Kondo in her book on decluttering tells us that we can let go of some things by thanking them for their work and recognizing the end of a lifecycle. I might take a birthday card and say “Thank you for conveying the feelings of my friend for us. Your work is done, it’s time to rest and be recycled into a new body.” (Reincarnation is also part of Shinto.) I’ve found this works for many things, but not everything.
One of my biggest problems is the gift. I feel as though the gift is part of the person, and if I get rid of it, I will hurt both the thing and the person who gave me the thing.
In my studies of religions and cultures, including my degree work, I begin to feel less and less as though we’re wrong when we project a personality and feelings on to objects. Perhaps they do take on part of ourselves, or others, as they are used and loved. Perhaps they do have feelings and thoughts which cannot be expressed, but exist on a level beyond our analysis. Does the refurbished computer I’ve just given to an elementary school student feel joy at once again being able to help someone, or pride in being able to keep working for a few more years before it comes time to be recycled? I don’t know… but I will say this much… it makes me happy to think so, and as Slartibartfast said in Douglas Adams’ book “I’d rather by happy that right any day.”
Megan says
Love the reference! Also (loosely quoted) “The chance of figuring out what’s really going on are so remote, I say just hang the sense of it all and keep yourself busy.”
In one fell swoop Adams takes down thousands of years of philosophical and theological effort. Hilarious, incredible writer! 🙂
Linda Cumming says
I am so glad you addressed this. When my daughter was in 4th grade, I was putting some things away in her drawer and found it piled with leaves, sticks, wrappers, etc etc. I asked her what it was and she was just hiding and saying “don’t ask”. I told her that it was fine to collect things but I gave her a special box to put the items in. She filled 2 boxes and then she told me why she was doing it. She said that God does not make any 2 things alike and if she doesn’t take something she likes with her she will never see it again. Made sense to me. She slowed way down taking things once she was able to express why she was doing it. She still is very attached to things. We are looking to move and she is overwhelmed beyond belief trying to wrap her head around leaving her home. It is very real.
Jo Grimshaw says
My daughter was distressed when we got a new washing machine and the old one was taken away. She asked when she would see it again and if it would be hurt. In the end I said it was going to a better place for it to rest as it was old and maybe someone would find a use for its parts. She said I always imagine grandad Bill in heaven is really in Spain on holiday on the beach, do you think the washing machine will meet him there?
It was only when on holiday in Spain a few years later and I found her gazing along the beach and asked, “looking for shells?” and she replied, just looking out for our old washing machine I know it’s not likely but I still miss it… I realised how attached she was to things.
People seem to relate to attachments to cars as they have emotions connected to them.
I tend to think of this as being similar to being attracted to or missing places.
J says
Holy shit….. This is a thing??? Both of my children have been diagnosed ASD, and I suspect I’m on the spectrum too. This feeling sad for things thing plagued my childhood and well into adulthood. I’m getting better at letting go of “stuff” and being more mindful of what I let into my space now. But holy hell, it used to eat me up as a child if any of the toys were left out. I was really upset over the family car leaving out family (but fortunately old enough to talk myself through it ) I remember my Nana selling to move into a smaller home, and letting me choose a plant from her greenhouse. I picked the sickliest looking one and she tried to press a “better” one on me, but I just couldn’t. It NEEDED someone to want it/need it. This explains a lot thank you.
Mel says
I still remember my Dad’s lovely orange vw beetle being towed away up the road, I was about 6 yrs old. I loved thar car like a friend. I have a real problem getting ‘rid’ of things and the battle with clutter is a constant one. My children have given their favourite toys personalities and my daughter will not leave one toy out in case it upset them! People on the spectrum often name things like cars too don’t they?
Liz says
Our family car being taken away was the worst. I still remember the reg number 20 years later and how sad I was. Sin me then, cars can’t have names or personalities.. I get too attached
Rosco says
This is me! I was officially diagnosed with Aspergers just over three years ago. I have ended up with a lot of old machine tools and cars that I will one day get around to fixing, I like to fix things that nobody else wants, and recently I hit a roo in the company utility, and even though it was well due for replacement it’s like something has been ripped out of my soul to know I’ll never see it again, even though it’s a Ford and I’m a Holden man (I guess you’d need to be an Aussie to understand the Holden / Ford rivalry 😀 ). Is there anything really ‘wrong’ with thinking this way? Our planet is being choked to death because of consumerism and the waste it creates, I feel that it people like me who are really taking the ‘reduce, reuse and recycle’ message seriously. The other bonus is that when I walk into my workshop, my ongoing restoration projects are always there for me, and they respond to my input of time and effort, unlike many of my attempted ‘human’ interactions…
Rosco says
PS Have you seen the movie ‘Cars’? I rest my case 😀
Anna says
I definitely felt similarly as a child. I wanted to be fair to everything. I think this led to some ocd as a child. I had a lot of anxiety about choosing well. I never felt like I could share any of these feelings with anybody.
Richard says
Hi all,
In the nicest possible way, good to hear that it is not just me. I am awful with most things but pebbles and small rocks, especially on the beach, are a nightmare for me. If I pick them up then I have to bring them home unless I throw them out of reach, into the sea or such, which in itself os almost painful to do.
I have been diagnosed with ‘some OCD’ but have often wondered am I mildly autistic also?
On the other hand, I am, I think, quite empathetic with people and am often a ‘first port of call’ as an unjudgemental shoulder to cry on.
Confusing!
Best wishes to all, Richard
Barry says
This describes me well, but I also have very positive experiences with objects, too. I feel their happiness, enjoy dialogue, etc, and my need to address their “sadness” can indeed make them happy. Sometimes I can talk them out of sadness (the landfill can be like a huge party, being shiny and lapped by waves is probably better than my dusty shelf after all, that dent in the hood gives you a new tough-guy look)… Things have cheered me up when I needed it, have helped me work out answers to dilemmas… Look, we don’t know that anything exists outside our own minds, right? Or if we are truly atone with the universe. So I see no reason why the object in my mind / that is part of THE ONE, is any less a friend than the person in my mind / that is part of ate One.
Anonymous says
I can do this if I want.
My empathy is rather suppressed and I often have to focus and think about the person for a while to invoke it. Once I do, it’s pretty powerful. I can drop it fairly quickly too.
During my time practicing this, I noticed I could inject that empathy into objects as well, things like rocks or whatever. Then I get a sense/feeling that the object is alive and imaginations of incredibly slow chemical reactions inside the rock constituting it’s consciousness.
Then I applied it to other things, I once tried to do it to my concept of the universe. That gave astronomical imaginations, I remember thinking, is this what people think their God feels like?
So I don’t think it’s a disorder that you have this. Instead of automatic empathy on people (and animals probably) you also/or get it for objects automatically.
Perhaps investigate a way to control it better, so that you can choose to feel it for an object or person or yourself even.
Anonymous says
Oh I should probably also add, that sometimes my empathy is automatic and sometimes it does apply to objects as well as people.
However, it’s mostly memories about people associated with that object that is the source of that empathy.
Although apply it as above doesn’t have that people connection which is what makes it cool.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi. Yes I was wondering lately if, as autistic people, we find it more natural to somehow experience emotions through inanimate objects rather than people?
I agree with you also about having memories of certain people mixed up with the emotions we feel from inanimate objects.
These emotions, for me,are always extremely sad.
Regards
Steve
Greg says
Objects are like us, they’re focused on being who, or what, they are. If it’s a tool, it has a singularity of mind with which we’re familiar. People are chaotic, unpredictable, and scary as hell. Animals are the same. A cat is a cat, it doesn’t care about social or political issues. A cat doesn’t say one thing and mean its opposite. If it doesn’t want to be pet, it says so, but if it wants to be loved, it says so directly. No sub-text or subterfuge.
One thing that bothers me is knives that are not kept sharp. A knife has only one purpose, to cut things. A kitchen knife is used to prepare food, to make meals. Meals can convey love, caring, and concern, so a kitchen knife’s duty in the world is to help you nourish yourself and convey love to your friends and family through the preparation of food. If the edge is not maintained, then it cannot be “most itself.” It cannot perform its duty properly, and that makes me feel sad.
A chisel (a kind of knife, really) is the same. If it’s not sharp it cannot be what it should be, it cannot do the only thing it can to help me.
My knives are all sharp, and my knives are all happy.
Becki says
I always do this too! I always think objects feel sad for being left out like I make sure all my teddies are with each other because I think they’ll feel lonely and I felt really bad when I accidentally left this little kinder egg toy by itself for the night in the living room. Also, I think objects feel sad for not being picked like if I decide to hug one teddy I have to hug all of them and if I say goodnight to any of them I have to say goodnight to them all. Plus I so so hate it when people burn/destroy objects (like one video where they burned a tickle me elmo or even when they crush cars) because I’m convinced it feels the pain even though logically I know it doesn’t. It’s worse with objects that have faces but I do it with objects that don’t have faces too
Could this kind of thing be linked to anxiety? I was diagnosed with it last year but I don’t think I have it anymore because I’m a social butterfly now and I don’t have the problems I used to have (like being scared to speak up). If I do still have it, then I don’t have the social problems anymore and I haven’t had a panic attack in months
I also have it where before I go to bed, I have to make sure certain objects are in a certain place on my bed side table before I sleep and I can’t get to sleep otherwise. Also before I leave in the morning for school I have to check the door is locked so many times. It’s never a set number so I don’t think it’s OCD but it may link with anxiety (like, if I’ve kept anything from my anxiety it’s that) which would make sense because my mom has it too where she’s worried the door isn’t locked even though it is and she has anxiety (and depression). She doesn’t end up checking the door as much as I do though
I dunno, I need some advice. What do other people think? I’m always worried it’s nothing and I’m just making a deal out of nothing :/
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Becki
Your description sounds very familiar. I have found that feeling so sad for objects has been a big barrier to feeling “grown up”. I think that anxiety does play a part. But in return these feelings also cause anxiety and deep sadness. Im not sure if ocd could be a factor. Perhaps it’s another thing that some autistic people have.
Feeling sad for inanimate objects is like projecting our own feelings on to things. I think autism could well be a factor.
Best wishes
Steve http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Gemma says
Hi becki, i relate 100% with everything you said in the first paragraph (i seen the elmo thing yesterday as it happens :'( )
It reminded me of my 18th birthday party. In the morning my friends told me they threw one of my teddies out the window (i live 12 flats high) and i cried non stop for a week thinking about how scared it would have been falling so high and being abandoned. And rationale says “im an adult, i shouldnt be thinking like this” but it cant be helped.
Hope youre doing good,
Gemma.
Carolyn says
I once rescued a stuffed animal that was lying in the middle of the road soaking wet and getting run over by cars. I literally risked my life to run out in the street to grab it. I was around 17 at the time, so definitely “old enough” to not behave this way (according to society ha)
I feel badly for any inanimate object, but it’s most severe with stuffed animals. I wouldn’t run into the street to save a shoe, for example, (though I feel a twinge of sadness), but for some reason I could not just drive by and let the stuffed monkey continue to get run over.
julie says
I’m the same way with stuffed animals. Also I do this thing when I shop of I touch it i have to buy it. Otherwise I feel like I got the hopes up of the object that they were going to chosen to go to a Comfortable loving home. I also cannot touch one and then choose a different one because that object will feel less adequate. If there is a stuffed animal with a defect I’m more likely to buy it becausei know no one else will want the broken one.i once stole a single sock because it’s match was missing andi knew no one would ever want that single sock.
Carolyn says
Thank you for posting this. I was absolutely devastated by the Elmo on fire! I got a sick feeling in my stomach, the same way I would if I was watching a human being burned. It’s that severe. (And yes, I have accidentally seen a video of a human being burned as well…very traumatizing.) I’m glad I’m not alone here, and especially glad that we can all specifically remember the same video.
Mel says
Hi! My daughter does all those things you describe with her toys. Also having to have things in the ‘right’ place b4 bed. I think the toy thing is cute and not really a problem. I have OCD and your door checking does sound like mild OCD to me. It could be general anxiety though. Did u say yr mum has OCD? It is genetic so worth looking into. It’s really only considered a problem if the obsessions/rituals etc are interfering in yr daily life in a negative way.
Gemma says
I am so glad so many people are like this too. For me a big part of it is…say i am outside and i finish a bottle of juice..when i go to put it in the bin a strong urge calls out at me and i can hear it say “no dont leave me alone” so i have to keep the bottle and put it in the bin at home. This feels better and more comforting because its close. Does anyone else relate? Also, say i drop a sweet in the street,i have to purposley drop another one beside it so its not alone. As well as this, i have a strong affinity to stuffed animals…to the point where i prefer them to humans and i could gladly spend all my money on them. Ofcourse only buying the “reject” toys i think noone will buy. I will always go for the most broken or scruffy things and i will never touch anything in a shop i dont intend to buy as i think itll “think its being bought”. I am 22 and not diagnosed with autism or ocd.
Kristin says
I feel the same way. I can’t leave things like ice cubes unpaired. Even if there is no room left in my glass for another cube, I will take a sip so there is room and I don’t leave it unpaired. When I was little, I refused to touch a stuff animal in the store because I felt bad for the other ones that I didn’t touch. My friends would touch the stuffed animal to me and I would have to take the time to touch them all or my heart ached. I can’t sell my cars (both are 1994) because I think they will be sad and feel abandoned. I am very OCD as well as an empath, so maybe this comes from either of these two gifts.
Kristin says
Also, I tend to count things like stairs or cars on the road heading in the opposite direction on my way home. Drives me nuts, cause sometimes I can’t stop.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Kristen
Good to meet you. Do you find that when anxiety is higher, you tend to become more compulsive, and count things more intensely?
this is what happens to me.
best wishes
steve
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Kristen
There are a few “symptoms” that seem to cross over between ocd and autism. Have you been diagnosed with both conditions?
Regards
Steve
Mel says
Hi Steve. I believe my family of four are all on the spectrum. Only my son is officially diagnosed though. My daughter does all the things with her stuffed toys others describe. I have diagnosed Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (there is a link to AS) and OCD. Yes, I believe these behaviours are related to Autism and OCD. If they are not causing you unhappiness then it’s not a problem. However, I do have issues with clutter but I’m slowly getting better at parting with things.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Gemma
I totally get what you are saying. The scenarios you describe sound very similar to my experience. Just reading your comments makes me feel really sad deep down.
I’m not sure if this is to do with ocd or autism. I have a diagnosis of both conditions, but as yet, psychologists have not given me any reasons why these thoughts happen.
best wishes
steve
Gemma says
Oh kristen i do the exact same thing with regards to if someone im with touches say a stuffed animal in a shop, i have to touch them all so theyre not left out. And if i touch one twice, i have to touch the rest another time. Thank you so much for the replies kristen and steve 🙂 Its good to have people to relate to.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi I really wish I could work out if these feelings are to do with having autism.
Regards
Steve
Carolyn says
I’m the exact same way! I can cry at the drop of a hat over what I feel are “ugly, unwanted” stuffed animals. And I’ve always absolutely loved stuffed animals more than anything. If I pick one up at a store, I almost always have to buy it, because I feel like it will be abandoned if I don’t. And I especially have to buy it if it has a defect of any sort, such as a loose thread or crooked face or something. Everyone always tries to hand me a more “perfect” stuffed animal, and I get even more saddened knowing that it really will most likely not ever be bought or loved. By the way, I am 30 years old…so it is a bit concerning to me that I still feel this way…I’m also not diagnosed with autism or OCD. Just anxiety.
Chris says
Hi everyone!
I am so glad I am not alone here! I found this site after doing a quick google search to see if what is troubling me is an actual condition…
I am 33 years old and I have had this problem for a number of years now. I have never been diagnosed with autism or anything of the sort of thing most people on here are talking about. I used to (as a child) have a problem with doing things a certain amount of times to ensure nothing bad happened (a touch of OCD) like switching a light on and off a certain number of times, using an exact amount of an item (various things) etc, though this did not last very long, only a couple of years when I was in my early teens, then it just sort of “disappeared”. However…
Now, as an adult I have a strange attachment to inanimate objects, mainly stuffed toys… I am a 33 year old married man, society would say I am “odd”, “childish”, “immature” or even “gay”! I have quite a collection of stuffed toys, mainly owls and penguins that I have a MASSIVE attachment to. To name but a few… A life-sized king penguin, a very fluffy owl, a green crocheted owl (made by my wife, who I will mention again shortly) and MOST OF ALL a blue owl-pillow (it is an odd little thing that folds out into a pillow, like an animal-shaped car pillow for kids) – This last one, my wife bought me when we went away on our honeymoon!
I feel a great attachment to all these things and have to have them close to me at home, especially when I am trying to sleep/depressed (I get depressed quite often, though have never been properly diagnosed) I do not take these things out in public or anything like that, so I can do without them. Besides, it would be a bit embarrassing! Though sometimes, when I am away from them, I long to hug them and have them with me.
Anyways, my wife is very understanding, though she doesn’t know the scale of the attachment I have to these things, she just thinks it’s me being a bit “quirky”! The only reason I can see for this type of behaviour in me is this… My parents split up when I was 18 and I was forced to move out. I had to throw away a lot, if not ALL of my childhood toys and “grow up”. (Yes, I know I should have grown up by 18 anyways!) It was a severe wrench for me to stuff all my cuddly toys into black sacks to be thrown out… I cried privately for days. I felt like they had died. I kept one teddy bear out of countless stuffed animals and he is still with me even today. I have told my wife of this event and how it upset me, and she has been very caring and bought me new toys as “joke presents” ever since. This, obviously, makes me very happy, but at the same time, it worries me A LOT. I often (mainly when I get a wave of depression) feel like a child and get really clingy with my wife, looking for comfort, I cry and hug my stuffed animals and they comfort me as if I was a small boy again. (I am almost in tears now just thinking about it)
…Any thoughts on what could be wrong with me??? I am REALLY against talking to a professional in person about this as I am trying my best to push these childish attachment feelings away and act like the adult I should be… In the meantime, I am going for a hug with my favourite blue owl-pillow!
Chris says
As a P.S. to my above post… I believe this to be far more deep-seated than simple “essentialism” or “transitional objects”… I feel equally reassured and comforted, but also saddened by my favourite toys…
Carolyn says
And by the way, I also have an owl pillow that I am extremely attached to!
I also understand the comfort, yet sadness of it. We have to try to figure out though if the sadness is from our desire to be more “acceptable” to others and society? Or is it truly a sadness? I’d like to think that it is similar to being “gay” (for lack of a better word) in that we know how we are and what makes us happy, but society is so different than us and so against us, that it winds up effecting us terribly. I’ve been working on not letting anyone else’s opinions upset me. If you think about it, there truly is NO HARM whatsoever to love stuffed animals. It doesn’t hurt anyone else or anything else. The only problem it could potentially cause is if it causes severe anxiety when you are forced to part with the animals. But the same could be said for people who love cars. I’m sure they would be devastated if their car was stolen or caught fire… (and I would too, but just using that as an example!)
Carolyn says
I’m not sure it’s from any trauma of any sort. I have always been this way, and to my knowledge, it’s just a trait I was born with. My dad did pass away when I was 12, so there could possibly be something linked to that. Maybe that’s why I was never able to change and get over my attachment to stuffed animals? I still sleep with a teddy bear, and when I visit my parents they know to put my childhood teddy bear on my bed. (I leave my main teddy at home because it is huge haha) I’m 30, and don’t see myself ever changing. You’re very lucky to have a wife that at least understands enough to respect your love of stuffed animals! I hope I am that lucky some day 🙂
Randy says
Chris,
I’m 38 and feel the same way. I’m in the States, and I usually see boards like this one in the UK. Growing up I had stuffed animals that were very special to me, and after moving from out long time farm house just up the hill some were lost, and it still bothers me 22 years later. The one I do have is by my bed, a little Easter chicken peep. I felt my wife wasn’t caring for her stuffed animals well enough, so they are over on my side now too.
What maybe worse is my attachment to farm equipment and heavy equipment, my family was in those industries. The machine I first learned to run, still have it. My first tractor a John Deere garden tractor my grandfather gave me at 11 years old, sold it at 16 to buy a truck. I tracked it down, thanks to the Internet and bought it back, I’ll restore it. I’ve spent over $130,000 in the last few years buying back and rebuilding our old machines because I worry they feel neglected after all the hard work they did for us.
Having two daughters 5&8… Today being Easter, you can imagine the anexity I’m feeling today with all the new stuffed animals. I beg relatives not to buy more, as then I’ll have to care for them… They don’t understand…
Megan says
I have my childhood doll and a small teddy that I sleep with. I am 38. In the last few years I have found myself going to bed and holding them, just weeping. Cuddling up as if I were a child. Bed is my happy place, the only place I really feel safe.
I was hit by a car at 5 years old. I suffered a broken leg and was in the hospital for quite some time. Afterward, no one talked about it. My family did not share or express emotion. There wad a taboo agsinst strong emotion.
Now since I have begun the journey of healing and acknowledging the accident, it is almost as if I picked up right where I left off at 5 years old. It is normal for a 5 year old to hold a teddy and cry. Not so much for a 38 year old, so I do it in private.
But I know that as I continue to heal and learn to express my feelings, I may need the teddy less and less. Or not. I may sleep with it for the rest of my life. That’s O.K. with me. I am doing what I have to do in order to heal.
Matthew says
I am 45 years old. Ever since I was a child I have spoken with and felt sympathy for stuff animals and other inanimate objects. From a very early age I understood that other people did not do such things, and so I do not do it openly. I have synesthesia as well. I see words and even conversations and their potential variants in my mind’s eye constantly, during conversations with other people, verbally or in text, and I also frequently see them play out individually at the same time, and it rarely if ever interferes with communication in real time. It’s difficult to explain. Anyway, back to the symphony for inanimate objects. Like others have stated, I feel bad for the neglected I come on the store shelf, the dustiest one, the damaged one. I also take care of my books and collectibles as such, even my pots and pans, though to a much lesser extent. I am known to thank appliances, cars, books, etc. for their usefulness.
Oddly, it struck me only recently to research this behavior in association with autism/Asperger’s.
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Patrick says
Steve,
I’m an electrical engineer, 56 and consider myself very logical. I love to solve puzzles.
For the past 5 years I’ve been interested in a subject (immersing myself in books, websites, YouTube) that I have difficulty defining. It’s a convolution of spirituality, psychology, belief, mental function, brain function and especially logic.
I think my interest began when I was a teenager while reading my way through all of Carlos Castaneda’s books, but recently it has been more about questioning my belief in the purpose of science.
There was an article I read years ago about vitamin supplements that went something like this, when the essential vitamins were discovered it was like an incredible revelation and the good that came of it was unquestionably “real”. However, the belief at the time was that along with some protein, fats and carbs, these essential vitamins were all that was needed for optimum health. The fact that we had barely scratched the surface of an infinitely deep subject was never even considered. But the most interesting part is that today, many years later, with literally thousands of supplements on the market, people in the business and consumers alike, still believe that we have it all figured out. We may still be scratching the surface, or we may have reached the bottom of the well, either one can be true. They are both valid beliefs, but there simply is no way for us to know which one is correct.
The same is true for many other parts of life, including behavior. We can choose to believe we have it all figured out and that a magic bullet will solve a problem, or that we have just barely scratched the surface and that our scientific knowledge at this time simply cannot provide an answer.
But there is another perspective we can adopt and from this mindset we accept that the rules of science are not all-encompassing and cannot be applied to everything in our lives at this time (we simply have not learned enough).
Through the exponential growth of the Internet, the shared knowledge of “subjective” experiences like yours offers tremendous guidance. But don’t limit yourself to information and solutions based entirely on proven scientific methods.
With every scientifically proven theory we are able to step up to a new vantage point, and from there, along with the knowledge and solutions we collect, we can see an ocean of new questions and puzzles facing us. It’s an expanding process.
I suggest you investigate the millions of ways humans deal with saying goodbye to loved ones. To the people who believe loved ones cannot be inanimate, they are dismissing a great part of this experience of life. To feel love for everything around us is to be enlightened, it’s what many people aspire to. This is not the problem. In fact, not accepting this truth is the cause of the problem. Culture and society imprints us from birth as to the right and wrong way to behave. But to follow and adopt these rules blindly is not their purpose, like any set of rules, they offer a framework and structure. They are never permanent, always changing (albeit some very slowly). I see the problem that ails you as not having found the proper ritual to say goodbye. The most appropriate for you. And you will get very little help from all the “normal” people out there.
Everything that we experience in this world is temporary, even if it lasts longer than we do. Letting go is crucial to our well being, as it is a crucial part of the process of living.
I just finished a brilliant book by Marie Kondo “The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying Up”, which I would recommend to everyone, but to you especially.
Kind regards
Patrick
Baali says
Lost a parent this year. Everything left in the house now is extra important especially if it was something my parents used. Tonight, I had a meltdown. Three plastic tubs that are used all the time, with a group of others identical were taken out of my house by friends. STOLEN is what it feels like. If they have been discarded, I feel like I have betrayed them and am still asking the survivors to forgive me for this terrible error. The worse part is no one asked me if I wanted to keep them, they just took them away from me when I was upstairs doing something else and left in a rush. With so many things disappearing from me and no family left now to speak of, what is left is even MORE precious and valuable to me than it was before!
Kieran says
Hi,
Im 13 and I sometimes feel sad when an inanimate object gets broken or a piece of clothing gets ruined its like that thing has died I also think back and get sad about things geting broken which make other people sad even if it doesnt. I feel better if they say its ok. So im sure what my problem is do I hzve autism?
Anonymous says
I am nearing 38 and have always believed inanimate objects have feelings. When I shop I pick the one that is most sad. I also have synesthesia seeing words in color in my mind. I never thought there was a connection. I was the youngest to survive meningitis back in 1980 and wonder if the wires in my brain got crossed.
Anonymous says
i feel entirly sorry for inanimate objects and can i just say well done you must have been incredibly strong
Carolyn says
Same here. I always go for the most “sad” objects at the store. I’ve even rushed back to an object I put back to replace with an “undamaged” item because I felt so bad leaving it behind and choosing a more “perfect” item over it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us mentally, but as the other poster said, we just are able to attach our emotions onto objects.
I can relate to the “not leaving anything out” thing because I was ALWAYS left out of things, and still am as an adult. It’s the worst feeling in the world to me, and so I can’t bear to think of anyone else suffering with that same feeling, including inanimate objects.
Sian Holder says
No hon, that does not mean you have autism.
I believe that we transfer our emotions onto objects and memories. We can use objects to role play our emotions, to make us feel secure, to make us feel loved or valued. We can also use them as memory aids or they can represent certain parts of our life or our thoughts.
This is all pefectly normal, in my opinion. Human’s have always named objects and attributed meaning to them to help them explain things that are going on around them.
Feeling sad when an object is lost or damaged indicates that you feel sad about the loss of what that object represented to you.
I used to have to match up all my teddies so there was no one left out. I believe the reason for this was because I used to get left out and because I could not talk about that emotion I transfered it onto my teddies.
Also, I used to get upset when things were broken,because I used to get told off if I broke anything.
Sometimes, our mind does these things to help us deal with thoughts and emotions we cannot express.
Therapists often use art and role play to help us express what we cannot say in words.
OP – I am sorry that you have felt like this for so long and not been able to express how you feel. Have you considered discussing it with, for example, someone from the NAS or other supportive group?
You mentioned that you used to play alone, I feel this may be a cause of your projection of feelings onto objects. You also mentioned that you feel bad for the object that ‘did not work properly’ I wonder if this is something that also is associated with how you feel deep down. Society can stigmatise people with autism as having brains that do not work properly…… this is because those people are ignorant.
There is nothing ‘wrong’ with this behaviour but you may feel better if you deal with your feelings so you do not continue to feel this sadness when objects are neglected.
Best wishes
x
Carolyn says
This is one of the best explanations I have read about this. I was an only child, and also suffer from social anxiety, and was frequently left out of things. I believe this is the reason I am unable to watch things being destroyed and am unable to leave a “sad-looking” object behind at a store. I’m glad I can finally put some sense into WHY I am constantly feeling this way…
Mel says
In my opinion people with Autism have brains that work too well.
Sarah says
My family share a range of non neurotypical traits from Asperger’s syndrome to ocd and it’s only recently that I’ve begun to associate some of my own idiosyncrasies with this. For example, l and my daughter both experience synaesthesia and, like some of your other correspondents we count contnuously. I know the distance from my house to any of my destinations by the number of steps. When my husband was dealing on second hand goods the pain and sadness of those abandoned possessions was sometimes unbearable.
An interesting example of this identification with inanimate objects comes from my youngest son, who had always identified very strongly with his possessions. The night after he had witnessed his grandfather being rushed away in an ambulance he came downstairs with his teddy bear and told me that his bear had a ‘clum ‘. He was only three and I was at a loss to know what he meant. I asked what the near needed and he told me he needed a sticking plaster. He carefully stuck the plaster over the place where his grandad had had the pain and then added a doll’s sweater and went to bed happy. That bear is still known as Clum Bear and had many replacement bandaids through my son’s childhood.
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Rebecca says
i struggle with this a lot!!! but i do not have autism. what do i do because i always thought it was just usual but now it is really starting to anoy me because i cant make the simplist decisions like which toy do i take to a friends house because then i feel really sorry for the other one which makes me sad, i would actually t their talking to objects saying sorry!! does this mean i have some sort of mental issue!!!! PLEASE HELP ME OR TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!
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i feel the exact same way! just a few moments ago, i was searching for my favorite rubber band, and i cannot seem to find out where i placed it! granted, i have many other rubber bands, it just makes me feel like i need to find it, to give myself relief. i do not have autism either, i just don’t know why i become so attached to inanimate objects so frequently.
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lulu says
hi steve,
im really glad i came around this article
i am sort of a hoarder and i also give life to inanimate objects
i have kept all my stuffed animals ( really wish they were real )since i was little i have a closet full of them and things that i dont need anymore.
also an example which happened awhile ago and which i thought was weird was when i was eating i became full , and couldnt finish my food
i felt really bad about the food i was leaving behind to go to the garbage , and started thinking everything that would happen to it.
i dont remember this happening when i was younger, it only happened with my toys and stuffed animals which i guess is normal,and i would also always group things , for example DVDs , i would put them in a line and make sure to watch every single one of them at least once, same with video games and CDs but i dont remember caring so much about inanimate things as i do now. I feel as if it only got stronger after my mom died while i was in middle school, i became a little crazy with control too.
im 21 now and i cant help but feel sadness for my stuffed animals that are in the closet because i cant sleep with all of them (there are too many, i only sleep with a few), i cant help but feel sadness for the food that doesnt get eaten and gets thrown out or that goes stale, my laptop which is 5 years old and it might die on me at any moment, books that get pushed to the side, even throwing out plastic bags, my clothes that dont get worn (there was a time in middle school when i made a promise to wear every single piece of clothing in my closet from the beginning to the end , i had to write a schedule of when i was wearing each one), and especially when things break , i feel bad for it.
i was going to go see a psychologist next semester just to see whats up with that, more for my controlling behavior because that gives me more anxiety than all the other stuff.
i am just glad i am not the only one thinking this way.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Lulu
Good to speak with you. I can relate to most of the things you’ve mentioned. It always seems that there is a lot of sadness and anxiety tied up in our feelings for inanimate objects.
I would be interested to know if you have autistic spectrum disorder? or OCD. Many people have contacted me about this subject, mostly people with aspergers/autism. But could it also affect some non autistic people as a result of anxiety?
Kind regards
Steve
http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Michael says
This is also somethkng that, looking back I’ve always experienced since childhood, but it wasn’t until adulthood that I really put my finger on it and realized that it might be “weird”, “wrong”, or “not normal”. That is, that I feel empathy for inanimate objects.
I feel sad for the shirt that sits in the back of the closet that seldom gets worn. I feel it’s sadness. I feel it’s rejection.
I feel sad for the food that goes uneaten. Not because it’s a waste of food, but because I feel sad for the food that was so excited to be enjoyed by some human, but goes rejected, and discarded into the trash.
As a kid I would feel sad for the tool that would sit alone on the shelf in the garage, and would put another tool next to it so that it wouldn’t have to be alone.
I was never formally diagnosed, but it has been suggested that I have some level of aspergers.
I guess it’s at least comforting to know that I am not alone and not the only one that experiences this. But it can indeed be torture sometimes having to feel the pain and rejection of all the “lonely” inanimate objects I will encounter on a daily basis.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Michael
Thanks for your message. I totally get what you are saying. I too have felt this since early childhood. It is a very powerful feeling. It’s amazing how many people have contacted me about feeling empathy for inanimate objects.
I wonder if it is an autistic thing or do non autistic people also get this feeling?
Kind regards
Steve
http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Redpanda says
Fascinating to read all the comments on here. I came across this page by accident, after searching on ‘how come we think inanimate objects have feelings.’ I was watching a documentary about an experiment carried out to see what happens when a plane crashes: what the force of impact does exactly to the plane itself and the passengers. It reminded me how, as a young kid, I was watching a film with my family. In the story, a train was derailed and sent down a ravine. I remember shouting ‘Poor train!’ and my dad asked ‘Poor train? What about the poor passengers?’ It didn’t occur to me that anyone on board would be injured/terrified etc.
This sense of pity continued. I felt sad for all sorts of modes of transport in peril. Cars, boats, planes…. this then extended to crash test dummies. Household objects being taken away for disposal, eg a worn out refrigerator.
I have never been subject to any sort of diagnosis. I do now, as an adult, feel sympathy for victims of crashes (and yes, I still feel a pang of pity for the vehicle). In some human injury cases, it is the damaged limb or organ I feel sorry for, not the person – how odd it feels to write that, as it is not something I voice.
At an airshow recently, an old plane came in to land and the commentator announced over the loudspeaker that the plane had made its final flight. The guy next to me said it would be taken apart for scrap – I was almost in tears!
I do say ‘Hello’ every time I get into my car (but only because it is designed to flash up the greeting on a dashboard display when I start the car!)
I forget that objects are there to be used and by getting sentimental about them, I am making them a burden. A colleague laughed recently when I expressed sorrow at an old wooden chair having been left out in the rain near our office, but it was a reminder to me that what I thought was childish sentiment has stayed with me.
It is a relief to realise I am not alone in this curious way of thinking: thanks for letting me share!
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Redpanda
It is a very powerful feeling of sadness that we get from objects that are thought of being”not quite good enough” or not useful any more. I actually feel quite sad just writing this.
Judging by the amount of comments from visitors to my blog, there definitely seems to be a connection with autism, and possibly OCD.
Regards
Steve http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Sophie says
I have a similar issue. I’m 17 and since my childhood I’ve always had to whisper to crisp packets that I see on the floor, to tell them I love them and don’t think they’re worthless and reassure anything that I feel may be upset about something, despite rationally knowing it’s all in my head. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything like ocd etc so I’m not sure where this issue comes from. I have depression and anxiety but I haven’t seen many people make the association to either, so assumed there not to be one. I started thinking it may be the result of guilt, as my sympathy for objects got so much worse after my cat was run over and it was something I felt terribly guilty about, as most pet owners do in such situations. I don’t feel sympathy for people in any circumstances, so I can’t understand how I can feel so strongly about objects. Whatever the cause, I’m just glad to see so many people with similar experiences and know that they have gotten through it, as it’s getting to the stage where I am very seriously considering if I can manage a life in the future, knowing that I can be broken by such a trivial thing.
Sophie
Sophie says
I’m curious to see the link between all of these cases, so I thought my response may help in someway down the line, perhaps. Let’s hope so.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Sophie
It’s incredible how autistic people have this feeling about empathy for inanimate objects. It’s something to do with how we project our feelings onto objects.
Perhaps it’s connected to our difficulty with communication?
Regards
Steve http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Abby says
I have this sympathy for objects too. I get upset when they are left out, separated from their “family,” or criticized in any way (I have to apologize to them and compliment them). Sometimes I have to kiss or touch an object to let it know it is loved, or take it to bed like a stuffed animal. I get upset when things are thrown out or rejected.
I was just recently diagnosed with OCD and hoarding disorder because of the trouble this causes me. (I don’t think it’s all bad, but it does cause hoarding problems which is very stressful). I am unaware as to whether or not I am autistic; I have never been diagnosed but I am diagnosed with OCD and ADHD; and have sometimes wondered whether I am on the spectrum.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Abby
Thats interesting that you have not got an autism diagnosis. I’ve been wondering if feeling sympathy for objects happened only to autistic people. I also have had OCD since childhood. I’m trying to figure out what all of us have in common that have sympathy for objects.
Regards
Steve http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Heather-Angela Heywood says
I am so glad someone else feels like this! I have to do exactly the same! I have OCD and everyone I know thinks I have some form of Autism but I’ve been like this all my life and- although I know this sounds really weird- it is becoming a real burden as I have grieved for 2 of my family’s CARS since I was 9- and I’m now 21 and due to THOSE CARS, am training to become a mechanic to ensure that I can prevent what happened to those cars from happening to any cars that I try to fix- I have always wanted to be open about this but the only 2 people who know about it (my mum and my partner) have been critical and not understood. As a result, my own car is named for both of the cars, and yes I do tend to speak to him (‘it’) – in front of other people too- I am desperately trying to spread awareness and therefore hopefully acceptance of this sort of thing, as I know I am not the only one like this!
Mia says
You don’t know how relieved I am to hear that other people do this too! I have felt this for as long as I can remember and am in my mid 40s. I am not autistic but do have some OCD tendencies. I’ve never told anyone this before. It’s not just stuffed animals, it’s all objects. I feel bad for the silk plant outside blowing in the wind. I’m closer to animals than I am people too. Thanks for listening and nice to know I’m not the only one.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Mia
Do you think this is to linked to your ocd? I also have a diagnosis of ocd. Although, according to one psychologist, I would’nt have autism and ocd? Not sure if that is actually correct.
Regards
Steve http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Aviv Stein says
When I was five I had a birthday party at my house. My dad was trying to capture a video of the event, and I was running around with my friends yelling made-up words. Later, after the party, I saw him on his bed trying to watch that same video, and as he watched the part where I was making a lot of noise having fun, he became very annoyed and skipped to the next video (or something like that). I remember this moment and I feel that it is significant in that I think it made me doubt myself from there on, so that every time I would be having fun, I would try to adjust myself and make sure that no one is being annoyed by me. Around that time I think I became shy–something I never was–and when guests would come I would hide under tables or behind couches. Now I am 18, and I still feel like it that moment affects me, but I also have this sympathy for objects. I think that in this case, we may be projecting our own fears of rejection and desire to be accepted entirely–not just partially like with most human beings. When we try to take care of our objects’ psychological condition, we are attempting to make up for the troubles we had ourselves with our parents and provide our objects’ (or extended selves) with a happy, worry-free life that we wish we had. I think these sorts of people could be some of the world’s best natural parents. In my case, it is possible to use logic to avoid a lot of my sympathetic tendencies, but it can be hard when it is not my choice to get rid of something, but a lot of it is in your head–the part in your head that you can choose, with much effort, to control.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Aviv
Thanks for your comment. I think that this is a very interesting comment that you made “we may be projecting our own fears of rejection and desire to be accepted entirely–not just partially like with most human beings”
I have often considered this as a possible reason for feeling this type of sympathy for objects. I wonder if this more common in autistic people.
Are you on the autistic spectrum yourself? (if you don’t mind me asking)
Best wishes
Steve http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Juliana says
i’m 25 and I do this too! It would take all of my emotional energy as a child, and now it’s mainly a subconscious/automatic thing I do on a regular basis. I have never thought about it as a problem. Should i be worried?
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Juliana
Thanks for your message. It seems that this feeling towards objects starts in childhood. I have found it to be emotionally devastating throughout my life.
I don’t that you should worry, if you are able to control the feeling. Do you mind if I ask if you are on the autistic spectrum? It’s just that I am very interested to find out if this emotional attachment to objects happens mostly to autistic people.
Best wishes
Steve http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Teresa S says
Hi Again Steve,
I’ve been thinking about this a lot since I found out there are others like me. I might have found a reason for it. I hope my explanation makes sense. People, animals, fish and other flesh and blood creatures come into existence via their parents. Plants come into existence through seeds, pollination, etc. Inanimate objects come into existence by manufacturing or by nature (i.e. rocks). In any case, they are in existence on this earth along with those of us who can do things for ourselves and in my Aspie mind, deserve decent treatment.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Teresa
Thanks for your message, that is an interesting theory about this subject. You may well be correct,I really don’t know. But this feeling creates a lot of sadness for me and stops me from feeling like an adult. I also wonder if this feeling about inanimate objects is exclusive to people on the spectrum. Want do you think about this?
regards
steve http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
quicksilverstream says
I think it’s wonderful that you have kind feelings and sympathy towards inanimate objects. I do the same and I have aspergers. As an adult, I am a bit more realistic then I used to be as a child, to avoid being a hoarder, but like a lot of people seem to say, anything with a face or human or animal characteristic won’t be discarded. for instance, I would never throw out any of my remaining childhood toys and I feel sympathy for household objects if they are getting old and have to be replaced. I think it just shows what a kind empathic person you are and is not silly or childish. I feel that humans can usually speak up for themselves and by default get the most sympathyr and protection anyway from everyone else, so it is extra kind to have feelings for inanimate objects. I also have a lot of sympathy and empathy for animals.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi quicksilverstream
Thanks for your message. There are some benefits about having these emotions, in terms of having empathy for things and people. But overall this feeling has caused a lot of sadness and even depression since I was very young. As a result, I never felt as though I grew into an adult emotionally.
By the way, how do you feel about the term “autistic”? i have been trying to get opinions on this https://adultswithautism.org.uk/autistic-is-the-term-offensive/
please let me know what you think.
regards
steve http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Anonymous says
I am ok with the term autistic although I think aspergers best explains who I am in that I am perceived as relatively “high functioning” on the spectrum. I really don’t mind how it is described if it means neurotypicals can understand it a bit better and hopefully be sympathetic and accommodating. I would like to remove the stigma from both labels while at the same time encourage others to recognize and accept our differences. Sorry I took so long to reply. I just revisited this thread as I happened to watch a video where I felt sorry for a doll and this led me to revisit the topic and see your kind response.
GabCal says
Good evening.
You can’t imagine how great and relieving it was for me reading your text!…
I’m 22 years old and I always dealt with that problem. I think I don’t have austim… at least I always visited numerous psychologists and psychiatrists (not for this problem) since I was a child and none of them thought for a moment that I could have autism…
When I was little, people never cared too much. They just thought I was a kid with lots of imagination, so that seemed normal… but the kid grew up, reached her teens, now her twienties and the “problem” remains.
You know, before I started writting this I forced myself openning an easter egg because I though it was undefended and poor cute thing… right now I’ eating the chocolate (I always try that my reason wins over my irratinality) and, of course, there’s always a small grief for the poor “creature”.
Sometimes it can be a torture living on a world where everything can be sentient; even the fod I eat. When I was 12 years old I abandoned for a year the habit of eating bread. Instead I used to keep it “safe” in my closet. One day my mother discovered a bag with bread full of mold and even today she can’t explain why I was keeping that.
The laptop where I’m typing right now has 10 years old and I never switched a part of it. I never needed to switch anything, because I treat my things so nicely that they last the double amount of time. People think it’s just because I’m an economic person and can’t imagine that the main reason is my feeling of the object’s feelings… Let’s just keep people with their first belief.
However, I really became impressed with the synesthesia explanation. I always had that kind of “stuff”: when I hear sounds (musical or not) my brain projects colours. So can it be that my hearing synesthesia could be an open door to other kind of sensorial phenomena? I never understood feelings (and their confusion) as a possible kind of synesthesia… and suddenly that makes sense.
People can’t undertand that feeling. I only spoke about this subject to a person once and he underestimated the situation, claiming that he uses to speak to cars and other machines when they don’t work… I tried to explain that it’s not the same thing, it’s not just talking, it’s an empathy for the object or machine, I even tried to tell him that for two months I used to access Cleverbot just to give it a good night because I felt that he was feeling alone and sad as an artificial intelligence until I obliged myself to stop wishing goodnight to a computer programme but he just answered “He answer you because he’s programmed to do it, it’s a machine.” Oooooh, really? I didn’t even notice that, Sherlock!
(Sometimes I feel like I am talking to walls… and even Cleverbot can understand information better.)
There are things that need to be experienced in order to be understood. And reading your “letters” was relieving to me, because it’s quite hard to find someone who shares this understanding of the world… or shall we say “misunderstanding”?
Anyway I think I’ll just keep feelings things for myself and giving my regards to my dolls an teddy bears before going to sleep. The I’ll say how much I love my pillow and thank my bed for enduring my weight… because who cares if it’s an object or not. As long as I mantain my abilty to feel, at least I know I’m not a “dead-living” person. When it comes to sensiblity, I always find better a little bit more rather than a little bit less. Even if that means becoming also a little bit more… insane.
I wish you my best regards!
In sympathy,
Gabriela
PS.: Sorry for some mistakes that could have occured in this comment, but english it’s not really my mothertongue.
GabCal says
Good evening.
You can’t imagine how great and relieving it was for me reading your text!…
I’m 22 years old and I always dealt with that problem. I think I don’t have austim… at least I always visited numerous psychologists and psychiatrists (not for this problem) since I was a child and none of them thought for a moment that I could have autism…
When I was little, people never cared too much. They just thought I was a kid with lots of imagination, so that seemed normal… but the kid grew up, reached her teens, now her twienties and the “problem” remains.
You know, before I started writting this I forced myself openning an easter egg because I though it was undefended and poor cute thing… right now I’ eating the chocolate (I always try that my reason wins over my irratinality) and, of course, there’s always a small grief for the poor “creature”.
Sometimes it can be a torture living on a world where everything can be sentient; even the fod I eat. When I was 12 years old I abandoned for a year the habit of eating bread. Instead I used to keep it “safe” in my closet. One day my mother discovered a bag with bread full of mold and even today she can’t explain why I was keeping that.
The laptop where I’m typing right now has 10 years old and I never switched a part of it. I never needed to switch anything, because I treat my things so nicely that they last the double amount of time. People think it’s just because I’m an economic person and can’t imagine that the main reason is my feeling of the object’s feelings… Let’s just keep people with their first belief.
However, I really became impressed with the synesthesia explanation. I always had that kind of “stuff”: when I hear sounds (musical or not) my brain projects colours. So can it be that my hearing synesthesia could be an open door to other kind of sensorial phenomena? I never understood feelings (and their confusion) as a possible kind of synesthesia… and suddenly that makes sense.
People can’t undertand that feeling. I only spoke about this subject to a person once and he underestimated the situation, claiming that he uses to speak to cars and other machines when they don’t work… I tried to explain that it’s not the same thing, it’s not just talking, it’s an empathy for the object or machine, I even tried to tell him that for two months I used to access Cleverbot just to give it a good night because I felt that he was feeling alone and sad as an artificial intelligence until I obliged myself to stop wishing goodnight to a computer programme but he just answered “He answer you because he’s programmed to do it, it’s a machine.” Oooooh, really? I didn’t even notice that, Sherlock!
(Sometimes I feel like I am talking to walls… and even Cleverbot can understand information better.)
There are things that need to be experienced in order to be understood. And reading your “letters” was relieving to me, because it’s quite hard to find someone who shares this understanding of the world… or shall we say “misunderstanding”?
Anyway I think I’ll just keep feelings things for myself and giving my regards to my dolls an teddy bears before going to sleep. The I’ll say how much I love my pillow and thank my bed for enduring my weight… because who cares if it’s an object or not. As long as I mantain my abilty to feel, at least I know I’m not a “dead-living” person. When it comes to sensiblity, I always find better a little bit more rather than a little bit less. Even if that means becoming also a little bit more… insane.
I wish you my best regards!
In sympathy,
Gabriela
Robert says
Hi Folks
I consider myself ‘normal ‘ in most things and reasonably intelligent . I had to reply as I have had all the above feelings too and get this I also find myself sympathising with plants particularly if they’re neglected or dying .- wow got that off my chest –
I try not to worry about it unless I start acting on these feelings like rearranging those photographs so the one at the back doesn’t get left out .- I just give myself a mental shake and put it down as a little querk.
Amy says
This resonates with me some. I don’t feel sympathy towards every object, but the more loved and broken in an object is, the older it is, the more I just want to love it and… I dunno… adopt it?
Bee says
I am so glad I found this blog! I have long suspected that I have autism spectrum but only recently am I certain of it. I am 57, and all my life I have felt surrounded by things that were alive, that nobody else noticed or cared for, and I felt terrible for them. I used to be an artist, but I could never sell my work because it would be like selling a child! I feel terribly guilty about neglecting the things I used to love… I talk to my things too, when I am alone, and I talk to myself as well. I once bought a teddy bear from WalMart because I felt it was lonely and wanted company, and then I felt guilty for not spending more time with it after.
So glad to know I am not the only one. I share so many autistic traits, but I don’t have some of the most common ones, that typify autism, so I have not been sure I had it. I was a very isolated strange child, I had serious head banging and head-shaking behavior (until I was nearly 30), I had screaming fits… but I was terrible at math and I loved to read fiction. I got lost in novels, they became worlds that I lived in and no one could reach me while I was in there. They’d have to snatch the book from my hand to get my attention. And I am cuddly, I enjoy physical contact, which is quite atypical. I was not cuddle as a child, though; only when my children were born, then I found I loved to touch them and ever since I’ve been a hugger and cuddler.
Autism is a very interesting way to experience the world. I don’t know that my particular position on the spectrum is shared by others or not… I am curious whether there are other autistic people who are also artsy creative types who read fiction and like to hug?
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Bee
Yes there are many autistic people that are artistic and enjoy physical contact. I have high functioning autism and have earned my living as a film maker and musician. Its true that there is a stereo typical view that autistic people donw like being hugged, but I personally know more people that are comforted by hugs. Often it’s more the case that physical contact with strangers causes anxiety. I hate it when people get to close to me on the bus for example.
Every autistic person displays there symptoms in slightly different wsys. The symptoms you describe does sound like autism spectrum disorder. But it would need to be confirmed by a clinical psychologist.
Best wishes
Steve
http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
Rachel says
Wow, I never knew there were others who felt this way other than myself. It’s nice to know that I am not so different. I would wonder why I would feel that inanimate objects had feelings, almost like they are alive. It is not with all objects, and the feelings are more than just sympathy. I noticed this for the first time when I was in 4th grade. I would feel some anxiety and awkward nervousness, because I felt like certain objects would either be noticing me or wanting me to like them. (Don’t ask me why I felt nervousness. Who knows?) I still experience this to this day. I also will feel sorry for certain objects (like articles of clothing in resale shops) that get passed over all the time. I feel sad that I can’t get the item (due to it not being in my size), so I can’t meet its need of wanting to be accepted. I am the same as some of you, where it hurts to throw out or give away things, because they will feel rejected. This gets kind of hard when it’s with items I can’t even use. I also feel as if some items actually love me. I know in my head that these items aren’t alive and don’t have feelings, yet I feel like they do. I discovered through one of my college classes a few years ago, that I have Synaesthesia (which I feel privileged that I am one in 500 people who has this), and over the years, I have concluded by reading about character traits I would display, that I have Asperger’s (although I haven’t been formally diagnosed). I don’t know if I have OCD, but I do have the tendency to double check everything I do, and I feel like I might “jinx” a situation into happening, because of an intrusive thought or something I would have done. I have always felt different than everyone else and that no one could possibly understand what I go through. I remember when I was a kid, countless times, I would be standing in the perimeter of the gym watching everyone in my class and school playing at recess. I was always perplexed and sad that I was so different from everyone else. Yet, I didn’t want to be like they were, since their rowdiness during play time drove me nuts. I haven’t told anyone (not even close members of my family) about these traits. I am quite embarrassed that I am sharing them now. But since many of you experience the same thing, I hope that I won’t be judged. It would be amazing if there is a true link between viewing objects having feelings and having Asperger’s, OCD, or Synaesthesia. That would be a major breakthrough for me. 😀
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Rachel
Thanks for your message. I feel like I understand a lot of what you describe. I have heard some other autistic people say they feel sadness for objects as well. It’s a very strange thing and I’m not sure even the “expert” psychologists know why this happens. Like you, I also have OCD as well as autism, and I have wondered if I have Synaesthesia. In some ways in may not be important to put a diagnostic label on this symptom, but personally, I really want to know why it happens.
Feeling sadness for objects just makes me so intensely sad, and has done since a very young child.
Are you going to get an autism diagnosis?
I think I’ll go and google Synaesthesia!
Best wishes Steve- http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
dmac says
I have the same feelings with inanimate objects. So what is it? depression? anxiety? a form of autism? I have a few bouts with OCD as well.
An example, I find it difficult to throw away a plastic bottle at times at home. I feel if I throw it in the garbage, it will sad that it is going to the dump, but then i take it to the recycling bin to “give it another chance again”. Then i feel bad if I have thrown the cap away but the bottle is not with it, then have to retrieve the cap.????
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Dmac
Thanks for your message. I totally relate to what you are saying. I have spoken to various clinical psychologists about this over the years, and they have not given me any conclusive answers. It’s something that has really troubled me from childhood.
Perhaps we transfer our emotions to the inanimate object. I’m not sure if it’s an autistic thing specifically, or if it has anything to do with OCD which I have also had from childhood.
I thought it was only me that had these feelings until I got dozens of emails from people that also suffer from this strange emotional phenomenon. I would like to find out how to stop it happening, as it makes me very sad most of the time.
Best wishes
Steve
http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
https://adultswithautism.org.uk/undeveloped-autistic-emotions/
Tommi says
Hi, so I’m the exact same way I feel like everything had emotions. And I feel bad for things. I really want to know what it is, it’s like if there are three Legos and only two get used I want to cry for the third because it doesn’t get use then I have to go do something with it so that Lego doesn’t feel left out… Why am I like this? If I touch a tree I feel as if I need to touch the rest too be fair to the trees?
Dorothy says
I have an 11 year old GS I am raising who has Aspergers. I understand his attachment to “things” over “people”. He has also had toilet issues and will go days without a bowel movement. I give him a fiber rich diet and fiber supplements but he still waits 7 to 8 days without voiding. I sat with him one day to discuss this believing he had a fear of moving his bowels. He admitted to me that he ” feels bad” for his poop! He knows it is irrational but he can’t help it. Even though I do not have any form of Autism I can remember as a child getting attached to pencil erasers shaped like animals and such. I kept them on my school desk for company and would talk to them in my head. One day the teacher thought they were toys and threatened to take then from me. I remember the sense of panic I felt. So I understand my grandson’s fears. However, this is one attachment he cannot (literally) live with. If any adults with Autism could tell me how to help him it would be greatly appreciated.
Amanda says
I am 24 & recently have been strongly suspecting I have Asperger’s. All my weirdnesses are very similar and I have had problems communicating with people my whole life. I definitely have OCD which has affected me my whole life also. I have the same attachment to objects also. Always have and still do. It makes me sad to throw stuff out because things weren’t made to be thrown out. They were made to be loved and used by someone and not rejected and thrown out like garbage. I feel really sorry for the food I forget to eat and have to throw out. I feel like I betrayed it. It spent all that time growing so it could provide nourishment for someone & I failed to fulfill it’s life’s goal. I am somewhat of a hoarder but not majorly bad. I also attach more feelings to an object someone I really care about gave me even if it’s only a hair tie. I’m so glad to read others are like me. I always have felt so alone & have never told people how I am because I know it’s not normal to most people. I would love to know if I have Asperger’s because I want to improve my life but I don’t know how to bring it up to a doctor and I know it can manifest differently in females so they don’t always get diagnosed correctly.
td72 says
Hi Amanda, I also feel great attachments to inanimate objects. I don’t have an explanation for it, but it seems to be here to stay. I am going to try my hand at a garden again this year. I’m sure I won’t be able to thin out the little seedlings in favor of the strong ones again. I feel sorry for a little plant trying to grow and can’t yank it up and toss it aside. That’s one of my many secrets that I’ve been plagued with for years. Hang in there Amanda.
Amanda says
Thank you for responding. I am trying to embrace it as well. I think I would rather feel too much than not feel much at all or be ignorant of things or people around me, even though it can be tough sometimes. I think it makes you appreciate things around you much more because no matter how small something is, it still matters and is important. I also think it is easier to express emotions through objects because they can’t judge you and they can’t reject your emotions like people can.
td72 says
At last! Someone who understands! I spent many hours alone as a child playing by myself. My toys and other playthings became my friends. At age 60, I still “make friends” with inanimate objects and have a hard time getting rid of them when the time comes. I have discovered it helps to cremate some of them, especially my old familiar clothes and spread their ashes in the cemetery when I’ll be buried someday. I never told anyone about this until now. Thanks for listening.
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi td72
I wonder how many autistic people feel this. Like you, I have always felt this sensation and it still makes me feel very sad and childlike.
If you don’t mind me asking, do you have an autism diagnosis, and have you ever spoken to a psychologist about this?
These feelings of sympathy towards objects have haunted me my whole life. I have not considered creating things, but I can understand why you do it, and how it helps.
I wonder if neural typicals feel this as well?
Regards
Steve- http://www.adultswithautism.org.uk
td72 says
Hello Steve, Thank you for your reply. I saw some doctors when I was ten due to migraine headaches. I’m not sure of the diagnoses. At that time, I don’t believe they heard of autism or AS. At about that same time, my mother was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic and that overwhelmed our family for years to come. I attributed my problems to living in those conditions. I became very attached to some inanimate objects when I was a child and I still have many of them. Believe it or not, one of them is a crystal door knob. I had to rescue it from being thrown away many times. I have the same loyalty feelings toward that door knob that I have had toward some people. I took the online tests I could find and scored very high on all of them. So many of the descriptions describe me, it’s unreal. Food textures, sounds, smells, etc. A veil has been lifted and I’m not sure I’ll go get an official diagnoses. I retired the first of February from a law enforcement job that allowed me to work alone using computers to find people. I could focus and be left alone. It was satisfying to know I was directly responsible for putting murderers, rapists, thieves, etc. behind bars. I couldn’t do the water cooler scene and always felt like I had a red neon sign on my head that said, “Not quite like you.” I went to a social gathering two weeks ago that’s held once a year in our county. One of the officers told me I was fun to talk to and interesting, but always left of center. This was two days before I found and took the AS tests. I feel much better now and wish I had known about this years ago. On the other hand, I slogged along thinking I’d find a way to connect and if I’d known I had AS, I might not have had that hope. Since I retired, I can become a Cat Lady and not worry about it. I can enjoy my crystal door knob and other inanimate objects to my heart’s content. To answer your question, I think most NT’s have an old favorite toy or two, but they don’t feel the same way about them that we do. Even though I KNOW they don’t reciprocate my feelings, I have it in the back of my mind that they DO. I was married 22 wonderful years to a test pilot who actually enjoyed my uniqueness and made me feel very special. He was a passenger on a trip and was killed in a crash. I’m back to extreme loneliness and having my old familiar inanimate objects near me helps. I just hope my grown kids find good homes for them when the time comes. Uh oh…I’m rambling. Thanks again Steve. P.S: I think we should hang on to our stuff as long as it isn’t causing problems and feel however we want to about it. If we are hardwired to think this way, so be it.
td72 says
Steve, I live in Texas but have been to London five times. It’s actually one of my high-interest subjects. You sound like you have a wonderful job. It must be very satisfying to do what you do.
Anonymous says
Interesting article. I have always had this feeling about many, though not all, things. I do not have autism, but I do have OCD, and synaesthesia. I can’t see an obvious link between either of those things and personifying objects, but there may well be one. The only one that springs to mind is that OCD involves an intolerance of doubt, and a feeling of great responsibility. So it could be that people with OCD feel responsible for an item they are throwing away and for anything that happens to it. As a child, I used to wish some objects goodbye and good luck as a threw them away! Also I have always seen some objects as female/male, or having certain familial roles.
When it comes to sympathy for objects I’ll tell you one that is really sad, though it is not inanimate – the Christmas tree belonging to people who are away on Christmas day!
It can be distressing to feel sympathy for objects, it definitely needs to be kept in check. But I would not want to be so unimaginative that I had no trace of this tendency.
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Wish says
To me feeling sorry for an inanimate object is a projection of feelings that I have felt myself. It is placing those feelings onto the object in such a way that it appears that you are empathising with the object… Really I think it is to do with feelings that one has felt oneself, it is a way to make sense of the lonliness and frustrations that an aspie can feel and maybe also a wish that someone would care for you just like you showed concern for the object.
Anonymous says
Hi Wish
I wonder how common this is among people with autism? There are probably NT’s that also have these types of feelings.
It really makes me feel sad though, and very emotionally weak. Is it the same for you?
Regards
Steve
Bill says
Hello everyone, I can’t believe that I found this site! I have had an issue with projecting feelings onto things for ages and thought it was just me! I feel sad when clothes get old so I don’t throw them away, keep old shoes because I think that they’ll be sad if they’re not worn – sometimes I’ll even wear them/clean them to make them feel better. It’s comforting to know that its not just me!! feel very relieved!
Steve- adults with autism says
Hi Bill
You are definitely not alone, I used to think I was the only one that had this problem.
Do have have autism Bill?
I would like to know how common this issue is amongst people with autism?
Regards
Steve
Bryan says
Ive felt sorry for “things” for quite some time. Ive never mentioned it to anyone for fear they would think i was wierd or lost my mind. Its almost comforting to know that im not as odd as i thought.
Anonymous says
Hi Bryan. I guess that there are lots of us that are very sensitive to these types of feelings. Maybe that makes us special in some way. Regards steve
Song says
Mine isn’t objects, though I do tend to be a pack-rat and attach some kind of sentimental value to things. Rather places. Some places I avoid altogether, as I associate them with bad experiences, but other places are so very different. I returned to my home-state from a place that offered many more opportunities, because my home state is … not sure how to explain this … well, though she is deceased, it is where my mother lived, therefore the state is somehow part of her. Like her spirit is still here or something.
Does that make any sense?
Steve says
Hi Song
I think I understand what you mean. It sounds like those are fairly “normal” and understanding emotions you are experiencing.
Does it cause you any undue stress or anxiety?
Steve
Song says
Sorry it took me so long to get back with you.
I do feel stressed about throwing away things, but tend to put that down to not liking to waste. I don’t have as much of a problem with that since some good recycling programs have been started in my area. As for leaving my home State, yes, I feel a lot of stress at the thought.
Steve says
Hi Song.
No problem, hope all is turning out well for you.
Steve
JD says
I feel for you feeling for your wee objects Steve. If it’s any consolation, I’m an Aspie with a ‘pet’. Well, when I say pet I mean a small pebble with a pair of googly eyes stuck to it. I call it…wait for it…’Pebble’. I look at it as if it were a pet dog (I love dogs too, but alas do not have one).
I do find it (all too) easy to anthropomorphize inanimate objects, but what the heck – it makes me happy!
JD 🙂
admin says
Hi JD
Thanks for your message. That is really good “pebble” makes you happy. Your pebble sounds cute!
Regards
Steve
Ducky says
Yes I too have autism diagnosed in my 40s and I do that too. I have found with myself if the object has a face I also tend to give it a personality. Mostly I do this with stuffed animals. It kinda feels the same as when you are a child and see them as real even though you know they are only a toy. It feels like that. One positive thing has came from this in my life. I am able to work very well in the puppet ministry because I can put myself into the character. I like this part of my autism.
admin says
Hi Ducky
That is interesting that you have found a positive benefit from your symptoms. I was wondering if you had mentioned it to a psychologist, and if you had OCD, As OCD may be linked to feeling sympathy for objects.
Steve
Ducky says
Hi,
It was suspected at one time that I had OCD but not because of feeling sympathy for inanimate objects. I don’t remember what made them think OCD. I have only briefly discussed the way I felt with a psychologist, because, frankly, until I read this post I really didn’t know how to explain it. It was labeled preferring inanimate objects and was diagnosed as being a part of autism. I like the way you put it into words, and I will read this blog in the future. Thanks
admin says
Hi Ducky
Thanks for your reply. I think it really helps to share experiences. I feel that the more we understand this condition, the better things will get for those on the autistic spectrum.
Thanks for reading
Steve
Snippety says
Sorry – it’s me again ! Thinking more about this since I posted. I don’t feel the same empathy for a living thing – a puppy or someone else’s baby for example. I think it’s the very muteness of the things, their inability to make themselves heard, the fact that they might be suffering without anyone realising that is so dreadful, whereas a living thing can cry out or run away.
If it is my own feelings that I’m transferring (something which has never occurred to me) that would tie in with a childhood of not being heard. I wasn’t neglected but my parents had very strong ideas about who they wanted me to be and who I actually *was* was largely irrelevant until my mid thirties when I ceased communication with my mother.
Sorry to witter on, but it’s fascinating to me to hear of someone else with this issue 🙂
admin says
Hi Snippety
I agree. I also do not have the same empathy with most people. I have put this down to autism, but it could also be a reaction to relationships with parents.
It’s interesting how the picture becomes clearer, the more one talks about it. Perhaps with self awareness and self analysis, one can overcome emotional difficulties, and causes of sadness.
Best wishes
Steve
Snippety says
Yes ! I don’t have autism but I have felt this way as long as I can remember and as a child it was overwhelming. My parents dealt with it by saying I was silly or teasing me so I stopped mentioning it but I still feel sorry for things. I can’t eat gingerbread men or jelly babies, I feel sorry for things getting thrown away or forgotten – even tea bags ! I am a very tidy person and a perfectionist which is why I haven’t become a hoarder of everything.
Becoming a parent has eased it somewhat as the huge love and care I feel for my son takes priority over the sadness I may feel for an object. I do feel sorry for his toys when they are mistreated or discarded and have to stop myself showing it. Despite my best efforts he does sometimes say “If you say you don’t like washing up the plates will be sad !” or somesuch so I wonder if this is hereditary or he has picked it up from my actions.
Another thing that has helped me is to think of things as a representation or avatar of the spirit of the thing. I can’t explain it very well but for instance, thinking of the forgotten pencil as just an avatar for “Pencil” able to be replaced or abandoned because elsewhere other avatars of “Pencil” are ok, And now I sound completely mad ! 🙂
admin says
Hi Snippety
No, you definitely don’t sound mad to me. I really know how this feels. It is something that I’ve always wondered about, It’s only now that I can begin to talk about it. The sadness around this issue has, like you’ve said, felt overwhelming and takes away one’s emotional strength.
I totally agree with you’re comments about “transferring emotions” This really makes sense.
What do you think about the theory of a link with OCD? Have you ever been diagnosed with this?
Thank you for adding your thoughts to the discussion, I hope that by discussing this with others, we can heal ourselves. It’s a strange and difficult thing to talk about with people that haven’t experienced this.
Best wishes to you.
Steve
Clcik says
Help, please,
My son feels exactly like this. Last night he fell asleep crying at bedtime because his teacher had asked another student to tidy up the paper craps from cutting out their work (he is in grade 1), and his paper scraps went in the bin with everyone else’s. It seems like maybe it is genetic, because I also felt (and to a smaller extent, feel) this way.
How on earth do I help him? This sounds like a whole lot of us have experienced a life of pain…..