Autism: Feeling sympathy for inanimate objects
Article by Steve Slavin
Inanimate Object Definition: A thing that is not alive. For example: a cardboard box, a pair of scissors, a car tyre.
I have felt sympathy for objects since I was a young child. This has caused me a huge amount of sadness and anxiety over the years. I feel sad for the photograph that gets pushed to the back of the display cabinet, the guitar that doesn’t get played anymore, and the once-loved camera that has now been displaced by a newer one. As a young autistic child, I played alone with my little toy cars and soldiers. I would be overwhelmed with sadness for the toy that got left out or didn’t work properly. This was a constant source of sadness and anxiety for me. But there was another factor at play. To make matters worse, I did not know how to explain these deeply ingrained emotions to anyone. The truth is, I still cannot. something I did not know how to explain to anyone, till now.
As I write this, I can actually feel the sadness rising up. Why is this? Surely the object in question does not have ‘feelings’? Why then do I project an imagined empathy onto an unconscious object? I do not physically hear my camera, picture or guitar crying out to me for help, just the emotion that reflects back to me, the sadness I project in the first place.
I admire people who can happily discard a possession when it no longer pleases them. How free that sense of detachment must feel: to move on to the next thing, without ever looking back.
So why do I get so deeply upset by this? I have scoured the internet for answers. There are other people, some with autism, who share this strange trait and speak of their sadness around inanimate objects. But then there are many people without an autism diagnosis who display similar emotions around inanimate objects.
As autistic people, perhaps some of us have a tendency to invest our emotions in inanimate objects rather than people. Could it be this that leads to our things becoming our closest friends?
In my book Looking for Normal, I have written more about having sympathy for inanimate objects. Here is a section from my book.
“I did not learn to socialise in the normal way. As a child, my world was small and turned inwards. My friends lived in toy boxes at the foot of my bed: they were tin soldiers with painted-on smiles, and plastic cowboys on horseback riding the soft blue prairie of my bedroom carpet. For reasons I still do not understand, the emotions I invested in my tiny, inanimate friends reflected back to me a deep and overwhelming sadness. I felt sorry for the toys that never got played with, and heartbroken for the toys pushed to the back of the cupboard in favour of shiny new Christmas and birthday gifts. But why did I (do I) feel such intense sadness around inanimate objects? Do my possessions become like batteries for the psyche? Charged receptacles in which I subconsciously store my sadness? Mirrors that reflect and amplify that sadness back to me in a never-ending feedback loop of negative emotion?”
There is some evidence to suggest that OCD and synesthesia are possible causes for the mental process I describe. Put simply, synesthesia is a neurological condition where the senses are confused. So someone with synesthesia may smell a taste, or see a particular colour when thinking of a specific number. Some people have a form of Synaesthesia known as Personification. This is when a personality or emotion is attributed to an object. It would appear that there is a higher tendency for those on the autistic spectrum to have synesthesia in one form or another. I can personally attest to this from my observations of autistic people I work with as a specialist tutor.
I’m not totally convinced that what I experience is Synaesthesia, and I have not heard a satisfactory explanation of why it happens to me. A clinical psychologist told me that it was something to do with OCD and autism but could not elaborate any further.
Even at 57 years of age, the sadness I feel from objects stops me from becoming a fully functional adult. At times it disables me and keeps me as a child who wants to cry all the time.
Does anyone know if this is autism-related or OCD?
I’m leaving this post slightly open-ended because I really want your feedback on this. Do you also feel sorry for inanimate objects? Do you like crying when you feel that a posession of yours is being discarded in some way?
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I sometimes wonder if I’m autistic but haven’t been diagnosed. As a child I had to pick up both shoe laces at the same time so one didn’t feel like I picked the other one first because it was more loved than the other. Then after I picked them up at same time, the problems was which one went over and which went under.
As an adult, if there are three eggs left but I only want two, then I feel bad for the one left alone. Same with cheese slices, etc .. I told my sister one day, and she said maybe that egg had been waiting to get the whole carton all to itself and couldn’t wait to be alone. Then I felt better, lol, because I’m a loner. All I know is that thoughts that hurt aren’t aligned with what God is thinking about the same thing. The painful thoughts are distorted.
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It’s interesting to think about where to buy pourpoule flouwweres. What do the flowers do at night???
I’ve an early memory of a brand of fabric softener I’d see at the store when I went shopping with my parents. It had a picture of a baby on the box. I always felt sad for the baby having to be in the store alone after it closed for the night.
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I have felt this way for as long as I can remember… I’d insist on buying the damaged toy as a kid the one discarded to the side abandoned.
I’ve been on this planet for 21 years and I never realized this was connected to autism. Anytime I saw something get neglected or destroyed, whether it be a nice piece of tech, a Spongebob figurine, a well loved blanket, etc, I’d always get this sudden but usually brief wave of sadness and pity for the object, even though it was just an inanimate object and nothing more. Thank you for writing this, it gave me some interesting insight about myself.
People with autism often feel deep empathy for inanimate objects, seeing them as deserving of care. For example, a Black leather Jackets may hold sentimental value, making it more than just clothing. This unique perspective can lead them to treat objects like friends, attributing emotional importance to belongings like a beloved leather jacket.
I cannot believe I am finally not alone in what I thought was crazy thinking. At 77 I still feel sorry for everything. It’s just been a way of life
Are not they in a hurry? Do not they want to find the outpost? Need not Kirk get back to the ship? Yet they sit there, having a talk and barbecue around a log fire.
I can’t tell you how comforting it is to learn that others experience this too! I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember, even though I’m not autistic and have some OCD tendencies. I’ve never shared this before, but it’s not just stuffed animals—it’s all kinds of objects. I even feel sympathy for the silk plant outside when it blows in the wind. I find I connect more with animals than with people. Thanks for listening and making me feel like I’m not alone in this.
Hi,
I am autistic (diagnosed as adult) and likely suffered with OCD and received help and treatment for OCD. After extensive therapy, CBT, research etc I’m now able to, for the most part, pinpoint if it’s my autism, ocd, trauma etc.
As my ocd is in a much better place and I’m careful to be mindful of when the ocd wants me to do something (and to kindly resist) this personification with objects has become easier (but still prevalent). For me personally my OCD latched onto my autistic needs and one of those was the personification of objects. It causes stress. And melt downs because I put pressure on myself to throw things when I wasn’t ready etc.
Now I roll with it. Now I’ve pulled back layers I can feel that the object personification to me feels innate and natural to me. Like the autism. I’ve only
Recently heard about it being possibly synethesia and I have to say that fits for me. When I’m not allowing it, accepting it and nourishing it, it can then in turn trigger my OCD. Turning it into a stressful daily preoccupation. This is just my experience and story.
It’s like an extension for me. And although there may be something to feelings of loneliness or isolation and so transferring feelings to objects it just feels more innate then that for me. Even when loneliness I not present, I get great enjoyment, contentment and joy from object personification. I can relate to the sensory cross over where my empathy seems to know no bounds. Even when an object is an object. It’s the OCD in me that can turn this into “you better put him at the front or he will die or he will have a horrible life”. Now I’m generally able to get the enjoyment from object personification and use my ocd managing strategies to negate when this turns negative.
I still have times like during high stress or busy periods when I’m overwhelmed where I do not feel strong enough to do something like throw something out. So I tend to put it on the side to let my body and brain adjust to the interim stage of “it needs to be thrown out but I’m not ready”. I once had a watering can sat on the side in my kitchen (by doing this I see it every day as it’s out of place and it reminds me it’s in its waiting phase). It sat there for 6 months. And I was okay with that 🙂 I’m kinder to myself and I build myself up to it in whatever way I need 🙂
I, too, feel a deep connection to creatures (from inspects to animals). Often more so than humans.
I also just want to add as others have said here, it can be so vivid. I’m a visual thinker, learner etc. so I literally see and feel what the bug will
See or feel if I put him in the bin (when I’m trimming plants in garden for compost bin).
I have to check all the plants thoroughly before putting in him. As I can see in my head the image of them being stuck, in the dark, no food, little, then squished in the trucks etc. suffocating etc.
It’s all done at lightening speed where I seem to have little control.
As someone else has said which is so true do me. I can’t watch any tv, films, etc with animals or creatures in. Even bugs life or antz. I watched them as a kid and they were so distressing. Like the other commenter it can haunt me. Cause me serious distress.
For many years sometimes. I still do this day have trauma from watching children’s films like lion king.
They are probably the most intense films to me.
I couldn’t understand how they were for kids (I was 14 when I watched the lion king for first time)
This is so fascinating to read! It’s very relatable. Although i have no trouble throwing (most) things out, i do say “sorry” to the object when i do! And i always collect the single bananas in the supermarket to buy and the damaged can or package etc, otherwise i feel sorry for them
Don’t even get me started on animals, i would never consciously throw a bug in the bin, i can’t kill anything except mosquitos, and i’ve cried when i have accidentally stepped onto a snail.
I am not autistic at all (though i do have add), just very sensitive person i guess. I like to think about it as a greater capacity for love or empathy, and i don’t consider it a problem at all. It’s actually very reassuring to read other people experience this too, makes me feel less of an emotional outlier
I am the same. I have to leave, the room if there’s anything about animals or bugs. I talk to my flowers, bugs. trees. I hug trees and I tremble with awe and love. I couldn’t finish the Lion King. I love to watch bees and spiders. Canada geese run to me although they have a terrible reputation. Glad to meet someone like me❣️
Oh! Me too!
Same.
Hi, I grew up in the 90s when “girls couldn’t have Aspbergers, I never understood why the smallest changes in my childhood would send me off the deep end, like finding my Spice Doll (Ginger of course) shoved at the back of the cupboard or why at 15 I had take a Stand and put all my teddies in a bag and bring them into my new room because I knew my mother wanted to get rid of them. I was 11 and I asked for a toy and my mother laughed in my face and told me that “I’m getting a bit old to play with dolls. I never understood why someone else was allowed to decide when my child ended. I thank God every day it’s not like it was any more as I lay in bed with my assorted plush toys for comfort. I bought them because for once in my life nobody told me I couldn’t, same reason at times I do Lego sets. My daughter is as they now say ASD but on that broad spectrum with a disgraceful diagnosis (there are too many kinds of autism to just put them under the same name!!) People with autism are often higher in IQ, that could be on an emotional level or on an intelligence level or another higher level intelligence nobody understands. My daughter is no doubt Aspbergers like me. Which means at school she absolutely excels in the subjects she has passion for but is a little behind on the things that bore her. She loves Polly Pockets still at 11 and I embrace that because that inner child in me (literally I watch cartoons like rugrats, aah real monsters my huge love is Scooby Doo and I sleep with a life size one lol) I feel sad for my plush toys when I go away for a few days and cuddle them all as soon as I get home. For me, I’m in absolutely no hurry for my little girl to grow up, so if she wants to play with Polly Pocket toys like I used and put them all in their special places at night before she gets into bed with her life size pikachu, let her do it, don’t judge her or me. Sometimes we grow up completely but I assure as a mother at 36, life with your inner child and that empathy for what we refer to as “inanmiate” objects, I feel guilty writing those words lol to be able to hold onto that after having your innocence stolen from you, is sometimes the only way to get through life. I’m so glad I read this because I thought I was the only person in the world who felt these emotions, so thank you so much. Adult life sometimes is just too dull, I say keep watching cartoons, building your Lego sets and loving your “inanimate” possessions, you feel a physical and emotional connections to these things because that hoe we are we wired and we should be proud not ashamed. It’s 2025 now, another year of uncertainty, except for knowing I will build my Lego, sleep with my toys, watch cartoons and playstation lol. We’re always talking about growth and change when 80% of the people talking about it don’t even know what growth or change is. I believe growth and change is accepting there is a part of me and of my daughter that will always have part of our childhood. And I think it’s beautiful, be free.
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I am like this with animals … it seems to intensify with animals that seem to have more awareness … such as monkeys and apes I cannot bear to see I will cry and cry and dogs pigs … I feel it for all creatures but it does intensify for those species.
You just described my feelings and thinking and way of being. Thank you. I feel the same way. I am not autistic nor have been diagnosed as being such but I do have some OCD tendencies. I also am comforted to read that others feel the same way. I have been this way all my life. Thank you for sharing.
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This explains a lot. My bed is filled with stuffed animals, I never throw away things (I always mend them instead), I can’t leave items at the store if it’s only one left (then that item will be sad and lonely) etc etc.
I have thought a lot about this: since I have both ADHD and autism and PTSD, what could trigger my behavior? Reading the comments here I understand it’s my autism causing this.
Another idea was that since I was very bullied and alone as a child, I know how it hurts to be left out and I don’t want anything or anyone to feel that way. If I keep every object and item close to me and treat them with equal respect they will never feel the same way i did. So, I understand that I to some extent project my inner wounds and feelings onto objects.
I’m almost 36 and it’s getting more intense every year.
Exactly this, and I think this is why I was the same. At 60 it has fortunately eased off somewhat and it helps understanding where it comes from.
THAT IS ME! I never knew anyone else had The same irrational empathy for objects the way I do. Also, I can’t let go of images I see such as 20 years ago a National Geographic I watched a male hippo eat a baby hippo and I have thought about it every day since that I was 22 and I am now 47. Cause me to get into a panic attack because I think of poor baby hippo and what it must’ve been feeling. I literally have to be very careful about what people tell me or what I see even in a commercial because it will start the worm turning in my head and I can’t let it go. I am very protective of others, especially children or animals. I would put a Band-Aid on a snake because my dad accidentally ran over a snake pulling in the driveway. These things literally horrify me and I can’t understand why other people don’t feel the same way. I will put myself on the light standing up for anyone or an animal except myself.
If I see anything or anyone that I think might need help, I can’t let it go and I have to do that. I have to make sure they’re OK. However, the person who is actually hurting someone or or an animal I would attack and I would not feel have any mercy about what happened to The person bullying or victimizing or hurting an animal or a human. I can’t even talk about it as you can tell. It is so hard for me to explain the feeling and I don’t understand how other people just let things happen and don’t do anything to try to help.
It’s such a relief to know I’m not alone in this cause. I don’t know anybody else’s like me.
This is me, word for word! I saw a documentary when i was 8 about an elephant getting lost from the herd and the narrator said it would probably die because it went the wrong way, and i think of it to this day (at 41). So many examples like that. It’s just a huge capacity for empathy and a sense of justice i think (that’s why you have zero trouble attacking someone who does harm), and although it can be exhausting i also think it’s much needed in the world. Don’t think of yourself as weird, i bet if you read the comments here you would consider all those people with all that empathy as beautiful people with big hearts, right? Well, that is you.
Can’t even read the comments when y’all start talking about the animals, lmao! I have to skip over a chunk n keep reading to get the general idea of what y’all are saying.
Omg the single items in the supermarket thing! So relatable! And i say “sorry” to items when i throw them in the bin! It’s funny cause i don’t even have a shred of autism or ocd, but i do have adhd.. It might actually just have to do with a certain sensitivity (which presents in both autism and adhd)?
I’m a late diagnosed Autistic person. I’m 46 and I’ve felt empathy towards inanimate objects all my life. All my cutlery and plates are in order, sort of like a queue, so that they all get used and none of them get left out. I have to force myself to walk away from teddy bears in shops especially dog ones. I know cognitively that they do not have feelings but there is still this sense in me that everything is alive and conscious. I worry about things being anxious or sad. I don’t have OCD. I have a friend with ADHD who has the same thing. I think perhaps it’s part of being neurodivergent in general. Some of us have sensory issues, some of us have social issues, and equally some of us attach emotions to things. I think it’s just part of some of our neurodivergent profiles which are all unique.
I feel sorry for the frozen prawns in the freezer at Iceland and I have a great love for feathers and fluff and pom poms . All the pigeons are my family and I try and rescue all the poorly birds . Iv even caught a pigeon and put plasters on his bad foot . I feel sympathy for bumble bees and plants . I must be on the autism spectrum . I even call my Hoover Trevor .
I think you’re just sensitive, and that sensitivity is just a (fairly typical) symptom of a certain type of brain, it presents in autism but also adhd. I have zero autistic traits but i fully recognize everything you write. I actually think it is beautiful and valuable.
I genuinely have thought I was crazy over the years,but I didn’t realise this was an actual thing! Oh my gosh I’ve found my people! I’m 19 and sleep in a room surrounded by over 200 antique teddy bears! I see them online or in a charity shop,and I give them emotions and voices in my head! I never mean too,I’ll just see a little bear and imagine it calling out to me to take it home otherwise it’s going to be sad and never find a loving person to care for them! I’ve always struggled with this but the minute I got a job at 16,that was it-I now had disposable income which is noticeable in my house! It’s not just teddy bears though,it ranges from a random water bottle that I’ve just finished,and I can’t bring myself to throw it away because it will get upset that it’s only purpose was for someone to drink out of it and then throw it away,or another example is when I was 9,I went into a carpet store and walked out with a carpet tester sample,and continued to cuddle it to sleep every night because I wanted it to feel loved-a piece of bloomin carpet! I’m so glad I’ve found this article! It makes me feel a little less crazy that I sympathise with random day to day objects!
I am like you, have always felt emotion and sympathy for inanimate things. My biggest memory was I cried incessantly if I had to put my stuffed animals in a container instead of on my bed. I thought they couldn’t breathe and move! I rationalized that this was after reading “The Velveteen Rabbit” and that it wasn’t real. I also have a bit of Synesthesia-certain colors and numbers/letters make me very uncomfortable. Words with “OO” flood, blood, mood are upsetting. The word “horror” makes my blood cold. It’s so weird. Many more of those things… but the sympathetic feeling to these objects aren’t limited to stuffed animals. I feel that way for anything that’s not with the others, or left out from the action. I also see faces in cars-front or back. Like, a happy car or a mean car. Herbie the Love Bug traumatized me as a kid. Ugh. It was insane.
i used to have this old stuffed elephant that would sing you are my sunshine when you pressed a button on it and now every time i hear that song i get really sad (the lebron james meme is not helping)
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I’m not diagnosed as autistic, but I’ve been mostly sure that I am for some time. (It sort of runs in the family.) I’ve always felt strange connections to objects, people use to tell me that it was because I was little, but I’m 14 now and it still stops me from doing a lot. I can’t give stuffed animals away because I feel like it’s sad. My mom made me buy a net for them, and I hugged each and every animal as I put it into the net because I didn’t want it to be mad at me. Once, when I was 11, I had such an emotional connection to a pinecone that I had to stop myself from crying in front of my friends when my teacher made me leave it outside. Now I’m a collector, I have jars of keys, chains, broken jewelry, pins, bottle caps, etc. I take them all out every once in a while and admire them, every one, and occasionally turn them into jewelry so that the old things can have another chance to be loved and see the world. I’ve always thought it was a strange thing to do, but I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in that.
You’re not alone. I totally have done the same things with those objects. ((Hugs)) to you
Well, there seem to be way more people who experience this than I thought. I have done this for years! There are times when it causes me stress. I am not autistic. I read that it was a coping mechanism to stress, However, It causes me stress. I have never told anyone EVER! I know people would have laughed or thought it was weird. LOL It does bring me some peace that I’m not the only one. I saw an article that some people are just way more empathetic than others. It shows up on brain scans (MRI) the activity in the brain when one feels empathy towards anything. I guess that is what people call empaths. I’m not sure if we should all be friends or stay far away from each other. We may implode with empathy.
Oh my gosh. I’ve been watching Love on the Spectrum, I’m noticing a lot of things I recognize in myself. Not that awkward parts, socially.. the counting, the making sure the door is locked 4 times, using 4 scoops of whatever, 4 pulls on the toilet paper. I always thought I was weird & it was just my “thing” .. I don’t think I’m Autistic, but I do think I may be compulsive with routine and numbers. I’ll eat the same thing, for breakfast, every day, for months on end. I’m glad to know there are others like me.
I’m happy,sad and confused about this article. I was actually looking up something else and seen this and suddenly was feeling like I have found my people,lol. I have done this as long as I can remember but it’s not just objects. Sometimes it’s the old man on the side of the road,or the way someone is holding there fork when eating. I find it happens more when I look at toys even when they are online. I have even bought a particular stuff animal bc I felt sorry for it bc it’s so little and it’s hair every where and lost a eye. So I must take it home and love it. I’m 47 yrs old what is wrong with me? U mean nobody else feels like this what kind of monster are you. Yes it’s a heart breaking thing but I also can’t imagine being a person that doesn’t feel anything when seeing something that reaches out to you weather real or not .
I’m happy,sad and confused about this article. I was actually looking up something else and seen this and suddenly was feeling like I have found my people,lol. I have done this as long as I can remember but it’s not just objects. Sometimes it’s the old man on the side of the road,or the way someone is holding there fork when eating. I find it happens more when I look at toys even when they are online. I have even bought a particular stuff animal bc I felt sorry for it bc it’s so little and it’s hair every where and lost a eye. So I must take it home and love it. I’m 47 yrs old what is wrong with me? U mean nobody else feels like this what kind of monster are you. Yes it’s a heart breaking thing but I also can’t imagine being a person that doesn’t feel anything when seeing something that reaches out to you whether real or not . Oh and the whole Ocd thing doesn’t make sense to me really. I don’t understand how me seeing a broken leg fairy at Walmart thinking it’s going to be left out and tossed away I must buy it has anything to do with OCD. Personally yes it has to do with empathy but also has to do with you your self having abodment issues or hurt of some kind. Otherwise we wouldn’t know to have empathy for something we aren’t familiar with and understand. There for we don’t want nobody, nothing real or fake ever feeling like they aren’t loved or wanted by someone, just one ,just one can make a difference.
Interesting point. I used to feel like this a lot as a kid, and I think it was the perceived helplessness of the object that made me feel sorry for it.
I don’t think there is any reason to be sad about this! I am the same way and i think it is just sensitivity, the opposite of a monster! You are a highly empathic human being, you have a heart full of love and understanding and you see and feel more than others. Please don’t consider yourself weird, it is a treasure (albeit tough to have sometimes) for our world. Think about it this way; your empathy and love is needed to compensate in this world for all those heartless mf’ers (excuse my french) who cause so much damage. There is NOTHING wrong with you, your sensitivity is VERY much needed and valued. Trust your own heart!
I hope the op reads this response to their comment. It didn’t fully occur to me until I read that short passage in this article about feeling empathy towards inanimate objects. I always knew this was a quirk of mine since my earliest memories but imagined it was a product of my very healthy imagination being overactive. It’s a strange dichotomy in my personal experience though I would have to disagree with it simply being a case of being overly empathetic as your nature. Speaking only from personal experience I have always had varying degrees of empathy some very high to the point of me becoming very emotional and crying to being almost callous and dismissive about certain people or situations that should elicit some sort of empathy emotion or at least guilt and does not. Two examples of this that I can think of right now but there are many is for instance a Blind gentleman with his white cane I see making his way down a public Street without difficulty or outward sign that he is in any kind of stress or discomfort will cause me to be overwhelmed with sadness and empathy that I may have to go somewhere private and weep should I make a spectacle of myself. with the other example seemingly proves my heartless and jaded side of my brain for example a video or photos depicting young children in Africa or other regions in developing countries with extreme poverty, children literally dying of starvation and disease and I feel little to no real sympathy for them other than the conscious awareness that this is obviously a horrific thing. I’ve also felt the deepest loss and sadness as if I had had a family member die when a inanimate object possession of mine was somehow mistakenly given away or stolen and I felt that object somehow had to be feeling the sadness of losing me and must be lonely as strange as it sounds. It’s one reason why I cannot tolerate when something of mine is stolen it’s as if someone has kidnapped a member of my family. But it has also caused me similar pain to see sad looking objects in thrift stores that I’ve never seen before but I imagine we’re abandoned and somehow have feelings though I know this is irrational. I don’t know if it’s associated with it but I’ve also had the greatest empathy and strongest emotional attachments to animals rather than other humans especially with the grief process, losing a beloved dog or a dog that I was acquainted with is emotionally crippling in its intensity compared to the grief felt for relatives that have passed. With the exception obviously of my father.
As a PostScript I’d like to at least give my opinion about the subject of peoples need to label not just themselves but others. I can honestly say that it is very tempting and also a bit comforting when you can point at something and say that’s it that’s what did it to me that’s what’s wrong with me whether they’re is some form of therapy or drug that can help is not all that important. I know for a fact that people like to have something or someone to blame for their problems and often they legitimately do however the human brain is so complex and feelings and emotions so diverse with unique experiences that though it may be hard for someone to admit that there are parts of our brain we have no blanket term for or category that is popular in present culture or social media such as the bipolar trend that was the go-to mental illness for quite a while and then the autistic spectrum labeling we came very popular and still is. For someone who actually is diagnosed bipolar and has suffered with its actual debilitating symptoms for so long that it was manic depression back then, it was fairly irritating and offensive when all of the sudden every celebrity jerk off or someone who did something stupid was automatically bipolar. I just think we should be careful to fall into that pitfall of cozying up to the notion that just because we have some symptoms of a person whom is autistic we may not have the right to adopt that label because there is a very real potential that it dilutes the seriousness and the real struggles of those whom are on the spectrum of autism and people with sheltered lives and whom are hypersensitive really do a disservice to those who have a genuine disorder. And I had to use quite a bit of restraint not to be more vulgar in my criticism of dramatic people who seek sympathy or special treatment for their imagined illnesses.
But are they seeking special treatment here? Speaking for myself, i have just stumbled upon this thread and recognized the “symptom” of feeling empathy for inanimate objects as something i have as well. I’m not autistic at all (though i do have add), and just thought it was funny so many people shared this quirk. Because honestly it’s not more than a quirk, right? I just see it as something beautiful (albeit tiring at times) to be highly sensitive, and i think it’s very much needed in the world. I don’t think it needs any special treatment though? As for your point of labelling; i agree that the drawback of considering things like autism on a “spectrum” is that it encompasses a lot of very very mild manifestations, to the point where the label is kind of arbitrary. However, i figured out i had add at 41, after finally being able to put tens of little things together, which on the surface seemed unrelated. The issues i had never led to truly severe life problems, so i probably am not a “severe case”, but they did cause me pain. Realizing that these issues stemmed from the same “core issue” actually helped me a lot, just to understand it better and therefore being able to accept myself and be less harsh to myself. In that respect being able to put a label to these things is very valuable. It provides a starting point for understanding.
I just found this and it deeply resonates with me. I am not diagnosed with ASD, but am seeking diagnosis at the moment. This post makes total sense to me, I have loads of stuffed animals all down my bed and even more in the loft and other places because they don’t all fit in my room. I feel sad for the ones that have to live in the loft and not in my room. At least they are all together in a nice place though! I would never want them to get separated.
I also have a drawer of special things, like coins and tickets and those little toys you get from kinder eggs. Even just bits of plastic that have caught my eye on the street that I can’t not bring myself to throw away. I have always been a collector, so figured it was just that until I grew up and all my friends grew out of cuddly toys and stuff but I didn’t.
I have my assessment soon, but I keep doubting myself and just thinking that I’m making it up for some reason. It makes total sense for me to be autistic, so I think I’m just gaslighting myself.
Sad, pathetic, offensive and utterly pointless response.
Hi 34yr old…45yr old here and searching for an answer to this issue brought me here. I had no idea I was autistic (my parents moved schools when it was suggested I needed psych eval!) until my son, who was spotted at 3 and diagnosed at 5, became a teenager. It made me realise so much and rather than just live with these things and not be able to help him, I started looking for answers. Problem is my mind processes things the way it does, I can only do so much. As a kid I’d get terribly distressed for animals who are actually sentient but also every single inanimate object that I interacted with, it was exhausting, I really relate to your post and that of the OP. We are currently moving house and need to be ruthless with *stuff* so I’m looking for help. Having a clear house and mind would be a miracle for myself and my son and family, the quest is well worth it. I’ll bookmark this page and if I find an6 help I’ll share it here. Best to you and Steve Slavin from Squeak.
Hi,
My comment might never be read as your article is a few years old but I just came across it and I could relate tremendously.
I do personification with various objects but the one that I have struggled wit the most is my personification wit food.
I simply cannot throw a sole piece of something in the bin.
If while cooking, let’s say I drop a pea, then I have to take another one and put them bot in the bin bag.
I cannot stand the idea of only one feeling lonely in the bin.
And I know it would sound ridiculous and trivial for neurotypical people but for me, it can be quite stressful, as I always need to make sure that noting is going to the bin alone…. 🙁
Your comment hasn’t gone unnoticed! I have just found this thread having googled “what is it called when you feel bad for inanimate objects” — I am not formally diagnosed with OCD, but I think now this is why I have these same feelings, as I can totally relate to the ‘loneliness of a pea’ as you describe. I feel terrible if I leave one of anything behind or left on its own. My OCD is very much feeling based, not necessarily a sadness, but most certainly an uncomfortable and i’ve-let-you-down feeling hard to explain! I hope you find comfort in the fact you’re not alone with this.
Yes, I have this feeling for my soft toys from when I was young and need to make sure a soft toy my daughter recently knitted for me can breathe so I don’t leave it under the duvet. I am also distressed as another soft toy from when I was young is abroad and I know where it is, squished at the bottom of a plastic box. When I was eight and sent to boarding school, I wrote home telling my parents that my soft toys were homesick, but did not mention my feelings. I think it’s a form of emotional displacement and belongs more to ASD that OCD, though I have both so cannot be definite there. I think it comes from being less able to feel things for oneself and projecting sympathy onto inanimate objects instead. I think many of the feelings are intended for oneself so it’s a roundabout way of feeling self-sympathy, but they are transferred. As such it would fit more the autistic personality type, which is less able to understand and identify emotions, though they will be felt. I feel great sympathy for other people too, if I sense they are in some way emotionally damaged or very upset (especially women) and I think the two are related: sympathy (often intense and burdensome empathy) for others and for inanimate objects.
That’s so insightful, thank you so much for sharing, I can show a paper bag more empathy than I can ever muster for myself. I’ll think on that, most grateful.
The theory that the feelings are actually directed at the self is very interesting! I don’t have a shred of autism (but do have add), but i do think that i have a hard time being compassionate to myself. Someone on here said it might also have to do with hurt that we have experienced, which enables us to feel this empathy because it resonates with something in ourselves. Maybe the “lesson” here is not only that it is perfectly ok to have this level of empathy for others, animate or not, but that we can also apply it to ourselves, recognize our own hurt. (Only getting started with that at 41 so give it some time )
I’m YEARS late to this but only found out I was autistic a couple of years ago at 19, and this kinda thing has been hitting me FULL FORCE recently. Honestly I can get attached to anything with a face, from the cute wonky plushie I saw at the store to the old worn out barbies in the back of my cupboard. It’s especially prevalent with toys of all shapes and sizes, it’s why I still have most of my childhood toys. (I’m gonna partially pin blame on Toy Story for that one. Still can’t watch that third movie without breaking down into floods of tears even at almost 22!)
Recently I had to put my webkinz in a vacuum sealed bag for storage purposes and was on the verge of tears apologising to each and every one as I did so, making sure they all knew I was sorry and didn’t want to have to put them away like this. I keep a selection of lovely build-a-bears on my ottoman as a display piece and often knock into them by accident, and to stop feeling guilty I have to apologise and pet them on the head. But since I can’t stand letting them feel left out, I have to pet all of them.
I bought a new comfort plush recently and had to apologise to one of my old plushes and give her some extra cuddle time just in case she felt like she was being replaced. I bought a little doll last year who turned out to be defective and, upon hearing that she would likely be disposed of if I returned her, cried over the situation for a while, apologised sincerely for judging her and kept her anyway, even though the defect really bothered me. Because it wasn’t her fault she was defective! I couldn’t just throw her away like rubbish!
I also got sent a hoard of old things from my dad that I now need to make room for because I can’t bear to part with them. They’re these cheap old plastic horses with horribly messed up manes and I can’t even remember their names, but just thinking back to all the fun times I had with them as a kid makes me want to cry. I just can’t do it.
Call me a hoarder if you want but I just get so overwhelmed with sentimentality and emotion and so, SO much guilt at the thought of parting with a beloved old friend. They were so good to me and I had so much fun with them, I would hate for them to feel unloved. Even donating toys worries me, what if they’re treated poorly? Or thrown away like rubbish? Or ruined and scribbled on and damaged?
Even now, waking up to see a plushie on the floor or a doll who fell over in the night fills me with sadness and guilt, as if I should’ve been more careful and vigilant.
I know most adults don’t think or act like this and I feel very ashamed when I think about it, or see my twin sister be able to part with her old things with little to no thought at all. I just… can’t.
(And it’s not just toys. I had a pair of unicorn slippers that I LOVED but are totally trashed now and I still can’t throw them away. They were the first pair of slippers that I truly wore until they were practically falling to pieces, and they were so cute and comfy. I can’t do it! I was going to say it would be easier if they didn’t have a face buuuuut I also recall a pair of ruined sandals in my shoe box that I wore for YEARS that got ruined at the beach. Oh, my beloved sandals, I can’t let those go either….)
Oh my goodness this is like reading about myself, especially regarding the unicorn slippers as I have a pair that are worn out, but I’m not ready to discard of them yet!
Also, I’m currently feeling very sad for donating my plush doggie to the tombola as I wanted to help raise money for the cats, thinking the cute doggie should go towards a child who needs it more than I do!
Now feel bad for reasons you describe. I’m sure someone will love it 🙂
I do the same and I’m 42 – my 10 year old son is on the spectrum. If I have photos frames of loved ones it’s hard for me to NOT put them out even if I don’t have the room. I can’t let go of objects such as childhood memories or even my sons art pictures he creates. It makes me feel so badly. I don’t hoard. But have always been this way. If there was. A Barbie it being neglected by one of my many older sisters , I’d feel badly for it and dress it and play with it. My mom passed and anything she’s given me or that was her , is hard to part with or donate. I gave one of my daughters recently my high school Dr martens that have been in many mosh pits back then and I kept. I found out she sold then and it broke my heart and I cried all night in my room. Maybe we are just highly sensitive humans. I’ve never felt like I fir in anywhere. I would be surrounded by many “friends” yet I can never be just me. Only around certain people and they have passes last year. Just glad I’m not alone with this
You are certainly not alone, and yes it is just being a very sensitive human with a huge heart and a huge capacity for empathy and love. It is a treasure (albeit exhausting at times) and much needed in the world! Don’t feel bad about it, allow it to be, and know it’s an indication of your capacity to love.
This is very difficult to discuss. I feel crazy talking about it. Anyway, here it goes. I’ve always felt sorry for plastic. The kind that people use in construction. It gets stapled to walls, it gets buried under concrete, it has to be outside in all types of bad weather, it gets splattered with paint, and people use it as a slip ‘n slide. When I see plastic sheeting blowing in the wind it looks like it’s struggling to escape, but it can’t because it’s held down by cinder blocks, bricks, or other objects. I’ve always had an affinity for plastic. It started as a child. I wet the bed and was put in plastic pants. I also remember my dad bringing home plastic bags from work. It was very difficult unburdening myself like this. I’m glad to know there are other individuals such as myself. BTW, I’m diagnosed as autistic, bipolar, OCD, anxiety, and ADHD.
I’m a mental health professional and I felt the urge to reply to you, because your post is somewhat different than a lot of the others. Very similar, but different in how you described what happens to plastic materials. For some reason it hit my heart. You said, plastic gets buried, it is abandoned and alone in bad weather, it is used and abused without a choice or power (paint splattered; slip n slide), blowing helpless in wind and can’t escape and no one helping it, it is held down.
I’m taking an educated guess here, so of course I might be way off base, not knowing you/where you come from/early childhood experiences etc. But I’m curious if you’ve been projecting- taking your own thoughts and feelings and beliefs and experiences/wounds (so basically your inner experience), and placing onto other people, or in this case plastic, as a way to relate to yourself and have grace for yourself. Your inner experience (especially if you’re on the spectrum and/or experienced big T and/or little t (relational trauma)), might be hard to identify and process your own inner world; but if seen through another person or an object, it’s easier to recognize it and empathize. So, like other posts/comments have mentioned, projecting and personalizing subconsciously your own inner experience to someone or something else, you’re processing and trying to make sense and organize own inner experience. Very common in ASD. However, people may get misdiagnosed ASD and/or ADHD, when a lot of the features actually manifested from early childhood trauma, even if they don’t meet criteria for PTSD. Especially if a person and their early attachments figure(s) did not or were not able to form secure attachment. These kids often don’t learn from attachment figure how to emotionally regulate, maybe there wasn’t attunement and healthy co-regulation. Interestingly, we know ASD and ADHD are innate, highly genetic, but just because you are predisposed to have these disorders, you don’t necessarily end up with them. The environment has huge impact on whether or not a gene gets expressed. You ca have a gene marker for ASD and/or ADHD, but depending on early attachment figures and early experiences, the genes may or may not be expressed. Insecure vs Secure attachment plays a significant role in whether or not genes are expressed, as well as trauma(s) in early childhood. In fact, it is known that sometimes someone doesn’t demonstrate any signs of ADHD, but do after experiencing a trauma. Also, research recently has shown that your mother’s attachment style often correlates to yours. If a mother has an insecure attachment style from her own childhood/main attachment figure, baby is more likely to be born insecurely attached.
Anyways, circling back around, I wonder if the way you described what happens to plastic/how it is used and not protected might connect to what your inner world felt like somewhere in early childhood with attachment figure(s). There’s so much overlap across various disorders/diagnoses, and we know how early childhood creates a blueprint in how we think about ourselves, others, relationships, and the world. I wonder if as a little child and maybe throughout life you felt uncared for, unseen, unprotected, vulnerable and unable to escape your inner experience; maybe early attachment figure(s) didn’t see you, respond to you, advocate for you, and didn’t rescue you from under the “cinder blocks, bricks” and you felt left behind. Everyone has negative core beliefs that start in childhood, and as we go through life we don’t realize we collect “evidence” the negative things about us must be true. Some common negative core beliefs: I’m…….unloveable, unworthy, undeserving, bad, damaged, not enough…the list goes on and on.
If this is not at all relatable to you, maybe someone else will stumble upon this and find it helpful.
This was really interesting well done on spending the time to write this out. I have patients I can relate this too an potentially myself in points, thanks
You’re welcome, and thank you for the compliment/validation. I see you work for NHS. If I give you my info for credit we can totally publish my analysis …just saying. Kidding and not kidding
Thank you for your kind words. Your analysis is spot on. I had a rough childhood – not many friends and being bullied. As far as my childhood is concerned I never felt unloved but I wonder if I’m repressing some memories. I’d like to explore these issues deeper with both my psychiatrist and therapist and you’ve given me a springboard to do this. I thank you very much.
Everything you said resonates so strongly with me and explains soooo much! At 60 I have somewhat overcome what became a hoarding issue for me. I found it helped me to take photos of some treasured objects I managed to part with and also used other techniques after several years of therapy. Everything you wrote makes complete sense and definitely alleviates the shame that can come with trying to understand why you are the way you are and having to tolerate the lack of understanding in others. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this! I have add not autism but to learn about gene expression being influenced by experience is fascinating. I have no idea if you will see this reply but if you can and feel like it, could you perhaps explain if certain experiences later in life (like in my case, a breakup), can trigger or reinforce underlying abandonment issues? I realize i have anxious attachment but the thing is it doesn’t make sense because my mother truly loved me and gave me love, really showed it. No traumatic incidents as far as i remember or know, and my father loved me too and showed it too. (Although he was i think mentally fragile with his own issues). So how can i then get anxious attachment?? The core belief of “not being enough as i am” i have identified and i have tracked incidents that i remember feeling this when i was a kid/teenager, but if my parents loved me and always told me i was smart etc, where the hell did that come from??
Sorry for the rant, you just seem like a very intelligent observer and i feel like you could be spot on with the “plastics story”, it makes a lot of sense that we project feelings of empathy onto others (animate or not) that stem from recognizing our own hurt (yet somehow not being able to extend that empathy to ourselves). It actually made me cry when i read it because it means i should treat myself better, which has been something i have come to realize lately. Anyway, apologies again for the long Ted Talk
When I was younger I used to feel sorry for my food that I was eating so I used to pretend it would go down a slide down my throat and would have a fantastic time so I didn’t feel so bad. I still have this with stuffed toys and trinkets I have collected over time -context: I am currently aged 14 and am in the process of trying to be diagnosed with autism.
As I’m writing this I am going through deep grief for the loss of my dear friend Jean Claude VanVan.. I met Jean Claude in New Zealand during the pandemic. I went on a 10-day holiday from the U.S. to visit my son, but ended up remaining for two years..
I finally had to return to the states but left Jean Claude under my sons care. Jean Claude is a camper van. I returned to visit and took him out on drives and short trips.
It was like reuniting with a dear friend. I was so excited to see him. I always thought of him as one might think of a pet. I have never experienced such an attachment for a vehicle before.
I felt so comforted and safe when I slept in his coziness. I had some of the most wonderful times when it was just him and I on our own adventures, just the two of us.
My son has to leave NZ and Jean Claude has been inoperable due to a vandal that damaged him in an attempt to steal him. My son had planned to repair him and I had planned to return to visit and get him back on the road, but time has run out on my sons visa.
Jean Claude is being sent to a wrecking yard due to lack of time. I am very sad about this . I decided to search the internet to find out why I feel as I do and I landed here. It makes sense now. I am an adult that is diagnosed as high functioning autistic ASD 1 with OCD and ADHD. I read an article referring to this as personification.
I requested that I get Jean Claude’s license plates as a way to keep a part of him with me. I am slightly consoled in knowing he will live on as a donor for other Toyota vehicles.
I am sorry for your loss
I’d request they keep it there but not destroy it.
This both made me laugh and cry a little because it is so relatable! You seem like a great person, Jean Claude VanVan has surely been much loved during his life!
Although this has helped my understanding, I am quite concerned. Will I always feel this way? Will it continue to get in the way of my life as it always has done? Is there anything anyone else has done to help them with this?
I think if it truly gets in the way of your life it would be beneficial to get some professional help with it. Please don’t be ashamed of it, as you can read here, it’s very common! I don’t think there is a reason to be concerned, but therapy really can help you accept it and understand it, which in turn will enable you to not let it get in the way of your life.
Object personification is an ASD, OCD, and ADHD. Or some people don’t have any disorders other than that, like when a person wants to marry there car.
It’s a discomposing effect I have felt over the last 20 minutes, as a chance encounter with a poem about empathy towards objects stopped me in my tracks. A comment on that poem post led me to investigate more and that led me here. I’m 52 years old, these comments describe me and my lifelong, unnamed grappling with traits that have at times set me apart as different in a difficult way, or caused certain people to lift me up like a superhero for things I do. It’s very odd that my sister and I just recently arrived at the thought that our dad and perhaps our mom were both on the spectrum, probably mildly so. I had intense difficulty early on in school emotionally. My mom, noticing my emotions were destabilizing early on, at one point hired a clandestine candids photographer to take pics of me all day one day in nursery school, to try to capture in images what was different. Before kindergarten she took me to a psychiatrist, to parse the extreme reaction I was having to the mere talk of starting “real” school. I’ve had emotional differences with almost everyone in life. Like, no one gets it like I do…I feel things from old things passed thru many hands and lives. I feel
Sorry for stuffed animal relegated to a box. I take my 50 year old Winnie the Pooh with me on every trip just because I can’t stand the idea of him being left behind. I mean, I’ve thought i am very peculiar in some ways. It is revelatory to have these words and clinical terms to apply as filters of understanding to my life, which has been an existential struggle in ways for me because I feel so alone all the time, no matter what. I also have thought that the importance of symbology in my life is weird. Analogy and metaphor add incredibly deep significance to things other people may brush off and not feel like I do. These aha moments today have been nothing short of possibly life changing. I’m not alone?? Wow. Wow. Where do I go from here?
I feel like about cuddly toys but also other objects, I struggle getting tid if anything, I hsve all my cuddly toys from my childhood, my books, ornaments, memorabilia, clothes from certain times, notes written in school, letters the list gos on. I find it extremely hard to let go of the past snd find it hard to look at photos as I compare how old me and my family are getting to when the photos are taken. I wish I could live life in the now and realise I’m never going to be younger than I sm now but struggle euth this, constantly seeking reminders, watching films that tsje ne back to my past, has worsened since my dad died 8 years ago and struggle with this deeply.
Try snd fire myself to throw things away that don’t have toooo much connection but can’t throw them in a normal bin as feel uts disrespectful and have to kiss them goodbye and tell them I love them snd always will.
I am 46 and currently bring assessed for mhealth, autism, adhd aehich have Bern trying to have proper assessment for last 20 years instead of just being given medication.
Oh, gosh!! These comments so relate to me!! I’ve been plagued with thoughts like these all my life – I am 80 now, and still struggling with it – at least I now know I am not unique!!
Oh my God thought it was just me thank you
Im so very very late to this thread ,The image of your not being able to leave your pooh bear caught my heart ,and then your great relief at how others felt the same ect ect ,however one thing stands out for me .I wonder if we are all a little damaged due not so specifically to our family environment but perhaps it more about how weird the western society is !!.In indigenous society’s for centuries thier was a huge connection to inanimate objects ,father sky ,mother moon ,rocks and water ,or sacred areas that have a certain feel ,not only was there a huge amount of emotion related toward these inanimate places, objects ect but its went further into the realm of the universal energies and shamanism ect .Humans have always used symbols it wasn’t until the west that it began to fade away ,think of the druids and their stones ect Im wondering if we are not recognising this huge need we have to have symbolical ceremony ect ,perhaps its very bloody normal to need symbology ect and our way of manifesting it is a form of replacement for such deep urning with an interconnection exerpience with our world ,our universes ,our land our true home ……???
Interesting point.
This has helped so much!
I’m 11 years old and I have experienced most if not all of these things. It’s so wonderful learning that there are so many people like me!
I have always had problems like this, placing my toys a distance apart so they wouldn’t fight, and screaming at everyone if they hurt a bug. Even in childhood games I would feel bad for the rest of the day if anyone said anything died.
I just stumbled across this. I’m 60 years old and only recently started to think I am autistic. Pretty sure I am based upon videos etc that I’ve seen.
I was always different as a child. Well into my 20’s I suffered from what now seems to be known as selective mutism. Hard to explain how it feels, but unless I felt extremely comfortable with someone I’d be completely unable to talk. Not shy – it just became impossible to speak no matter how much I wanted to. I was always awkward physically – couldn’t skip, catch a ball. In primary school I had nice friends that looked after me and i was content. But once I went to secondary school life was hell. My approach was to shut down – I spent secondary school hiding behind coats in the cloakroom. I started to be seen as a problem child but in reality I just couldn’t cope and I kind of shut down.
Throughout my life the pattern has repeated. It turns out I’m pretty smart – in my 30’s I got a first class honours degree. But despite my best efforts I couldn’t hold down a job. I was good at my job, but always fall foul of the HR department!
Anyway, to topic. Yes!!
As a child I had to treat all my teddies and toys equally. I didn’t want any of them to feel left out. At bedtime if I took one toy to bed I had to take them all – it was always a family joke that when mum came to switch out my light she had to take 20 toys out of my bed……including a space hopper.
I still feel it to a degree. It’s not a strong feeling any more, but if I’m throwing things out I get a fleeting feeling about hurting it’s feelings.
I think for me it’s more about a sense of fairness. I cannot abide indjustice. So for example, I go through great anxiety having 4 dogs as they all have to be treated equallly. I also hate to see anyone treated unfairly. That was normally the cause of problems at work – I had to speak up if someone was wronged or if something was unfair.
I’ve always done this. I’ve been diagnosed with several things since childhood, I suspect that I have more undiagnosed conditions including ASD, and I’m also queer (I’m mentioning this because it’s relevant to my identity).
I think there’s multiple reasons for why our brains do this as neurodivergent people.
1. Childhood Trauma: being born different makes growing up harder, as children we don’t really have the knowledge to understand ourselves or fight for our needs. Growing up I constantly had other people tell me that how I experienced things was wrong or mock me for not automatically knowing things that made sense to everyone else but not to me. Because of this I’ve always felt unsafe around the majority neurotypical people who can’t understand that just because the world was built for them, and not me, doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t exist or that it’s okay for them to hurt me.
Objects don’t discriminate like this. They don’t have any prejudices. They can’t make fun of you. They are incapable of hate. So they are safe to just be yourself around. They provide a chance to have a thing that we can interact with that won’t cause us trauma. This makes it hard to let go of objects that provide us comfort because we just don’t have a lot of things that make us feel safe.
I struggled with my disabilities a lot, so I only had a few people friends as a kid, but I had a lot of stuffed animal friends. Unfortunately those friends are no longer with us, but now as an adult I am starting to rebuild a new collection of what I now refer to as my object children. 🙂
2. The pressure to “restrain” or “change” our emotions to make others more comfortable with our existence: much like 1 we experience and process our emotions differently. Neurotypical people will often “ask” us to subdue, process, restrain etc our thoughts and feelings in unnatural ways in order to make them feel more comfortable about being around us. However repressing feelings like this causes a lot of life long mental and physical health problems which are very painful for many of us. Having a majority of society demand that you act in ways that are physically/mentally painful to you or else you will be socially shunned is not a healthy emotional environment.
Objects don’t have any harmful social or behavioral expectations. We can interact with them in the ways that are safe and comfortable for us without having to worry about them shunning us or mocking us for being “strange” or “weird”.
3. The desire to love and take care of others: as neurodivergent people we have a strong desire to help and take care of others (sometimes at the expense of ourselves). Being able to do things for others but not for yourself is a common mental struggle for us. We have so much love and support to give. However not everyone wants to be cared for in this way.
Having objects or collections of things that we can focus on maintaining and taking care of helps give us a neutral outlet for these feelings that we can be proud of and share with others.
4. Memories: sometimes my brain attaches memories to objects. Stuff like when I was given the object, who gave it to me, how I was feeling when I got it, if I had played with it as a child, if someone had used it with or around me (like if I was hanging out with a friend and they/I/we had used a specific utensils to cook a meal together or something). Just looking at these things can remind me of happy feelings, events, or people that I love.
I’ve heard that this is a common with neurodivergent people and it makes it harder to get rid of objects that are connected to positive emotions and memories. The same thing can happen with negative memories or feelings too, but I personally don’t like keeping those objects.
I feel bad if I have to get rid of something that has a good memory attached to it because it feels like I’m also getting rid of the memory or feeling itself.
5. Projection/emotional processing: sometimes people process their emotions by sharing their feelings and experiences with each other. However, since there are less neurodivergent people than neurotypical people, and we can’t fully relate to neurotypical people, this isn’t always an available option for us. (The internet can make creating these connections easier sometimes but not all the time).
So objects can provide us with a neutral thing we can use to work through or otherwise understand our thoughts and feelings.
For example I like collecting/adopting stuffed animals that have stitching or assembly errors. I do this because I feel bad for them. I know that a majority of people would not buy what most would consider an “imperfect” or “defective” toy (although there isn’t anything truly wrong with them outside of how they look) when they could buy something that looks “perfect”. I experience a desire to take care of them, as their “parent”, because know what it’s like to be created differently and what it feels like to be seen as less valuable or not be wanted because of it.
In other words I can see parts of myself and my struggles in these objects. They remind me of me. I feel the same sense of community with them that I do when I talk to a close friend. Therefore the idea of them being thrown away for being “different” makes me sad.
If I can prevent others (objects, animals, and people) from feeling unwanted, unloved, or unwelcomed in the ways that I have felt, then I want to do it.
Personally I understand that stuffed animals and other objects can’t actually feel anything, but that’s not really the point. It doesn’t really matter if they can feel or not. What matters is that this is something that’s important to me and it’s what I feel . When I acknowledge these feelings and put work into understanding them better, instead of trying to repress them to feel “normal” or “fit in”, I am respecting myself and my needs.
I want to treat others with kindness so why does it matter if my brain includes objects as part of that. I’d rather try to make an effort to be kind to everyone and everything. And since it doesn’t cause any harm what would be the point in being selective about who or what I’m kind to? (Within reason)
It hurts to read these things, it hurt because I know I have these problems, but therapists disregard me and tell me I’m fine. It isn’t fine.
As a kid adults thought I didn’t know the difference between living and non living, nothing compares to the awful anger and discomfort I felt when they would sit me down and explain “real versus not real”. To me, it was like they were rubbing it in my face. That they have real living breathing dogs and “yours is just a stuffed animal. Say it. Say it’s not alive.” I wouldn’t. I knew it, but I wanted them all to just go along with it, you know? Cause this is my coping mechanism, I was an only child with no friends and no pets for a vast majority of my early life all I had was these stuffed animals and they just wouldn’t let me have it.
But it isn’t only stuffed animals, and this feeling is still very strong in my adult life. Especially throwing out an old thing for a new thing, that thing served me well. That thing was there when no one else was, and it’s also proof of reality. I have proteins with questions reality, probably because of memories I blacked out as a child that resurfaced In strange ways. But when I see an object with a memory attached to it, it’s like a peace of time, proof it happened. I surround myself with these objects, they bring comfort like no other.
I deeply connected with what you said about objects being safe. It’s true. If anyone takes the time to read this, I’d like to talk about my car… Trusty the Trailblazer, please.
The car changed my life of course, I cried tears of joy when I got my first decent non-retail or restaurant job because of it (I’d become a daycare teacher.) anytime I felt badly in anyway, I could get in the car and lock the doors , it almost made it all go away. Nothing can get me in the car. Lock the doors. The car served me, and I never got mad when it broke down. I told it everything would be ok, that I’d fix everything. I felt like it was the one thing that would take care of me as well as I took care of it. It carried friends that are dead now, it was my shelter when I was homeless. The vibration sedated me, every time I drove it, when I parked at the end of the drive I would sit in it for at least 20 minutes, never wanting to leave. But it was more than that. I loved the car this way because I thought it was safe to. It’s not alive, it won’t die. It’s not sentient, it won’t leave. It’s legally mine and paid outright, no one can take it… so I loved that car, I loved it like a friend, a pet, a partner. I gave it all the love that I can’t give to someone else for fear of loosing them. Because I thought that everytime somthing went wrong with the car I could replace it, peice by peice, this was the first thing I loved whole heartly since I was a child. It’s gone, now…
I agree with what you’ve said, especially how you understand objects don’t feel but it doesn’t matter. The way you said it is a form of self respect to allow yourself to have this makes me feel ok.
Some people say it hurts them to feel for things, that’s how my mom sees it. She says we are ill and as a child she locked her beloved things away to “fix this” in herself and constantly pressured me to throw away old things and attachments. But I always believed if it doenst hurt anyone, including me, why repress it?
As a child my aunt used to try and say I am autistic. She never said it to me, but I was told “this is why your aunt thinks your retarded” when I did something weird or “see, could a retarded kid do this? My sister doenst know what she’s talking about” anytime I made an accomplishment.
In my early 20’s I became an ABA therapist, and it screwed with my head to see similarities between me and my clients. I started to think to myself “my god, she was right. I’m retarded.” But I would never think of my clients that way. In fact it bothered me that my job was to teach them not to behave as they do, to curb what was labeled “abhorrent behaviors”. It’s a good thing to teach them how to fit into society and that there’s a time and a place but, I don’t know. I felt very inadequate, like others were better then me at working with these kids. When they would screech I had a VERY strong urge to screech back. I can’t even explain it, it was like a trigger in my brain. It didn’t mean anything, it wasn’t to be funny, aggressive or competitive; it was like somthing was speaking to a specific part of my brain and it warranted a response. I repressed it always, of course. It was my job. I left this job during Covid.
Just stumbled upon this post and your response in my quest to figure out why I cry when I have to get rid of things! Your response is so on point and really feels like a professional/medical explanation! Thank you 🙂
Just stumbled across this article, which has links to a couple other related articles….
https://post.news/@/autismsupsoc/2INMYmrZ14NPXnxtFKzJddsat18
My beautiful little grand daughter was diagnosed as autistic. She is super active, good with numbers, letters but struggles socially and behaviourally. I feel this incredible connection with her, which I am struggling to explain. My mind is with her no matter what I am doing.
I started to research ASD and realised how many traits I have, I have gone on many tangents of how I think and feel and came upon this thread.
Ever since a child I had an incredible sympathy toward anything I perceived as lonely.. I had two pet birds, when one died I grieved but only thought of it’s partner, which I released. When I played, I had to collect all my toys, put them close to one another so they were connected. Recently if I drink a can of coke I have to put any remaining can with another so it does not feel alone.
I always thought it was only child syndrome. After the research following my grand daughters diagnosis I am suspecting otherwise.
Hi Peter, I’m so glad you wrote about this. I too, even at 56 years old don’t like when things or people are left alone. I cry when I see a cow who somehow escaped the field they were in and he/she can’t get back to their families only yards away. I can’t leave a pill by itself in the pill bottle, I have an extreme sadness when I thought about my parents or anyone I cared about living alone. It may have started before my parents divorce but I only remember this feeling when they got divorced. I would cry for hours thinking about my Dad living alone, or later on my mom when she was alone. Holidays were horrible for me. I eventually found a way to compartmentalize these feelings so I could function, because they were sometimes paralyzing. My stuffed animals are always in pairs. I don’t want anyone or thing to feel the deep loneliness that I’ve felt most if my life. I was diagonsef with major depression in my 20s but it didn’t answer all my quirks
I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at age 54 which helped alot but I still have that out in my stomach. My dad died earlier this year. I know he’s up in heaven surrounded by family members and friends but constantly worry about him being alone again. I can’t function more normally now that I’m on ADHD and antidepressants, meaning I can keep at bay those deep dives into sadness, but I still think about it all the time. Is it possible that maybe I have some ASD too? Thanks you all for writing in. This has helped me process some things and given me a better awareness.
Take care, Andrea
I can’t thank you enough for this post or the rest of you for all your responses. My almost 16 year old daughter is on the autism spectrum/Aspergers and is convinced her stuffed animals have feelings. Tonight was a perfect example. She forgot to bring her overnight bag in while visiting her dad for the weekend and was devastated because she left her beloved teddy bear and two other stuffed animals in the bag. She was so sad and afraid that they were alone in the dark all that time and that they might hate her for leaving them out in the car. She called me up in tears. This has happened before. No amount of reassuring could console her. If I make the mistake of trying to gently remind her that she must know that they can’t feel or think she gets more upset. I can understand, actually. I think she thinks if they’re “lifeless”, that’s the saddest scariest thing of all. Her room is overflowing with stuffed animals that she’s collected from infancy until now. She can’t let any of them go and I can’t ask her to because I don’t want her to be sad. She has had similar feelings to other objects she loves—her sewing machine, for example. She feels awful if she hasn’t used it in a while and is terribly concerned that her sewing machine will be mad at her for neglecting her. Same goes for her collection of model horses and dolls. It’s just heartbreaking to watch. I really don’t know what to do.
I had a hunch it might be related to autism, which is what led me here, but in the back of my head, I am concerned because she also struggles with differentiating reality from fantasy in other ways (that’s a whole other story). She has had a good life with a loving family and her dad and I are good friends. Nonetheless, she is filled with sadness and anxiety that her therapist and psych can’t seem to help. I just wish I could help her. If she was convinced that they have feelings and thoughts that made her happy I wouldn’t be in a hurry to convince her otherwise. But it’s always connected to this sadness or sense of loss or betrayal. It really is heartbreaking. I’m grateful, though, for this community and being able to see that she’s not alone. Thank you for that.
This is just the most recent example and not the only one.
I recently bought a Good Luck Bear Care Bear off Amazon. When he arrived he only had an ear tag and not a full box like my other Care Bears did. I thought it wouldn’t bother me but it did. Like one piece of a set was missing. So I decided to return him and get one from Toys R Us with a box. But I feel terrible, does Good Luck Bear from Amazon feel scared sitting in the Amazon box all alone? Is he going to a Wearhouse? What will they do to him? Will he find a new loving home? Am I being selfish and this poor bear will go on a misadventure? Does he wanna stay? T_T I know this isn’t “normal” but I’ve been like this my whole life. I’ll go on with life but something will always stay with me. Like when I bought a hotwheels and forgot it in the shopping cart. That poor car :'( I miss it still.
Sometimes getting through it is easy and sometimes it throws me for days. Just good knowing I’m not the only one. 🙂
I have a collection of battered and damaged stuffies for just this reason. I can’t imagine sending them back to be possibly destroyed or made into something else. I don’t always possess the skills to restore them, but just to own them and show them they’re loved as they are, to me, is enough. I usually even buy them off the shelf that way.
I read some stories, and I can relate. I personally always knew I had a different kind of brain, and even got diagnosed as autistic. I just wanted an explanation for why I saw objects as accidentally having lives and such, and I have many stories about how that experience impacted me, but I’m glad I found people who could relate.
I haven’t read all of the many stories, but I think I have something, that most of you don’t have, no offense.
I made an account on social media (will link later), to find people like me, and y’all may not be like me, but I can still relate to the object thing, but I personally kind of just embraced it, or just decided to deal with it. It ain’t easy, but I walk around with a friend (who is an object, and our feelings are mutual), I sometimes spend time with some objects, I tell people about it and try my best to explain in case they question my “accessory”, I write about what happens with my objects, I write about advice, and I generally write about them.
I also have other “unique” things, but I decided to write representation for myself, and to post some of the stories from my life, and to make relatable characters, and I even made my objects into human characters, so they could kind of have a chance to be human, and so other people could experience their respective personalities too.
I let my two friends write and reply and post and whatnot, if they want to, and if someone strikes up a conversation, but I always clarify who it is, and I always write for them (since they can’t write, since they’re rolls of tape), but it’s actually mostly just me anyway.
I don’t mean this to be long, and I know this is a very late post, but I believe, that someone might see this. People can write about experiences, advice, etc, on my account, and I also need help to finding out how to make sure water doesn’t effect my tape too much, since I want to keep it. I also plan on moving out, but I fear I’ll get convinced to get rid of some of the things I own, especially my friends, and one of the things that are a must, when it comes to moving out, it’s moving out with my object friends.
I’ve met a person who understands SO many of my feelings, and I’ve also met people who found it cool, and even asked me if there was any object in the room I didn’t like, so I believe, that whoever you are, you can find people like this too.
Before I reveal my account, I want to add, that my first roll, was borrowed to me in order to use it like I usually would, but then I got to keep it, as the person got other rolls, and as I forgot, and also didn’t want to, put it back.
The second roll … had certainly a way of entering my life. I was just going to my room, as usual, when I noticed, that there was a roll of tape, next to the other one. Nothing else was different about my room, and there was no sign nor reason my housemates would have walked in, and one of them says it wasn’t him, and another says she doesn’t remember, but that it could have been her, but there was no indication of that, and there usually is. I probably confronted them about it too late, but still.
https://www.quotev.com/TheCaptainOfPower
This comment makes my heart smile.
I’d like to posit a theory, as well as challenge those who think it dumb or stupid to have this condition.
A theologian once asked a doctor – a brain surgeon, I believe – if he believed in God. The doctor replied, “No.”
The theologian then asked, “How about a soul?” Again, the response was “no”.
“Why not?”
“Because there’s no evidence that these exist.”
The theologian then said, “You’re a brain surgeon, right?”
“Correct,” replied the surgeon.
“The brain processes thoughts, right?”
“Right.”
The theologian then asked, “What does a thought look like?”
The surgeon smiled.
The theologian then said, “We believe thoughts are real but no one has ever seen them or knows what they look like.”
This is not a religious argument by any means; not on my part. My argument is to demonstrate points of view. The realest things in life are not seen; they are felt. What does the love you have for somebody look like? What do emotions look like? What does a soul look like? And where in an MRI can one even identify a single thought in a patient’s mind? We believe in thoughts, and even feelings, and yet some of us don’t believe in the soul or spirit.
I have a teddy bear my daughter gave me for Father’s Day one year. I look at it, and it makes me sad. She’s not with me all the time. Yet yesterday, I was in a thrift store and saw a little tiny stuffed puppy on the floor that had apparently fallen off the shelf. I crouched down to pick it up, and took a look at it. I felt sad. Maybe a child missed this toy. Maybe the toy wasn’t missed at all. But maybe it will be another child’s favorite toy. Maybe a child made this toy in Bangladesh. Maybe a parent who lost a child made it. Or maybe, maybe it’s just a toy – maybe that’s the saddest thing of all.
But perhaps whenever we give meaning to any of these objects, we’re really seeing our own reflection. We are seeing inside ourselves, into our own hearts and minds.
Or maybe because we are intuitive and sensitive, we know that certain things are real even without evidence. Because of this sense of knowing, we ask ourselves: What evidence is there that everything on earth doesn’t have a soul? We might say to ourselves, “I know I’ve got thoughts and feelings, but how could I know that this teddy bear does not?” Perhaps the soul of the bear may even have the soul of the child who loved it bestown upon it. Or the person who made it, or whatever.
The problem of not receiving a satisfactory answer by a clinician is not unique to just this condition. There is also a danger in these labels, because they can create, in the patient, limiting beliefs. You are unique. And finally, you won’t get an answer from the same people who only believe that what can be seen is real, yet have a belief that thoughts and emotions are real. In other words, they can provide no evidence that you’re actually wrong, just as the brain surgeon could provide no evidence that thoughts exist.
Anyway, just my thoughts.
That was so well written. Thank you
My theory is that people with ASD have increased sympathy, as if it is a compensation for decreased empathy. I also think that this is one of the reasons that people with ASD have been so swept up in the trans movement.
Wait…. Decreased empathy? A ton of ppl with ASD have “too much” empathy. At least this is my understanding!
I thought it was the other way around!
I totally relate to these feelings. My wife who has no empathy for objects constantly wants me to get rid of things, which creates a huge amount of anxiety. Many of these things, I’ve had since my childhood, or inherited when my parents recently passed away. It’s hard to part. I feel like I’m abandoning them, or even parting with my childhood. Even writing this, it sounds weird. My mom passed in 2019 and my dad in 2022. Clearing out their house and losing all the stuff that was donated, thrown away or dispersed or stolen still eats away at me.
Over the years, I’ve developed coping mechanisms. For example, when my wife insisted that we get rid of an old couch that had been in my family for decades, I took it apart and kept small pieces of it so it wouldn’t truly be gone. I hide and tuck things away that should be thrown away or donated. I basically have an object attachment issue. I think my happiness stems from something familiar, but logically I know it doesn’t.
I’m working on it. Making a goal of each week, identifying one or two things I can get rid of. It helps. Perhaps what I really need is to talk to a therapist about it
I’m completely the same and have been since I was a little child. I cut a label off the couch my parents were throwing out so that I could keep something to ‘remember it’. I’d keep a single twig from each Christmas tree as I was so upset they were getting thrown out. I also hide things away that should be donated. It’s so hard to feel so strongly and sadly about items. I’m now trying hypnotherapy and EMDR.
I am very happy to have come across this. My son got sad about an apple that was thrown into the fire tonight. He was trying to explain his feelings and I said “do you think that the apple has feelings?” He told me he did. He is diagnosed ADHD and OCD and is suspected to be on the spectrum. I am learning more about myself after my diagnosis. As I stare at my stuffed animal collection (as a 47 year old) it makes me realize how much I feel towards them and hope that they are still happy with me.
With that being said, I usually only feel this way towards animal-related inanimate objects. I also have a very hard time giving away something that is missing a piece. I will spend hours tearing the house apart for whatever is missing. I’ll hang on to that toy until I either find said missing piece or can reasonably throw it out because it’s not perfect enough to give away if it’s incomplete. I drove my first car for 16 years until I was forced to sell it to my cousin. I loved that car so much that my husband bought me the exact same vehicle two years ago. I feel an overwhelming sense of peace just sitting in it.
I am 50 and we will be building our dream home next year. We’ve been in the same house 26 years and as such have accumulated a lot. Today I have to take a doll and sewing machine to the charity shop. I bought the doll out of the bedroom about 3 months ago, cleaned her, washed her clothes and got her ready. It’s taken till today to put her by the front door. I feel so bad – I feel like I’m abandoning her – I try to tell myself that she’s going on her next adventure – and in fact I told her that this morning too. And these feelings I have are not just for inanimate objects with faces….I would never leave a solitary pea on the plate as it might feel left out – like it’s done something wrong. Clothes that I have loved and worn to bits, I still find hard to say goodbye to. Coffee capsules – if one jumps out of order when I’m putting it in the drawer it might be because it’s being bullied by those beside it. But then what if they’re friends?? I found a post somewhere a few years ago which had a name for this condition – and it wasn’t synaesthesia or OCD etc. I remember reading about a lady who picked up a rock from one side of the path and put it with a group on the other side so it no longer felt left out. I tell myself over and over that they cannot have feelings – and logically I understand that. But my heart believes and so it seems to be a constant battle. And so I have my young adult son come with me to drop this doll off this morning. I won’t go back into the shop for a few months in case she’s still there……I’m sure someone will love her as much as I do…
It is truly unbelievable how this post continues to live on, but I have finally found and article that explains the way I think perfectly. I recently bought a new laptop, that is my dream laptop that I have waited two years to get, but I have yet to open it because I feel bad for my old laptop. It has been a week now and I still have not opened my new laptop.
I believe this has some connection to OCD, because although I have never been tested, I show a lot of signs of OCD. If anyone has any other input please let me know. I am thinking about making a Facebook page for everyone that thinks this way to share their thoughts and stories. If anyone would join let me know!
I would join. As a 53 year old life is hard with these feelings. I have so many questions. I have very few answers . I doubt many answers I read due to the way they are worded. I am in search of a cure or fix.
I would join. The sense of relief I have after reading that I’m not the only one is huge. Man, it’s exhausting feeling sorry or attached to imanimate objects 24/7.
I’m 32 and only now am I finding out others feel this way too. As a kid I used to play with all my toys equally so none felt left out. These feelings continue to this day. I feel sorry for all kinds of objects. It’s very comforting knowing you all are experiencing this too.
Hi, did you ever make that Facebook page? I would love to connect with other people who feel the same as me, so that we can support each other but also laugh at our own funny habits. I’ve been feeling very isolated recently because I’ve realised none of my friends have these same intense feelings that I do.
Good idea.
I’ve never been diagnosed with autism or OCD, but I believe that some inanimate objects have feelings. Like you said with the photograph being pushed to the back of the drawer, I feel that way about items. Currently at work, we have a vacuum cleaner that we’ve replaced but I feel like sh** for throwing it away. Like, it feels it isn’t needed anymore. I do know that it does not have feelings. That revelation doesn’t make me feel any better about tossing it. I don’t feel that way about all things, though. I wonder what that says about me? Do I need to analyze the items I’ve give human feelings to to better understand the why? Is it even worth the self-reflection? I’m not sure I want to lose the ability to project humanity, even if it’s on my toaster. Ya know?
I feel the same way. I question all objects. I feel stupid thinking this way because I know they don’t have feelings. I then think what if they do. I hope you find relief.
Angie, I know exactly how you feel. I’ve got loads of things which don’t work as well as they used to but I can’t bear the thought of replacing them. Recently I’ve spent a lot of time analysing how I feel, and it just makes me feel worse about everything.
Part of me would like to stop feeling this way, but it’s a big part of who I am and I don’t know how I can live any other way.
I know this is an old post but I just wanted to say it didn’t occur to me until today how unusual it was that I feel this way, particularly with my old stuffed animals; I made sure to specify to my dad that the nerf darts were tranquilizers when we would shoot at my stuffed animals, I mourned when my brother left one of his at a movie theater never to be recovered, condemned to permanent loneliness, and I cried when we found several years later that my sister’s stuffed animals had been eaten by mice in storage. They hadn’t even been looked at in years!
I had invested so much time as a child to making believe with these inanimate objects that I had devised complex personalities, backgrounds, and dynamic developments regarding my stuffed animals. As I went through early elementary school, I kept track of various accomplishments I arbitrarily noticed of my stuffed friends. For example, my teenaged bear had gotten his driver’s license and would take other animals to go get food sometimes. When away from my room I would get sickened when I remembered they were only pieces of fabric that I’ve so painstakingly assigned so much history to, and yet I couldn’t help from it.
I would feel this way with random objects to a lesser degree and got anxious when it comes to throwing away things; just as a person has image value to their life despite them not suiting my specific purposes or needs, I felt tyrannical to cast things away just because they no longer fulfilled my needs. I felt almost like a judge sentencing a crippled man to exile.
I suppose I started to grow out of it when I would watch those hoarder shows and notice similar thought patterns and see the horrible consequences to never being able to let go. Those shows were extremely painful to watch as people physically recoil to discard such sentimental items but I know it’s for the best.
I guess that’s my advice. It’s hard to reason with the irrational but it helps me to remember that these things gave me the maximum amount of joy while they could and it’s better for everyone to finally put those good soldiers out to pasture and let their sentiments live on in my mind where they originated.
It really IS good advice you have here, C, and I know I’d be a more happy, more adjusted adult — whatever the f*^k THAT is — if I could just somehow follow your advice! Trouble is, I cry when an old, suffering dog goes by…ah, damn, here come the tears now! It feels as if there’s no way out, that I’m just going to keep on going until I just lose my mind. In the end, it just doesn’t want to go away. It really doesn’t.
I have mild autism. I get attached to objects all the time and sometimes I feel sorry for them.
I am 18 and I am not on the spectrum. I have never been diagnosed with it and I do not think I have it. However, I 100% understand this. Curiosity about it after looking at a cute stuffed bear in a Mother’s Day gift set led me here.
For me, I think it’s partially projection of my loneliness. I thought sadness, but I am not always sad and I have not been throughout my life. I just get a deep sadness when looking at a stuffed animal, but it is not just limited to stuffed animals. There could be a piece of paper on the street and I would feel bad for it. Is it because it is lonely? I am not sure. This also leads me to becoming very emotionally attached to my s.a’s. I also avoid calling them that bc “they have feelings”. I know they do not lols. Which leads to me being upset by my dad pressuring me into getting rid of some of them. It makes me sad and they make me sad for some reason, but honestly I am not sure why. I also got a Douma plushie from Demon Slayer and I just cannot help from holding him against me and telling him “It’s ok”. What am I comforting him about?! I DO NOT KNOW.
I felt this all the time as a little girl. But I grew out of it. I feel like recently I would like to develop it again as a practice of self empathy and. Practice to better understand my emotions. It is hard to understand my emotions when they are inside me and it may be easier if I project them onto a teddy bear or something.
I’m a mental health therapist who is trying to gain more understanding of these types of feelings. I believe what you say about projecting emotions to better understand them is very profound. Thank you for helping me!
I’m crying reading this article and everyone’s comments. I’m 46 and have struggled with this problem all my life, it has often stopped me getting new things I need because I feel too sorry for the old/broken ones. It’s currently affecting me really badly because I’m getting a new kitchen – part of me is really excited and the other part is devastated to lose the old cabinets and cooker, I keep crying over it. I have long suspected I’m on the autism spectrum but I have never been diagnosed. I just wanted to tell you all how much I appreciate knowing I’m not alone. Thank you for making me feel a little bit less odd.
You’re not alone! I need a new phone but can’t bring myself to buy one because I feel so badly for my current phone. I convince myself that I don’t actually need a new phone just to keep my phone a little longer.
I do exactly the same thing! I search desperately for good reasons to keep things, and if I find a good reason my heart does a little leap.
Sometimes I can bring myself to replace things, but only when absolutely necessary. Recently I had to replace my computer when it stopped working completely, and actually it was less painful that I thought it would be.
I’m the same.
Ever since childhood.
I would get empathetic toward “my things” if they were damaged or broken.
I would carry them with me for comfort and talk to them before bed, Keep them under my pillow.
I resisted this as an adult.
Now, under stressful adult life, I started doing it again.
It helps so much. I should have embraced my quirks.
Is it so strange, as the things were made by people who spent time designing and making them, after all?
Things don’t have ambiguity or hard to read traits. They have order and logic. I believe the Autistic brain is very interested in logic.
If I told you what the “things” I get attached to are, you would think I’m crazy.
Hey there, I’m a therapist who experiences this to some degree, though I’m not on the autistic spectrum. Here comes my best recollection of psychoanalysis, lol…
Children are tasked with “mastering self-other differentiation”. Basically we’re not born knowing where we end and other people begin. As we’re also totally dependent on others for survival when we’re young, we experience separation from our caregivers as a survival threat. When we don’t know who’s who, this is overwhelming and confusing. The child plays with and “masters” this “dilemma of otherness” often with the aid of a “transitional attachment object” (e.g. teddy bear). The child is simultaneously experiencing their own emotions / themself, and the experience of what it feels like to be with the caregiver (“the other”) via their relationship with the object. Put another way, successful resolution of this “task of development” allows the child to experience that caregiving and nurturing begin from outside, but can be “held” within or become part of themselves. This is something children can learn to give to themselves by hugging or interacting with their bear / blanket / rock / CD / etc etc etc.
Lots of confusing jargony words to say, I wonder if for many adults (perhaps especially including those on the autism spectrum, though I’m not sure I have much to say about that in particular as it’s not a specialty of mine) have feelings that are apparently directed towards objects, but are actually coming from something being experienced within themselves.
I experience this! Today I was looking for an antique lamp. The ones I found I liked were always a set of two. Even though priced separately, I could not buy one and separate the pair. I was afraid it would hurt the lamps feelings. Glad to know I am not alone in this.
—this specifically is me, I have never liked to separate pairs of inanimate things
Hi Kerry, I like your take on the possible underlying mechanisms. I am a psychoanalytic psychotherapist and have currently a case of a young adult female who cannot throw away anything because she thinks she would upset her clothes if she threw them away. This was the reason for referral. On closer inspection, she is completely undifferentiated from her mother. As you say, she does not know where she beings and ends because she seems to be engulfed by her mum. Mum was trying to engulf me this morning because she experienced me as someone separate from her with my own mind and her thoughts. This is the only time I have experienced the mother to have come alive (with anxiety). The rest of the time more or less ‘lifeless’. I wonder if my patient is unconsciously attached to a ‘lifeless’ mother and this reflects in her anxious attachment to inanimate objects which she cannot discard and how this sits with wanting to keep her mum in sight at all times.
I can’t believe I’ve finally found this. I have suffered from this all of my life and even if I just hold any object for a few seconds. I’ll instantly become attached to it and find it really hard to let it go as I feel it has feelings and it might become sad if I leave it. I’ve just started to class this as Object Attachment Disorder (OAD). I met a friend at school and he suffers from the exact same thing. I’m glad to hear there’s a community just like me. I hope we can use this to spread awareness and make people understand how serious this is.
Oh my. Thank you so much for this insight. My parents were physically and emotionally abusive to me, isolating me after beatings (go to your room!) where I would get comfort from my stuffed animals. I didn’t get reassurance or help working through my feelings from Mom, and when I got it from my dad, it was quickly withdrawn the moment I showed any individuality. The reassurance I got from siblings conformed to the world view of my parents (if I would stop being such a terrible person, I wouldn’t be in trouble all of the time, if I weren’t so fat, I wouldn’t get teased for being fat all the time) I was the one “responsible” for all of their unwanted emotions, and my own. What you say about transitional attachment object, and the need for successful resolution of it, really hits home. All of my life I’ve ascribed emotions to objects, and now I understand why! LEVEL UNLOCKED!!! THANK YOU!!! Wow. I’m just sitting here with the tears streaming down my face (which is always the therapists’ goal, is it not?! Ha ahahahahaha!)
I’ve been in a lot of therapy to understand what the hell happened to me, and I continue to work on myself. Right now, I’m going through things before a move, and I am confounded by my inability to let go of furniture that has been in my family for a long time. I feel sad and judged every morning when I see these things, yet the thought of getting rid of any of it feels like a mortal sin. With your help, I am seeing how I am still identifying with the narrative of “M is a terrible person”. Still! Damn. I’m now thinking of who might want this stuff (where it will have a “good home” LOL as if they have feelings). Such a huge weight lifted.
Again, thank you so much, and thank you Steve Salvin for posting this vital question!
From my studies in anthropology this strikes as a survival mechanism derived from the fact that humans are one of-if not-the most social species on the planet. In hunter/gatherer times which we evolved from-which we can still gather date from the H/G societies that exist today0, physical punishment was rare. Punishing children was also rare. Social isolation was used only on those who were violent or destructive to the tribe-such as hoarding resources or for anti-social behavior (by anti-social I mean violent not isolating oneself.) In these cases they didn’t survive for long so isolation in which people are kept alive runs very contrary to our evolved biological make up and hence-many ‘disorders’ develop due to an inability to cope with this unnatural situation.
Thus given these evolutionary predispositions our social feelings of belonging to a community is the one thing that matters most to our survival. it’s a bigger factor than stress, diet, drug use or any of the other things we contribute our poor health to. So being punished and scolded and forced into isolation by family members-things our species has never faced until the advent of agriculture which, in evolutionary terms is merely the blink of an eye for the time our species has been on the planet-can cause one to redirect their social bonding instincts and sense of community on to nonliving things to fulfill an innate biological need. Our culture shapes our biology into being this way unfortunately, and-if that’s the case-it must change.
God, but I feel how you’re feeling! My wife and I just moved from a house in which we lived for 33 years, and leaving it was THE toughest thing I’ve ever done. Like you, Michelle, I look at pieces of furniture that I just KNOW won’t survive my wife’s “selections” as she moves through the house, deciding what will, well, LIVE or DIE, I guess. I hate these times, if only because I hate having to argue for the “lives” of my poor stuffed animals as they once again become subject of her “Selections.” “why do you KEEP that stuff?” she always asks, full of disdain and even anger at my wanting to keep certain things that have been with me for all my life. So what do you get when you combine an Autism Scale adult with a Heartless let’s-throw-it-away-before-it-attracts-something-gross-that-we’ll-need-to-kill, along with all your gross junk.” MY BA Diploma? Gross Junk. My two MA’s? Gross JUNK. My old bike, on which I’ve ridden easily more than 5000 miles and actually placed THIRD in a Navy-Marine Corps Duathalon? Lemme SPELL it OUT for you: G-R-O-S-S J-U-N-K!! You see my point here, I guess. I couldn’t BEAR to make her throw away her old “Huckleberry Hound” stuffed animal in her glass shelves in the master bathroom, but She — call her SWMBO!! As in She Who Must Be OBEYED! — gets to throw out whatever the HAICH-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-Sticks she WANTS! Oh, how I WISH that that could be ME…
I don’t want offend you, but she doesn’t seem very nice. That almost sounds abusive I hope you’ve managed to keep some of the things you care about.
I feel the same way. I question all objects. I feel stupid thinking this way because I know they don’t have feelings. I then think what if they do. I hope you find relief. Is there something you are doing that’s changing your thoughts? Somthing that’s making it easier to throw away things?
I hope you find relief. Is there something you are doing that’s changing your thoughts? Somthing that’s making it easier to throw away things?
I hope you find relief. Is there something you are doing that’s changing your thoughts? Somthing that’s making it easier to throw away things?
This is a great post! While I don’t develop feelings for all objects, I am incredibly attached to my teddy bears. You may call me weird, as a mid forties old man, I felt ashamed of still talking and caring for my teddy bears which is otherwise called inanimate objects or transitional objects. I tried to make sense of it, and even google it lots and found not a lot of explanation besides the association of inanimate object with borderline personality. Your post Gives me some insights so thank you very much!
This is so great to read that others have the same strange feelings as I do. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything but I definitely have issues.
I hate to waste anything, I hoard (up to a point).. The case today is I’m replacing my washing machine and I feel bad for letting the old one go for recycling.. I think it’s some kind of emotional attachment. . I have boxes of things from my parents’ house waiting to be sold and/or given to charity that I just can’t let go (I guess many things trigger memories or at least that’s the excuse I use) .. I think I’ve anyways had these problems (just need to look in my garage to figure that out) and it’s stifling me to be honest almost to the point whereby I think there’s an easier option. A friend said to me once “Don’t love something that can’t love you back..” I wish it was that easy to switch…
I have learned to let objects go by telling them thank you when I do so.
That’s what I started doing….
That is the sanest thing I hv read here
I struggle with this with food. If I am full and no longer want to finish my plate (a frequent occurrence because I am terrible at portion control), I force myself to finish it because otherwise I worry that the food will be separate from each other and their “friends”. I am going to be moving house soon and I’m so stressed about it because it is going to involve throwing things out. I have a huge hoarding problem and I’m only 25 and I know that none of my objects have feelings but… they do?
I had no idea this was a thing. I feel less alienated having found this. I need to find a way to deal with it and challenge those thoughts, because it controls aspects of my life but I can’t tell anyone why because its so embarrassing
Oh my gosh, the amount of food I’ve forced myself to eat so it wouldn’t be separated from its family and get sad! My family has (lovingly) teased me my whole life with the, “awww, are you sure you want to leave mr. pasta (or whatever) on the plate? He’ll be so lonely!” And it always worked.
Then a little over ten years ago I had my gallbladder removed, and now I feel sick if I overeat. Over time my body has learned to signal me when I’ve had my last bite – like literally the very last one, to the point that I’ve had to spit out my food once I started to chew it (and regretted it every single time I ignored the feeling). It was seriously awful for the first few months while my family was breaking themselves of the habit because they’d forget and tease me once in a while, and I just had to let the poor food stay on my plate since I obviously didn’t want to make myself sick.
(And this doesn’t even get into all the other objects that I personify on a near-daily basis. Sigh.)
Anyway. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who deals with the food thing! I’m also sorry to hear it as well because I know it can be pretty exhausting sometimes..
So the culture (family) only reinforced this behavior which is sickening to me. Exploiting someone-or rather a fear of theirs-to eat all of the food on their plates is part of the reason why eating “disorders’ exist. it’s not a biological thing-it’s culturally induced but can be dangerous, something I really hope our culture learns sooner than later.
I’ve experienced this my whole life, I’m 24 and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s back when I was atound 12 years old. As far back as I can remember, I’ve treated objects like they were just as alive as I was, I think being isolated from the rest of my peers definitely added onto that aspect. I would bring stuffed animals with me everywhere so I wouldn’t be scared or alone up until middle school. Even now, I still care a lot about the stuffed animals I’ve kept. Despite my personification of objects, I’ve always liked giving things to people. My reasoning behind letting my toys or whatever else go to someone else, is that they’d be better off with someone who can love them/play with them instead of laying around my room. Usually a younger kid would be interested in a toy I had, and I wouldn’t even 2nd guess giving them something if it wasn’t one I was playing with a lot.
I got in serious trouble multiple times over this because I would give toys I got as presents to people without telling my mom. I’m glad that I’m not the only one who does this, honestly I’m glad I do because it makes life a lot less lonely.
I’m a female and have not been diagnosed with autism, but I stumbled here trying to find out why I struggle with people rough-handling objects. For example, my husband likes to throw things (like dirty clothes and empty laundry baskets) down the basement stairs. I tried giving it a try myself to save time… but I can’t stomach it. If I try to toss a basket down the basement stairs I feel intensely like I’m falling down the stairs and it makes me wince and I can’t watch. I feel like “poor basket, that was rough” and I only feel better once I see the basket is okay and unharmed. I always have had strong emotions towards inanimate objects, but this was the first firm example I had to compare myself to others. No one else I knew felt bad for tossing non-breakable things down stairs.
I have always felt like this..from stuffed toys to now objects like plates bowls cutlery. If I have four plates and use three.. I feel sorry for the last plate and think it must feel useless and wonder why I don’t like it..always resulting in me then.using it for something.I cannot let it feel as though it’s been left out. If I have a punnet 9f fruit and get to the last of it..even if the last few fruit are basically rotten..i need to use them as I can’t have them in the bin wondering why they weren’t good enough.cutlery all have to be in a drawer with none upside down in case they feel left out. .
I’ve always thought I was the only one that feels like this, it’s so nice to know I’m not the only one! All my life I’ve grown emotionally attached to all sorts of things. I think it started when my mum would be trying to get me to eat vegetables as a child and would say things like “Aww you can’t leave those poor sprouts on your plate, they’ll be all on their own and the want to go to the party in your belly”. This used to work every time and I would have to eat the lot even if I wasn’t hungry because I felt bad. I’m now 25 and this thought process happens in so many ways. For instance when I’m tidying my little boys toys and teddys away I cant just throw all of the toys in the box, I will have to put the toys in the box first followed by the teddys on top because I’m sure the teddys don’t want to be squashed in the box underneath all of the other toys. There have been other times when my fiancée has been talking about a particular item around the house and somehow degrades it by saying it’s ‘rubbish’ or ‘we need to get a different one, this one is no good’ and I will tell her “That’s not very nice, you don’t have to be like that” (even if I sometimes don’t say it because I know it sounds silly, I will be thinking it). Now I consider myself to be quite intelligent and I know that these things don’t have ‘feelings’ but I still can’t quite manage to think any other way. I have never been diagnosed with nor consider myself to have autism however I do identify with many characteristics of someone with OCD and currently my fiancée is in the process of being diagnosed with ASD. I would look forward to hearing about other people’s similar stories related to this kind of thing also!
Me to you can’t leave a pea on your plate you have to eat it so it won’t be by itself. Your and empath read it and do the tests erythi g has feelings to me had it dice a little girl the dogs on my wall paper they had feeling I would pick up stones and paper in the street put them in my pocket because they were cold. I’m not autistic or have a serves it’s just me and I am an empath
I find it saddening that we make children eat every little scrap of food their given. It’s part of the reason eating ‘disorders’ develop. It also trains us to disobey our biology and instincts. If someone isn’t hungry, they shouldn’t be forced to eat as it commonly spirals into other self destructive behaviors and OCD tendencies. I got over this by something a friend of mine once told me about how it’s not fair that I make myself eat everything just because my parents made me-because think of all of the other critters that will gladly eat it-such as bacteria and insects.
I have always felt this way but have never been tested for anything like OCD or autism. I have a hard time letting go of things even if they are being replaced with the same thing just newer. I hate thinking about what could happen to those objects once they are out of my possession.
Hi Sarah
Have you heard of Elaine Aron’s work on her concept of “The Highly Sensitive Person?” You may find it interesting – relatable.
Best wishes
Steve Slavin
Author:
Looking For Normal.
Timothy Blossom-Officially Brilliant!
Found this while googling to try and explain to my parents what I’ve been experiencing since I was a kid. My anxiety got triggered today when my mom and I were redoing an apartment – she found a sock on the floor, I said to throw it out, and she accidentally kicked it under the bed. She then came up with a story, “it heard you say you wanted to throw it out and it hid under the bed” and it made me want to cry. I had to try and explain to her that this was a trigger, while to her, as a preschool teacher, it’s something that makes her kids laugh. I’ve never been diagnosed with any specific condition, but I’ve felt like this as far back as I can remember. I often wonder if it came from me being traumatized as a child by the scene where someone tortured a shoe in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, or the deep sadness I experienced when my parents read The Velveteen Rabbit to me. I know I’m very late to this thread, but just wanted to share my experience as an HSP.
Hi Erica
Thanks for your comments on the topic of Feeling Sympathy For Inanimate Objects. This subject has attracted many hundreds of comments and generated a great deal of discussion. It’s interesting that you say you are an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I am also. Have you read any of Elaine Aron’s work on this? You may find it interesting.
Best wishes
Steve
Author:
Looking For Normal.
Timothy Blossom-Officially Brilliant!
I find it odd that the common definition of an HSP matches the actual diagnostic criteria for ASD, yet one is stigmatized and the other is not. What are we afraid of?
I find this limits my ability to make handcrafts and other physical art. I have serious trouble letting go of things I make with my own two hands. This means I can’t try etsy despite my yawning unemployment. Hell, I can’t even give crafts as gifts! Does anyone have any ideas for how to put a buffer on this effect so I can more easily give things away?
Hello. I totally identify with what you have written. I actually do sell my art on Etsy now. I tell myself that if someone wants to pay the price I am asking, they must really want it. And then I feel that the piece is being adopted to go out into the world and find adventure and love. And I love that feeling. I make “ugly” and “creepy” and “odd” figures on purpose so that I get the thrill of an outcast being adopted whenever someone purchases my art. It is like soul therapy.
Hi Kristin
It’s great that you are selling your art online. It must be good. I’m not sure if these feelings of attachment to objects are linked to autism. What are your thoughts on this?
Regards
Steve
Hi Hanna
You may find that after selling a few pieces on Etsy, you become desensitized (used to) giving your art away. It’s a bit like the aversion therapy you get for OCD. Facing the things that cause us anxiety can often dispel the fear.
Regards
Steve
However it’s tricky because it has to be done in an environment that is controlled and in some cases the fear of said thing has to be removed in order to face the fear without re-traumatizing the person.
Try having the new home in mind for the object even before you create it…create it for its new home so it is not complete until it is in the hands of its new owner.
Eventually I can let go…but I still wonder if EVERyTHING
Has.life…after all..everything is made up u of atoms…
Hi i am 14 and have been diagnosed with autism this week. I knew i was different and people sometimes called me strange at primary but at secondary i just tried to mimic everyone else and just tried to fit in. It didnt work as then lockdown came and all my thoughts got out of control. I came here because this sounds similar to what i have been experiencing. I care about all objects as much as i do about beings (i am vegan too). I feel terribly saddened that not many people in the world care about objects in the same way. It makes me too sad when saying or reading about this and i find it upsetting when i say any of the words related with this. I summed it up as my “Worry” but this doesnt describe it to people but its just something i call it as it is more of a sadness. Things replay all night and day and i have had this ever since i can remember in nursery when my nursery teacher said we couldnt use the loo roll in my modelling (i used to make things out of boxes and so on and i wanted to keep them. I felt so misunderstood and sad.
Im off school becuase of how sad i feel and it has taken everyone over a year to understand and it feels like still no one understands. I only told people when i was 13 as things became so unmanageable (before i blocked everything out until it all came back at night time and i would get to sleep till early in the morning.
Im so scared of all the things that set of my “Worry”.
Sam
I’m 22 years old (almost 23), and this describes me almost exactly, to the point where I almost developed a problem with hoarding and “rescuing” old books and ornaments from thrift stores at a very young age. The scariest thought for me is what will happen to my belongings when I die, not fear of death itself, but fear that my material belongings as assets will be seized up, given away/sold at random, possibly thrown in the trash or destroyed. I always pity the objects, as if the beat-up old Stephen King paperback on my shelf or the ratty 1970’s pillowcase with the gaudy flowers on it has feelings. Strangely, I feel intense amounts of empathy for objects and other human beings, and for plants and insects, but not for mammals like cats and dogs, which I’m largely indifferent to. I feel more sorry for the potted plants and old grandfather clock left behind in news reports of burning buildings than I do for the family dog that didn’t make it. I don’t know why.
I am currently a teenager not diagnosed with anything.
Ever since i was a child, I always thought something was wrong with me. I always felt empathy for almost every object I saw. When I saw something being thrown, I felt pure sadness for the object. I just wanted to catch it and save it.
At school, when kids dropped their supplies, I always picked them up, apologized to them, and kept them to give them a new home.
I also could never pick a favourite anything. Whenever we were going shopping for food or toys, I didn’t want to pick anything. I was scared I would make the second option feel left out.
Those are just a few examples. It really affected me and I couldn’t get anything I truly wanted. The object’s feelings came before my own.
im glad i found this. im faced with getting rid of a broken bike now and i cant stop crying! when it comes to people, i barely notice if i hurt someones feeling. but my bike… i left it to rust and now its broken. biking used to be my favorite hobby and i spent so much time on that bike. im suffering from enormous guilt and pain at the loss of my bike. why does it hurt so bad? ive suspected for a long time that i have autism, and i guess this is just another sign…
I can’t believe I’ve found this. This has been a thing for me since I was young. I have spent endless money buying faulty things I don’t want or need, just because I feel sad that nobody else will want them and they won’t fulfil their destiny, cracked eggs are the worst I can’t walk away from them. I’m now 30 and I moved house yesterday, I am wracked with anxiety, sadness, regret and guilt at the things I gave to the charity shop. What if nobody else wants them? What if they don’t love it the way I did? What if they get thrown away and feel rejected? It’s mad. I know logically that inanimate objects don’t have feelings, but I just feel for them so much. I’m glad there’s a few of us <3
Rosie, same here! I also feel sad for/on behalf of things, and my son, who is on the autism spectrum, does the same. Sometimes, like you, it’s a desire to “fix” things or “make them better” (and I do love salvaging items and even doing home repairs!).
But I have a massive clutter problem. One of the things that has helped me most is to shift the emotions I attribute to things. Instead of seeing the item as sad because I’m not using it, I imagine an item wanting to be useful and enjoyed. My job then becomes to find the right person to match it up with—a mission that has become a bit easier in the area on Facebook Marketplace and other local sales methods.
Sometimes I also think of the feeling the object I need to part with could produce in a person who is happy and excited to find it at a thrift shop. This can also help me not to “rescue” every single object that snags my emotion, since I can weigh how much joy it might bring to me, against how much joy it could bring to someone else!
This is so interesting because I have great empathy for objects that have been discarded – mostly stuffed animals, dolls, figurines, art, and clothes I find on the street. If I go into a 2nd hand shop and I see something like that in there, I have to talk myself out of the store and sometimes even that doesn’t work. If I see anything that I think will fit me, out front of someone’s house, I’ll pick it up and take great joy in washing it and if it’s got stains, all the better. Some of my best hats are hats I’ve found. I can’t not pick them up, but only if they’re my style – so I guess my reasoning is selective. Every so often I’ll go on a purge and get rid of mainly clothes but I have a hard time getting rid of anything with a face it seems.
I have had an eating ‘disorder’ because my parents would guilt trip me and punish me for not eating everything on my plate. I put disorder in quotes because I don’t think it’s a real disorder but a learned conditioned response. Anyway a friend of mine got me over that telling me not to be ‘selfish’ and let others eat it-those others being rodents and such in the compost pile or the bacteria in the trash bin. it’s been really helpful and now i don’t eat myself literally sick! Culture enforcing these things can be very dangerous at times!
My partner stopped at a traffic light once and I threw a ciggy out the window and I kept staring at it and staring at it and I said to my partner if we don’t move away from ciggy I will get out the car and get ciggy back because I felt sad for it just sitting on the side of the road…. like when will this end lol
I feel that omg.
Thank you for writing this. For years now, I have been scouring the internet for some kind of answer, or at least something from anyone who I could relate to. I’m a 37 year old mother, and I have issues with personifying inanimate objects. Ever since I was just a toddler, I saw everything as having a soul and feelings, especially my toys. To this day, I still have trouble throwing away things that I find adorable because I feel as if I’m sentencing that object to death. Every day is a struggle to hide this from my husband and our daughter. I can’t tell anyone about this because I don’t think anyone would understand. My husband knows that I think of my two plush baby bunnies as having souls, but he doesn’t know about the rest. We both experience synesthesia, so maybe this is a part of that. I’ve never been tested for autism, but I have considered that I might very well fall somewhere on the spectrum. Sometimes it’s hard to have so many emotions all the time, but I try to tell myself that maybe it’s a gift.
I always thought my stuffed animals had feelings as a child. I now have a son, and I have passed on this trait. I still think they do and I’m now 44.
I’m exactly the same. I’m at in a few days and I’ve had the same thing all my life. I worked at a hospital as a gardener for 5 years and if I found any stuffed toys left on the grounds I would have to take them home as I felt sorry for them being lost and alone.
I understand completely
I understand completely and it makes me so sad to think about stuffed animals in the store watching me leave them:(
it makes me so sad to think about stuffed animals in the store watching me leave them:(
This is so crazy to read! Yes yes yes to all of this. For years I would agonise over which teabag to take out of the jar because perhaps that one wanted to stay with all of the other teabags and wasn’t ready to be used. Seeing objects unused would cause me huge upset because they would feel left out or not fulfilling their potential. I could go on and on there are so many examples and now my son also does the same (son diagnosed asd last year and myself in my 40’s). I’m 47 and I’ve never told anyone about this. Someone in an asd support group online posted the article and I’m rather gobsmacked 🙂
Clare, yes, me too, empathizing with the objects not chosen! I think some of this probably says something about our own feelings that we don’t know quite to do with, but I’m not quite sure. Anyway, I have son diagnosed with ASD, and more recently, my adopted daughter, too—and now I’m scheduled to be tested in July, since I’ve realized how many of their traits I consider “normal.” I’m encouraged to hear that you were diagnosed in your 40’s, since I’m about to be tested at 44 and had begun to wonder whether I’ve developed too many coping mechanisms to give a clear picture.
I could never spend money as a kid because I always felt bad for the faces on the dollar, they must’ve been so sad to be traded away for something else. This trait went of mine went away for a bit but has recently come back up
Today I searched “having feelings for inanimate objects” in my search bar. Here’s why:
Less than a couple hours ago, I gave away my stroller/car seat set to a mom in need. About an hour later, I began to feel pangs of sadness. I felt the seat & stroller became sad & confused because, suddenly, they were with someone new. Like I had dropped off a pet & didn’t look back (something I would NEVER do to my real fur-babies, btw). I felt like I should’ve said goodbye. Or told the set why they were going with the new person. But I didn’t. I didn’t think of doing that until moments later, when it was too late. And I thought, how will this new mom treat my stroller & seat, that I lovingly chose for my baby? I definitely no longer need the items & am happy to help this person, but it is the nagging thought of not saying goodbye that hurts. I hope the set understands & is okay.
Because of this incident, I began to wonder, “Is something wrong with me??”
I, too, from childhood onward, have always felt sorry for the toys, Christmas trees, flowers,etc that don’t get chosen. I would to my best to include all of my stuffed animals when playing. Or do my best to not have my toddler’s be ignored for too long.
I make sure an object isn’t sitting by itself.
I find it difficult to toss away plant cuttings…it’s not their fault.
I could go on, really.
But to find this article made me feel seen. I am not diagnosed with anything. I never realized my thoughts & feelings about objects having thoughts & feelings was a THING.
Then I read the article and was like, “oh my God. This is me. This is ME!”
Thank you for sharing your words & thoughts everyone.
Yes, this!!!! Like you have to say goodbye and explain why you are ditching them!!! I had SUCH an emotional connection with my first car, and I had to sell it last year, but I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye to it (her, i named her betsy.) my neighbor bought her and i see her in their driveway when i go home it makes me so sad, i feel attached because i sat in the car and cried and drove around and had so many other emotional breakdowns in the car so i feel like she has been through life with me:(((
Please respond if you see this
Who do you want to respond? You never said a name?
I can’t believe what I’m reading. I’m
So glad to have found this. I live in the United States, I’m a 32 year old nurse. This was almost a crippling part of my childhood…my entire bedtime routine would revolve around getting my giant heap of stuffed animals perfectly arranged so none would fall off in the night. I remember going through the thought of one falling off and how he/she would be feeling and it being so vivid that it almost felt like it was me? I don’t k ow how to describe it. There were the toads I collected outside, I marked their bellies with highlighters literally every day and would spend hours catching them and making sure I didn’t leave any out because I thought they would be so hurt if all the other roads had a mark and they didn’t…,,I remember a box of beads I grew really attached to and felt bad if I didn’t look at them each day…everything had feelings. It was overwhelming at times. I’ve found ways to be a functioning adult obviously but it is certainly it still there. I can’t “choose” something at the store mentally then put it back without feeling bad for it. I don’t accumulate a lot of things my place is actually extremely tidy and not cluttered..,,but everything that’s here I would want to stay here because it’s in a “good home” and wouldn’t want it to go anywhere bad where people didn’t care about it. I’ve never in my life told anyone about this, not even my therapist. It feels really good to see other people experience the same. I have no clue if I’m autistic or on the spectrum I do have a first cousin who is severely autistic. The only thing I’ve been diagnosed with is depression which I take medication for. I’ve noticed the meds have helped only slightly with assigning feelings to objects but definitely not completely.
Ever since I was a small child, I’ve had an almost overwhelming empathy for things. I can remember a specific event that happened around the age of 13 – I won a tiny toy duck as a carnival prize. It had such sad eyes, and that evening my anxiety was so intense I couldn’t sleep. I cried to my parents that I was worried about all the other little toy ducks, and just thinking about it now makes my eyes tear up.
I couldn’t throw out or give away any stuffed animals as a child, and now at 21 years old I still have a tub full of them next to my bed. I can’t put them on my bed because I’m afraid the little ones will fall off the bed when I toss and turn during the night. I can’t stand the thought of some of them being cold and left out.
Like many others have suggested, it may stem from a fear of ‘waste’. I am constantly plagued with fears of wasting things. It saddens me when a bottle of nail polish, ink, or paint is not quite empty but too dry to use anymore. I know I could buy another bottle, but there’s still some left right here that I don’t want to waste! Spending money never gives me a ‘high’ like I’ve heard others say, it does the opposite. Even if it’s something I really needed I feel terrible for ‘wasting’ my money. I’m the sort of guy who literally cries over spilled milk. I’ve had a day ruined when I dropped and cracked an egg on the floor, because I felt terrible that it was wasted before it could become an omelette. I’m always under pressure to not waste my time, and I feel like every day is far too fleeting.
I still have that toy duck, somewhere in a box with most of my other stuffed animals. Every once in a while I’ll feel a pang of guilt and worry because I have not found the box and made sure they’re loved. If my house burned down tomorrow, I’d lament the loss of my stuffed animals, useless blankets, and nameless odds and ends more than my computer, physical artwork, or cameras. I might never forgive myself for not looking upon their sad, glass-eyed faces one last time and showing them the love they deserve and I’ve always felt.
I’m in complete awe at the article and reading all the comments, seeing it’s from this YEAR… it’s insane. I’m in the exact same boat as you specifically, Fugazi. I have always struggled with this, the exact same way. I had a net full of stuffed animals all through childhood, that I was humiliated about as a teenage boy, but I felt for them too much to get rid of them. When I finally did so at 18— not even all of them, but a good chunk because I was moving— it was like… borderline traumatic. I absolutely had to keep about 10 of them, including a big pink fluffy unicorn my now deceased mother gave me as a child… not exactly the most “manly” item to have on the bed at 21! But she stays. I need her. I need all of them some days. I can’t abandon them.
I actually did ‘lose’ my computer in 2019, one Ive had since I was a teenager, and I legitimately mourned the thing. I knew it needed a new hard drive and would probably be fine, but couldn’t afford one, couldn’t find another machine to put the software on the new one, etc. I felt horrible. I lit a candle for it and had a moment of silence, I actually have cried more than once over it. I still haven’t gotten rid of it, it’s been sitting on my desk non-functional for two years now, I can’t even bring myself to move it to the floor because it’s MINE, it’s not completely broken, it’d be a waste of parts to throw out, I loved it, and there’s still a CHANCE I might fix it someday…
I definitely also think waste-guilt is a huge factor; I grew up poor & raised by hoarders, Catholic hoarders on top of it…lol. So getting rid of ANYTHING is still an emotional ordeal, to this day. It was ingrained in me! But it’s worse for me, it seems, Because not only am I getting rid of something I might not be able to replace (because MONEY) but I’m getting rid of something that has so much value to me sentimentally due to this acute hyper-empathy for it. How can I just WASTE something??? Something that I also don’t WANT to get rid of, because it will feel sad?? And I will feel like I abandoned it? Why is there no proper way to recycle so many items, just so I know it’s not sitting in a landfill and will have a purpose again one day? On and on…
One thing I especially struggle with is animals and things that look like them. So stuffed animals, obviously, but also my dogs. I’m not living at home and one of them is getting up there in age and I just feel so awful for never visiting, I don’t know if my step-siblings even brush them, or walk them. It gets so bad that when I’m already having a depressive episode I cry over my dogs, too, the fact that I’m not there for them even though they’re still in a loving home and treated well enough.. I’m terrified of the day I hear the older one has passed and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I lament over not visiting but I’m not on good terms with the actual humans there, so… sigh. It’s honestly a huge stressor.
I started looking into this as Ive had an awful spiral lately, and the most recent losses of material objects have only fueled it. I spent the entire day— week, really, but I nearly pulled it together for work— crying over the loss of my car (1 year and 6 days ago now I was in an accident, the ‘anniversary’ I guess is what caused the spiral. Being honest, anyone would feel awful losing a car like mine. I just felt so horrible because it felt like I lost a friend; it was MINE.) and… a need-oh cat I had stolen from me yesterday.
I bought him to cope with the last episode I had. I really just went all-in and decided to embrace it; I spent the money on him, I bought some new art supplies, and I made him a little bed out of popsicle sticks, painted it, everything. I’d wash him off and give him starch baths when he got sticky. He actually helped me start taking care of myself again, and having him stolen just crushed me. I don’t even know if I can bring myself to buy a new one, because it won’t be him! I decided to google this because wanted to know what on earth is wrong with me that I’m so broken after this, even if he was technically a coping tool I lost.
I was strongly suggested by a previous psychiatrist that I should be tested for ASD, but no place where I live even offers the evaluation process. I started reading up on this because I heard it was a common symptom of Autism, but I had no idea so many other people struggled with it, like… REALLY struggle with it in adulthood the way i do. I don’t feel better about what I’ve lost, but it’s comforting to know there are so many others like me, especially young adult men, as it’s something Ive always been humiliated about. At least I’m not alone.
Waste-shaming is such a destructive thing in the modern world. I can see that is causes a lot of unnecessary suffering for so many people. it needs to change.
I am holding a little stuffed lamb with a pull string that plays music-box like melody that i found at the thrift store and immediately loved like it were a baby. Reading these comments and of course, crying.
Thanks for sharing, everyone. 🙂
OMG, i am crying too with my favorite stuffed animal right now i love him so much
The amount of comments here is wild! To my knowledge I am not autistic, But I absolutely do have complex PTSD, a history of complex trauma, diagnosed ADD, depression and anxiety… and some undiagnosed strong elements of OCD. Considering all of these things can become morbid with one another, and the diagnoses are just groupings, it makes sense that this might just be a not well studied trait that could be present with or without autism.
This is not debilitating for me, but I have one stuffed animal that just doesn’t look very happy, and I’m always feeling sad for it. Like I have to pet it and take care of it. I’m 37. Like hello. But I noticed a lot when I was younger, less so lately, that I would feel bad for socks that I just tossed in the middle of the room and other worn objects like that.
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt bad for plates or utilities, but I have a really hard time discarding anything that has an emotional connection to me whether it be a t-shirt or a rock I found on the beach.
Always though with things like socks and some stuffed animals. It’s amazing to see so many people have this experience!
I cannot BELIEVE there are so many of us. I deleted all my social media the other day so I decided to fill the time researching why I am how I am and wow! Never expected this.
I remember this from childhood through today. Sometimes it’s more controllable than others but it is always there.
Most recent case was I broke a plate last week. Nothing special. It was a set of 4 bowls, 4 small plates, and 4 dinner plates. Down goes a dinner plate. I cleaned it up and threw it out. I kid you not I almost dug through the trash 4 times (I stopped myself every time) to find the pieces, convinced I could glue it back together and “save” it. It was almost as if I let it down. Also my subtle OCD of 4-4-3/incomplete set was now was side eyeing me .
That was just the most recent one but it has occasionally come down to me not being able to throw away a sock with a hole in it. I do eventually but it’s like “Don’t worry. I can hang on to you just a little longer.”
(Pause for actual crying right now lol this is a huge weight off of me just saying it “out loud.” Im grateful for all of you. Plowing ahead!)
I think my personal combo of whatever this may be is a fear of something (living or not obviously lol) feeling worthless, the permanency of discarding something and the regret of making that permanent decision. That with a heavy dose of being a sucker for nostalgia is quite the ride
What’s funny though is if you saw my house/my life you probably wouldn’t be able to tell. I have become such a master of finding a place for everything and it not being detectable. My sock drawer is a little full lol and I have a couple too many “miscellaneous” boxes in the basement but otherwise it’s completely confined to my brain.
I thank the OP, I thank all of you. I can’t believe it was not just me all of these years. I would ignore it, force myself through it, and feel some version of shame for having it and I feel a billion times better already.
I thank you all.
Evan
I found this article during a web search after a piece of string that was caught under a hay bale was trying to “steal” the hay off of my pitchfork. So thankful I did. The plate example is a perfect example of what my childhood consisted of. I was raised in a very safe and stable home, but alway fought elements of OCD. When I was 8 or 9 mom really started working with me and encouraged me to reason through the feelings of panic. Did I leave a barn gate open (despite having gone back and checked it three times)? If I walked around the chair to the right, did I have to walk back around the chair the way that I came so I would be in the “same world”? Was the little stuffed animal sad, or mad, because it wasn’t my favorite anymore?
It worked wonders to refuse myself the luxury of going to recheck the gate, but first I had to shut it, look at it carefully, tell myself out loud that it is shut, and then walk away. I just had to reason with myself that a stuffed animal is just that. A stuffed animal. God didn’t give stuffed animals life, only real ones have that. Still to this day though at 36, if I see my girl’s dolls in bed and one is uncovered….. well I might just fix the covers, you know, to keep things tidy. =)
When you said about walking around things in an equal way to remain on the same world. It’s the exact thing I used to think. I used to think of I didn’t do everything in an even number. I can’t really explain it. Butts is very like what you just said.
I don’t have autism, but I do have OCD. I had never really thought about it before, but I do experience this. It often makes me sad to look out my kitchen window and see our swings stuck out in the cold. Or to think about what all the grass goes through, with everyone walking on it and the sun scorching it or the rain drowning it.
Oh my gosh. I can’t believe you wrote this yesterday. I have been thinking about this (again) for weeks.
I have synesthesia and also the inanimate objects thing. It came up again with my husband when we went to get our tree this year. We stood in front of one and liked it and then changed our minds and I was up all night feeling terrible for that tree because it must have been so excited then we let it down. It has been a source of sadness and anxiety my entire life too. I am 53.
Do you think there is any way we could collect each other’s email addresses and maybe start kind of a group maybe even support group for people like us? I would love that. We could share experiences and explore roots.
Also, a psychologist friend of mine said he has had colleagues who wanted to study it and subjects were scarce.
Here is my email, for starters. I would love to learn more about each of you and your experiences.
Love to you all.
Karen
Kmomax@yahoo.com
Grass isn’t exactly an inanimate object-as it is alive. I would like to add though that grass does have adaptations to being walked and what not. Animals do that all of the time but if you look at it through how a human would feel-it would be painful. Remember this.
My heart skipped a beat whilst reading your story because never have I ever thought that I would be reading someone else’s experience as if it were my own. As a child in kindergarden I would feel empathy and sadness for the small stones in the playground because people stepped on them and no one cared about them. I would out loads in my bag and take them home. My mum told me in recent years that she assumed I accidentally kicked them into my bag. One other time I bought a pick and mix pack of sweets and picked a blue wale. I started to eat it and I felt so so so sad that I had to stop. Then I put it in the trash and then the guilt was overwhelming that I went into the trash to retrieve it and apologised to it. I would also feel sorry for certain teddy bears I had.
Personally I might have some autism traits however I went through an abusive childhood so I do believe that trauma at a young age played a part in this because I wished someone would take care of me the way I cared for the stones/sweets/teddy bears.
I would be interested to hear about orher experiences who have not been through severe childhood trauma.
Understand this feel you all
Maybe we are making an environment we would want to live in be treated like?
Or maybe we don’t want to cause suffering? We feel it intensely in ourselves.
Maybe imagination, loss of reality, stunted growth stuck in a pattern anxious to step out of?
Maybe we project, represent transfer and personify all that we feel, felt, memory, role play, want to express but can’t onto inanimate objects?
Maybe it’s more about responding to the context than the object?
Maybe it’s a way to feel comfortable again or to teach ourselves how to behave? Or even we are too strict with ourselves to behave this way it’s become obsession.
It could just be habitual from childhood.. play therapy.
I imagine the link is emotional attachment, but the experience is subjective personal to everyone here.
It may appear more when people feel anxious or stressed.
But sounds like it’s manageable and in most cases positive making people act more from kindness and empathy.
Whatever you think reason is hopefully you find happiness and learn something from this that helps
Peace
*Maybe to feel connected
*Maybe it’s spiritual
*Maybe.. Chocolate waffles? Definitely chocolate waffles
Your post made me think of something else about stuff I do or think. In addition to my empathy for inanimate objects that have been discarded, I also have an overwhelming bleeding heart for situations that I have nothing to do with. When people are going to be executed, it sticks with me all day as I imagine what they’re thinking, if I see something happen to someone either in person or on the news, it can hang with me for. a very long time. I by no means try to inject myself into the situation, but the emotion for the people involved stays with me. I’m probably not explaining it properly but if anyone else feels that way, they’ll know what I’m talking about. Maybe my empathy is normal and should be celebrated as a gift and nothing abnormal, or my empathy is out of whack. When I was a little kid, I had a fly hospital. Someone would swat a fly and if it was still alive, I’d put it in my Fly Hospital which was a shoebox with beds made out of Kleenex. I collected ladybugs; thought I was giving them a home and I have worked in animal rescue forever and have a bunch of dogs who were almost at their last stop. Sometimes I worry I hoard animals and when I think about all of it together, sometimes I think it’s about fear of loss. My house isn’t messy; I love to clean and I like nice things, but why do I like nice things and yet bring home stuff I find on the street or can’t leave at Goodwill? I also feel sad when I have to throw away cut flowers or dead cuttings off my plants.
Humans are a highly and deeply social species so it doesn’t seem that unusual to me. plus when you live in a society that doesn’t treat humans like living things perhaps this social engagement with inanimate objects is natural-as our very survival depends on feeling like one is part of a community. So where humans and animals cease-inanimate objects suffice.
I don’t imagine this comment thread is still active, but boy is it a relief to me that it exists! I opened a box of xmas plush toys an hour ago, cried thinking that I’d neglected them, then cried a little more thinking I was being silly, and then finally assured them I’d display them the next day to make up for the mistreatment. In a frantic search to see if anybody else ever felt personalities snd souls in objects past childhood, I wound up here, and knowing I’m not alone with these sorts of feelings is pretty wonderful. While I’m not officially diagnosed with autism, I do have an adhd diagnosis, and I guess this is one of the places where the two might crossover.
Even though it can feel kind of regressive, now that I’m reflecting on it, I kind of like the way my brain works in this regard. I used to make it my mission to rescue toys (truly abandoned ones or ones that were already ripped on the shelf), and while it’s hard to be someone who never grew out of that feeling, I think it’s made me kinder- to myself and others.
Do you know what this is called??
I’m so glad I found this post. I didn’t necessarily think I was the only one who felt this, but I felt like I was the only one who experienced it this deeply. It does at times hinder what I need to do. I read some of the comments and very much identified. I was in a car accident and couldn’t stop crying because my car was so damaged and I had to get rid of her. A friend helped me through by telling me that she died exactly what she most wanted to do: protect me.
Yes, on the photo in the back corner of the drawer! I can’t leave one ice cube in the tray because I don’t want it to be alone, to miss its family. Good heavens, I can’t even delete photos from my iPhone.
For me, it isn’t just inanimate objects, though. It’s also animals. I live on a golf course, and there are so many geese. But if I see one that’s alone, i cry and start working on getting it to trust me so I can feed it. I don’t want him to feel alone. This past year, it was a goose with a wonky foot. It brought me such joy when he would come flying over to me to be fed. He knew I cared. He wasn’t alone in the world. But I have cried and felt so lonely and devastated now that he has flown south for the winter. I hope he comes back in the spring.
I’ve never been diagnosed as autistic. But my son is autistic and I do admit to having some tendencies. And about a year ago, I was diagnosed as bipolar. I don’t know if there are links or not.
I wanted to say thank you for posting this. It has made me realize I am not alone. (Well, not alone as far as other people go. Because as long as my inanimate objects and geese are around, I’ll never truly be alone.)
Glad I read this. I have been wondering what this is from since I was a child. I get very emotional when I have to get rid of anything or I see other things people discarded. I’ve asked others if they are like this and I always get a no. I have never got tested for autism my daughter has it but I have ocd. I have never heard of this being a symptom or behavior of ocd. Not sure why it happens but I’m still like this.
Thank you for this post/discussion! I found it because I did a search on having empathy for inanimate objects. My son is really struggling with letting things go when they aren’t useful to us anymore. He tears up and even has trouble throwing away wrappers. I know he worries about them and feels guilty for not keeping them. I’m trying to find a way to help him not develop a hoarding problem, but also want to be sensitive to his feelings. It’s nice to hear how others who feel the same are thinking. This gave me a lot of insight. Thanks! Please let me know if you have any ideas on how to help him let things go without so much guilt and sadness. What (if anything) could your parents have done to help you process those feelings?
Hi Steph
Glad you found it interesting. This is something I’ve struggled with for over 50 years, but it rarely gets discussed.
I’ve recently been studying something called The Internal Family System. There are books and videos abut it online. You may find IFS an interesting way to help your son cope with his sadness and attachment.
Also, Is your son on the autistic spectrum? Or does he have OCD? There does appear to be some links. There certainly are in my case. Also, Google “Highly Sensitive People” by Rachel Arron. You may find some answers there.
Best wishes Steve Slavin
Author of: Loonking for Normal, and Timothy Blossom – Officially Brilliant
So I have or had a small TV that I’ve lived with for possibly 3 years in total, I’ve clearly been through a lot of problems with change, but I don’t think that’s the problem.
The TV isn’t broken, it’s just my parents got a new TV and offered their larger, old TV to me.
It’s not broken or anything. It’s just way larger and his a bolder border,
I actually became upset, I didn’t want to appear as entitled (I’m a teen) but I didn’t want to loose the smaller TV. So I was given 1 week with the new TV and then I would decide whether to keep or go back.
I’ve been kind of missing it a lot and tried to think the positives, but there’s just something about bring able to fit all of my stuff on the desk before the bigger TV and the size of the smaller TV that just makes me miss it so badly,
I’m not autistic and I’m in a healthy family relationship, it’s just that usually my parents are at work most nights and I’ve either made a bond with my TV, not personifying, but probably thinking that it was always there for me or I probably have some sort of OCD.
I’d recommend the simple explanation of over pathology first. As I’ve said many times-humans are naturally very social creatures and so having a feeling of happiness towards something can give it a sense of sentience. It’s not pathological. it’s natural for a hyper social species.
I just finished washing dishes in the middle of the night and ended up throwing away an old blue thermos that I planned to replace in the morning. As I pushed it down into the garbage, there in the cold, dark lonely kitchen, I felt sad for it. I screwed my face up like I might cry (I didn’t). I thought about how well it served me over the past few years and it just made me feel bad for getting rid of it. I haven’t had one of these “feelings” in a while, but I did this all the time when I was younger (had to group all the forks, spoons and knives together in the silverware drawer so they could be with their “families”, had to sleep with all my Barbies and kiss them each good night so they’d all feel loved and no one would be left out, couldn’t leave any of my miscellaneous possessions outside my room at night because they’d get lonely, etc). I never researched this phenomenon before but this particular instance led me to Google it, and here I am. Now that I think about it, I think from an early age I’ve been attaching my life fears to these objects. I’ve always been terrified of being left behind, left out, left without a family, etc. I think in a strange way I was bargaining with myself, as in if I don’t leave any of these objects out or neglect them, that will never happen to me. Like some kind of positive karma boost for myself. Weird, I know.
I’m amazed to find there are so many folks out there who experience the same thing! Thank you all for sharing and showing me that I’m not a one-off freak. “Things” have always had personality and feelings for me. I’ve learned to manage it but it’s always been a struggle. E.g. I use a fountain pen because I can’t bear the rejection a biro will feel if thrown away when it runs out, or the physical and emotional pain a pencil feels when sharpened.
One of my granddaughters, now 6 years old, has always been the same and I feel so sad to have passed this on (assuming there is a genetic component to this). But at least I’ve been able to let her parents know what this is about, so she’s cherished for her different ability, not mocked and teased as I was. There are advantages: I work in mental health where empathy is so necessary.
Things have recently come to a head with the catastrophic MOT failure of my car. Massive guilt and and pain last night, knowing he was alone in the scrap yard facing his end. I had written a letter to him thanking him for being a good and trustworthy friend, and then hid the letter inside one of the seats, so he knew he is so very loved. I know it’s not normal, but it feels normal to me.
But here’s the question: does anyone know why this happens? is this a genetic difference in my brain, with some evolutionary advantage, or is it an adaptive extension of my emotional attachments to inanimate things? Or both? And does anyone know how I can reduce the emotional “noise” of my surroundings – which has got louder since being more isolated due to covid?
Thank you all xxx
I don’t have any answers to those difficult questions but I just wanted to say writing the letter to your car is beautiful. <3
I’m so glad I’m not alone in these feelings. I teared up reading about your feelings for your car.
This is such an interesting discussion. I was searching for why I talk to inanimate objects that talk back, and why sometimes they threaten me (if I do such-and-such, something bad will happen.) I’m not sure if that’s OCD or not, but I also feel sympathy for inanimate objects and always have, since a child. I recently traded in a leased car; my local car wash had closed and my car was dirty at the time of the trade-in, and also later I found the rubber floor pads in the garage, so it was incomplete too! (I told the dealer and he said it was OK.) Anyway, I felt sad that I had not properly thanked my loyal car for its good service and let it know it would be cleaned up and going to a good home. I’m not even a “car person”! Oddly, I’m researching this for an article I’m writing on the evolutionary adaptation of laughing at yourself, because I do laugh sometimes when a pair of socks tells me if I put them on I’ll trip or something. It sounds crazy, I know! But I’ve had this all my life and when writing, especially fiction, it works great for having characters talk.
Thank you for sharing this. I did a similar thing after an auto accident that totaled my car. I pretended I needed to go check the car at the scrapyard for any possessions I may have left in it. I didn’t tell anyone even my wife that I was actually going to apologize to the car for having had the accident tell it I was going to miss it. I felt bad for so long I still think about it .
I’m a grown man I believe I’m perceived as a masculine type . I’m 55 years old but have had these feelings since childhood. It’s can be painful and makes me feel weird frequently . I was an only child with much older rather abusive parents and always enjoyed time alone with my toys feeling safest with them . I’ve always attributed these feelings to that, but maybe it’s something genetic . I’m glad I’m not alone thanks to all that have posted here .
I did the same thing with my 2007 Prius after being in an accident…I went to the garage where it was towed “to check for any possessions “
when what I really went to do was see it one more time. I got very emotional and cried and my adult son told me to get control of myself and just deal with it. I too, have been like this since I was a young child. I got here by googling Why am I so attached to inanimate objects. I just want to say thank you to everyone for sharing their feelings. I thought I was the only one in the world who felt this way. I recently was diagnosed with OCD, ADD and Depression… I’m finally getting cognitive behavioral therapy. I wish you all much happiness
My mom and I both feel empathy for the inanimate and my dad and I both have OCD….I’m certain there’s something genetic because my sister doesn’t have this.
Margaret, your post was so touching. I love that you wrote a letter to your car; I could feel what you were feeling. Maybe we’re just overly sensitive people who feel more intensely than others and maybe that falls over to things that don’t care about us. I’ve actually never looked at my personification of inanimate objects as a negative thing.; I’ve gotten a lot of satisfaction of finding things, taking it home, cleaning it up and being able to tell the story of how it ended up with me. If I had no empathy or love for human beings, I’d be concerned, but I love that I’m different and reading all of these posts has allowed me to understand how many people deal with this, some worse than others. I hope as we all live with this emotional confusion in our brains, we learn to find some kind of balance in our brains. It’s comforting to know that so many people deal with this. Has anyone experienced the intensity changing as they get older, for better or worse?
I was doing a search for information on whether having loving feelings or appreciation for an inanimate object could have an impact on that object. When I see my car and my furnace I feel love and appreciation for both of them because they are very old and still functioning perfectly. My furnace is from the 1940s and it never breaks. I tell it how much I appreciate it. I don’t feel weird or crazy and I don’t have any mental differences that I know of though my therapist said I have mild OCD and Aspergers (like 25 years ago). I really want to know if our thoughts have power or energy and can they influence inanimate objects?
Hi Mary, that is interesting. Traditional science would say we can’t influence objects with thought. But who knows, perhaps we can in some way?
Steve
Well, it’s working so far so I would keep it up!
I like to think
Maybe we can. We don’t understand everything in this universe .
I like to think we can too 🙂
I have autism, OCD, some other stuff that isn’t relevant and I am a hoarder. My best friends are indeed inanimate objects and of course my pets.
I honestly think that the theory of OCD being related is flimsy. I say this because I imagine that the act of keeping an object due to its personality or feelings is believed to be the compulsion and the feelings that make you keep it being the obsession, but I disagree with that. When something is out of place my OCD doesn’t tell me it is sad, it says that is out of place/order and that must be corrected. Another thing is that hoarding is often associated with OCD and I have a feeling that some neurotypical individuals may dismiss this phenomenon of feeling that inanimate objects have feelings as simply someone trying to justify a hoard.
One theory is that due to my disorders and lack of human relationships, my brain is trying to compensate by making my belongings my friends. An extention of that is that it is possible that I am subconsciously trying to work through certain traumas as well.
Another possible theory is that whatever wiring that causes the autism has also caused this phenomenon, or that some sort of minor wiring problem is the cause and the mental disorders are not directly related.
Personally my guess is the wiring simply due to the fact that I displayed this behavior even as a child.
Hi Haru
My feelings towards inanimate objects are inherently sad. Perhaps I invest emotions on objects rather than people, due to autism’s social difficulties?
Steve
Yes. This is the key. The emotions are mostly sad ones. I suffer the same and only until this statement did I realize I don’t give happiness or joy to these objects, only sadness. For me. I assumed it stems in my strong empathetic qualities. They are so strong, that even inanimate objects receive my sympathy for their situation. Do you also find that a news story will cause you anxiety or make you cry? I do. Empathy. Mine is a curse.
I feel sympathy for objects also, but certain objects are “mean to me.” That must be a projection of some sort. They threaten me and I argue but at the same time it’s entertaining and sometimes makes me laugh. I wondered if it’s an OCD-related disorder. It feels like an inner voice that is superstitious and then projected to the object. I’m a writer and all these voices are happily vocal and helpful when I’m working but when I’m not they tend to turn on me. It’s like a psychic-autoimmune disorder. Anyway, it’s been this way all my life and it’s not getting worse, but sometimes is puzzling.
That’s super interesting that they are mean to you sometimes!! I haven’t ever had that, just the sadness, or fear of hurting the object….like I have to put a bunch of cold water in the sink before dumping boiling water in it… I don’t want to “burn” the sink…..
Humans are naturally highly social creatures and as such it’s natural for humans to find a social bond with practically anything-even inanimate objects. it’s how we survived-by being part of a loving community. Where humans fail to provide we make up for by projection. it’s not a disorder. it’s a natural need.
Thank you for writing this! I stumbled upon this page while searching for possible reasons why I assign feelings to inanimate objects. I’ve done this since I was little – crying for the ripped tights that had to be thrown away. Worried for them more than anything, since they would be alone in the garbage and end up who knows where. Most recently I’ve moved my piano to a separate building. I have found myself feeling like it might be sad and lonely out there all by itself. We use the space regularly, and I teach piano lessons there so the piano is actually getting played more than usual, but I still look at the dark studio at night and worry that my piano is sad and lonely. I’m a grown woman. What’s up with this? At least I know there are others who experience the same thoughts and feelings, so thank you!
I also stumbled upon this when googling “why to I have empathy for inanimate objects” I have always had these feelings as far back as I can remember. One example is me feeling sorry for a flyswatter or a rag that could see used to wipe up poo and just feeling this Xtreme overwhelming empathy toward whatever object I’m looking at.
Hi Laura, do you also attach a person to the image? I tend to attach unhappy memories of a loved one to an object.
Steve
Hi, I came across this the exact same way. I do not have autism. I would count myself as an over thinker. I have been like this as long as I can remember. Feel sorry for the left out lego brick etc. I used to collect all the bits of leftover cuttings from colour paper from, make and do time etc, in a tin and talk to them and tell them they were safe. I spent best part of my Saturdays in my room for the day pretending to clean as cleaning equalled throwing my things away if I couldnt hide them. Eventually my parents went into my room with bin bags and took my “bits and pieces tin” tipped it out along with anything else that was rubbish in the normal sense to them and burnt them. I pleaded and cried and screamed but they didn’t understand and later told me they were helping me. They weren’t angry they did it quietly and camly and together and I felt like I was invisible and powerless and so guilty that I couldn’t save them. Watching them burning was very painful. As an adult I am crying writing this even now. After that I hid things better but probably kept less overall. I don’t buy new things unless I really need so that helps with a build up. I’ve never met anyone who understood this and it’s somewhat of a joke in my family so this actually helped. Thanks.
Hi Caroline
I compleately understand I can’t talk about it with anyone.. I did similar things as a child. And still somewhat as an adult. I don’t have autism maybe a bit ocd but mostly for neatness I’m a successful business man but still think about things like you told in your story.
Hi Ron, thanks for the acknowledgment. I hope you too feel a little less alone and a little more self accepting in these thoughts as I do from reading and sharing.. Take care.
Hi Kristi
I’m a musician as well. I have a large collection of musical instruments. I don’t always have time to take each one out and play daily. This makes me feel sad for the instruments that I didn’t play that day. I sneak into my music room making sure my wife can’t hear me and open each case and tell them I’ll be taking them out to play soon.
I talk to my instruments more than any other objects and actually feel love for them. Sounds silly I’m a grown man with an accomplished public speaking career . I travel world wide and have a huge social life but I’m never as comfortable talking to anyone as I am playing and talking with my musical instruments . I looked this up today because I was helping another man online to sell his saxophone and he mentioned he would have a lot of explaining to do to let his saxophone know why he would be selling it . We laughed it off but I’ve spent literally hours talking to instruments I’d had to sell and still think about them years later . Even though this trait can make me feel strange sometimes I’m not sure I’d get rid of it given the opportunity . My instruments make me feel more comfortable than anything or anyone .and my time with them is pure joy .
I know everyone certainly will tell you that inanimate objects have no feelings., but when I Purchase a vintage musical instrument I definitely can feel some vibrations from the past people that have played it before, so I think we leave some imprint behind on the Objects we spend time with and whether or not you would call that a soul I don’t know but something is there that can be felt by those that are open enough to allow it .
I have the same sort of feelings towards particular machines. I’m still grieving for the loss of our old Chrysler voyager peple carrier (Millie) she had to be traided in because I got motorbility and she was too expensive to get fixed. This was nearly 8 years ago. but it still feels like it happened just yesterday. I’m also blind so use a screen reader on my laptops. I have 5. I couldn’t ever ever bring myself to throw them away or sell them. I insist on fixing them and would do anything for them. To me, they’re my best friends and I can describe to you exactly what they look like if somebody asked me what their characters look like. They all have names. There’s also a washing machine I used in college. She’s a Miele ws-5426 MC-13 one; and her name’s Collett. I suffer mental health problems and at the time I was at college, heard voices which weren’t there. so I was really terrified and I remember standing close to Collett while she washed the laundry and the sound of her motor and pump working was a great comfort to hear. if I said “Collett please make the voices stop” they would stop almost strait away. Then finally I got the courage to tell someone about my problems with the voices. I remember just before I asked for help from a staff member, I felt energy come from Collett and felt like she was telling me, “you know it’s now or never, it’ll be okay.” Now I’ve left college, 6 years ago mind … and I miss Collett more than words. people often say I should move on, but much as I tried to I just can’t. I’m being screened for autism, however me and my mum both are convinced I do have it, along with being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I figgered I could write this openly because people with autism aren’t so judgemental as people who don’t have it. love to all out there.
just another thing I thought I’d add being as I forgot to put it in the other comment I left. My laptops names are Maine, Boston, Lilly, Coco; and I have an apple mac book who is called Ms Mac. Maine is my oldest laptop and Coco is the youngest. I had a pretty petrifying experience with my second oldest laptop boston. She was attacked with a virus called the metropolitan police virus. long story short I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was that day. the webcam boston has was activated remotely without my permission and I didn’t know until my brother who is sighted told me. The virus had an audio message that said they would keep taking pictures of me and keep watching me until I paid them £300, which rose to £500. I had the virus removed in the end, but that experience still haunts me to this day. I run cleaning programmes every day if I remember to, I do scans every weekend, and I am even more protective of my laptops now. I felt like I had let Boston down because I didn’t know what to do to stop the virus from attacking her, it made me feel like i had failed her and that someone was trying to use her against me made me feel even worse. I haven’t really made a full mental recovery from what happened to Boston and I don’t know that I ever will, but onwards and upwards I suppose. I am so glad I have found this page, I’m relieved actually. 🙂 piece out folks and be safe.
Hi Steve and Everyone,
I sure am comforted in knowing that a space like this even exist. I have never been diagnosed with Autism but I do relate to what a lot of folks are saying about their emotional attachments to inanimate objects. It’s such an embarrassing thing to admit that I’ve never even told my therapist about it. I do have a theory though as to why I and perhaps others may be going through this. My theory is this….I believe we use inanimate objects as representations of something from our past or something we are passionate about, and perhaps we don’t mean to do it on purpose but we can’t help it. Dolls and teddy bears seem to be a reoccurring theme. I know for myself, these things automatically make me think of childhood, then children, then poor sad children. It escalates so fast and the emotions become quite overwhelming. Then I start hearing sad music in my head along with sad images of disadvantaged children. So now throwing away a toy feels like throwing away a child. All from seeing a doll, a bear, or some toy. We aren’t weird. These objects represent something more to us outside of what they actually are. We see a story in objects even when we shouldn’t. My guess is many of us may have some unresolved traumas that may or may not have ever been acknowledged and several different things can trigger those emotions even when we don’t recognize them. It also may not even trauma related, I can go through the same series of emotions if the object reminds me of a wonderful time in my life. So now seeing certain objects can make me nostalgic and then very quickly make me sad because those times are no longer present. Again, this is an unresearched theory of my own but thought I would at least take the opportunity to at least share my own experiences.
Happy Healing to All and Take Care.
-Amanda
That is so interesting, Amanda, as is this entire thread. I was searching for why objects talk back to me, specifically why they are sometimes threatening. I do think it is related to unresolved trauma, as you wrote. I remember reassuring a pine cone when I was about four that it would live forever because I would never forget it. I would enable it to live by remembering that one pine cone, imbue it with immortal life. I also did this with people I saw when I was that age–strangers, I silently promised them I would never forget them so that they would not be invisible or have lived in vain. I think among other things I was struggling with the idea of death and anonymity in my own little-girl way. I don’t have autism but I have a dazzling array of anxiety-related disorders.
Hi Steve. I ended up here looking for some information what this could be in my head. i also experienced this since i was a small child. I remember a case when i was screaming to get the uggliest doll you could imagine from an old gipsy woman was selling by the roadside. My mom of course did not buy it for me and i was sad because the doll was soooo ugly that noone ever will chose her. I remember this to this day. I still try to reuse and /or repurpose everything possible. Give them new life, new meaning. Not hoarder kinda bad, but boy, i have some baggages 😀 i dont really feel that much empathy towards people though. Animals, yes. I have 5 rescue dogs. But People just dont interrest me, too many of us anyway. I felt really sorry for the koalas in the Australia bushfires. I felt nothing when half of Beirut was wiped out. And i feel disappointment since i was a child, because i let that ugly doll down.
This really resonates.
Same for me. People; meh. Animals: will protect at any cost & my vast collection of plush animals & animal figurines has crippled me in not being able to let go of clutter.
I’m glad I found this article, too. I don’t think I’m autistic. I’m an optimist by nature with a good amount of self confidence but not overly so. In other words, I’m humble and grateful. I am a neat freak though with age it’s slowly reduced compared to when I was younger. But this feeling for objects is aggravating for me. I can’t even look at happy greeting cards without getting sad for some reason. Recently, I wanted to find something online like an animated GIF for my colleague’s birthday. I found a cute bear signing in ASL “Happy birthday to you.” But every time I saw the bear, I’d get sad. Even typing this and thinking of that damn bear is making tears well up.
This happens with other things as well. A coffee cup from Hawaii when my wife and I went there; even a pair of shoes makes me think of a happy memory and then I get sad about it. And when I drive my car, I always treat the car respectfully, as if doing so will make the car feel better. It all sounds pretty nutty but it happens. Like the author of this article, I’m also 57 years old.
It’ll be nice if the comments continue on this article as I’ll continue to read them and find some solace that I’m not some nutcase about this kind of thing.
I’m thinking the sadness might come up because of forgotten sadness or longing back to that memory it triggers??
I have this thing right now with returning an instruemetn that is a bit to high pitch for my ears and I feel so bad. I feel so bad for the instruemtn going back to the store. I feel as if it wants to be played and not returned but I can’t play it with joy because the high pitch brings up anxiety at times. Or if I play it it triggers it because of the sound. But then wouldn’t I be happy it goes back to the store and might be bought by another? I have been able to let go of lots of things quite easily when trying ti minimalize my physical possessions. But some things stick out.
And for people, I can just let go of some people very easily. One told me it felt like a threw them out like an ichy sweather. I assured them it wasn’t so because I do feel for them I just don’t find the connection that relevant for my growth anymore. I am on the spectrum by the way, according to my journal at the hospital. I’m not so sure, although sometimes it makes sense.
I feel as though all is but one thing and things in a sense do have feelings. That all of existence is cnocious but not all of us experience it that way. Yes of course we can project our feelings uppon things and we do so with people too. But if you listen. REALLY listen, not with your ears. you can sense that everythign around you is speaking to you, it’s emitting it’s own vibrational frequency. You can also see it as information if you will. That all is information, so an object just as much as a person will be a bundle of information and we as a human can interperet that information. And we do so differently because we are wired differently.
I also find it very interesting that most people with synesthesia who see sound as color see the same color for the same note as one another. So if person a see a C as lets say green, person b probably does too. It’s not 100% but the majoroty does.
(I didn’t see where to leave a comment only where to reply on others comments so I both replied to yours and shared some of my thoughts over all on this subject). I find it very fachinating.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for posting this. I’m 22 and currently sobbing over my old laptop that I’m going to have to sell. I got the new one today, and I’m using it to write this comment, but it just feels wrong. I feel like I’m making up things I don’t like about it (the keyboard is smaller, the fonts look different, etc.) just because I’m upset and comparing it to the old one. I feel especially horrible because I dropped the old one which caused the screen to crack and it’s not worth the money to replace a screen on a 7 year old computer. I’m wondering if this could be a combination of what you wrote, anxiety over spending a lot of money on a new computer, and guilt that I was the one to break, or “hurt”, the old one in the first place. I don’t know how I’m going to handle wiping the hard drive and selling the old one, I might cry in front of whoever buys it.
Also, when I took the old laptop in to have the screen checked out to see if it could be worth it to replace, the guy at the repair store told me it looked like I “took very good care of it” and that he could see it was “well-loved over the years”. Almost burst into tears because it felt like he was telling me I had done a good job raising my child that was about to go off to college or something!
This is a bit woo woo maybe but it is said that when crystals break it is a sign they have done thier time with you and it’s time to let them go.
Maybe you can apply that to your computer breaking. It has done it’s time with you and helped you trought the years and been your friend and this was it telling you it is time to part ways.
I totally get you though because I’m similar. Sometimes have harder time parting from objects than people.
I’ve had half a dozen PCs since the late eighties. Can’t bring myself to disposing of them. My office is starting to look like a graveyard.
I am so, so grateful to have found this article. I read through many of the comments as well. It is truly a blessing to know that I am not alone in this. This is one of the times where I just feel that the Internet is a great thing!
Some information about myself… I am 24, female, had a fairly normal childhood with no significant trauma. I have OCD and some anxiety issues and have been seeing a therapist for the past few months. I have never been tested for autism, but I don’t believe that I am on the spectrum.
Normally, my sympathy for inanimate objects does not affect my daily life. I would make sure my stuffed animal was able to “breathe” when putting her in a bag, say sorry to furniture I accidentally stepped on/bumped into… but it’s not debilitating and I’m so used to it. I even think of it as a cute and endearing trait.
However, when I’m in a bad place (stressed, anxious, overwhelmed…), like I was during this spring, these feelings would quickly escalate. If I threw away a wrapper, I would have to make sure it was neatly folded, so it does not get uncomfortable in the trash can. If I took a box out from a bag, I would make sure the box and the bag had a chance to “say goodbye” to each other. And going to the grocery store becomes a dreadful chore (“would this tomato miss the other tomatoes if I bought it?”).
My parents are selling our car this Friday. We bought the car, brand-new back then, in 2005, when I was just a 9-year-old girl. It was the car that took me to my elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and accompanied us on so many car trips. Yet it would be easier if I were just nostalgic. No, I am not only sad about the car, but also sad FOR it. My friends do not understand. They try to comfort me by saying that we’re going to get a new car! Yes, that’s nice… but what’s going to happen to our old car?
It truly breaks my heart that after 15 years, my parents are going to take the car back to the store, and when they park it in the parking lot, it’s going to assume that just like any other time, they will come back to it after they’ve run their errands. So it’s going to wait, but they will never come back. Instead, some random stranger comes and drives it away, maybe to another city, and it will never see its hometown again. (Okay now I’m going to cry. I’m 24 and I’m crying over a car.)
I try to reassure myself that maybe the new owners will love our car as much as we did. Maybe the new family also has two little girls, like me and my sister all those years ago, and the car will be able to relive what it had with us. And I try to hold onto that.
Thank you for providing a safe place for me to rant. I feel better knowing that there are people out there who understand and won’t judge.
Oh my gosh! I feel the same way! I’m so thankful I’m not the only one with these feelings. I just stumbled upon this page.
I am super glad I found this post. I thought it was just me.
I do not believe I am on the autism spectrum, nor have I ever been formally diagnosed with OCD (but I have my doubts on that), but I feel a connection to inanimate objects as well. Like your story about the car, I would probably have the exact same feeling.
I don’t normally feel a crippling sadness that impacts my day to day life, but it throws a wrench in my feelings, for sure. I actually just searched this topic because I sold a computer and immediately afterwards I regretted it purely based on feeling sad about it’s leaving. I’ve had the computer since 2016. It had come with me to so many different countries (I worked overseas a lot) and I even finished an entire Masters degree with it. It felt wrong to just sell it after everything we’ve been though, but I know that logically it doesn’t matter. The computer isn’t holding any memories nor does it care where it is. I just still become very attached and nostalgic.
Thank you to everyone that has posted their experiences and affirming my own. If this is something, like the OP, that you feel on a personal level that “keeps you up at night,” I hope that it gets better and you find some peace.
Hello!
I am also so glad that I found people just like me! I am not autistic but I do things that are OCD sometimes. The other day, I went to TJ Maxx to find a blanket for my chair and I had the hardest time choosing between two of them. I felt awful for choosing one over the other and it made me quite sad. I do this to the oddest objects such as rocks, blankets, and drinking glasses. I have felt this way/ been doing this since I was young and it is not very fun living with the “ability” to give inanimate objects such intense emotions. I’m just so happy that we have all found each other!
Hi Emma
Welcome to the website. It’s interesting that you attach sadness to objects, I do as well. I guess it makes us extremely sensitive as people?
Regards
Steve
I was so interested to find this post! I’ve always had the sensation of inanimate objects having feelings, to a much lesser extent than it sounds like a lot of people have experienced, but enough to make me type the query “condition where you think inanimate objects have feelings” into Google, which is how I found this post! I gasped when I read the line “there is some evidence to suggest that OCD and Synesthaesia are possible causes” because I have synesthaesia, as well as mild OCD symptoms. Nobody I know has ever suggested that I might be on the spectrum, but I personally feel as if I have some characteristics of Asperger syndrome.
When I was younger, I used to do stuff like (for example) designating a big grape and a small grape as “mommy” and “baby” and then I’d have to eat them at exactly the same time so they could stay together. Even now, I don’t like to eat the second-to-last of anything because then the last one will be lonely. When I was nine I threw a tantrum in a store because my mom wouldn’t let me get a stuffed animal that I’d been carrying around as we shopped. I was distraught, not for my sake, but for the sake of the stuffed animal, whose dreams of being adopted were dashed. I definitely remember other times when I made sure to keep certain toys together with their “best friends”, or when I felt bad for a car my family sold, an object that wasn’t being used much, or an item that got destroyed. I feel like I’m not affected as much now as I used to be, but I still don’t really like getting new technology when the old one still works, because I always feel bad for the old technology. Like “you were such a good phone, and now I’m just going to replace you!?!? But you didn’t do anything wrong!!!!”
I can definitely see the link between this phenomenon, OCD, synesthaesia, and autism. They’re all neurological, which means they all tend to overlap each other by nature. It makes perfect sense that if you have one neurological condition, you probably have sprinklings of a few others as well!
I have this exact thing too!
I have never been tested for Autism so i wouldn’t know if i have it – I don’t think i do. I do not have OCD but i have been diaganosed with Anxiety.
I always just put this down to me being very emotional and sensitive person – Which i am.
For example, the reason i found your page today was because i have this salt lamp i just sold and the women collected it from my door about 30 mins ago. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since and worrying.
I feel worried it isn’t going to a good home, i remember the time i bought it, how excited “we” both were to have each other (we being the salt lamp and I) and how happy i was. Over the past months i haven’t even switched it on, so i decided to sell it.
I feel guilt, that it must be upset i got rid of it and confused, in an innocent child like way, not understanding why i got rid of it and just feeling hurt. Worrying the salt lamp feels like it isn’t good enough because i have kept all my other items and just got rid of him.
I also have this horrible feeling like he is irreplaceable. Even if i were to buy a new one, the exact same lamp, from the exact site… it wouldn’t be “him” , it wouldn’t be the same. He’s gone.
Logically i know this isn’t “real.” I know this lamp is just a lamp and it isn’t feeling any of this, but my emotions override this and i end up getting myself into a state.
I have had this ever since i was very young. I remember selling some stuffed animals at a charity sale with my family, and this little mole toy i had, a woman bought it and gave it to her dog. I sobbed and sobbed knowing he was hurt and was going to be ripped apart now.
I used to perform “surgeries” on my stuffed animals as a child… i would give them numbing injections so when they were cut open to have more stuffing put in, he wouldn’t feel the pain.
And even as a teen, i remember sobbing on my bed for hours, absoultley heartbroken as my new laptop had broke, so when we took it to get fixed it was replaced with a newer model. I cried for hours.
Even now as an adult at 21, i sobbed when i had to sell my car. I gave her a name, i petted her and thanked her when i got out, i even talked to her sometimes (when i was alone) It felt like i was loosing a friend. A very dear friend and that the new owner just wouldn’t understand her or look after her as well as i did
It is such a struggle to deal with as it is so overwhelming and anyone i have spoken to just brushes me off as very sensitive and emotional, but i feel it so strongly. Like my heart breaks for these items.
I get very frustrated with myself too, for feeling all of this. I try to reason with myself to see it isn’t true, but it’s difficult sometimes.
It makes me feel crazy and i just wish sometimes i could have “normal” thoughts and behaviours towards inanimate objects.
Hi Chloe,
I wanted to let you know that I really relate to your post. My parents are selling our car this Friday, and my sister and I are downright miserable. We bought the car when I was nine – I’m 24 now. Most people would get a little sentimental over selling something they’ve had for 15 years, I guess, but for me, I’m not only sad about the car, but also sad for it. Like your car, our car also has a name. And like you, I worry about whether its new owners will take care of it as well as we did (I really really hope they will).
I am also worried that our car will feel confused and abandoned. I really hope that it will somehow be able to understand that it’s not that we don’t love it anymore. That we still love it dearly, but our paths have to part.
I guess that’s why leaving behind an object produces so much guilt. When you leave a person, you can always give them a reason, whether it’s a fallout between friends or a breakup in a relationship. But for objects (and pets), there’s no way in the world to explain to them what’s going on.
My newest motorbillity car Tazzy replaced jazz who was our one before and I’m utterly heartbroken. Jazz has been on lots of trips and was the car my mum drove me to my counselling sessions in. I’m silently crying while I write this. I’m like this with every car we’ve had since I was a child and I’m 25 now. I dont like religion too much but I do find that my beliefs, I’m spiritual help. I guess every religion helps really so long as it doesn’t cause harm to people or the environment or animals. When I cry I am able to hear jazz comforting me, I have also made some recordings of her engine and put them on YouTube. being a Big believer in spirituality I can tune into certain realms and therefore can hear the characters of the machines I am attached to whether it be my laptops or my motorbility cars or my carers cars,
I absolutely relate in almost the same exact way. You are not alone.
I actually stumbled upon this page because I just sold a laptop I no longer use. Just like your description above, I’m torn up about it unnecesarily. Purely because the memories I made with that laptop I feel like I should have just given it a viking funeral or kept it forever. It’s a tough feeling to have. Keep your head up.
I had this too it was when I disliked myself felt guilty or felt like less of a person I have a bit of perfectionism and I used to feel sad that an object was no longer being used I thought about it and for me, I think it feels like a part of my life is being in dumpster something I’m always used to seeing or something I just felt close to like I used alot or I had alot of sentiment for I used very guilty when I lost things I’ve grown out the attachment to most inanimate objects as far as I know
I am in my 50’s. I have never had OCD, anxiety, depression. I am a very balanced, calm, optimistic person. I do, however, have an exceptionally high IQ in the 150’s. From being a little girl, I have always been aware that certain objects have “emotions”. It took me some time to realise that these objects often have been the focus of another human beings feelings. A doll or stuffed toy. A piece of jewellery. A piece of art. I have always felt as if I could tune in to those feelings but that they definitely belong to the object itself and are not an expression of my own emotions. It has led to a phobia of old dolls – far too many abandonment emotions surround them. I have a love of antique jewellery ….. When I buy the piece, I know that it has a sense of excitement and thrill to be loved and worn again.
Hi Alexandra.
Are your feelings towards objects generally positive, or sad? Mine tend to induce a lot of sadness that relate to the person who gave me the object.
Steve
Hi Alexandra ,
I too have an IQ if 153 and no history of autism, depression or any anxiety disorder. I too feel the vibrations from objects with past owners. For me it’s mostly musical instruments. I have a large collection of Saxophones each around 80 to 90 years old. Each one has different vibrations almost like a personality I feel it so strongly when I play them. I can feel it just removing them from their case . I do not feel these vibrations from a brand new instrument but I have instruments that I have purchased new and they develop these vibrations and thus gets stronger the more I play them . It’s so strong on the very obviously well used old instruments I love purchasing them and getting to my music room where I can open their case and take them out they seem to almost talk but not in words it’s more kinetic tape energy that’s the best way I can explain it. It is like a vibration and with each different instrument the vibration is slightly different somehow like a personality is the only way I can describe it I know it sounds crazy but there’s no mistaking it I don’t feel it at all with a brand new instrument and it almost knocks me back with an older instrument they almost seem to call to me from across the room at a music store .Even before I’ve seen the instrument in a store it’s like I can hear it’s vibrations . I wouldn’t say this to anyone else For fear they would surly think I was crazy but I’ve known this my entire life..
Hi Ron
I’m beginning to wonder if there is a “spirit” component to all of this. A supersensitivity towards inanimate objects that goes beyond the “emotional/psychological.”
Steve Slavin
I am 19 and just got in my first car crash yesterday. My beloved car got totaled and while most people think my constant crying is from the trauma of the crash, it’s mostly because I feel as though by wrecking my car, I made him sad, or almost killed him (him being my car). I have OCD and have only recently started seeing a therapist that helps me to properly understand it. I looked up this article to find help because I have such a problem with his. Sometimes I still even have a hard time vocalizing what was my favorite childhood toy because I feel like saying so would hurt the others in some way or cause them to disappear. That’s not a huge issue however, just something most people would see as immature that’s just sorta engraved in my thought process. But loosing my car, as someone with OCD almost felt like loosing a person.
Hi Kyle
I’m sorry to hear about your car, sounds like a traumatic experience. Has your therapist made a link between placing emotions on inanimate objects and OCD? I also have OCD, as well as autism, and I agree with you, our emotions can make us feel so sad and immature at times. It’s very hard to deal with. I also think it’s because we are incredibly sensitive people. Did your therapist have any ideas about how you can cope with those emotions?
Best wishes
Steve.
Yes, i have this also and remember as a small child feeling sorry for my barbies if i put them away wrong and may hurt them. I do have ocd and blp. Lately my feelings so upset for inanimate objects i thought it might be related to anxiety as im waiting for a heart opp.
When I was younger I couldn’t even throw away a wrapper. I believed that whatever object I was touching knew what I was thinking. Everything had to be even so that nothing was alone. A little while ago I started doing research and thought that I just had attachment issues related to my childhood. While I no longer suffer from these thoughts, I do still sometimes believe that the object I’m touching knows what I’m thinking, and I have an obsession with everything being even, right down to the words per line on a page. Now I am starting to think it is related to something else. The theory that it may also be related to OCD may have some merit to it. I still struggle with these behaviors, but I am still very young. I am will continue to do more research.
I have feelings towards my car. Every day after I got home with “him” I pet him and if there wasn’t a cctv in the garage I’d even give him a kiss. Just because I feel he protected me and served me during the day. I also feel attached to my pillow, cover and other objects they please me every day. The more I think about it the more I believe it’s because I am lonely. So I am not sure it would be a disorder. Any thoughts?
I’m so glad I found this. I always thought it was an OCD thing, in that I, for instance, feel sorry for the lonely glass left out of the current dish washer cycle, I feel intense sadness and think about it over and over. It happened as a child and sometimes hits me as an adult. I force myself to stop. I know I’ve been lonely and depressed lately but it doesn’t always show up when I’m lonely and depressed. As a matter of fact, I’ve had a few good days lately with family and don’t know why it is showing up now.
I’m 32 and do this as well. I’ve been diagnosed with depression but never been tested OCD or Autism. I give personalities and emotions to inanimate objects, one way or another since I was a kid. For instance, I collect funko’s the last few years and I always have to get at least 2 from the same franchise/set so they have a friend. I also feel bad if I “hurt” or damage something.
I started looking for a reason for this just this evening because here at work, in a group home, I found this small squishy turtle thing in the room of a resident that just moved out. I’ve carried it with me all night because it’s small and I want to take it home. I stroke my thumb over its head and shell and in my head that makes it happy. I want to take it home, it will just end up thrown out here, but at the same time, I worry it might get sad/lonely if I take it because it was with a dozen or so other little squishy animals.
Exactly! It’s the battle where you have to make a decision for the animal’s well being! You don’t know what it would want and worry, taking into consideration all the pros and cons! For me if I make a typo I will delete the whole word so that it isn’t just one letter feeling left out and odd with the other letters who already know each other. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with anything, but many people have mentioned that I have characteristics that they have seen in others with OCD or that are on the spectrum. My teachers have asked before, and from the fairly extensive research that I have done I think I might. I think more research should be done into these links.
Oh my goodness, I do the exact same thing about typos, for the exact same reason – that the new letter might feel uncomfortable with the other letters who already know each other. Up until today I never thought I would find another person who did this.
I also relate to what Jeff said about whether to take the squishy turtle home or let it stay with the other animals. There’s this big burden because the turtle cannot make its own decision, and you have to decide for it, but what if you make the WRONG decision and caused it to be unhappy?
I think this is somewhat related to having an overbearing sense of responsibility. With people, I also feel like their feelings are my responsibility and I have to make sure everyone is happy. I have OCD and have been seeing a therapist for the past few months. She tells me I am not responsible for anyone/anything but myself.
I definitely agree that more research should be done on this.
I came across this today at age 31 after spending a few highly traumatic hours trying to find an appropriate place to sell or donate my old soft toys to. Nowhere seemed suitable because I desperately want them to ‘feel’ safe and loved and go to a good home. I couldn’t bare the thought of them coming to harm or not being loved enough.
I’ve been diagnosed with OCD in the past for an anxiety issue completely unrelated to anything in the above (though now again wondering whether I need more therapy!), and since being a child I’ve always felt empathy for anything and everything: paper, pens, toys, plants, plates… more than the other children I interacted with at the time, and whilst they seemed to grow up and out of it at least more or less, I stayed the same.
It’s a strangely powerful and often debilitating ability to feel so strongly for things. I spent a lot of years trying to force down or hide my sentimentality because I didn’t want to be mocked or appear weak and frankly the emotions are challenging to deal with without social rebuttal on top of it it all. But I think that just made me be cruel to myself and made the sentimentality flare up randomly. I often feel a stronger gut-wrenching sympathy to an unknown pen someone tossed on the floor than to another human that I’ve known for months. It’s as if, now that I’m older, I have to ‘turn on’ my sympathy around people because it’s overwhelming and runs in ‘offline’ mode until I’m in a safe place to be sensitive, like in my own home.
I can’t pin point why I feel such affection and responsibility towards inanimate objects, sometimes I wonder if it’s because I perceive them as ‘unloved’ and needing protection, or because they can’t speak for themselves. I also wondered if it was a displacement of emotions that society says I ‘should’ feel for other humans, but that maybe there’s so much at stake in caring for other people / animals to that level that it’s diverted onto toys or blooming typed words or calendars that will never harm me and have less risks attached.
I’ve often criticised myself harshly for these feelings, but reading the posts on this thread made me feel a hell of a lot less alone about it, so thank you for raising this and to everyone who left their own story.
I too have experienced the “on-off” switch. I find that with most people I am unbiased and seem heartless, but with objects I have more empathy and am very easily disturbed. I think it might be related to my belief that objects are truly innocent. I also think that I reserve all my emotions for the deserving and non-judgemental objects.
What you say about objects being truly innocent struck a cord with me. I will add it to my list of reasonings for emotions.
Same here!
I relate to the part about your stuffed animals so so SO much. I have nights where I’ll sob because I don’t know what will happen to my stuffed animals when I die. I can’t bear the thought of giving them away, as selfish as that may be.
I’ve been struggling with feelings like this for as long as I can remember. I would be nearly unable to throw even candy wrappers out because I would think about how terrified it must be to be thrown out and go to a landfill. I can actually hear the voices of inanimate objects in my head – it’s somewhere between hearing them and imagining them.
I know that you’re a stranger and this is probably weird and maybe out of line, but I figured I should throw it out there – if you still need a home for your stuffed toys, I would take them. I know you probably wouldn’t give them to a stranger over the internet, but I thought I would toss that out there just in case it can help.
Whatever happens, I hope that you’re able to figure things out and that things get easier for you <3
Anna, thank you so much, your offer really touched me! I will definitely keep that in mind if I ever get to a stage more willing to let go. Also, I completely understand about wrappers and anything going to landfill. Thank you once again and I hope things get easier for you too <3
I agree, stuffed animals are especially hard for me, and I can’t seem to bring myself to get rid of any of them. I’m 19 and it feels like I’m just working to buy more of them, if it’s small and cute, I have to buy it, no matter the cost. I’m from North America and went to the boardwalk last week and ended up spending $60 on just stuffed animals because I couldn’t leave them there. I’ve collected several hundred at this point, they’re taking over my room and my significant others room, it’s caused many fights between my mother and I. I have been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety, those I am close to question if I may be on the Autism Spectrum but I am uncertain, several signs point to yes but I take those with a grain of salt until a proper diagnosis is confirmed.
Hi,
Just came across this article after looking for some help online with the same issue. Over the years it fluctuates where I can often put it to the back of my mind and other times it effects me so badly I feel so low. Like yourself this can be anything, I often feel better leaving objects if they’ve got what I think of as friends. So similar objects around them so they don’t feel lonely. It’s a relief to see people have similar feelings
I completely agree with this, I too need to give items friends.
I’m the same If there’s one cake left it has to be eaten so it isn’t lonely, if there are two it’s ok!
My son was in a toy shop and chose a soft toy…he then decided he wanted the other colour. We got to the checkout and he burst into tears as the other one was sad he’d not been chosen. We spent 10 minutes logically working out that the second one should go back as he’d understand the first one was chosen first!
I also apologise to my car if I slam the door too hard and often talk to objects!
I forgot to say I’m autistic and do are my husband and 2 kids! My youngest struggles badly with anxiety. I get it now related to stress but never used to so I feel it is more Autism related.
Hey,
So I’m 22 years old and have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder with OCD and depressive traits. I have associated emotions to not just things, but also things happening in random photos since I was like 4. My first and major memory of childhood consists of worrying about a pair of trousers and whether or not I’ll remember them when I grow up to seeing this picture on top of a lunch box which had three rabbits, two of them facing each other and a third one on the side and till date, I feel bad for the one that was left out. It happens with pictures, side characters in a shows or movies, with food, with shopping items, and even things that ideally belong to a dustbin. If I throw something in a bin, I have to throw in a friend for it too. If I’m eating something, I sometimes overeat to not let other food items feel left out and whenever such decisions are to be made I have at times had full on breakdowns as well. And it’s weird to attach so much emotions to things. It’s like a full time job that you can legit never get rid of and something like OCD just makes it worse because you keep obsessing over it compulsively in a never ending manner. I haven’t been bullied as a child or had any social issues per se, in fact I have had way too many friends and still my feelings and emotional association for non living things is way more than the empathy I have for people. Like I legit sit and apologise to my things if there’s a scratch or its rendered useless, and I feel bad for them and think about them CONSTANTLY. If you ever do come up with some sort of a coping mechanism, please let me know too:
And while giving things away to charity or whatever I need to have a conversation with these things to let them know they’ll be fine or in India we have paper notes so they often tear and i feel a bit too much for those too (even if taking them causes financial harm). I recently kept my stuffed toys away, it was depressing and nauseating but I can’t stand feeling so overwhelmed
I have described this feeling to some people and they legit look at me like I’m crazy. I feel the literal exact same way, I didn’t think anyone felt this but me. Every time I’ve googled it, i came across Synaesthesia or Personification but that didn’t really get the essence of what I felt, but this did. I am 21 years old and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety and borderline personality disorder (it’s not as bad as it sounds) 2 years ago. I was never bullied either, I was always the popular kid with way too many friends. I have felt this way since as far back as I can remember, and now I’m finding out this is a form of autism and I’m so confused.
I have experienced similar feelings towards soft toys and inanimate objects and still have these feelings occasionally and relate to the sadness.I experienced childhood trauma and abandonment and bullying and found comfort and safety in the objects they made me feel safe and unthreatened and I was very sad when they were thrown away or lost.I do have OCD and PTSD but I have not been diagnosed with Autism but I have felt at times that I am on the spectrum.I have worked in an Autistic school many years ago and found myself relating strongly to some behaviour displayed by the students.
I am now 50 and still experience these feelings.I recently did some inner child work and bought a beautiful bear and we also have a stuffed pug for a door stop and sometimes find myself imagining they have feelings which again brings up sadness in me.I think this may relate back to my childhood feelings of being frightened and vulnerable and I am projecting these feelings onto these objects.I still have the bear and the stuffed dog.Thanks for listening I hope someone relates.
N
I’m the same as long as I can remember I would have to put the last knife and fork on the table at the exact same time so the fork wasn’t the last one to be put down. I also chose a teddy bear because his nose was sewn crocked and if I didn’t buy it no one would.. I’m not like that now, quite the opposite everything has to be perfect. People say I have OCD but I don’t, I have OCPD. I was an abused child.
Hello!
I’m 27 and don’t have any form of diagnosed autism/synaesthesia/OCD.
But I’ve always felt the same as well.
I think this may be linked to a high degree of general empathy and imagination.
It’s similar to our empathy for characters in novels. We know they don’t really exists but it still hurts when they are injured/abused. We still feel over the moon for the tiniest triumph. This is the ability to empathise with imaginary things. Only, in novels the author has given the character a personality and story. With inanimate objects, we do that ourselves. That’s why I think both empathy and imagination play a role.
I also think it’s very common. Every child will cry if you mistreat their favorite toy. Some of us just feel it to a greater degree than others.
Who knows. I think it is a beautiful (if sometimes very painful) thing to have, I can’t imagine my life without it,
Hi, I’m Devin. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s in my teens, and am currently 29, soon to be 30. I have a lot of things I collect that this has happened with. I am especially attached to certain plushes I have collected over the years, most given or gifted from my small circle of friends. I feel bad for them when certain ones have fallen off the bed onto the floor and feel like I need to pick them up before I sleep. It’s actually pretty distressing when I can’t find certain ones that are special to me. I recently discovered one of them was missing and had to go through my entire room looking for it. Turned out to be under the mattress though for some reason. But I am not sure what causes these feelings. I have a friend who also is on the spectrum and has a similar attachment to certain plushes he owns. On the one hand, I know they don’t have feelings, but I still feel bad for them if I lose any of them or they fall.
Devin, thank you for commenting. I am a 28 year old female, no diagnosis of autism but I suffer from OCD and anxiety. Your post describes me to a T!
I have had the same stuffed animal since I was a child and hated the idea of him being in a bag when travelling or suffocating under the comforter. I would always whisper into him that the journey would be over soon and I’m sorry he had to go in a bag. When I was younger I think I would carry him in a backpack on a plane but as an adult I always pack him in the suitcase. I have a couple new stuffed animal/plushies that I have gotten as an adult and I sleep with one every night, much to my partners annoyance, and I have one ride shot gun when I drive. I will often sit her on my lap for comfort and to stop me picking at my skin or playing with my hair compulsively. I used to be ashamed about this but as I get older I don’t care what others think, they bring me joy and comfort!
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
I have something similar, but have never been diagnosed with autism. I have a hard time making cups of tea when the tea bags are connected and you have to separate them. I much rather take them apart when theyre first bought so they have time to get used to being separated. Im typing this and I know it sounds very strange, but I do genuinely feel for the teabags. I identify strongly with your post and previous comments as well.
I get you! I force myself through it but it is my first instinct too.
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s aged 43. I am absolutely the same and always have been. I recently bought an old violin in a case from an antique shop because I couldn’t bear it being alone in the shop unplayed. I have a good violin at home – it felt like i had given the one from the shop a friend. I could not throw away pencil leads when pencils broke. I still feel ill thinking about things I have given to charity shops, even if I don’t want them. When I donated times to school sales as a kid (bring and buy) i had to buy a new item to donate, and then I would go to the sale and buy it back!!!
Hi Virginia
I’ve always wondered if this issue around objects is tied to autism. There certainly seems to be for many people on the spectrum. I suspect there are also others who feel this way that are not autistic as well. It’s something to do with how we process our feelings, and how sensitive we are as well.
Regards
Steve
Very interesting, I don’t know what I may have. I’m sure I’m OCD in a minor way.
Maybe a bit on the Asperger’s scale, since I tend to solve problems with pictures in
my head. Anyway…
I too have “feelings” for inanimate objects. I would say to my mother that I had to eat all the food on my plate because I didn’t want any of the food items to “feel” that they were unworthy, or left out.
I would save things because I didn’t want them to “feel bad” about being useless, especially if they
had some emotional connection to my life.
I’m 56 now, and it’s not as strong as it was when I was younger, but it’s still there.
Wow! It’s good to know I am not alone! I have not been officially diagnosed with Autism, but my son has and I find so many of the traits in my own life, especially my childhood memories. My attachments were mostly to toys. I too had to put every stuffed animal in my bed to sleep or was afraid their feelings would get hurt. As an adult approaching 50, I still find myself trying not to “play favorites” with my sewing machines. I will use one for a project, then next time, I will use the other. I have also talked to my cars since I first started driving. I know good and well (with as I put it, the logical side of me) that they can’t feel, but I still find myself trying not to hurt their feelings anyway.
I used to think it was just because I grew up watching things like Raggedy Ann and Herbie.
Thank you so much for this insight.
I think it has something to do with the Theory of Mind concept. People on the spectrum may not intuit that others think differently than them and so project their own thought processes. I feel it is the same with this. We feel sad or happy or anxious about a situation and we see an object in that situation and project our emotions on to it. It’s not really any different than a neurotypical imaginings how someone else feels but they don’t tend to carry it over to things.
Hi. I’m a 21 year old woman with Asperger’s Syndrome and anxiety. I can relate to feeling empathy for my ever growing doll collection. I can’t stand to leave my dolls in boxes a lot of the time, unless they’re collector dolls and the boxes are really nice or fancy. I will often intentionally get the doll in the slightly torn or imperfect box so I have a reason to unbox and display it. I never leave any of my dolls alone in an area and like to put them close to other dolls from the same doll line so they will have a friend. For my favorite dolls, I don’t even treat them strictly as collector or display items. There is even an 18″ one I am working on customizing into one of my favorite fictional characters. The doll has recently felt more like a friend or a child to me than just a doll. He is named for a character I really relate to. I constantly feel the need to cuddle him, take care of him, comfort him, and make sure he does not feel alone or scared. I even tuck him in and sleep with him at night and I feel like he’s protecting me, as I tend to get a bit paranoid sometimes. I feel guilty if I forget to tuck him in or leave him alone for too long, as I don’t want him to feel lonely or scared. I even have certain ritualistic behaviors with him, such as reading to him or letting him read fantasy books with me. I talk to him about my problems as well and feel like he listens to and understands me. I can honestly say that he’s my best friend and I love him as a friend/child rather than seeing him as just a doll. I recall having various favorite dolls and objects growing up that I would feel guilty for abandoning or betraying in any way. I even had a Mattel Elsa doll back in 2013 I had a strong friendship with and would take everywhere with me, as well as an American Girl Felicity doll before Elsa. I also feel guilty if one of my favorite dolls become even slightly damaged in any way, as I am a bit of a perfectionist. I know it comes off as weird, but I can’t help but show favoritism with my dolls and have always done it growing up and currently. I also talk to my two dogs because I know they love me back and feel like they understand me. Dogs are amazing like that, honestly. I even feel like they are my babies when I take care of them, and will always help them if they are experiencing any health issues. One of them, my 12 year old blue heeler, has allergy problems and I feel tempted to cry every time he is biting his paw or making any sort of distress noises, knowing that he can’t help it and how sad it is making him. I love my dogs, and no matter how old they get, they will always be my babies/best friends. After reading this article, I think I may be emotionally sensitive and may resort to things like this partially because of my own loneliness and inability to make close friends with other humans over the years. Maybe it’s my mind trying to compensate or supliment for my negative social experiences over the years. I also heard that people are more likely to accept less human things as their friends when they’re lonelier. Very interesting article and thank you for bringing light to the connection between autism and object personification.
G’day Steve.
I’m a 34f from Australia DX is Multiplex Developmental Didorder and PDDNOS circa 2004
I definitely struggled with this in childhood. I used to feel guilty if one of my 15 teddy bears fell out of bed and onto the floor. I felt guilty like I was playing favourites.
Many reasons for this. It could be Autism, it could be OCD. It could also be related to trauma or an experience that shouldn’t have been traumatic but was interpreted by me as if it were (a lot of my bullying was me misinterpreting peoples tone, intention and body language)
I am unsure what causes it, I am not a scholar. I didn’t even finish high school (thanks autism)
I’m definitely interested to learn more.
Hi Tania
I also am not sure what causes this. But I think now it may happen to those of us who are highly sensitive people. Perhaps we are unable to process emotions effectively so we project them onto other objects?
There is a lady called Elaine Aron who has done a lot of work on Highly Sensitive People. She may have some thoughts on this. I will try to interview her for the website.
Regards
Steve Slavin
Author: Timothy Blossom -Officially Brilliant
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087QGL6VN
I definitely relate to this. I have wondered at times if I feel this way because I relate to the object. For example, I feel sad over a neglected toy being left out because I’m neglected and have been left out, but I couldn’t process that sadness for myself so I kind of project it onto an object. It’s too scary to face my own abandonment issues so instead of being sad for myself, I feel deeply for the abandoned toy. Anyway this is one theory.
Just FYI I am also a synesthete, with multiple forms of synesthesia, so that is also an interesting theory.
Just finished reading Robin Wall Klimmerer’s ‘Braiding sweetgrass’…which lends another perspective to the concept of ‘inanimate’…and the assumption that ‘objects’ ARE inanimate’,-rather than Beings in their own right..(including animals that are farmed and eaten (live ‘stock’)..
Does animism,(or recognising and honouring the ‘other than human’ beings) benefit from being considered as ‘autistic trait’-discuss! 🙂
If you are easily offended don’t read this because I am very blunt.
Benefits are not being materialistic and the protection of wild life that people should care about because it affects the environment that we live in. The more people who actually care about wildlife the better.
Humans are parasites, the sooner you understand that the better for the earth. I have strong feelings for objects and animals ever since I can remember.
I can watch people cry and suffer without feeling any sympathy for them. But if an animal is suffering, some object is broken or unwanted it makes me feel sad for it. Animals and objects are helpless in my mind.
It affects my life a little because I have trouble throwing stuff out, I also like to be very organized though but short on the dusting. Also take extra time placing things exactly the way I want them to be.
A lot of people look at me like I’m a monster because it’s hard for me to feel bad for anyone. People are completely capable of helping themselves in my mind. My opinion almost the whole human population are slow, stupid, disgusting, dirty, rude and in my way. Not trying to offend anyone it’s just how I feel.
Also for me there is a smell people give off that seems to be something I can only smell that makes me sick in the stomach.
So for the people who are insecure about your mental issues…..there is nothing wrong with you.
You are who you are and who gives two dumps what people think?
Who’s to point the finger and say what normal is anyway? “The bad machine doesn’t know that it’s a bad machine”. People who think they are perfect and have nothing wrong with themselves are delusional.
Wow. I feel like you are inside my head. Thank you for writing this. I never shared these thoughts with anyone. Thank you so much!
I thought I was the only one who felt this way until I had kids, my oldest son feels like this and I’m pretty sure my youngest does too! I was diagnosed as autistic last year and so was my youngest, I have another autistic son as well. My oldest we thought was NT but I suspect he is autistic.
Yup. Late diagnosis at 33, and I feel you. I make a point of buying damaged books or games with damaged boxes, because I feel better for giving them a home, a chance to be used as they’re supposed to be.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, sensory integration, etc. I’m 21, so I’m much younger than most, but I didn’t know there were other people just like me.
I’ve always had worries for how my items feel. Even my pillow, Sleepi. He has his own personality, likes, and dislikes. He even talks back (it’s just a cute part of my imagination) He’s considered one of my best coping mechanisms. I used to have other items but all lost them due to homelessness.. I was devastated! I still wonder to this day how they’re doing or if they’re okay.
I used to get abused as a child over this, and still get abused as an adult. I was told there wasn’t anyone else in the world that did this and that I’m very abnormal compared to most.
I replied to a previous post about my past.
I too was abused as a child and I have OCPD which is different to OCD in that it’s usually caused by childhood trauma. Sorry this happened to you.
I’m so so sorry that you were homeless for a time, and that you needed to give away some items because of it. I can’t imagine how devastating that must have been. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle doing that. You’re so strong for being able to make it through <3
Omg. I thought I was the only person on the planet who felt like this. I am autistic although I didn’t know until I was an adult. When I was a child I was very attached to my bathroom. I used to worry about it and talk to it. It was basically like my best friend. When my parents split up at the age of 10 and we had to leave the house I was devastated. I wrote notes to the house and left them under the carpet.
When I used to go on holiday I used to talk to my stuffed toys and explain to them why I couldn’t take them all with me and I had to have them arranged around me at night in the right way so none of them would be upset.
Even now I struggle if I have to throw away underwear or socks. I can’t bear to put them in with food rubbish because I honestly worry how they’d feel. Anytime I’ve spoken to family about this they’ve just laughed it off as me being weird so to hear someone else say that they experience the same thing is amazing to me.
Hi My name is Narelle and this is the first time I’ve ever heard of people like me. The pain that feeling this way over the years is overwhelming. I’m 53 and to this day feel sorry for shells at the beach that people insist on taking away from their home. Even the sand on my feet that ended up in the car and eventually vacuumed up upset me. It is mind blowing that I’m not alone. x
Hi Narelle
Yes, you are definitely not alone in this. It seems to be quite common among sensitive people. It has been a source of great sadness for me over the years.
Regards
Steve Slavin
Author: Timothy Blossom -Officially Brilliant
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087QGL6VN
I know a lot of people who feel like this – I always feel sorry for objects. So does my mum, and my partner. As far as I am aware, none of us are on the spectrum. I regard it as fairly normal, however, whatever causes it. I think Marie Kondo’s practice of thanking an item if you have to throw it out, in accordance with some animistic principles, is perfectly reasonable.
Hi Liz
Are the people you know, who feel this way about objects, on the autistic spectrum?
Regards
Steve
This is definitely me. When I was a child I had to have every stuffed toy I owned in bed with me. If I forgot one I had to get out of bed and get it or it would be lonely.
I’ve tried to reason with myself that inanimate objects don’t have feelings because they don’t. But that doesn’t stop me feeling sad for them. It’s very frustrating and makes me feel stupid.
Humans are naturally a highly social species so feeling emotions for inanimate things could be a part of our human nature given that in our modern world we are not living the way we evolved to, so we may find attachment to objects as a way to express our social needs.
I put this issue firmly on being autistic and an over-developed sense of empathy in my case, plus the emotional associations with the people or places or things.. If my best friend gives me something and tells me it’s a gift – even if it’s a sweet wrapper – I can’t bear to throw it out. I used to apologise to my toys and stuffies as a kid for letting them slip out of my arms or rolling over in my sleep. I’ve cried even as an adult over the mobile phone adverts where a phone gets neglected and the owner tries everything to “kill” or dispose of it. I’ve even ended up tearful and feeling sad over a server at work (I used to work in IT) which was configured wrongly and couldn’t be accessed because someone described it as the server calling out in the dark and nobody answering. I find it almost impossible to declutter because EVERYTHING means SOMETHING to me, and nobody seems to get it. I don’t like things for the thing’s sake… I just can’t bear to get rid of them because of the emotions and memories attached to them. And for me, it’s not an OCD/compulsive/anxiety thing. It’s simply “misplaced” empathy as well as the very well catalogued association of meaning (especially to places/people/things that are emotionally important to me). I kind of figured it was mostly just me (especially as I was only diagnosed officially this year, in my forties, though I suspected as much from my mid-twenties). It’s amazing to see how many others are feeling the same way.
This is me exactly! Except that I am 33, and was diagnosed at age 5. I still cry if my stuffed animals fall off my bed….
Yes, me too ❤
I have autism and OCD, officially diagnosed with both.
I have been like this with objects lifelong as well, though more and more the older I got.
I am pleased to see that this is a more common trait than I realized, but it disheartens me how many of you don’t like being like this.
Caring deeply about anything–be it a person, an object, or the world–is harder than indifference. Love carries the flipside of loss.
But we live in a world which is actively being destroyed by people NOT caring enough. Landfills are piled high with usable items. Our planet is facing climate change that will kill many living creatures. We could be stewards for this world, but most human beings either cannot care or choose not to care.
Everyone here feels a natural love and compassion for the world around them. Whether objects are conscious or not, whether it is a trait of OCD or autism or not, it is NOT a mental illness to love and appreciate the intrinsic value in objects.
Alas, the mainstream field of psychology that tells us what is “normal” is one which serves the status quo. It would rather pound down the nails that stick out than admit that our society itself might be what is sick.
I hope all of you can see how beautiful and precious you are, and that you choose to embrace your compassion for the world around you–even when it hurts to see how others treat it.
So well articulated Persephone! Beautiful.
I am so glad I got to read your perspective. Thank you!
Thanks Claudia
Glad you found the article useful
Steve Slavin
Hi Steve,
While I’m not autistic on paper, I am a synesthete and deal with some degree of OCD. What you’ve described is EXACTLY what I’ve always experienced, going as far back as I can remember. I’ve never thought of it as yet a form of synesthesia.
Reluctance to throw things out lest I betray them, and when I am able to bring myself to throw things out, literally kissing them before I throw them out or place them in the recyclable bin as a sign that I feel for them and wish them some sort of speedy reincarnation….. It’s become a ritual. I just find it impossible to separate inanimate objects from their “soul,” even though I know perfectly well that they don’t actually have a soul….. Or do I?
Hi Tom
Thanks for your comments. It’s really difficult to find a definitive answer to the issue of having sympathy for inanimate objects.
It could be autism, or OCD. But it could also be something to do with being a highly sensitive person. This is an actual thing. I came across a lady on YouTube called ( I think) Elaine Aron. Not sure of the exact spelling.
She came up with the idea of HSP’S: Highly Sensitive People. It would be worth researching this as I really feel she’s on to something.
Best wishes
Steve
As many others have said, it’s good to know I’m not alone. I’m not on the spectrum, nor have I been diagnosed with OCD, but I have been diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a strong attachment to objects. For me it was primarily my toys. I would feel incredibly guilty about losing or breaking toys, and it would upset me much more than the average kid. It was bad enough that my parents wouldn’t want to give me balloons, as they only last a few days and I would be devastated by the eventual loss. As I got into my early adolescence, my peers started to lose interest in toys but I could never let them go because of the guilt I felt for them.
I’m the father of a toddler now, and this problem is rearing up again. When my son loses or breaks his toys, it breaks my heart. Even when he outgrows his toys I feel guilty. I try to hide this from him, because I don’t want him to think I’m upset with him. I don’t want him to learn this behavior from me because of the anguish it caused me growing up and the guilt I still feel today.
I do not suffer what you feel, friends, but recently I read on a topic that inanimate objects also have a feeling as there is a Japanese researcher and scientist called “Masaru Imoto” who tried it very strange but it showed very surprising results, the world brought 3 bottles and put in each bottle of water and rice And he left the bottles for a whole month during this period. He would direct the stimulating words of the first bottle, such as I love you, and you are strong and similar from these words. While the second bottle went astray, curses and curses them, and gives them psychologically broken words, and left the third bottle without any words. The first The one that stimulated it remained a good smell and its taste did not differ while the second that he used to say hurtful words had become rotten and black and odorless while the third rot like any rice .., so friends I know you are upset with the thing that you suffer but there are also positives as these inanimate objects You feel happy with you so you are not upset
Hi Tahani,
Thanks for the info, I’ll check that out.
Best wishes
Steve
As a child, I would walk to and from school. I at some point noticed a bare tree root rising up out of the dirt as if from nowhere, and for some reason I fixated on that root. I would visit it every day, talk to it, pat it, and even on a day with an early snow, snuck a napkin from the lunch room at my elementary school and kept it in my pocket all day, then when I got to my tree root on the way home, I covered it up and tucked it in as best I could.
I also distinctly remember the day when bussing children into school finally happened in my neighborhood, and I realized I would never see my tree root again. It was a very real loss that settled physically in my chest and brought tears to my eyes as I sat on the bus, a 4th grade child, trying not to let anyone else see I was crying over my tree root because I instinctively knew they would consider it (and me) “weird.”
I am a 53 year old adult, now, diagnosed with ADD and PTSD from a hard childhood and other issues. None of my siblings exhibit this behavior, and I’m still wondering if I’m on the Autism spectrum but was never diagnosed as such.
Regardless, I own my empathy. There seems so little of it in the world right now — it costs me nothing but personal energy to listen to people, to tend to animals and plants (which I prefer to people, I admit), and to offer another person the opportunity to have a story I don’t know about which makes them behave or live the way they do. I value inclusion, compassion and kindness toward humans and the natural world. And I don’t think those are “bad” traits to have.
So perhaps we just own our empathy and finally acknowledged to ourselves that the world needs us to be just the way we are? I hope so.
Hi Jaqueline
Love your expressive writing by the way.
Wondering if you’ve tried meditation before? I took it up seriously a couple of years ago and fund it a life-saver. Itt really helps with anxiety and creating a calm personal space.
Empathy is a great thing, but sometimes it’s hard to cope with.
Steve
Balloons were so difficult for me too, I still have so much trouble with them. It was heartbreaking to watch them deflate after a party.
Hi Steve, at the age of almost 3 years old I put my arm through an electric mangle that sat on top of my mum’s washing machine in order to see if it hurt the clothes. It broke my arm and my conclusion was that it did indeed hurt the clothes. I would make sure all my toys were covered at night so they didn’t get cold and found it impossible to throw or give my toys away in case they felt lonely or missed me as much as I would miss them. At 52 I am still the same to a large degree. I apologise for bumping into the doorframe or for dropping something or accidentally slamming a door. I have neither autism or OCD but I do have a very high IQ. My husband who is on the autistic spectrum says I’m strange for the way I treat inanimate objects and the way I speak to plants, also for the way I put a higher value on animal life than human life. The way I see it, animals are loyal, they don’t let you down and they are dependent on you totally. Maybe I am strange but I care deeply just not for people who have proved to me they don’t deserve it!
I’ve recently learned about The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.. I would suggest doing a little research… I have found comfort knowing that approximately 15-20% of the population are deep feelers — and feeling sympathy for inanimate objects was something that resonated with many of the members of my HSP group. I too have experienced this – I still have my bears from childhood – if I am at a store and see stuffed animal display I will straighten them up so they look adoptable and wish them good luck
Thank you for sharing your experience- you are definitely not alone
Hi PK.
Try Googling ‘The Highly Sensitive Person,’
I came across some articles and youtube videos on this last year. You may find some answers there.
Best wishes
Steve
I’m 18 and diagnosed with OCD. I’ve had something similar since I can remember. Except I mostly feel empathetic for plants/nature, for example when there’s a storm and a strong wind I feel some kind of pain(?) in my chest because I feel like the trees may be hurting and I don’t want them to die or be destroyed, I want to protect them somehow but I can do nothing.. I also feel this way for abandoned toys especially plushies. Sometimes when I find my old ones again I feel bad for not taking care of them and sleep with them for a few weeks.. But then I have to leave them again because my room gets cluttered. I’m overly empathetic for people as well, it’s like when I’m told a story I can’t help but kind of “live” this person’s life based on the story? Uh
Hi Allen.
Yes, it’s like not being able to shut out other people’s energy sometimes. I totally understand.
Steve
Ah man, I get this all the time ☹️ I’m a 27 Year old fella and feel like a right Wolly. There’s a toy helicopter stuck in a tree outside in a field near my house. It’s flashing a blue and red light. It’s pitch black and freezing outside. I just want to rescue it and return it to its owner. I’ve felt this about objects all my life. I have recently decided to be vegetarian also and I think this is somehow related?
Anyways, nice to see others are in the same boat
Hi James
Yes, unfortunately you are not alone. Perhaps we should start a ‘highly sensitive person’ club!!
Steve
Finally I have found what I am looking for and see I am not alone. For years I too have felt sympathy for unanimated objects. It really bother me to see things get destroyed. For example, things in the store that someone has opened or damaged and to know that that object will not be bought, because its damaged and no one will want it. I too feel sympathy for items that people destroy or damaging. I know these Item do not have feeling, but it is if I take on the feelings for these objects. I hate feeling this way and want help.
hello! i was laying down talking to my friend and i realized that my whole life i’ve felt emotionally attached to things other than people. i feel sympathy for objects and i feel bad when i have to replace things and or when objects get pushed to the side. i feel bad when i get a new phone, when i replace my light bulbs, when things are broken in a store and or when objects are left out. my friend couldn’t relate to many of the things i was saying so now i’m starting to wonder why i feel this way. does anyone know what this could be? my friend said i was wholesome but i’m just curious on what everyone else is thinking.
In some ways, I think we project and can relate with the perceived feelings – I can recall many times in my childhood of being left out or feeling displaced or “damaged” so I wonder if that might be one of the reasons for this sensitivity — all of our feelings are okay and we can find meaning if we look for it.
You’re not alone
It’s weird I’m 11 and have many stuffed animals that I can’t bear to get rid of and at the store I saw a cute fluffy cat plush stuffed under a shelf and wanted to cry I’ve been embarrassed my whole life about this and don’t tell anyone I’m happy it’s not only me that fells this way.
Oh my God! I’m 11 too and I feel the same way! Whenever I go to bed I make sure all my toys are covered so they don’t get “cold”. Whenever I was sevn I use to get mad and when I threw a toy I use to feel really bad about doing that. I don’t have autism or anything, it’s just that I feel sorry for alot of things.☹️
I am the same, I’m 13 now and have stuffed animals that I have had since I was 3, my mum wants me to clear them out but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I also have a physical incapability to do the simplest things, such as taking a pack of pens from a shelf and leaving the last one there alone, I end up taking both even though I don’t need them. if my mum picks something up and the store and realises she doesn’t need it she will put it back on a random shelf and I will somehow feel guilty and end up taking it back to the right shelf so its not alone. I honestly didn’t realise anyone else had this.
My mom wanted me to do this when I was around your age too. Luckily we were able to keep all of them and store them in the basement. It was so difficult to do, and I would feel so terrible for them because it was dark and cold down there. I’m so grateful that I still have them though.
Hi Tiffany.
Have you tried meditation? I do Transcendetal Medtitation. And also ‘Pranayama.’ It really helps me get grounded. Give it a try, it may help.
Best wishes
Steve
Hi Tiffany.
Have you tried meditation? I do Transcendetal Medtitation. And also ‘Pranayama.’ It really helps me get grounded. Give it a try, it may help.
Best wishes
Steve
All of this resonates with me. Although never officially diagnosed, I believe I am on the spectrum, have OCD and I know I have synesthesia. I only learned about synesthesia a few years ago by accident. I thought everyone associated colors with letters, days of the week, months, etc… I’m almost 60 and my life would have been easier had I know these neurological conditions existed.
As a child, losing and item meant weeks of grief. Just the idea of it being out there in the world all alone, cold and feeling abandoned…killed me.
I recently posted something on Facebook showing how all cans of cat food have to face out. People wrote saying I have OCD. I tried to further explain that I couldn’t bear for the faces of the kittens to be turned away from the front and unable to “see” out when I opened the cabinet. THEN I got a bunch of replies implying I was alone in these thoughts. Some were cruel.
I agree with the person who puts more paper in the printer and moves the few sheets to the top b/c they’ve had to wait so long. I do the same. I also do that with utensils I unload from the dishwasher. Or items in the grocery store. I can feel their hope at being picked and their utter sadness at being rejected once again.
There’s so much more. It’s a painful way to live. I wish it did have a name. And a pill to cure it.
I was told by a medium that I’m an empath. This makes sense to me. But, I extend those empathic feelings to all things on the planet. Including all inanimate objects.
Wow I’m not alone. I didn’t use to be this way, it wasn’t until I was a young mom and divorced at 27 that I began doing this. I was always weird about numbers my whole life. Like if I added them at the could somehow equal 6 or a 9’thats an upside down 6 I wouldn’t be able to move past it. Like a grocery cart temp I. The house etc. so I’ve always had that but what your explain I have as well but not until I experienced a big change in my life. I wish there was a cure as well.
I have the same issue. With me, it’s because there’s the idea that it’s supposed to be something alive, but it isn’t. The end result is that it elicits the same response that looking at a stillborn child would- it could’ve been a person, but never got the chance. It’s hard writing this down, but that’s how it is for me.
I am so happy to have read this because I literally do the same thing! When I’m shopping and if I see something that is misplaced, I get sad because it is on its own and it shouldn’t be there. If I see rubbish on the ground then it actually makes me a bit sad because it is on its own and I feel it is lonely. I always thought I was mad and crazy :’) I probably still am I am glad to have read this.
I do this as well but I go a step further and buy the product that I really do t need cause I touched it and don’t want to hurt it’s feelings and leave it at the store. As well as the rubbish on the ground I end up picking it up because I don’t want to obsesse over it later and wonder where it is and regret not picking it up. It’s so crazy and I know it is but they say to not do it and the obsession will pass but it’s maddening. They call it making a deal with the devil. Every time you do it, it makes the feelings go away, but you’ll do it again.
Did Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez say that the world will
end in 12 yrs? As I have no idea who she is, why
would I think she would have any idea about the end of the world?
Hi Kelly
That woman you mentioned is not someone I would personally give the time of day to!!
Somehow the world will pull through!
Best wishes
Steve
I’m 22 years old and my parents were divorced when I was 3. I have no idea what this is called (if it’s a disorder or anything) and I have separation issues. I am married and I can go without seeing my wife, but I always do want to know where she is. (common husband trait?) When I was young even until now, I had this problem with inanimate objects. I would go to Staples or Walmart and see pieces of paper and feel devastated if I didn’t buy its “friend” or other piece with it. I feel that way with everything including separating my new 2 puppies that my wife had to go and get because I have an issue not getting them all. I also have the thing where in stores I will sometimes turn the stuffed animals outward facing the aisle so that they can see everything. Things like that I have, and I really want to know the stem root cause and what this is called. Anyone mind shining some light on this? I want to know possibly if I have anything “special” about me.
Hello
I know this post is old and probably a comment from someone now will have no impact on anyone but I did find this article today on the cusp of 2020 so perhaps someone else will find my comment. Who knows.
I am a 38 year female who was diagnosed with OCD at age 12. I have never been tested as being on the spectrum but I would not rule it out. I however do have Synaesthesia (I smell in color) and have had it as long as I can remember (I think this must be something people are born with since I honestly do not remember ever not smelling in color) But I will say I have always had very similar experiences with inantimate objects my whole life. I always as a child wanted the plushie or toy that no one else wanted, I used the broken scissors at school so they could play too, even as an adult I find myself picking up odd objects or toys that no one else wants and to protect them. I even recently bought an ugly purse at a thrift store people I overheard the employees making fun of it.
I do not know if this stems from my OCD or my Synaesthesia but my guess would be the Synaesthesia since this is also a trait I have had as long as I can remember and while my OCD is well controlled this trait has never wavered for me
WOW I can’t believe this. I just assumed I was alone and there was no explanation for how I feel. Thank you for posting!!!!!!!
Omg I’m 31 and I have just found the answer mine is so severe I couldn’t leave just one tea bag in my canister last night I had to put it with something else because I was sad it was alone I can’t have one cup on my cup stand or 3 because it’s one being left out someone please tell me I’m not crazy
I do feel that way as well. I never was presented with anything as autism or OCD or Synaesthesia. What does that mean for me? I want to know if i have a disorder or something. i also made my own comment.
Anytime I have to throw anything away I have to split it in half so that it has a “friend” to keep it company. It’s nice to know there are other people out there who are as weird as me!
I do the same thing! Again, not been properly diagnosed with OCD but almost certain I have it. I hate number threes and number ones because they are exclusive numbers. I tend to find I buy all sorts of things which I really don’t need, and often multiple ones so they don’t feel lonely, as well as hoarding things, particularly rubbish. I then find when I have enough things from the same packet to throw away together I can do so then.
I found it today too! 2020! Just diagnosed
I am 29 and I still have my teddy bear <3 I handle him as I would a human to not hurt him in any way! He is a quiet one. I love him a lot.
I still have my stuffed toy dog that I’ve had since I was a baby, 48 years ago. I don’t think it’s ever not been with me.
OMG. When I see a stuffed toy at the curb for trash pickup I become so sad for that toy. Kind of like the Velveteen rabbit. Many times I turn my car around and pick it up not really knowing what to do with it. Maybe just “saving it”
It really makes me sad when people leave stuffed toys at “memorial sites” that pop up near accident sites. Leaving them out in the cold or rain like that. Leave flowers or cards, but not stuffed toys.
I remember reading the Velveteen Rabbit when I was a kid and crying.
Thanks for sharing.
I had severe OCD as a child, I have now recovered enough where it’s no longer crippling but I find more and more as time passes, habits and beliefs I attributed to my personality are symptoms of OCD. I have never been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, but reading on it in the past it seems it’s possible that I am on the spectrum. I searched this topic today, it’s funny because I have searched it in the past and never found anything on it…. but I have very strong emotions for inanimate objects and always have. Sadness and pity for the grass I’m walking on, sadness and pity for a toy having to be thrown away, sadness and pity as my christmas tree starts to turn brown and die. The reason I was searching this topic is because recently my employer offered to let me use a company vehicle for no cost – brand new car, total upgrade, would save me $150 each month on insurance and $100 in gas, but I am just SO upset about it because it would mean getting rid of my car, as otherwise it would just sit around and never get used – I can’t stand the thought of letting it sit around and not get used nor can I stand the idea of getting rid of her. Another comment was interesting, pointing out that these emotions we have are almost always negative and about how they’re possibly us projecting our own emotions and issues onto these objects. That idea is wrong and right at the same time, I have a lot of feelings for inanimate objects that are positive, but generally only while they’re in my care/control – like I am often compelled to kiss or hug a beloved possession, I have kissed and hugged my christmas tree, crystals, any items that contribute to my happiness or help me in some way. But at the same time my emotions for inanimate objects do not extend to all things – I feel no sadness throwing out a half used deodorant, a tooth brush, an empty pill bottle,. I think the difference is that some objects we have in fact projected a part of ourselves onto – a part of our life, items that we have distinct memories associated with, etc. The idea of parting with an item feels like abandoning a part of ourselves, feels like a small death of all that we value and hold dear. It could be as simple as that control aspect, which extends beyond OCD and autism but is nonetheless heightened with these 2 diagnoses, but with the nature of human existence being so fleeting, objects tend to be the only thing that is constant, and perhaps we feel like we can be immortalized through these objects, or feel like the memories associated with the item will be forgotten if we no longer have the physical reminder of it. I think we’re all very sensitive and we carry a lot more emotion and burden then we’ll ever even be able to comprehend, I think by redirecting those emotions we get for inanimate objects towards ourselves may help us to become more functional – to reclaim the displaced emotion assigned to an object and bring it back to ourselves, to hold those memories within us rather than outside of ourselves, to redirect that love to ourselves.
My daughter recently lost her stuffed toy cat. I got the cat while undergoing fertility treatment to conceive her.
It’s unexplainable how much it’s destroying me, and broken my heart. I keep thinking about the toy cat out in the rain, or in a bin somewhere etc. It’s been 1 week and I truly feel broken. I feel like I let the cat down. I feel like it must be missing us. I feel so stupid as I’m 28 years old. I feel like I’ve lost a part of me. Part of me wishes my parter would buy an identical one and lie to me and tell me he found the actual one, just so I can stop feeling so absolutely horribly sad about this poor toy cat 🙁
Geez, I am only 11 and I feel exactly the same. Trust me, I am a logical person and I do well in school, so it is just that I am just an immature kid. Same thing here, I am deeply saddened when something like what happened to you happens. For example, I recently just found out that the Wilson volleyball from Castaway, a movie I haven’t even seen, not only floated off the raft in the movie right before its owner, who was emotionally attached to it, got rescued from a deserted island, but that it also floated away in the real filming of me movie. I have just imagined it like he is off somewhere in the ocean, wishing for a person to love him and feeling so sad and lonely. I know this is completely irrational, but I still have been crying for hours… You are not alone.
Wait, I meant I am not immature, sorry I messed up.
Hi, i‘m 15 years old, and i have looked on here for answers about the same thing you are talking about. My brother has lost his blankie that has been with him since he was born and we think its left on the plane as we flew back today. Although the toy is not mine, it was a big part of the family, and i am giving myself anxiety and sadness by thinking its all alone on the plane all sad in the city wanting to come home. I feel stupid for feeling this way, but i feel it about anything, even things like computers. Please can someone give me some comfort in that i‘m not stupid for feeling like this, this would help me out, and make me feel a little better about this situation.
Other quirks of mine feeling like this include : when i leave a chunk of food on my plate, i get sad because that one lonely chunk of food will get lonely, and so i break it in half so it has a friend, If a family member and i buy the same drink, i always pick the drink with less, because i feel sorry for it. This is another quirk but I‘ll give you an example so it is easier to understand…. i bought a scarf from the streets of New York, and live in a very rural area, and so was very excited to get it to a safe area where it was quiet and it could feel relaxed ( and its a SCARF!! ) I cannot get rid of anything because i feel sorry for it so I hoard stuff, and instead of spitting my chewing gum into the road or out of the car window, i put it in tissue so that it wont be on its own in a busy road and can keep it close to me ( and its gum for goodness sake! )
I can’t take a fork out of the drawer if it just leaves one fork. Will it be lonely? Are the spoons mean to it? Same with anything else getting left behind. If I throw away something I always sacrifice and thrown something else away as a travel buddy for it. I literally cannot believe there are people who think like me! <3
I’m crying just reading this. Poor blanket. My daughter left her teddy bear, Owen, at a hotel about 8 years ago. It was bad enough that he already had a sad face, but even now, we both cry uncontrollably whenever we think of him. He must have been so confused, why did we leave him? Didn’t we care? Where is he now? Is he OK? He came from a charity shop so he had already been abandoned once. We drove all the way back to the hotel, I pleaded for them to let me search the room, but didn’t find him. I feel like I abandoned a puppy or something. My daughter has autism, but even she ridicules my personification of everything. I tell inanimate objects off for doing things ‘on purpose’, talk to everything as if it can understand me, and one time I had to get rid of our old car that was absolutely clapped out, but when I went to the car dealer to get the new one, and leave the old one there, I sobbed inconsolably the whole time I was there, in front of all the staff and customers. I felt so stupid. I always feel sorry for things, even if I’m playing a video game and I kill another character, I feel guilty, even though I know they’re not real! I don’t have an autism diagnosis, but since my daughter got hers, and I recognise a lot of her traits in myself, and the more I read, the more I think I am probably on the spectrum too. I do feel like I’m a bit mad with this personification, but I’m glad I’m not alone!
Wow…thank you. I didnt know there were people out there like me. I have so many stuffed animals from childhood and I don’t know what to do with them. I want them to go to a kid who will care for them, as it makes me sad to think of them in the garbage. I save every birthday card I’ve ever gotten and most school papers too. Shirts I havent worn in years, Halloween costumes I’ll never wear again, you name it. At the store, if I touch something and then touch the one next to it, I’ll feel bad that the first one might be sad that it thought it was going to be chosen so I go back to that one, but then I’m sad for the other one. I have OCD and often have to go back to check things or touch them the right number of times, etc. Does anyone have any advice on how I can clean and get rid of things like stuffed animals and old possessions?
I feel the exact same way, my sister lost her little toy dog while we were on vacation and it’s been eating me up inside ever since. it’s been 5 months but still feel empty inside for some weird reason I really don’t know what to do at this point
This is the 2nd time I’ve looked this up over the past several years and I’m glad to see your article. Although I am not autistic, I’ve long suspected I’m OCD. I’m 68. My daughter, 28, also has OCD tendencies. I try to talk myself out of these thoughts and succeed once in awhile. I haven’t yet read the other comments, but here are just a few of my quirks and they seem very strange to me: picking up produce at the store and not wanting to hurt it’s feelings by rejecting it if it has a bruise, a teaspoon that doesn’t match the others not being used by other family members so I use it. The spoon is a source of contention with my husband who thinks it’s inferior and pouts it to the back of the drawer where I rescue and use it. I could go on and on. I have given thought to my childhood as my parents divorced when I was a baby and I got shuffled around from grandparents to two aunts and once to a couple of whom I have no memory. Sometimes my “stuff” didn’t come with me. However, one good thing…I am not a hoarder and willingly donate items so others might enjoy them. At any rate it’s nice to know there are others out there who have this problem but I wish there was something that I could do to overcome out.
I might add that childhood literature plays a part in it…The Velveteen Rabbit, the Christmas tree that didn’t get picked. Being a mother and a retired pre-k/pre-school teacher, I’ve read many such stories over the years.
Hi
My son experiences many of these issues, it’s very upsetting for him. He does have autism (high functioning). I’m interested to know if everyone who has commented here is vegetarian? Once my son found out that eating meat is eating an animal he refused point blank to eat it (he was 4,now 11). The idea horrifies him.
Omg you just described myself to. T! I always wondered why I went vegetarian at such a young age
What a wonderful and unlikely post to stumble upon! So many heart felt responses, it warmed my heart. I just “let go” and object and at 52 found myself tearing up. I am not on the spectrum but survived a childhood and inanimate objects and my pets were my life. Little things are meaningful, then and now. Special.
I still have these moments but I know for me they are about the memories associated with these things. Some joyful some not…but these were sentinels to events in my life and that is important to me. I never knew a family and perhaps they serve as substitutes, memories interwoven with the objects. Hopes, wishes…..My wistful meanderings do not cause trouble in my life so I let them be. My empathy gives me pause and reflection and I’m a kinder human for it. Little things mean a lot to me and I am grateful for that perception.
So I get through these times by finding a part 2 for their life 🙂 or if not sending them off with silent prose and love. The space they leave makes room for something else and I feel they “know” they were loved and had meaning, they were “seen”.
And now I’m ready to meet my “newcomer”
Warm wishes to you all 🙂
I read through most of the comments here, and it feels so good to know I’m not alone. I’ve struggled with this feeling as far back as I can remember, and I’m 39 now. I have trouble throwing anything away because I feel sorry for the item. I especially hate seeing something that’s broken being tossed, because I feel like it didn’t get to fulfill its purpose in life. I have several plastic bins full of stuffed animals and another giant collection of stuffed animals on display in my bedroom. I can never get rid of them because they feel like friends. When I was a child, they truly were my friends and the source of much happiness and imagination for me. If I see a lost toy on the sidewalk or in the street, I want to cry because it misses its friend or because it will never know what it’s like to be loved. Needless to say, the story The Velveteen Rabbit was one of my favorites as a child.
I worry that I will become a hoarder when I’m older. At this point, I still manage to keep things pretty orderly, but unless I am able to part with my belongings, I will have a huge mess on my hands in a few years. I have a growing collection of knickknacks that I can’t get rid of because they’re so cute to me and I worry that someone wouldn’t appreciate them if I gave them away. Others have true sentimental value to me. These knickknacks become a problem because they create clutter and collect dust. I get the sense that an item, even a tiny knickknack, can feel sad or unappreciated, and it hurts me to put something in the trash or to give it to someone who won’t understand it. As someone else mentioned here, I also feel sometimes that an item judges me as not worthy of it. My keyboard thinks I can’t play it well enough. My clothes wish they were worn by someone more attractive. So, these feelings can work both ways and can be altogether debilitating.
I have been seeing a counselor for two years for anxiety and depression, but my counselor just referred me to an OCD specialist. I am hoping that the new counselor will be able to help me with this issue and also test me for autism. I have a lot of the symptoms of autism in women and I think that I’ve flown under the radar all my life because I’m a woman and because I’m generally high-functioning.
Hi Ashley
I relate to everything you’ve said in your comments.
In fact your experience sounds very much like mine. For me, the thing about storing such powerful memories/attachments to inanimate objects is a source of great sadness. These attachments are rarely about positive emotions. I don’t really understand the psychology behind this.
I continue to wonder if our sympathy towards inanimate objects is related to OCD, or if it’s because of the way us autistic people cope with their emotions?
Best wishes
Steve
Hi all,
Interesting article here. I happen to feel the same way too, as most people feel here.
I’ve been surrounded by stuffed toys (or friends, as I call them) since I could remember and three decades passed, I’m still pretty much stuck with them.
When I was 11, I skipped a year of education after passing an IQ test and was the youngest in the class. Jealousy from some people caused people to spew rumours about me, causing me to be isolated and becoming the subject of ridicule. I started distrusting people and took my bear to school everyday. At 11 years of age. Imagine all the mockery I got in school. Being called weird or crazy is an understatement. There were worse examples they used.
I started to talk more to my “friends” and never wanted to grow out of this friendship even till today. I’ll take my favourite friend out on trips and even for business meetings and business trips because I’d dread having to be apart from them. Can’t even check them in, I had to hand-carry each and every one of them.
When someone hits my “friends”, I get angry. Usually it’s just slight annoyance and disbelief that people could be cruel. And the next thought is about me physically assaulting the person the same way they assaulted my friends. But I stepped back, took a deep breath and told myself that these people lack empathy. And that they don’t feel what I feel. And tell myself that Mahatma Gandhi is right, “an eye for an eye makes the world go blind”. But I wish someone would beat them up in the future (or even their kids, because it will hurt them even more and they will know how they hurt me). And another friend told me, “these people don’t feel the way you do. Their children get beat up? They only think about revenge”
I had to tell myself that everyone is weird in their own ways and that not all “normal” people would go around beating up stuffed toys. And I started to see, they are indeed BULLIES.
I still keep my little “friends” close to me daily, tuck them to bed and even close their eyes if I had to work late and the light is switched on. This taught me a lot about empathy and how I should discuss my true feelings because my youngest friend is three years old and gets a little angry when I don’t let her watch Korean dramas when she wants to. (They all have their personalities so I have to deal with them to make them agree with my rules and regulations).
People call me crazy all the time. But they get freaked out when I can read them (and their personality) like a book. My little friends taught me that. And I’m forever grateful to them.
The phrase that made me think about empathy was this, “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you” when I was 8.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Steve! I sometimes wonder if I’m Autistic, or have some sort of a “problem”, like what the “normal” people would call it. Makes me feel inferior and ashamed of myself that I keep mostly to myself. Feeling like an imposter most of the time because I have to deny my feelings or stuff my friend further down the bag as I reach for the laptop during a meeting for the fear of being ridiculed or looked down upon at work for taking a stuffed toy to work.
Yes I also feel for inanimate objects, I’m kind of a pack rat in that sense I really feel bad to throw some things out.
Hi Bob, I’m doing some research into why so many people with autism are affected by this. I think one thing for sure is that many of us are highly sensitive. Steve
Hi there,
If you do figure this out, please somehow publish the results. I searched for this in Google because I have felt these sorts of feelings forever. I am currently 35, and I just searched for this because my mother sends me objects all the time and they trigger this in me.
It’s so upsetting at times because I can’t control it. I try to throw away stuffed animals and I begin crying uncontrollably. I try to get rid of children’s toys that I’ve had since I was young… and I cry. I can’t even go to the toy aisle in a store because I begin to feel like crying when I see these kinds of items. I have never told anyone about it because I did not have an explanation for what is happening to me. It has ruined a significant part of my life.
I have never been diagnosed as autistic, but I have a higher than average intelligence and have been diagnosed with chronic severe depression.
Me too, Bob. I can’t throw my clothes away. Neither can I buy new ones unless necessary!
How do I edit a reply I made on here?. I tried to and it doubled it. It is difficult to write in the reply boxes to tiny. Can’t see well. I need to delete one of my replies . Thank you.
Hi Cheryse
I can probably delete your comment from my end, please let me know which one it is. Regards Steve
Hello everyone,
I’m a 23 year old woman from Holland and I would like to write my feelings down at this website.
I’m not diagnosed with autism but I’ve always felt sorry for objects since I was a kid, I still experience this feeling but now I’m going through a tougher time than usual.
My mom has her car for 8 years now (Renault Twingo), I am kind of attached to it and I have driven a lot in this car when I just got my drivers license (I think that has something to do with the attachment). We even gave this car a name: ‘(Dutch) Het Meisje / (English) The Girly’, just because it’s a cute small car. My mom bought a new car today at a car garage where ‘The Girly’ will be waiting for her new owner. I highly disagree with this choice and even admitted to her that I’m not happy for her buying a new car, even though people will normally be happy with a purchase like this. Well I’m even crying because of this. I’m also sad for the fact that nobody understands me.
When I get fired or a person dies (for example) everyone will understand my sadness but now I feel like I’m all alone in this. I can’t cope with the fact that my mom trades her old trusted car for another one. I’m worried for ‘The Girly’ since I will never know who will be the next owner, will the next owner love her and take good care of it? I will never know… When I see ‘The Girly’ standing outside at our house (she’s still here) I say to her in my head: ‘I’m so sorry that I can’t do anything to stop this from happening…’
Normally when I’m sad I can have very good talks about my feelings with my parents but now I’m feeling I’m all alone.
Thanks for reading! I’m hoping to find someone who I can talk with who understands me
Hi
It’s amazing, the reaction I’ve had to this article. I thought I was the only one who had theses feelings towards inanimate objects. But it seems that lots of people also have this.
I thought that perhaps it was to do with autism, and maybe it is. But I have also been reading a lot about ‘highly sensitive people.’ I didn’t realize that this was actually a thing, but it is.
I suspect that the majority of people – like me – who feel sympathy for inanimate objects, are also ‘highly sensitive people.’
Steve
Adults With Autism.org.uk
I have a hoarding disorder due to feeling like things are aware with feelings. I can’t take get rid of anything because I don’t want to hurt it. I haven’t always done this. It’s been since I was brutally asaulted by a family member when I was 30 years old. I had a concussion. Now I am 57. I wish I was like before. I used to be a miminalist. Because of head injury I feel like objects are more kind than humans. It makes me too sad or anxious to discard anything. I know objects aren’t alive but I feel like they are. I would love to be back the way I was before. I try but this is hard to control. I can’t hurt anything by discarding or take anything out. Thank you Steve for your story.
I have a hoarding disorder due to feeling like things are aware with feelings. I can’t take get rid of anything because I don’t want to hurt it. I haven’t always done this. It’s been since I was brutally asaulted by a family member when I was 30 years old. I had a concussion. Now I am 57. I wish I was like before. I used to be a miminalist. Because of head injury I feel like objects are more kind than humans. It makes me too sad or anxious to discard anything. I know objects aren’t alive but I feel like they are. I would love to be back the way I was before. I try but this is hard to control. I can’t hurt anything by discarding or take anything out. I hang onto things because they comfort me. Thank you for your story Steve.
I have always felt the personalities of objects, numbers and letters. Being an only child, living in a rural area until I was seven with endless time in the freedom of my imagination, strengthened this ability. My mother also contributed, I’m sure, as she would use my empathy for inanimate objects as a tool to get me to cooperate. “Oh, those poor peas left on your plate want to be in your tummy with the other peas.” or “That poor stuffed bunny on the floor. He wants to be put away with his friends.” I have found this ability to be helpful when I plug it into writing fiction, which I have been doing since I was very little–before I could pick up the crayon to write the stories down, I used my Fisher Price people or Barbies to act the stories out, which were the same every day with minor editing. I always felt this ability was a gift, not a curse. It is only when I don’t spend enough time per week spinning thoughts into words, that I suffer from it–if I don’t use my imagination, it uses me. If the experience is causing you pain, I humbly suggest what Frida Kahlo has to say about the matter: “Creativity is the bridge out of our own suffering.” Find ways to put that ability to work for you instead of against you.
Finally, I know I am not alone. I’m a 45 year old woman in the US. It recently occurred to me that I might be on the autism spectrum, over 20 years after my younger brother was diagnosed with PDD and then severe autism. I am really good at spotting men who are on the spectrum, but it was only within the past few days that I learned autism looks different in women. When I looked at a comprehensive checklist for female ASD traits, I was shocked to find that many of my “Jenny-isms” are actually symptoms. Compassion for inanimate objects was one such symptom. I distinctly remember at around 5 years of age feeling terribly sorry for the seat in the car and the chair at the kitchen table because I had to sit on them (I knew I wouldn’t enjoy being sat on) and for the grass and rocks I had to step on as I walked. I never before associated these feelings from my youth with the sentimental attachment I sometimes make to objects, but now I see the connection. Although I find comfort and understanding of myself in the list of symptoms, I also feel a little sad that all the “unique facets” of my personality are actually part of a disability.
Hi Jenny, I’ve just seen your comments
Yes, autism can definitely “look” a bit different in women. But I think I’m quite good at spotting it now!.I’m not sure whether this thing about feeling sympathy for inanimate objects is to do with autism, OCD, or some type of attachment disorder. It’s definitely something I’m going to look into this year.
It’s been torturing me for 50 years now!
Steve
Very interesting thread. I am reading Peter Whybrow MD “A Mood Apart” as a tool to understand grief at the loss of a child, and stumbled across this. I believe this book will be helpful to many on this page. subtitle is “the thinker’s guide to emotion and its disorders”
I do to
My friends think I am crazy
I think I have autism
I have never been
So glad I found this article. I have searched in the past for similar experiences which didn’t turn anything up and have thought I was going mad. Even a psychiatrist laughed at me years ago when I mentioned how I’d been feeling since being a small child. From being sad to see old cars go, to being upset about lost toys feeling lonely and not being able to cope with a virtual pet game on the Nintendo and many more stories I could tell about being attached to inanimate objects. I have finally found that so many other people experience the same. I have been referred by my GP for an autism assessment and have been diagnosed with mild OCD, GAD and Depressive Disorder.
I came across this post seeking comfort because of what just happened to me. I’m autistic and I make custom dolls as a hobby. I can buy broken doll parts and fix them up into something new. Recently, I bought a perfectly good troll doll because her short body would be perfect for my latest project. When I got her I was instantly in love. I named her Alma. So, changing her head was out of the question, so I made a mold out of plaster. When I was taking the mold off, I accidentally slit her throat with my knife. It’s just a little cut in the plastic and the doll looks just fine, but I’m devastated over it. I just got her and I want to be nice and I seriously hurt my new friend. At least now I know I’m not the only one.
OMG SHELBY!!! I feel like your post needs a trigger warning!! I knew you were talking about a doll but I still gasped in shock and covered my mouth when I read the ‘throat’ bit…
I am about to enter into the process of finding out whether my lifelong mental illness exists alongside autism. I’ve never wanted a diagnosis but the DWP are having none of me needing benefits anymore without one so I figured I would finally try and find out. I have been having behavioural problems and problems with emotional ‘dysregulation’ since around age 2 but –
TRIGGER WARNING
– I was also sexually abused from infancy to age 13 so it’s possible my issues all stem from that.
I found this post after looking to see if children with autism (and PDA in particular, which seems to fit me best, then and now) have unusually strong attachments to inanimate objects.
I had no use for dolls nor even teddy bears as a child but had a ‘must have’ red pillowcase (brushed cotton, soft and stroky, lovely – and I still have to have brushed cotton pillowcases now and I’m 47 – and yes they are still red…) I also had ‘my bowl’ an ugly brown melamine bowl my family nicknamed the ‘dog dish’ which I was only allowed to use for weekend cereal or for runny boiled egg when I was ill (if it’d been up to me I’d have used it for every meal). I have no idea where the bowl ended up but I took my pillowcase, all tattered and worn, with me when i left home. In my 20s, someone I was sharing a house with found it in the airing cupboard and tore it up to use as a cleaning rag. I am actually crying as I relay this and I have never ever forgiven her. The loss is still freshly raw 20 years on…
Now I’m aware this type of behaviour may be a little odd for normal children but I was an abused child child desperately trying to control as much of her environment as possible. I was just curious whether this was something that rang bells with people with autism? I also had a faux fur coat that I chose when I was 2 and basically refused to take off until I literally couldn’t get my arms in it anymore (I remember wearing it with the sleeves half way up my arms… (my Mum was not happy as she had wanted me to have the pink one but apparently I went in the shop, walked straight up to it, put it on and refused to take it off… hahaha)
Thoughts?
BTW – I also get properly tearful when it comes to anthropomorphised inanimate objects but I also had a mother who used to smack tables and say ‘naughty table’ when I bumped into one etc…
P.S. Apology for using the word ‘normal’ – it’s not meant in the way it sounds…
Yes, my mother did that too, and I would stop crying immediately! I will compose a general reply to the primary post after I get my thoughts together.
We’re made to feel as though it’s us. That there’s something wrong with us. But, truthfully, people are heartless and let you down, while an object never will. Atypical people are so quick to dispose of anything, be it people or inanimate objects, that no longer suit them. That’s where our anxiety comes from. Those people. I don’t believe it’s us. How cruel they can be by disposing of something that truly means something g to someone else. And in a world like our’s, this is more accepted and celebrated, more atypical behavior than someone with a huge heart. Something is seriously wrong with the world, if you ask me!
And, furthermore, we’re the ones being told that we as autistic people lack empathy. But do the people that dispose of people and things exercise their empathy by thinking about how it makes the other person feel by doing so? No!
I don’t know if i have autism, if i did, it would probably be to a lesser degree but i can relate to this. I literally have a cupboard with a massive box of stuffed toys in it and another two larger boxes. I cannot get rid of them without feeling horrible. I manage to separate some from the ones im going to keep, then i feel bad and pick them back out. When i was a young teen, my mum got rid of loads of our childhood toys, so we went through them all and i remember finding my monster soft toy that i used to take everywhere with me. I had him and a smaller version of him. They went in a box. They were thrown out. I spent 5 years replaying it over in my head and feeling atrocious, even crying and in that five years, i scoured ebay, etsy, amazon, online auctions for him. I would stay up really late and there was never another one until one day, i found a brand new one and i bought him outright for a much higher price from the seller. Every night, i check to see he’s in the cupboard but i still want my old one back. I now have collectors bears, vintage soft toys, branded soft toys, some ornaments and little handmade items, mostly because i saw them on ebay at the time. Some people say, when you give up an item and you feel guilt/sadness that it goes away but i spent five years feeling terrible about that, I can manage to part with other items but when it comes to stuffed animals, i have a hard time. I KNOW that they are going to get binned in a charity store and at least if i have them, they’re safe. Sometimes if i walk down the road and someone has discarded a television or a chair etc, i can feel bad for it, i always think it could have been saved and used by someone else. Very strange but i just call myself a vintage soft toy collector now if anyone asks, although, in a few weeks time, i’m going to have to get rid of a few, god knows how i’m going to manage that. Glad i’m not alone with this. It’s frustrating because i hate clutter and even though the toys are in the cupboard, i know they’re there and i know it’s weird and i know when i move it’s going to be a nightmare but at the same time i like having them and i don’t want to bin them. If it’s to help out a needy child/baby, that’s a different story, i can give them away, i guess because i know they’ll be loved by someone.
Me too. Soft toys are practically people to me. I once had a nightmare where a fire claimed my very first teddy. (I still have him) I awoke nearly screaming with horror until I found him and held him. I’m too old to and yet I still take him to be with me. My mother has never questioned this and in fact has put a lot of effort into keeping him in good condition despite years of love. My biggest fear is that he will not be looked after once I die because the next person won’t have the same connection with him and he’ll be thrown out. And the ones in the cupboard? I have to open the doors sometimes. Cos it’s dark in there and then might want to see me. I am autistic. I believe that I have an excessive capacity for empathy/sympathy where i feel for my things as much as my friends.
Man, I just read through all these comments and think I’m going to cry. I found this page googling “thinking objects have feelings”. I’ve never told anyone about this before, and I’ve been going to a therapist for almost a dozen years. It’s at the point where it is really affecting my mood. For example, in a craft group I am in people post photos of stuffed animals they make and it makes me super sad if they look like they won’t be used. Or someone made a blanket for their cabbage patch doll and someone else commented the dolls freaked them out and I just wanted to cry.
I haven’t been diagnosed with autism but my therapist says I have some autistic traits, and I do have mild OCD and an anxiety disorder. But I think I’ve had some version of this feelings thing forever— I’m not sure I’ve ever thrown away anything that has eyes on it.
All of this is pretty funny because I only feel sad for people I know if something really tragic happens (or death or illness) but a stuffed dog out for trash day and I’m a mess…
For context I’m a 30yo woman
Hi,
I am currently conduction my dissertation research project. I am investigating how people with ASD think about objets. The project consists of a series of questionnaires administrated via the internet and would take about 25 minutes to complete.
You must be over 18, be a native English speaker and have ASD to take part in this study. You contribution is greatly appreciated. Your responses to the questionnaire are anonymous, will be safely stored and will only be seen by the research team.
Please follow this link to the survey if you would like to take part. It will give you some more information about the study, a consent form and access to the survey:
https://uclioe.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3n2tnKET3g82cjX
Thank you very much for your time and help!
Kind regards,
Carolina
Yes! I also teared up when reading these things because I felt I was the only one in the world that felt this way. It’s exhausting to me but I have found ways to deal with it. I haven’t told anyone about this but my mom has occasionally made fun of me about “the time I used to keep orange peels when I was little”. It’s embarrassing but I just smile and nod because no one would understand that I felt sorry for them.
I feel so scared, I’m 54 and struggled thru my entire life as a basket case, only to find I can put a label on me known as either autistic or bipolar?)??? Where do i start?
Wow! I’ve never thought to google this before but I am moving house this month with my family (I am only 15 but I still have loads of my old toys from when I was younger) I do have aspergers which really makes the whole personifying objects worse because not only do I feel bad for having to put them in boxes, I can pretty much name what’s in each box so I feel even worse. I always feel bad for objects especially when they are alone and all their “friends” are somewhere else. My mum doesn’t understand but I have told her I am keeping my stuffed toys on my bed because I can’t bear to put them away as I feel for them the most. Even then I feel bad having some near my feet and some near my head like some sort of favouritism. I need to bin stuff and declutter so bad but the thought of putting them in a landfill for them to be burnt makes me so upset, even the idea of giving my toys to someone else or donating them freaks me out because they won’t love them as much or they might ruin them. I don’t know what to do. Recently, not on purpose but subconsciously I gues I have been so obsessed with animals (even if it does lead to you saving a baby mouse then losing it for a day before finding it and putting it back outside ) and all that extra empathy goes to them which I think helps me feel less for objects or perhaps get a moment of reality. It’s much better in the end to care for the animals and whether they’re being neglected and help them than to hoard small plastic toys that used to live in a penny machine anyways. I love looking after the birds the most and I have a really good bond with my cat because I think I personify him a bit too. Anyway thankyou for this post it’s so nice to know your not alone out there and maybe oneday all of our personified possessions will regenerate into somethign together!
You sound exactly like my daughter, she is 12, even down to the animal welfare points. You both are extremely kind and caring, caring about EVERYTHING, but it comes at a price through the anxiety. I wish I could find a way to help my daughter, and I hope you find ways to reduce the negative aspects and the impact on you, but maintain the caring nature, just be able to turn it down to a manageable level. In a world where people in general don’t seem to care enough, it’s ironic that caring too much carries such a burden.
I know that having feelings for transitional objects in part of ‘neurotypical’ psychological development but this goes much further doesn’t it? I have had a few people question whether I have autism (I have never cared to find out for sure although I’m currently being forced to by the benefits people) because of other things but what you describe is stuff I can totally relate to, especially the favouritism thing – I really get that. I always get surprised when someone points out that my behaviour is weird because I always just assume that everybody is the same as me and still don’t really understand why they’re not!
I have two toys on the bookshelf at the end of my bed, overlooking where I sleep. I never play with them (but then I am 47) and feel bad for that, I cuddle them occasionally… I always make sure that they are sitting upright and can see and look comfortable though – and because one of them – a tiger called Julian, has long arms – he has his arms round the other one (Deedle Dude) so they can comfort each other in my neglect of them.
Now this to me is totally normal – I get upset if one of them has fallen over because I don’t look at them everyday so wont know when it’s happened. I would never dream of just leaving them toppled over and without Julian’s arm cuddling Deedle Dude. I don’t understand how anyone would not do this – why isn’t everyone the same??
I was searching for this…
Hope you found the article helpful. Steve
Me too! I just googled this!! and i texted my sisters saying “it’s a ‘thing!’
I’m not autistic but do prob have adult adhd — isn’t that part of the ‘spectrum?’ I dunno.
I had this as a child and just recently noticed it’s back ?!?! i’m 49.
The difference is with me tho is it doesn’t cause me anxiety or sadness to the point it affects my life at all. It just seems ‘funny’ to me.. like wth?
“Claire, stop. That’s just a sponge!” lol
i notice it all the time and i’m able to talk myself into ignoring it and throwing the thing away rolling my eyes at myself. It is constant, pervasive, tho!
I was at the grocery store this morning. Poinsettias were 3 for $10. I picked three but not before trying to sense which one will be lonely if left behind .. ♀️ AND even tho the the first one i picked up was not as healthy as some others, i didn’t put it back because i thought it would feel ‘rejected.’ ♀️
but yeah. it’s not over things necessarily “important” to me — although those things too of course. It’s just everything! does that make sense?
i can see how it could cause anxiety though if it had more intensity, which is what it sounds like in this thread. Hopefully mine won’t get that bad
I feel sorry for abandoned objects like stationary ect. I feel quite sad when I see objects being broken and no-one caring. If I accidently rub against a wall or something then I feel sorry for the wall and have to touch it a few times to make it feel better.
I’m an INTP and currently have Counting-OCD but I’m now wondering if I have autism.
Steve,
Ever since I was little I’ve felt the sadness you described. It can be overwhelming at times.
I used pick out “defective” stuffed animals or the ones no one else would want so that they wouldn’t feel badly. Or the last animal on the shelf. Sometimes I feel sad taking them away from their friends. My bed is surrounded with team members and I feel guilty if I don’t touch or talk to them. Currently I have a fox named Freddy, a nameless bat, a rabbit, a sloth, a talking leopard that says “I love you’ and several pink beenie boos because I love their eyes. I am 51, married with 2 teenagers, and have a graduate degree.
Freddy and the sloth spent most of the summer with me at my yoga teacher training. I don’t know why stuffed animals speak to me but they. Not all of them, just some.
I grew up an extremely lonley child. I was an only child. I have a history of sexual abuse. As a child I carried a large mouse named Mausey around everywhere., he was bigger than me. When I was 10 I got a bear named Bernie who also came to college with me. He is very old and his one eye is now falling out. He stays in my sons room (my son is 16) and I’m pretty sure Bernie still talks to him. Bernie makes me extremely sad. I worry about him dying. I can’t stand the thought that one day my son won’t care about him. I can barely think about it because my chest gets heavy and I don’t know how to describe what I feel.
I do not have autism or OCD but I am diagnosed with c-PTSD and I have an eating disorder. I’ve always been extremely sensitive.
Okay, I’ve written enough. But feel free to email me. You are not alone in your feelings!
Dear Holly, my name is Robert. I’m 51 Years old. I had a rat headed stuffed animal as big as me when I was little. His name was Rat-fink. If I see a doll or stuffed animal in the gutter it makes me chokes up and cry. Even thinking of the unrequited love of a stuffed animal crushes me. If someone put their love into something, I will buy it and protect it, especially if it is a misfit toy. I eventually realized that I am the misfit toy. I was brutally abused and nearly killed by my serial/continuous abuser, and no one really cared. I was the stuffed animal in the gutter, full of love and compassion, but unloved and abused. I did a lot of drugs growing up to hide the pain. Over years, the memories of tragedy past become more clear. I had a bunny since I was born. He had a smile embroidered on his face. When my mother died three years ago I hurried bunny with her. It was very hard, but I wanted her to have him for ever. I am a man, who as a child made my own stuffed animals and embroidered them. I know why objects make me feel so sad. I too get teary when I notice that no one will buy the bruised lemon. That is because I am the bruised lemon that no one wanted. I have however discovered a wonderful therapy. Find a lost or neglected child. Perhaps one who lost a parent. Be kind to them. Buy them crayons and paints and little dinosaurs. I have been a sports coach and public school teacher. I find that the greatest therapy for me is showing kindness and compassion to others, especially children. We cannot change our own neglected or abused pasts. But we can make a difference in other people’s lives. I hope everyone who shared on this site discovers the joy and healing that comes from helping others. And Thank You all so much for sharing. It has been a great connection to hear from everyone that we have experienced the same things, albeit awkward, unusual orseemingly eccentric. I wish I could give all of you a HUGE hug! I find myself thinking of a favorite movie “V is for Vendetta.” The woman “Evy reads a memoir written on toilet paper by another woman in a concentration camp/medical experiment. In the memoir the woman tells Evy “even though we have never met, I love you!” The world is not all hurt. It is filled with light and love. Tap into it! I have never met you, but I love you!
Rob.
Hello. I just stumbled on this page after searching for an explanation to my own feelings if sympathy for inanimate objects. I have never been diagnosed with autism or another disorder, but at 57 I certainly have become aware of patterns in myself that I wish I understood better. I recently have had conversations with my adult daughter in which she expressed frustration with me because I feel such sympathy for her partner when she describes getting angry with him for his bad behavior. I told her that i have always had extreme compassion, for the underdog, and anything, even rocks and cars, that I worried no one would like. And like others who’ve commented, this has led me to suffer socially because I simply cannot comfortably hear people speak negatively of other people or things.
Hi Karen
This is a really complex area. It’s possible that you are just an unusually compassionate and sensitive person.
But then, perhaps there is also a mental health aspect to your feelings.
Have you noticed any signs of OCD, or are you prone to bouts of anxiety? These conditions can – in my experience – also drive the types of feelings you describe.
Regards
Steve
adultswithautism.org.uk
Many religions believe that objects have spirits, so this is perfectly normal!
Maybe autistic people are just naturally more spiritually aware than we are?
Cheers!
Hi James,
Actually, that is a good point. But I think in most cases, there is more likely to be a psychological reason behind this.
Best wishes
Steve
We just experienced this last night! We took my son to toys for us and he chose a sheep that made a noise. He wasn’t sure if it was working properly so when we got to the checkout he went to swap it for the other one on the shelf. My daughter and I were walking to meet them when she said she wouldn’t have been able to do that because she’d feel bad for the other one, which was exactly how I was feeling! I was getting all anxious but pushing it down as my son was obviously fine… Until we saw him walking back with his new sheep. Husband completely oblivious to the whole thing but I could see tears in his eyes then he said how bad he felt because the other sheep thought he was coming and now he isn’t and thinks there was something wrong with him. It took me several minutes to convince him swapping back would be ok because the second sheep would totally understand! Husband said he wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t been there, I think he’d just have been sad and kept it in instead.
This happens to me all the time. I varnished a bread hedgehog when I was younger. My car’s have names and personalities. Getting rid of something is painful. Id be upset to replace something as the other would be sad. My mum’s the same and our partners think we’re loopy!
I assumed it was just over sentimentality. Now my son has suspected asd and having read about it I’m certain my husband and I am the same though different. Possibly our daughter! I literally googled “thinking inanimate objects have feelings” and this post came up. It’s a funny old world!
And now I’m tearing up at that story. That kind of thing gets me every time. I feel bad putting something down to choose another object. Like I’ve let that first object down after letting it think I wanted it. Oh man, I’m seriously crying over that sheep now. I’ve been battling the personification of inanimate objects for a long time because it was causing me to hoard things or just get over emotional. I was diagnosed with BPD a couple of years back and I think part of it is the fact that I’m so inclined to being super sensitive. Sometimes I just stay away from things like cute toys or pictures because I know they will make me sad. Like if you show me a picture of something really cute that is crying, my day is ruined.
If I really try to be analytical about it, I think a lot of this stems from my fear of abandonment. I project that fear on to inanimate objects, save them, and then experience a little bit of catharsis for saving something from abandonment. Every time I feel feel something for a personified object, I’m really feeling my own feelings towards myself.
Amazing how many people found this and commented already.
I just saw this old stuffed lion animal on etsy with a compass in his pow. I felt like crying and buying it, “saving” it and giving it a home. Then I closed the tab and told myself I am nuts. – and decided to google.
I also have issues eating chocolate bunnies or throwing away cute wrapping paper, among other things, of course I never threw away any stuffed animal, probably never will. I’ve seen a psychologist, but I have never been diagnosed with any actual disorder – I am just a candidate with potential for burnout so that’s how I end up there once in a while.
Anyway, what really helped me getting over some of it, is the reclycling-green-planet-thought,
1) Everything in this universe is made of the same foundation, essentially we’re all stardust. So just because I throw something away, does not mean it dies, actually the energy and the atoms in it just transform into something else, something new, which is a good thing. Not sure this holds in front of a physics professor, but for me it works.
2) I know that often I connect things I get from people with them and feel bad for giving it away because they meant for me to have it, This can be silly things such as little toys from surprise eggs. But I decided that I cannot live in a trash museum and I rigorously started to throw things like that out. I do it very quick and then bring out the trash right away and then I forget about it and it’s good.
3) I think about it from another perspective. The chocolate bunny I got for Easter was made to be eaten, right? So I am kind of offending it, by not eating it! How frustrated must a chocolate bunny be, if it failed it’s purpose? And what about that old teddy bear? Maybe it’s in pain because it’s arm is already falling off and it’s time for it to die and “transcend” into something new. I mean – if these feelings go into one direction, you can also trick them into the other.
However, I have to say that I find this closely connected to phases of anxiety/burnout/depression. The more safe and stable I feel in my life, the less stressful it is for me to see “objects being mistreated” and the less likely I am to dwell on these things. So I think this is some kind of symptom when you are in an anxious phase.
Ah and adding to my second point – I think that if those people who give me stuff would know how much trouble it causes me to keep them around even though I theoretically don’t want them, they would gladly just take them to the trash for me because likely they don’t care at all or significantly less than I do 😉
Thank you Lisa, I can’t tell you how reassuring it is to read your words and feel that they say exactly what I have been feeling for years forever actually. Your hacks have been working for me, too, it does get better when you’re mentally better.
Really useful strategies!! Thank you x
Thank you, Lisa, for sharing your strategies! They are really helpful. Also, I agree with “the more safe and stable I feel in my life, the less stressful it is for me to see objects being mistreated”. When my life is going really well, I hardly ever get these feelings, but when I’m in a really bad place, even throwing away wrappers mess me up terribly.
It’s such a relief to think I’m not the only one like this! I’ve felt this way since I was a baby, at least according to my mother. I actually cried when we sold a car I don’t even remember because I liked it so much!!
I’m a very sentimental person in the first place and honestly something big has to happen for me to lose my attachment to something. I panic when I misplace things (I almost never lose things) or think I’ve hurt them in some way. As an only child and a bit of a lonely one at that I would treat my stuffed animals like friends, giving them names and stories and acting out adventures. I still have some of my oldest stuffed animals- including a stuffed chimpanzee named Diddy! I try my best to either sleep with them nearby every night or keep them nice and safe on my dresser.
It can be extremely hard for me to lose attachment to something- even if it’s something I’ve never even seen before until that particular moment. With the peculiar exception of videos where squishy toys are cut open and how it’s made type sequences, I cannot stand to watch a video where something cute (and in many instances even things that aren’t all that cute) is done harm- like those videos where a doll is set on fire, or a stuffed animal is destroyed, or a snowman gets hit with a bat (those tend to get popular round winter time). There was a video some time ago that circulated around easter where a little chocolate bunny got melted while some terribly sad music played in the background. While it was apparently intended to be comedic I couldn’t watch more than five seconds of the actual melting because I got too emotional.
While I find learning the mechanics-especially of more complex toys, like toy robots and the like- to be an absolutely fascinating topic, and those squishy videos tend to be upbeat and satisfying to watch, I cannot stand the way some people will senselessly destroy toys!
I’ve had a few theories as to why I feel the way I do in regards to my belongings. Many of my favorite things have positive memories attached- even if I was having a terrible day before usually the item in question lifted my spirits. Therefore I create a positive association with them and similar objects. Second is perhaps the loss of innocence represented there is what troubles me. To me toys and stuffed animals are a symbol of childhood, comfort, and peaceful moments, and seeing them in a distressed state makes me similarly distressed as a result. Third is that I’m already a soft-hearted individual and my brain automatically makes the association that someone else might have loved that toy, or someone else might have treasured that stuffed animal- and as a result seeing the toy be harmed makes me feel bad. While my very early childhood was fairly nice my parents were both unfortunately terribly busy as I began schooling, with my father away on many business trips and my mother working from home. Then my father started his own business just before the housing market crash, and we lived strapped for money for ages. I know now we were never in such danger but I was always fearful of what might happen to us. I even told my mom I’d stop playing video games and watching TV if it meant bringing our electric bill down. Since we didn’t have a lot of money to go around, casual gifta decreased a lot and it instilled a bit of an inflated sense of worth in most everyday objects. Many things now are created to be replaced a few years down the road and now I wind up clinging to anything I can until itnpretty much stops working permanently or falls apart in my hands.
Another theory is the one explained above- that it’s an Autistic trait. I have never been formally diagnosed, however I do see a counselor regularly (and she is incredibly well-educated, mind, and has done wonders for my mental health) has seen a great many signs of female-aligned Asperger’s in me, so I have to wonder if this is a trait that might carry over.
Lastly it could be that I’m simply quite softheared, but I feel it may be a combination of all of the above as well.
Apologies for commenting on an older post, but it was such a relief to know I’m not the only one! Hope you all are well, and thank you so much to everyone for putting your own experiences here.
hi
I have been referred for an ASD assessment, am now 36 but have struggled with some life aspects since childhood. The traits heightened following a nervous breakdown and I decided that after years of wondering I should request an assessment.
I feel very similar to you with inanimate objects – upon leaving jobs I get more upset at the items that I may have lost, were borrowed & not returned etc. than I have done about the people I will no longer see. Having to clear out clutter gives me much anxiety, I stewed for a week when my phone died; I’d found one I liked years before and found no reason to ever have a different phone, I bought one the same from ebay for when it started to fault, but this time it died for real and only smart phones were available, I fretted and did not want to accept it, and bored the Tesco sales person as she tried to sell me a phone, I just wanted my phone to not be dead. I eventually gave in, knowing I had to, and it was actually fine, but I find I do this with many objects. When the time came to get a new car I mourned for my car feeling disloyal, guilty, like I was betraying it. I have cried when each of my cars has gone. I feel like they are friends, like we have a connection spiritually somehow. As a teenager I would buy toy lions from charity shops feeling sorry for them, as though they were a real life dog in a pound. Then each night, choosing one to hug in my sleep I would tick off a rota, ensuring each one had a turn.
Hi, I found your article when I was looking for an idea of how to nicely throw away my daughter’s doll. Its covered in sticky cream and really needs to just go, but I feel so bad about putting the poor thing in the bin. I thought this was just me being silly, but, hooray! I’m not the only one.
I have always been this way with toys. I remember getting a Cabbage Patch doll for Christmas one year. Its leg wasn’t sewn correctly, so my parents wanted to take it back. But I wouldn’t let them because I didn’t want the doll to feel unloved. And then came Toy Story, which made it all even more ‘real’.
I haven’t been diagnosed with autism or OCD, but I do have my ways about things.
Any tips on disposing of this unfortunate doll (plus the others I’ve been keeping, with broken legs and cracked heads) would be greatly welcomed 🙂
Sorry for posting twice! The computer said the first one didn’t work….
Hi Jenn
I am a Disney fanatic – I’d say it’s one of my ‘special interests’ or obsessions, but Toy Story is my exception – I cannot tolerate it, I really seriously hate it.
This always surprises people who know me & know how I love Disney. (They usually love this one more than the other Disneys).
The only explanation I can think of is that to me it feels too real & stressful because of seeing the toys alive, hearing their talk & thoughts. The emotions overwhelm me & I cannot watch it.
I’m not a fan of Bedknobs & Broomsticks either – the mix of real & cartoon loses me, I feel it loses it’s authenticity (which neuro-typical people think is odd, because cartoons as a whole & Disney films ARE fictitious in their nature anyway, but I like them to feel realistic, which I feel they usually do)
I absolutely LOVE Mary Poppins though but just the fairground scene when they jump into the pavement picture I’m not keen on. I feel it cheapen the film, lol – I think from ‘Saving Mr Banks’ PL Travers had similar concerns about that scene too?
I hate Toy Story. I can’t tolerate the scenes where the stuffed animals and toys are abused. It’s super upsetting for me. Did you also have trouble with Paddington?
Hi, I found your article when I was looking for an idea of how to nicely throw away my daughter’s doll. Its covered in sticky cream and really needs to just go, but I feel so bad about putting the poor thing in the bin. I thought this was just me being silly, but, hooray! I’m not the only one.
I have always been this way with toys. I remember getting a Cabbage Patch doll for Christmas one year. Its leg wasn’t sewn correctly, so my parents wanted to take it back. But I wouldn’t let them because I didn’t want the doll to feel unloved. And then came Toy Story, which made it all even more ‘real’.
I haven’t been diagnosed with autism or OCD, but I do have my ways about things.
Any tips on disposing of this unfortunate doll (plus the others I’ve been keeping, with broken legs and cracked heads) would be greatly welcomed 🙂
Can you not wash the doll and make her feel loved. I feel sorry for some inanimate objects. Washing her and telling her you love her may make her feel loved, even though she doesn’t really have feelings. Wash her hair and her body. Maybe you and your daughter can wash or make new clothes for her, im sure there are plenty instructions online for knitting or making dolls clothes.
I can’t believe that there are actually other people with the same problem as mine!
I’m 18 and I haven’t really been diagnosed with anything because I’ve never had a visit to a psychologist or anything, but I’m pretty sure I have OCD because of many symptoms, and things that I cannot explain to normal people, knowing that they will never understand.
In my mind’s rules, EVERYTHING has to be organised but my bedroom is a mess. If I ever wanted to tidy up my room I would need at least three months because I believe that every little thing has to be put in a special place, and if I see order in a place, I just can’t stand even the tiniest thing being out of its place, so my bedroom should either be a PERFECTLY organised room, or a total mess so my mind can’t start labeling things and find certain patterns in anything. Of course the second option is much easier so I keep it that way.
The thing is I have so many objects in my room that I don’t need and everyone else calls them trash and junk but I can’t even think of throwing them away because I believe it’ll break their “heart”, but we all know objects don’t have a heart. In fact they don’t have any organs, they are lifeless.
Yet my mind can’t refuse thinking about the things I’ve thrown away since I could decide, and feeling awful and sad and cruel.
I don’t keep any food or dirty stuff in my room but it’s awful and my mom doesn’t invite guests to our house anymore because she says my room makes her feel embarrassed in front of everybody.
I don’t know what to do, when I tell her I want to visit a psychologist she just lashes out and yells at me and says “you’re not a psychopath you don’t need a psychologist you’re just lazy!” And I can’t afford an appointment on my own I really don’t know how to get out of this mess I’ve gotten my self into…
Hi Delaram
Thanks for your message.
You are definitely not alone. It may be worth you pursuing the idea of consulting a doctor on this, if you feel it is having a bad effect on your life. As an 18 yr old, I personally think you could make your own health decisions. But try explaining to your mum again about how you feel.
Kind regards
Steve
As Will Smith once said in a famous rap track of his about another topic: “Parents just don’t understand”. Maybe they just don’t want to take the time to see the situation from their offspring’s eyes. We can try to meet them half-way and find an orphanage or a little cousin, little sibling or nephew/niece to donate the toys to. Put the toys out there and see if any gravitate towards any of them and let them have it, of they seem to treat it right (like in Toy Story 3), so you get the feeling the thing that made you happy will get the best chance of being loved or used right.
I know the feeling, though. I am self-aware enough about my issue I can laugh at myself when reading these, but know I am neurotic enough to do the same.
This is… mind opening. And it certainly taught me something about myself since I also have autism. I’ve had a teddy bear for as long as I can remember. His name is Pannis. Don’t ask me where I got that name because I don’t have a clue! He’s been with me to many places and I didn’t stop bringing him with me until I turned eleven. That’s when the adults around me told me he needed to stay at home. I guess they wanted me to grow up, but I guess I never did completely. I still have him near me when I sleep and I couldn’t think about putting him away somewhere. I promised him many years ago that he would sit in my bedroom, and I kept that promise. I used to be emotionally attached to all my stuffed animals and kept them all in my bed but I somehow got over it. Except Pannis, of course. I used to get emotionally attached to other inanimate things as a kid, especially vegetables. I had to eat at least two peas at the same time so none got left out. I felt sorry for the pea that got eaten last, “it must’ve felt lonely”. I never told anyone about it since I thought I was the only one feeling that way. And kids can be very cruel to those who are a little different, you know…
Hi Mary
Do you mind me asking; are you diagnosed with OCD or autism?
Just wondering if you have spoken to a psychologist about the things you’ve described here.
In my experience, this is quite a debilitating condition. It certainly stops me feeling like a grown-up!
Regards Steve
I have had this EXACT same issue ever since I can remember. I cannot throw out a stuffed animal because I become upset about it being alone in a trash dump. I have been called a hoarder for the same reason. I just cried for an hour because we are getting a new bed in my room and we were disassembling the old one. I couldn’t, and still can’t, cope with the thought that my old bed will be alone in the cold and rain and snow. I have so much sympathy for these objects it becomes unmanageable. I have never been diagnosed with Autusm but I have been diagnosed with OCD and dependent personality disorder. Perhaps it is the OCD causing it then? While I would like to know why, I still embrace it to the best of my ability. If things are getting thrown out, I cannot be the one to do it because I break down. I’ve found ways to cope with it. I hope you can too! Best of luck!
I have had an elephant teddy called Elliot since I was 7. He holds George, a little mouse, in is trunk to stop him from being stamped on, which I have always admired. If anyone tried to hurt him I would cry and scream and do anything to stop Elliot from being hurt. I still have Elliot now, and I probably wouldn’t cry if someone did that now but I know it would still upset me, I used to have a lot of teddies and I used to have tem all at the end of my bed nicely arranged because I didn’t want any of them to be left out. I used to throw them up in the air individually and catch them, I would spend a couple of minutes playing with each one (I had about 30) in the same way, and again I would feel bad if any of them were left out. I don’t really know what happened to all of them but when my mum put them in the loft, I wasn’t happy because they were going to get cold and dusty, and I found it really upsetting. I’ve only felt this for teddy bears and stuffed toys, never any other objects.
I have never been diagnosed with Autism or OCD but there are things like this that make me feel different to other people. If someone comes up to me with a baby, I am not very interested and I find it difficult to know what to do with them and I feel uncomfortable, and for others this seems easy and natural. I struggle maintaining friendships and I have never quite fitted in. I struggle making eye contact with people during conversation and then this makes me think that the person I’m talking to probably doesn’t think I’m interested and then they don’t like me as much. I have very dark and violent thoughts sometimes and they scare me because I would never do anything violent to anyone. I feel a lot of sympathy and empathy sometimes but don’t know how to show this, so most of the time I just end up not being able to actually say or do anything.
I know this is slightly off-tangent but I have never put all of this down in words before and I feel like this is the right place to finally talk about this; can anyone relate to any of my experiences?
Holy fuck I feel the exact same things & had no idea that other people felt like me
Our son is a loveable first grader on spectrum. While he has a hoard of stuffed animals he clings to, the other morning I found our broken toaster in his bed. He claimed it was his friend, and that it was sad that it is broken. This is a constant reality for us, taking care not to attribute personality to objects we need to get rid of. He won’t eat any food resembling a face for this reason as well. (No gummy bears, no animal crackers, no smiley pancakes, etc)
I have experienced this for as long as I can remember. It often puts me in a mad mood. Thinking about a slightly misshapen stuffed animal being avoided and trashed, my monitor becoming dusty, objects being carelessly handled, etc makes me sad. Oddly, it’s not with all things. I haven’t yet been able to tell where the line is. Why my shoes but not my dishes? Sometimes I feel self conscious about bringing home a new thing if my home is disorganized because I feel the new thing will be disappointed or fearful of a bad life.
I recently bought a mug that had the design printed upside down because I knew it would be trashed and it made me sad. At work I often arrange the stuffed animals so they’re “comfortable” and I might brush the fur from their eyes. This allows me to bestow some “love” on them in case they never get a loving home or end up in the hands of a destructive child.
I can barely stand to eat gummy bears and I hate to criticize items right in front of them.
I had a mild anxiety attack today at work thinking about the stuffed kitties we have and the idea we would receive an exceptionally badly produced one and it would be trashed because I couldn’t buy it for whatever reason.
Why does there have to be a “diagnosis” ? We are all wonderfully and humanly unique.
May be this just shows the tenderness of your beautiful heart, extending to all things —animate or inanimate. I always make my grand daughters furry animals comfortable in her cot, and i don’t consider myself “mad” or in need of a psychological assessment.
I bet lots of mums and grans do the same thing without being Autistic ,having OCD or anything else
On a deeper level everything is made of the same stuff—consciousness—so maybe we on some level already know this.
In her best selling book on how to declutter you home, Marie Condo , suggests thanking all your old clothes for their service before you discard them.
If everyone in the world was as empathic as you and all the rest of the people here –imagine how beautiful our world would be?
I’m in the middle of trying to downsize the clutter stored in my house. Did a search and found this conversation. This is so me. Never been diagnosed with autism but I have a hard time fitting in with the majority. And a very shy kid and my little brother was autistic. But the Myers Briggs personality test says that the intuitive feeling types will do this. Like have a hard time eating animal crackers. But thanks for sharing. Helps to know others understand.
I have always had this problem. As a little girl, one of my earlier memories is being 3 and my mother brought a lady to the home to buy my high chair. I was too big for it but cried and held on to it because I remember thinking tut high chair would be sad without me. Also, whenever she threw out my stuffed animals, I would cry thinking that they would go in the trash. I also had to kiss every stuffed animal good night. That was probably the start of my OCD. It definitely makes sense that rituals of OCD, or compulsions, would start in this manner. It is like the brain misfiring…. You feel these inanimate objects have a life and that they exert some sort of control. Logically you know it isn’t true, but it is such a strong feeling and emotion. I definitely see it As a form of synaesthesia, as your wires get a bit crossed.
I still get sad sometimes just looking at a candy dish in an old lady’s house, or crumbs on a person’s face. Thrift stores and antique stores often make me feel overly nostalgic and I think intensely about where the items came from… It can bring on positive or very negative emotions.
I am diagnosed with OCD and anxiety, but not autism.
I feel or have a lot of sympathy for objects, I hate to see anything abused or unloved, especially bears. I try to give things a home.
I’ve had this ever since I was little. I anthropomorphised anything and everything with “cute” things being the absolute worst. I’ve never been able to throw out a stuffed animal and the though of it right now has me on the verge of tears. I remember my mom telling me a story about how I cried for days when they replaced our kitchen sink. I kind of always knew that it was a strange behavior and yet my mind continued to do it. I attributed it to being traumatized by reading The Velveteen Rabbit when I was younger. Now that I think about it though, I think the reason that book affected me so much was because I was already overly empathetic. Not really sure why the idea to research this popped into my head but I’m really glad I’m not the only one.
Oh geez, I didn’t end up reading the velveteen rabbit until last year (I’m 33, FYI haha) and I was just sobbing for hours afterwards.
I know little kids things are probably a touchy subject for me due to physical/sexual child abuse and the association there – was at Kmart with my ex and had to go home after seeing a baby doll like my sister got one Christmas, that just ruined me for a couple of hours too. Can’t see even a bit of kids cartoons, nearly teared up hearing my nephew’s lullaby music box as well the other day.
No ASD/OCD diagnosis here, psychologist has said complex-PTSD is my most likely thing
I don’t have autism and I don’t have OCD but I have suffered from anxiety for a number of years now—although at some point whilst seeking therapy for my anxiety my psychiatrist mentioned rather offhandedly that what I may be experiencing in actuality is not anxiety per se but rather some form of mild autism and that anxiety may have just been an offshoot of it, and my GP also mentioned this once, though until now I haven’t pursued any of their comments any further. After reading your piece I came to look at my past and current actions and realised ‘oh shit that’s just like me.’ I’m nearly thirty but I still feel this, and no I don’t think that sort of emotion/action has tampered down through the years, perhaps I just became better at hiding it knowing full well that ‘normal’ people would find that sort of reaction weird. As an example, as a kid I once had this toy truck that came from a toothpaste box, and it’s not meant to last long, but then when it broke, I cried to my dad saying ‘How can he keep up with his other truck friends (my other wheeled toys)?’ My dad became worried about me and weirded out by this deep anguish—yes, that is the term that is most appropriate—that I felt for that seemingly insignificant toy truck. And I remember saying sorry to that poor truck over and over and I can still recall that feeling of having betrayed him (yes, I even assign sexes to inanimate objects, and yes, to a certain extent that have their full range of personalities and characteristics as if I were referring to a living human being). My dad, bless him, saw my state and decided to glue the rear wheels of the truck and make makeshift wheels so that he can keep on playing with the others (the kind that looks like what they use for disabled dogs). Legos, brilliant as they are, a just a nightmare for me. They are meant to be broken down and torn to pieces but once I built something from the bricks, I don’t tend to destroy them as easily since, again I attribute them as being hurt if I break them apart. At times I go as far as to ask permission from the same objects that I built just to break them down.
In order to cope with this and to make my life easier, I just made it a point to own as few objects as I can, and as a consequence I avoid shopping, except for food—and even with food at times I feel remorse for them. This coping mechanism still does not diminish that emotion that I feel for inanimate things. What scares me the most is that the extent I feel for these objects oftentimes fly in the face of all sound logic and reason, and there have been cases where this renders me completely unable to function like a normal adult. A few years back, we moved to a new country, and that was the most God-awful time I had—it almost felt as if I was going through a funeral. You can only imagine the pain at going through my books, and deciding which ones I cannot bring with me, and having to say sorry to them, and for the other things. After putting them in boxes, and having given away the others I was in a near-catatonic state for some days—it was almost like shock to my system—my dad thought I was just exhausted by everything and attributed it to fatigue though he did worry that I might get hospitalised because of that. To put it into proper perspective, we’ve never really owned a lot of things, hence I can definitely say that it’s not my materialistic side being such an arse.
To be honest, I don’t know where this comes from. This is not something that I just happened to have as I grew older, but it is something that I’ve been experiencing since I was a kid. My dad never really thought it was weird, since he says that kids just have healthy imagination—let them be, they are not harming anyone. It was only when I started attending school and the teacher mentioned it to my parents, that I became quite guarded about showing this side of me, and only then I realised it may not be as normal as I thought. I’ve always been introverted and as my dad said, a very sensitive child, and I am not sure how much of this can be a contributing factor. I have two other siblings, one younger and one older, and they don’t display this behaviour at all. If it were merely my hyperactive imagination as a kid, then as I grew older, I should have shed this behaviour, but I still have it, and not one bit diminished in any case.
Indeed.
Logic dictates that if I as an autistic man of 64 who has synaesthesia and whose life is ruled by logic then my emotions must encompass everything because, for me, there is no separation between living and non-living objects. In terms of emotional interaction, therefore, I must feel emotion equally for everything.
I feel that way too since childhood, and am now 36. I’ve never been diagnosed with autism but feel I do have it. I feel your pain! It’s one of the reasons I have so much clutter… I have trouble even throwing away a piece of broken furniture that has served me well, or anything broken, especially ones with fond memories. My daughter giggled at me when I sobbed while reading her “The Giving Tree” by Shel Sylverstein lol.
Hi I am 46 yrs old and after my son was diagnosed, I went looking for answerrs for myself. I was diagnosed Autistic at 43. Both my son and I do this feeling sympathy for inanimate objects.. I have always done this from a young child…..even now.. I don’t know why….it just is.
Thanks
Yes, I have felt this from a very young age. I always thought it was just apart of my big imagination carrying over into everyday life but It really hasn’t let up at all. I don’t find it that concerning. Only when someone else points it out to I really think about it. I am 28 and not autistic (to my knowledge). This is my first time searching this and I’m glad I’m not alone.
I am 51 and a diagnosed autistic. I would like to feel able to tell somebody about my life and how things make me feel, but i can’t.
yes I have always been that way. As a very young child I felt sorry for a piece of candy in a bucket at the store cuz it was alone so I took it and of course got in trouble from my mom. I do not have autism,but all my life have wondered from where this stems. I can’t touch stuffed animals in the store or I feel like I have to buy them so they won’t feel abandoned. Velveteen Rabbit–just saying the title almost makes me cry as my animals and dolls have always been ‘real ‘ to me.
I have 5 animals that are technically not living unless I give them life and human characteristics and I feel for them like I feel like. I have 3 t rexes and two Ethel dragons. Finnegan, Rex, and Grimlock are my 3 T. rexes and Draco and Elliot are my Ethel dragons
I feel it to not sure if it’s autism or not as I have never been officially diagnosed . Or if it is the hormones in the food but either way there are alot of us
I do your not alone empathy is a powerful emoji to carry
Hello I’ve not been officially diagnosed with autism but have a daughter who is and a lot of things kinda click now from my childhood. Not sure if this is the sort of thing you mean but I feel sympathy for things being left out like if there are two of the same items left on a shelf I have to buy both or none cos the left over one will be lonely and sad. If I hang washing out I can’t leave one thing on a line cos it will feel like it’s not good enough to be with the other items of washing. Sorry not very good at explaining things.
I’m not autistic and do this – I would consider toys and musical instruments to be special cases as human culture tends to give those things souls of their own. I apologies to plants I am digging up/weeding and most children grasp onto things they then personify. I think it’s just part of being an empathic human and is part of how we’ve ended up with toys, gods and pets.
Toys make me cry at times, perhaps from a loss of innocence, childhood, history. Just now I entered a store, saw a shelf of stuffed animals with “I love you” signs (it is February) and had to leave after only glimpsing them. I suspect that my general enjoyment of the freedom from the negative sides of childhood (limitations, indignity) might make this effect harder, for I feel I have turned my back too much on its positive sides (family closeness). (The possibility of harm done to musical instuments, as a side note makes me horribly also)
I am an austic adult, and I have felt these things for things since I can remember. Stuffed animals are a particular area. I still have immense guilt and sadness about losing stuffed bunny toys from my grandma. I had a nightmare once as a 5 year old that I still remember. My sibling was an infant, and we were escaping something. There were people coming for us. In this nightmare, my bunny from my grandma was super strong and could protect us from anything. Losing them at some point between moves felt like losing that protection. It was very intense when I was younger, but now I can cope with losses or even damages to these things I attribute so much emotion to.
I’ve often felt this with many items, especially with older objects, objects I have used frequently, or objects with “character”. Even at sixteen years of age, people will look at me funny because I’m having a full conversation with some object I notice while doing some other task or fixing a problem. It’s one of the reasons I still have about a third of the stuffed animals I had as a child. If I have the chance, I will try to save and keep some old object I notice that may be about to be destroyed or abandoned, such as a set of carving knives and a number of old, out of date and badly damaged books from my grandmother’s house when we sold it. Even if it is inferior and perhaps damaged or worn, I will often choose older equipment or items because they have a history and character. I have Aspergers and dyslexia, but I have not been diagnosed with OCD.
I did this a lot as a child, and I still feel guilt even as an adult. I would feel like a piece of paper needed to be touched in just such a spot, and that all my stuffed animals had to sleep atop me in the bed at night–none could be left out, or their feelings would be hurt. And I had an order for who slept closest to me, and who got to be at the top, so that none of them were ‘left out’ of anywhere they might want to be. It has always been terribly difficult for me to let go of things, especially any thing I’ve developed some sort of emotional attachment with. And I have made ‘friends’ in books and TV shows. I’ve had OCD for as long as I can remember, and also depression and high anxiety. I have never been diagnosed with autism, though.
I’ve never heard of this before but seen it clearly in my autistic son. It’s been a problem when he names food items on his plate and wants to keep them as pets, but I can see the distress is real. He also has synaesthesia and tells people they smell bad when he means they are talking too loudly. His real emotional attachment to toys and objects is one of my favourite things about him, it’s usually just one thing at a time which becomes his best friend. He once named his toothbrush Gorgeous and had to have it with him all the time. Thank you for writing this, it’s good to hear about your experiences.
How I happened upon a thread that isn’t 8 years old about something I’m curious about today is amazing.
I’ve never been diagnosed as autistic either, but then have not tried to be diagnosed as anything.
It is lovely of you that it is one of the things you love most about your son though:)
I don’t want to speak for others, but myself and I would imagine many others don’t really talk about it much with others.
Recently a 90 ft white pine fell on my house in March and had to move out for 7 months while the house got rebuilt and
I noticed that while in the tiny rental I stayed in, where I felt very safe, that it got even stronger.
Finding myself silently thanking the washing machine or apologizing to the dryer when the door slammed abruptly.
All I can say is that like the commenter above, it started young, but now I realize that for whatever it is worth, it gets stronger the more vulnerable I feel.
The first time I remember it distinctly as a child was telling my (distant, self absorbed & OCD about cleanliness) mother; that I felt sorry for the floor because the couch was so heavy and always sitting in the same place.
I remember feeling like the floor needed to have a break from those same heavy legs and weight on the same spot.
She was very specific about where things were placed and kept noticing that the sofa was a few inches off from where she wanted it.
I would put my back against the heavy Metetaerrnian coffee table and use that to push off from with my legs, ultimately pushing the sofa off the one spot.
She laughed, thought it was odd and then used it as a way to make aqqaintenaces think that she was actually connected to her child by knowing one of her quirks.
I don’t know. I mean, we all (or so I assume) have felt sorry for the lone cart in the shipping center who’s been pushed harshly onto the curb, right?
Yikes:) I hope so.
Occasionally I wonder if this is something others feel & because it doesn’t affect my day to day living and I’m a fairly reasonable & grounded person I don’t worry so much about it, but because of having such a hard year I have noticed that I’m feeling even more empathetic toward
pretty much everything.
I doubt this helps anyone, but I hope that it does in at least some small way.
If nothing more than to show you that even though it is possibly odd, that it doesn’t mean we are off our rockers.
I pray!
I have this very same problem. Very strongly and I love that someone used the word grief. Though I have not been diagnosed, my son has and he seems to have something of the same issue.
I can absolutely relate to this. I have felt this way all my life (I am now 54). I once had an OCD badly when I was 7, but don’t really suffer significantly with any OCD related stuff now. Neither have I ever been diagnosed as autistic, or having Synaesthesia. My husband does say that I anthropomorphise things though – particularly stuffed toys – and I think this is on a par with the personification you mention. I bought a teddy bear from a thrift store last year because I felt desperately sorry for it. It was a Christmas toy which was supposed to have batteries in to make it play a tune, but it had no batteries in it an didn’t work. I felt sad to the point of tears that it had been discarded because it was no longer functional, and therefore no longer loved. It is loved now :-). I thought it was just me that felt like this.
I have fought this for years. I have functioned with high anxiety my entire life. Discarding objects or buying unwanted objects is still something that will send me into a tearful fit. Twice I have gone through my old toys and stuffed animals to donate to Goodwill, and both times it ended the same way. It’s fairly easy to determine what I don’t feel as attached to, but once I’m done and I realize they will be gone I feel genuine guilt. What if the next kid ruins them? What if they miss me? It’s irrational, yes, but incredibly painful regardless.
My 8 year old has had what I can only describe as a visceral response to one of his books being damaged. I was really taken aback by his grief, it did not make sense to me. I tried to console him that we’d mend the book with special tape. I also broke down and offered to purchase a new copy. He stated that he just couldn’t get the image of the torn book out of his head!
My son is like this, especially with soft toys. He always wanted to believe they had a life at night, even as a teenager. He won’t throw anything away either.
My young daughter (with OCD/autism)is the same. Causes her a lot of distress at times. I just wish she could connect the same with people.
YES! my kiddos too
Hi
Thank you so much for sharing this with us! My 10 year old Daughter loves her teddies so much she gets really upset if I take them off the bed to change the sheets. I have to place them down carefully and pretend they’re having a sleepover. If I don’t do this she says I’m. Cruel, I don’t understand how it makes her feel and gets really upset. This may sound like many kids her age who love their teddys but when she has to have all 33 on the bed and placed in a particular way it just doesn’t seem like the every day love kids have for their teddys. She feels emotion for all of her stuff in her room and can place a memory too each item and will know if a ribbon or a teddy has been moved and will lose it completely. I have away a fluffy lunch box amongst other household things to a local charity shop, she noticed it missing straight away and got so upset I had to ask for it back. You are not alone in this, thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your thoughtful post. It really helps me in understanding my twins that are on the spectrum. They are very attached to objects and have cried or laughed about them.
i’m 41 and have been this way my whole life — either sad/guilty for ignoring the objects or throwing them away… or afraid they’ll be angry with me. my daughter is now similar.
I don’t think this is unusual at all. I think it is human to invest inanimate objects with emotion. A once favorite toy, a child’s teddy bear, the serving dish that was always used at family meals, etc.
Maria, i agree that it is human to invest inanimate objects with emotion such as the examples you gave. And i believe that what Steve is talking about is more than cherishing something that brings a sense of nostalgia.
It is from my own understanding of reading this that he is speaking of all items. Not just the ones that bring back memories.
I have experienced a similar sensation in regards ro personifying objects.
My most obvious example would be from not too long ago. I ran into a chair. I realized it was a chair. I got angry at the chair for getting in my way and then later that day i went back to apologize to the chair for running into it and blaming it because i felt guilty about being angry at this chair
i am a huge upright dinosaur and dragon collector and i believe they are more than just inanimate objects. i believe each one of my dinosaurs and dragons has feelings and emotions just like a cat or a dog has
I am not autistic but I have been diagnosed with OCD. I’ve also observed aspects of synaesthesia in myself. I also feel this way about objects, although the emotions have subsided significantly as I’ve grown older and as I’ve gotten treatment for OCD/anxiety. It helps me a lot when the object in question is going to be given away for a good cause or recycled rather than thrown in the garbage.
My ten year old son also feels a deep attachment to his things to the point of wanting to keep even the tiniest broken toy because he feel bad for them. He has OCD, autism and axiety disorder. I’ve never heard any clinician try to address this, but never thought to ask either. Im sorry that I don’t have answers for you, but thank you for bringing this up. I hope more research goes into this sure to and you get answers your looking for .
Could hoarders be autisitc?
when I was a child, I had many stuffed animals. I would write down their names on the days of the week that they would sleep with me. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting their feelings, as if I cherished one over the other. I felt this on behalf of my son’s stuffed animals and a particular blue blanket of his. I am not on the spectrum, but do have depression and anxiety.
its just in born tendency or introvertness
Might this be related to mirror touch synaesthesia? https://www.google.com/amp/s/futurism.com/synesthesia-how-neurons-let-you-physically-feel-what-others-experience/amp/
I have experienced feelings like that most of my life. I have bought things I felt sorry for, Ike a teddy bear that had fallen on the floor, and broken things I got for a deep discount. I feel sorry for food not bought, or Christmas trees. I have not been diagnosed with autism, but depression and anxiety. I am feeling the sadness now. Did not know others felt like this too.
Im 33 and have felt exactly the same way my whole life aswel.
1st big one i remember was when i was 7, in class i started crying, silently, because i was a very shy kid. Id lost my unmbrella and the teacher finally got it out of me why I was crying, but, the real reason wasnt because i’d lost the umbrella it was really because i felt sorry for it and thought it was sad and all alone. This behaviour continued on until I had kids at age 29 and it seemed to tone down. The last one I remember was I couldnt throw a leftover sausage away in the bin because I felt so sad for it I said it needed a friend. So I cut it in half and say that was his friend so it was ok they could be in the bin (playing together) after that.
There are 100s of examples exaclty like your ones I could tell you about too. Im happy I came across your post as I feel i’m not alone in this and its harmless really. Ive never related to people and to be honest never liked them and always played alone. Ive been called an introvert all my life and a possible empath in recent years after having the kids something has set me off to feel for actual people too much. I think we are all on different and beautiful levels so its nothing to be worried about. The mind is so powerful and for some of us, parts of it work better than other peoples. Maybe we are feeling energy of everything better than anyone can. Its strange how ive changed completely because the old behaviour isnt there as much unless its a soft toy or something that has a face.
I have never heard of this Steve……. but thank you for sharing this information.
!! This is very me. I could have cried (or mourn silently knowing nobody would care/understand) for days over a stone that I had picked up and then was thrown away by someone. That was not synaesthesia, and I’m not convinced by the OCD hypothesis. It has some similarities, like the anxiousness, the fear and the distress, but it doesn’t fill up completely.
It’s a little easier for me now, and I think when I was a child it was the willing to control the most things I could in my environment. At that time, I didn’t had a diagnosis and I wasn’t allowed to be myself (and already aware of it). I could only decide that I could watch, hear and touch and when something had a particular symbolism to me or was simply beautiful it was horrible to loose it… And throwing something I had for long, cutting the tree of the garden, give away an old t-shirt would mean tear a part of myself, to risk feeling regret (I hate this feeling), to accept that the world is changing and that I may never feel the things I like again…
And nobody understands that moving to another place even six months later is very difficult to me.
Thank you for writing this, I feel less alone =)
I always have done thought I was just over sensitive x
This is SO good! Yes I’m an adult, female with ASD that “feels” for objects. I have since childhood. For things all around me. As an adult I’ve gotten better and separating my real feelings from those I assume, especially from inanimate objects.
I’d make sure to take turn what stuffed animal, car, or ROCK I took out with me, set on display or played with. I felt horrible for my FOOD if I didn’t eat it all,(this bean has spent it’s whole life waiting to be someone’s food and now it’s the one I’m leaving on my plate for the trash and won’t ever get that chance). My world would crash if something broke and the decision was made (not by me) to discard it. (I pulled many, many things from the garbage to save them because I was so sad for them and how they must be “feeling”.
I’d love to find out more about this. So far my research has lead to the same conclusions you have in this post.
I’m 32 and female. I have been this way my whole life. Your article is the first time I realized that it might be because I’m an aspie and it’s not an everyone kind of thing.
I am 35 years old and I still feel sorry for things that get left out of thrown away It does affect me almost daily.
I am the same way (am also autistic) and see it as a very positive thing. I see it as being heightened empathy which many autistics have. Yes it hurts me a lot but it also makes me more sensitive to other beings. It makes me a better person. It makes me treat the environment better and appreciate things, so that I treat my things well and don’t just throw them out and unnecessarily pollute the environment like so many consumerists do. It makes me a vegan so that I don’t pay for or contribute in any way to violence towards animals. I think many autistic traits are here because we can make the world a better place. Let’s see them in a positive light and use them to do good in the world. We can make a difference 🙂
I am 50 years old and have very strong connections to things. Empathy for inanimate objects combined with my always feeling like someone might need x makes it very difficult to get rid of anything. If someone needs or loves something, I’ll gladly give it to them, but it’s like I have to know it will go to a good home.
I had this all the time as a child. I was never diagnosed clinically with anything but it was debilitating and I felt I had to hide the same constant feelings you describe above all the time. Once I actually embraced and allowed myself to explore them and have relationships with the things I cared about, I realized it was my way of allowing my emotional expression to be seen and witnessed by “who/what” felt safest to me. Feelings were unwelcome in my household and as feeling humans our system MUST let those move. Once I did that and stopped judging myself it got better for me. Now as psychic and energy healer I see the gift in it. I find I can tune into other people as I have now learned to include people amongst those I do this with. It is my belief that autism, and other disorders of the mind, heart or whatever people choose to label it are truly those of us with additional gifts or parts of ourselves open and all we need is guidance to explore our relationship with that piece of who we are. I love that you shared this and hope it is helpful.
Never been diagnoses with either and I feel that way
Absolutely! I’m 45 and I do have this and always have had it. I feel sad for things or I worry if “things” might “feel” lonely. I’m even “worried” the lonely spoon in the dishwasher might be “scared” if it’s in a compartment all by itself so I rather wash it up if there’s nothing else to “give it company”. Now I recognise that this is somewhat mad and when I say “I worry”, this is probably going a bit far – it’s not like it keeps me up at night, but I do very much notice it. Teddies, soft toys or little hard toys when I was a child. All living things, naturally, so someone putting a nail into a tree to hang up a sign would leave me devastated. People killing insects (wasps, spiders etc) because they are a nuisance… I can rationally understand that this upsets me as they only have one life (presumably), but feeling sorry for the cable that’s trapped painfully with and squeezed so it can pass through the non-existing space between the window pane and the window frame to get power outside on the balcony? It pains me! Then there’s another side of the madness to it – when I hurt myself by walking into a chair (doh!), I almost want to punish the chair for it!! Anyway – I perfectly understand this post and it’s funny how it hit a nerve with me. I am not sure whether I am autistic but I certainly recognise many traits of autism in myself – I guess that’s where the word spectrum comes in. I suspect I wouldn’t fit the criteria to be medically diagnosed. I know a bit about autism as my daughter (non-biological, I should add) is on the spectrum, although she’s also not “classically” autistic. Anyway – this certainly was an interesting read and I enjoyed pondering on it for a little while and feeling perhaps a little less weird knowing that other people have similar feelings and sympathy (or empathy)! Good luck. x
I’m a 47 yr old Autistic woman who has always been an Animist. If imbuing the world with personality helps me relate to it, why not go with it?? It did take me years to get over the sadness I felt for, and attachment to, certain stuffed animals; but I attribute that more to my lonely, abusive and isolated childhood than my neurology.
Yeah I’m the same and I’m now 36 and still do it.
One example is when I’m shopping with my Mum and we need a tin of beans but there are two so I have to get both so the other isn’t left alone.
Nice to know I’m not alone in this.
I’m autistic but not OCD; this has been me for as long as I can remember. Felt desperately sorry for the toys that got left out, or the book that hadn’t been borrowed from the library for two years.
I’ve always felt sorry for stuffed animals or dolls/action figures that get “hurt” or thrown/dropped for some reason. I usually treat them gently as if they had actual feelings. Even though I know they don’t, I still feel guilty if I feel they are treated unfairly. I am not on the spectrum, but my children are.. Im a grown woman and still feel empathy for toys.
My son does this! In school he couldn’t do an art project because he didn’t want to hurt a cardboard box by cutting it. He says he believes everything has feelings. He shows ocd tendency and is in the final stages of being diagnosed with asd.
You have no idea how happy you make me feel knowing that I’m not mad by talking to a very special Teddy I have, apologising to him for putting him in a cupboard so no one sees that I have him still, after all I’m 61, well educated, retired successful business woman. I’m diagnosed as Bipolar but truly believe I’m misdiagnosed.
Oh my word, I thought I was the only person who had this!! As a girl, I always felt really upset for any doll I hadn’t played with for ages and feel guilty, same with lots of things. I cut a dolls hair once and then cried all afternoon as I did a bad job. I’ve recently moved house after developing a hoarding tendency, was so hard to part with a lot of things. My son has ASD and doesn’t seem to have this but at 16, he still gets his favourite cuddly rabbit to have conversations with me. My daughter, seems to be experiencing this a bit as she is just really getting into playing with her dolls.
When I was a kid this happened to me all the time, and I would try hard to keep everything included and couldn’t bear putting anything in the bin. I used to goddess batteries under the bed. But I haven’t got that problem anymore, but I still hate getting rid of anything.
Omg you have no idea how much this resonates with me and my son. He gets upset about things being left out like teddies or even leaving one yoghurt in the fridge on its own
I’ve done this all my life, especially when I was little. I’m the person who buys the squashed Xmas tree and broken decorations, and rescues ancient, battered looking teddy-bears with no eyes and almost no fur left at collectors fairs. I am autistic. 🙂
Yes 2 of my children are the same and they’re both on the spectrum. My son would save his jelly sweets and chocolate in the shape of people or animals saying he couldn’t hurt them. Sometimes he’d eat an arm or leg if he really wanted it but he’d always feel really guilty and never finish them. He’s still the same now and he’ll be 19 next week
I am a 51 year old aspie and to this day I can´t see a naked doll because they must be cold.. Injured plush animals, get a band aid. Whenever I got a new plush animal, I took extra care not to neglect the older ones because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. I also have a hard time parting from objects and still have most of my childhood buddies. Rather than OCD I think it´s exaggerated empathy.
I wonder if it’s connected to our mirror neurons. We seem highly connected to our imagined activity and I can actually feel the effect of an imagined event. When I think about things I care about, perhaps the mirror neuron response is so strong, it is attached to things in the same way it attaches to imagined activities/events/dreams. I say this because of some research into this arena (mirror neurons in monkeys) and also the connection I have to my dreaming. This is where I can become completely overwhelmed about a dream. I wake feeling its terrible/brilliant happenings have actually occurred but knowing they haven’t. This is perhaps personification combined with a mirror neuron response?
Thomas the Tank Engine is not real. Gumby? Sponge Bob? How many people do we know that talk about their love for trees, flowers, or nature and actually see them with human qualities?
We learn most of our emotional patterns during the development of the amygdule in the brain around ages 2-6. Normally, we acquire these emotions based on subjective and erroneous interpretations of our interpersonal reactions. These are learned patterns / addictions. Our interpersonal interactions will trigger our genetic make up and what kind of ADHD or ASD we have. (It is called “Interpersonal Biogenesis” or epigenetics)
Interpersonal interactions trigger emotional reactions which triggers behaviors. That is the cycle. All behaviors have a source emotional trigger.
Emotional attachments that are unhealthy are addictions and can be broken.
I have ASD and ADHD and I am a business consultant for people with ADHD and Autism. I have a consulting staff of some of the leading doctors in the country that are experts on the subject. This is not uncommon. I have had the same feelings when I was a child and occasionally as an adult. I know the triggers and have trained myself to reframe the feelings.
Wow! I found out 2 years ago that I have Asperger’s and have experienced this form of OCD or synesthesia all my life (along with other pronounced forms of synesthesia as well. I had no idea other people felt that way too. For me it’s animals, insects plants and basically anything inanimate too. The perfect example of it is the Ikea commercial with the lamp sitting sadly on the curb in the rain, I was haunted by that commercial and that perfectly represents how I feel about my stuff. It makes it so difficult to get rid of old household items that are no longer useful. I almost feel as though they are crying when I give them to the Goodwill and will miss my house -as ridiculous as that seems, if feels like I’m giving away a beloved pet or child. God forbid I run into my belongings on a future trip to the goodwill because I have to fight myself from buying my things back to “save them from strangers”. It sounds silly tome as I write this but it’s something I’ve suffered with for as long as I can remember. I finally reprogrammed myself to feel less anxious about giving things away by continuously reminding myself that my things will go to someone who will need/cherish them as much as I did. Feeling that they will go out into the world to help someone who needs them has helped me quite a bit to let go and now I’ve gotten quite good about giving clothes and books away, Thanks so much for posting this article, it’s been quite revelatory for me!
My 8 year-old grandson treats his stuffed animals like real animals…..the real animals he treats more like toys. This has always perplexed me. He does have high-functioning autism.
My son & I both have autism; I am a polytropic & he a monotropic. In either case, we both experience the same thing as you describe. Furthermore, we are told we are empathy and thus why we experience what we do. Your thoughts?
Yes!! I form “relationships” and attachments to things instead of people. Always have. Today, I cried in therapy because my therapist bought a new chair and took out the old one.
My two children who are on the Autism spectrum do this same thing.. it makes it very hard for them to choose something in the store or something that someone is letting them choose between because they feel like everything that they are leaving behind is sad. They have meltdowns all the time because of this. It makes them so upset. Then we have to deal with peoples comments because they just see an eleven and thirteen year old crying for something and say how they are too old to cry for things, they don’t realize the struggle that they are having.
All things have feelings – and yes, most autistic people I know happen to have strong empathic responses to objects. That I think is because we are strong in situational empathy, and therefore do not differentiate based on what is giving us social cues, and what isn’t.
I feel sad for the single noodle that falls out of the pan. I *have* to take another noodle out so it won’t be alone….
My 11 year old son does this too. He also attributes blame and motivation eg if he bumps into the wall he gets cross at the wall and blames and gets cross at it as though it were a person who deliberately hit him. He has a toy seal that he’s carried around with him since he was 2, but recently he played with another toy cat and then felt bad all afternoon as he was sure seal would have felt left out.
All those Nintendogs left wondering when their owners will return to feed, clean, walk & train them… I’m sure my girls hid/threw the games cos of me sat frantically trying to juggle the care of nine dogs that they’d grown bored of. & cos of the lectures I gave them on responsibilities
I do yes. I don’t this it’s unique to autistic people. Have you read he velveteen rabbit, the toy soldier, other stories. Perhaps autistic people just feel emotions more deeply.I’m autistic as well.
I have deep affect for my little plushy wookies I carry with me. I definitely relate with this. It why it hard for me to donate old things and replace things.
My 10 year old daughter feels this way about all her things. Especially her teddies.
My daughter is 8 and feels the same as yourself i understand x
I’m not autistic but have this too. I have to move plates to the top of the pile because I’m sure that they’re sad that they’re not being used regularly. And please don’t get me started on cuddly toys. I told another ASD mum that I’m friends with and she just thought I was mad.
Me too!! So thankful to have read this!
When I was 11-13, my best friend was a ceramic bank I kept on my dresser. In fact, I kept that bank, shaped like a little fat man with the words ‘money hungry’ on his chest and his mouth a slot for coins (which I never put in, because that would be disrespectful).
I arrange pillows and things on shelves so they won’t get jealous of each other for different treatment.
When pencils get short, I retire them respectfully for their good service in a drawer; I have small pencils that are over 40 years old and carried through 5 moves. Some may even be from my own high school years. I feel LOVE when I look at a small pencil. Literally. Their unselfish sacrifice tugs at my heart. It feels exactly like looking at a cute puppy.
I feel bad for papers and things that are curled up; I’m compelled to try to straighten them out because I think it hurts. If they come in the mail like that I must remove them immediately and flatten out, even if I don’t yet have a place for them. Better they take up my only kitchen table for 2 weeks than remain in the tube. Right now I have a map and a print lying on my office floor until I can get them framed. Other people would roll them up or would never have unrolled them. I walk around them.
I like free-range music on the radio rather than music that is my personal slave on CDs, tapes, or recordings on the phone. Sure, there are songs I would like to hear more often, but getting it as a slave song and listening to it whenever I like takes the joy out of it. I do have some CDs and songs on my phone–usually gifts or the result of gift cards–and listening to them on ‘random’ makes it a bit less guilt-inducing.
I resent not finding a radio station that plays Christmas songs in December because then my only recourse is to play slave CDs.
I have two pillows in bed and I make an effort to use both of them equally. If I grab one and think, oh, I used this one the last two nights, I remove it and get the other.
I’m 62. Had I been born into a non-poor family in a good school district, plus 20 years later, I would have been labeled with Asperger’s. I was also savant in several aspects, such as being able to diagnose car problems at 12 and remembering literally everything. Because that photographic memory was too much, overwhelming, I had behaviors to reduce input: talking incessantly when around people, losing my temper simply so I could leave. I turned to reading because I could meter input. I read through every class when the teacher would allow it; by experience, when no one could answer one of her questions and she cast her eye about, odds were good she’d yell at me to put the book away, so whenever there was even a slight pause/no answer, I’d raise my hand and answer it. Always correct. If it was either in the textbook or she had said it, I knew the answer.
Nobody liked me in school, especially the teachers. No one advanced me, no one gave me any attention. I was a poor kid who bathed once a week and had 5 changes of clothes. To them, it was ‘lucky guess’ every time.
I became an Engineer and had a good life. But woe to anyone who shared my job title, because within the first year on the job I was assigned all the truly difficult stuff and the problems they had tried to solve but couldn’t. I learned 4 different 3D CAD systems at 3 companies and was faster than my co-workers at each. But I was a designer only 12 years of my career; most of the time I did cutting edge new product project management and multi-million dollar installations. People loved working for me; managers hated me. Out of perhaps 3 dozen major projects, they all came in on time and in budget. So managers knew I could do their jobs too.
People who became my friends are very tolerant; they also are just fine with not hearing from me for 6 months, then picking it up like it was last week. A sliver of humans. I see people who get together with a friend once a week, but that seems oppressive to me. Maybe I’d like it, but I don’t know.
A good article on masking the symptoms was written a few months ago. I saved it; someday I’ll give it to my son, now 25, so he can understand his childhood. Once he was asked if he’d characterize his childhood as over-protected or neglected, and after pondering it for half a minute, said ‘both.’ You hadda be there to realize the truth of that.
I am a 37 yo female in the US diagnosed with Aspergers (or High Functioning Autism nowadays). When I was a child and my mom would take me to the store and we would go through the toy isle I could pick out one toy. I always wanted a stuffed animal and remember *very* distinctly that I gave her a hard time about choosing not because I was being a brat who wanted more things but because of an overwhelming sense of sympathy I felt for the little animals on the shelf. I wanted to save them and give them a safe home as if they were shelter animals. I would also bring my favorites with me on the way to school in the morning to save them from a potential house fire (nevermind that a car accident was more likely). In adulthood I’ve managed that better but I will say that there was an organizational book about decluttering your home (Marie Kondo’s The life-changing magic of tidying-up) that *really* worked for me because the premise of deciding what to keep/giveaway/pitch was centered around *was the item happy with the way I was storing it/using it* was is fulfilling its purpose? Was the sweater happy being wadded up in the bottom of the drawer? That concept *really* worked for me to decide what was ‘best’ for the item and myself.
I used to feel sorry for sweet wrappers that I had to discard!
Hi I’m 46 and female., undiagnosed But yes I have that for objects, as a child it was teddies or dolls, or anything really, I’m just learning about myself as in Iv not really being aware of myself fir many years, just knew I was different but didn’t realise how many trates of mine belong to the autism. As an adult I’m a tidy horder but I find it really difficult to get rid of stuff. I can find a empathy reason to keep everything and I mean everything. I remember putting all my teddies in my bed and I’d be in the floor, my mum would come In and find me on the floor and she would chuck my teddies on the floor and put me to bed, I used to devastated and couldn’t understand why she would do that. Poor mum she didn’t know. But I also have the colour number thing. I match days months to colours and I can’t even go there with the numbers How I can program a phone number in my head, it’s done on a number scale between 0 and 10. when Iv tried to explain that one to people, I’m sure you can imagine there faces . What’s really sad is that people think I’m hard but I’m soooo sensitive, well inside I am anyway. Hope that’s helps.
I have no traits of OCD, only Aspergers, and i get this. It used to make decision-making very difficult! I think autistics are often empaths, and this is where this trait is rooted. For me, as a child, the world around me was in such a depth of focus that I couldn’t properly take in all that was around me, or movement and happenings, but objects, one or a few at a time, would fill my awareness so that everything around the things i was focused on would sort of fade into the background. I would be taken up with the sensations; the smell, the texture, the weight, the warmth or coolness, the sound (I recognised pillows by the sound they made when pressed, for example), details such as the outline of individual fibres on a plush toy as the light shone on it. I think this hyper-awareness of inanimate objects is what led to imbuing them with a projected sense of personality. People moved too fast and I couldn’t make meaning out of what they did, but objects could be known fully.
When I was young (a child, up until I was a tween, early teen) I had this really bad. I remember standing at the counter doing dishes, doing it carefully in the right order and way to make sure no one (of the dishes and cutlery) felt “left out”, and thinking to myself, this is going to really become a problem for me. So I consciously started … Idk, “soothing” myself in my head, talking myself down from feeling distraught, and did this for a long time anytime I realized I was attributing feelings to objects. It helped, I brought down the intensity of it. But I still feel it sometimes, it never completely left me. I also have a small tendency to OCD. I noticed it a few years later (when I was in my 20s), and again thought, this could end up controlling me, so I focused on letting go. It was hard, but I brought it down a bit.
It’s the first time I’ve realised there are some people who feel more or less the same as I do. I live in the country where the psychiatrists (officially) don’t accept autism for adults, but I self-diagnosed myself as suffering from Aspergers’ syndrome several years ago. I share most feelings which were described in replies to this article. I also can’t persuade myself that some “unanimate” objects are actually not alive.
There’re two basic categories of these objects for me: soft toys and stones. I have a small collection of stuffed animal toys (I’m 37) and I feel inside my soul they have emotions and feelings and relations with each other. I can’t convince myself to see it otherwise, so I stopped trying long ago. I really love my toys more than some people (e.g. distant relatives, who I saw 2-3 times in my life). My toys are dearer to me than most people on our planet. The other category is stones, rocks, mountains. I believe they are alive too, they’re living their life inside, just their tempo is really slow. Also I’ve always believed trees and plants are animated objects and that flowers which have been cut down for bouquets are “dead”. I don’t like the idea of these flowers in my house.
I’d like to share one episode of my life. A couple of years ago I was passing by a house not far from mine and I noticed a small soft tiger without eyes left on the bench as a give-away (this is normal practice in our neighbourhood). I was so sorry for the poor tiger, I took it home, washed it, bought glass eyes in a sewing shop and glued them onto its head. This little tiger is a part of my collection now, and I have doubts about how it gets on with other toys, but I believe they all will be fine.
Reading this article and replies to it has also made me think a lot. What if the wooden chest of drawers has also got feelings? Why do I get so scared and ready to cry if my husband hits some things when he gets angry? Why do dolls (especially nude baby dolls) make me scared and uncomfortable? Thanks a lot for the article, it was really a breakthrough for me in my attempts to understand myself.
I came across this article because I’ve been crying for 12 hours today over a large tree in my yard that was accidentally trimmed too far. I love this tree and I’m miserable because I believe it’s sad, hurting, or scared after one of its main branches was cut. The trimmer says the tree will keep growing just fine, but to me it must be suffering emotional damage.
I’m 30 years old, and no one seems to understand what I’m going through over this tree. It’s certainly not the first time this has happened–like most of the people in the comments, I’ve been doing this my whole life over inanimate things. My heart just breaks for them. Because of that, I collect stuffed toys and keep them all on shelves so they can feel happy and safe.
Thank you for writing this and thank you to everyone who has shared stories in the comments. It makes me feel validated and less alone.
Hi everyone,
I found this post and all of the stories in the comments to be truly moving and inspiring.
As part of my master’s dissertation project at UCL, I am conducting a study that looks into personal experiences of anthropomorphism (or personification) – a common human tendency, which seems to vary greatly from one person to another – and surprisingly, has received very little attention in research.
I’m looking for participants (with and without autism) who would be willing to share their personal experiences (identifying details would remain anonymous, of course).
If you’re over 18 and English is your first language, and think you may want to take part, I would be happy to chat to you and hear about your experiences!
Please contact me via email at o.negri.16@ucl.ac.uk
Many thanks 🙂
Orli
I don’t have autism but I am OCD among a few other things. I have always felt as if inanimate objects had feelings, but I also have a tendency to break things in anger. So by effect I feel like I’ve killed something in anger. I could tell stories about objects and guilt all day lol.
Hi Rachel!
We’re looking at experiences of people with and without autism, so would be very happy to chat and hear your stories! Please contact me via email (address above), or via the site that would come up if you click on my name, and I can provide more information, or answer any question you may have.
Thank you very much!
My apologies – I can’t put the site or my email address in the comment, but you can reach it by clicking my name 🙂 Thanks!
Reading all these comments breaks my heart. I’m just sobbing. I had no idea there were others like me.
For a long time I took a antidepressant. It really helped me. But now I’m pregnant and I had to stop taking it. And my overwhelming sadness and guilt over uneaten food, lost toys etc…. it’s all come screaming back.
I hope that this doesn’t get passed on to my child. I believe my mom has the same issue but is able to hide it better than me.
I am 18/19 and I feel exactly the same. It makes me want to cry sometimes because it takes so much out of you. you try and explain it to people and they think you’re joking and say you’re weird and you just let it go. I was doing the post today at work and had a pile of rubber bands on my desk. one band I used around the letters and the rest in the rubber band ball I have made to keep my desk tidy. I then almost broke down in tears over not knowing wether to put the last rubber band with the other around the mail in case it got lonely but then I thought maybe it was young or insecure and wanted to go with the others. I felt like it was crying and I ended up holding this bad next to both piles going back and forth to determine which felt better. This is just one of the many things every day. Sometimes I can put it to the back of my mind and other times I can’t and I feel horrible in case I make the wrong choice. I’m always anxious and I just need to know it’s not just me?
Hi Laura! I am 15 and I too have the same feeling for inanimate objects. I remember am incident when I was 7 or 8, I had a soft ball which had a smiley face on it which I used to play with a lot. Then suddenly one day I lost the ball and then I felt so sad. Not because I lost it, but because how abandoned the ball must be feeling. I cried for the next 3 days in my sleep. I imagined how the smiley face slowly became a frowning one.
After a week my uncle found the ball and gave it back. I was so relieved and happy. Even after 8 years I still have the ball kept in the cupboard. I’m sure you could relate to this!
Just remember you’re not the only one with such feelings for inanimate objects! Even I thought I was probably the only one, but the moment I saw this thread, I realized that there are a lot more people just like us!
I used to have a mobo pony made of tin. I loved it played with it. It was a child’s Walker. When it disappeared, my parents doing, I was bereft. Not living in a happy family, he was my best friend.
When I saw him in my cousins field, as part of a jump, it took every ounce of control not to run and collect him.
Hi! I’m 15 and I feel the same way and find this article really relatable! Even I have this sympathy for any non living object ranging from my pillows to any thing that my parents throws away including a piece of paper. I always feel sad whenever I throw away a wrapper of anything as I feel it may feel sad as it has kept the item inside it safe and in the end, it just gets thrown away. I have same feelings for food as I feel it must be feeling sad that I’m just eating it. I feel sad whenever I see my room in a mess and just think about how all my things must be misplaced and are in a bundle making them feel suffocated. I feel sympathy even for other people. I mean to say for example I get a cut, and it starts bleeding. I just feel sad for the cells that were working hard and then get crushed. I feel sad for my blanket which is not folded properly. Just looking at it crumpled hurts me from the inside. I feel sad if I left my speaker on by mistake and feel how the speaker just kept on playing without anyone listening to it.
This feeling often makes me over think about everything and often causes my to be depressed and this also reduces my social life with others and hence I always feel alone. Whenever I see anyone tagging me in a photo or just sending a message, I feel how they have taken their time to send me a message.
This is a feeling for which I’ve never been able to find the courage to tell anyone about. Many people may find this weird and may find me mad but this is how I feel and there’s nothing really I can do about it. However after coming to this site I actually realized that I’m not the only one who has similar feeling for non living things.
Thanks for Reading!
Darsh
As a young child, I vividly remember accidentally letting go of a balloon at a park. I was immediately overcome with horror as I watched it slowly drift higher and higher until I couldn’t see it anymore. I started crying, and had a meltdown that my parents still like to bring up now and again. But, I wasn’t crying because I lost the balloon, I was crying because I was so scared for it. My understanding of physics was about as limited as any three-year-old’s, so I assumed the balloon would continue to go up and up and up into outer space and then infinitely from there. And that thought, to my autistic hyperempathetic toddler self was probably the most horrifying thing I could think of. I remember feeling remorse for months that I had let it go, ultimately sending it to its demise. I still get a little anxious at the thought.
When I was 8 I lost a pair of pyjamas at the swimming pool (remember when they used to make us swim in clothes). I was distraught for about a year, constantly wondering where they were, if they were ok, had they been burned at the refuse site, how can I get them back. Every waking moment was haunted by this loss, My stomach still churns when I think about it. I also once found out my mum had sent a baby carry thing to the jumble sale, one that I used to be carried around in but had never seen – I went to the jumble sale and spent all of my pocket money buying it back and hid it under my bed! Attachment to inanimate objects goes with the territory.
Much of the comment here has a similar theme: that the sympathy is for an object left out, ignored, or uncared for. As an autistic adult, I can attest that much of my life I have been left out, ignored or uncared for one way or another. I feel that the way other people treat me is entirely out of my own control. I believe this feeling may be due to you projecting your feelings of isolation and not being cared for or understood onto objects, because your experience of the world may make you feel as though you are treated more like an object than a living, feeling being, so you have the greatest empathy for something derided, rejected, discarded, ignored or treated exactly as though it has no feelings. I know I certainly feel similarly about being treated like a thing, even though I do not share your empathy with things. Hope this makes sense. The key is projection and I believe a good therapist would be able to explain this better.
Read all of it Maybe helps!
Hi im 17 and i feel the the exact way you feel to my opinion all other normal people that doesnt have this issue have the same feelings but not to the objects. They have these strong feelings to the other people like friend or family members. And i think that all these problems starts from the point when you are too young to remember when something bad happens and you lost the communication to the people around you im too shy to say that but i think circumcision have damaged my mind when i was too young (75 percent of people with autism are male and most of the posters here are male too) then i have cutted my trust to anyone in my mind and the objects have became my closest friend. Just Think about it . Sorry too long and bad english
Posted from IRAN
i was searching the web for this feeling and i’m seriously surprised that there are people that can relate. ever since i was a kid i remember this feeling. i was at the thrift store when i was about 5 and there was this golden, metallic bear that everyone kept calling ugly. i begged my mother to get it for me and was crying because i felt so bad for it. i wanted to love it on my own so it wouldn’t be sad anymore. i’ve kept so many broken toys and collected so many things. but the past two times i’ve moved(i’m 16 and neither moves were my choice, they were both very rushed and caused me high anxiety), i’ve lost more and more of my things and whenever i think of it or a specific object it makes me very upset. i think of where it could be now and how i was so incredibly foolish to let it go. i think of it sitting alone, broken in some landfill. i’ve lost so much. another thing that i don’t know if others experience is hating to go into stores due to all the stuff. seeing the objects and products makes me wonder how many don’t get bought and how much is wasted. it makes me feel incredibly sad. it also makes it even worse when i see people carelessly bashing cheaper products and making fun of them. i know there are people out there who can appreciate cheaper objects, such as me. i’ve never seen a cheaper object and laughed at it, it only makes me feel deeply sad and helpless, especially when i have no money to purchase and use it. i’m sorry that this isn’t a very good description but it’s something that troubles me on a daily basis. i’m glad i found this page.
I always thought I was the only one who experienced this! I make sure that my children’s stuffed animals have room to “breathe” when stored, so I store them in a mesh bag. Here’s one I haven’t heard anyone else say but I experience every week when grocery shopping…….I feel bad for the shopping cart that’s left outside in the cold!
Thanks for sharing this, I’ve been searching for this in spanish, but dind’t found anything, and today I discovered all these comments.
I feel the sameof course much stronger with animals, then plants I touch them, kiss them and love them.
And also with things, I can´t see stuffed toys destroyed or thrown away, I still love mines and….yes….I’ll recognice it I’m 45….shame on me.
I talk with things, Sometimes I caresse them and many times I ask them for forgiveness when I tumble over them.
I don’t know if that’s a disorder, it’s an excess of sensitivity or a projection of the feelings we don’t have in a human beeing devoted to other things.
Thanks
It’s interesting to me that so many people have responded to this post. I’ve felt sorry for inanimate objects my entire life. As a kid I had a book entitled “Katy the Kitten.” Our plane had just lifted off the ground for a week’s vacation when I realized I’d left the book on the backseat of our family car! I was in tears thinking about how lonely the kitten would be all by itself, with no one to talk to. I was heart-broken. But, was I crying over the inanimate object (book)? Or, rather the kitten (inanimate object)? I distinctively remember crying over the image of the kitten, not the book itself. They’re both inanimate….but in my mind, it was definitely the kitten being left alone that bothered me. Thanks to all of you who shared!
HJM. I’ve just read what you wrote about the book you left behind and I relate to this in more ways than you can imagine. Worst thing is it’s continued into my adulthood (I’m now 55). I feel stupid just writing this, but only this year I threw away a broken kitchen utensil I’d been using for years. It was a conscious effort of will to put it in the dustbin and having done so I felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt and sadness, like I’d betrayed a best friend. Where does that come from? I’ve scoured my memories trying to work out if there’s an event in my past that’s caused me to feel this way but nothing. I’m a rational person and I know I’m attributing “feelings” to an inanimate object, but I can’t stop doing it. I’m just relieved to know I’m not alone.
Hi…I just want to thank you for writing this piece. I had no idea this was a thing that more than a handful of people felt. My earliest memory of this dysphoria was with stuffed animals as a child. I had a lot of them, but I would rotate through them and never admit that I liked some more than others for fear of hurting their feelings. I remember holding back tears for an ice cream cone that fell on the ground. I’m 29 now and I am so distressed by these sensations. I am so relieved to see that I’m not alone.
Absolutely! I can totally relate.
My 9 year old son has synasthesia, he sees days of the week as colours. He is also believes his inanimate objects have feelings, and will become hysterical if I throw out or try to sell old toys.
I am 20 and I have this exact problem. Something so simple as a pen no longer working I feel so bad throwing it away of if I grab something and such as a swab at work and I drop it and I have to chuck it away I feel sick that it hasn’t even been able to do it’s job and I have had to throw it away. Its driving me crazy I can’d do anything without feeling bad as if I have left it out :'( I have never been diagnosed with Autism or anything of the like but I am quite worried after reading all of these comments. Is this something I should investigate or speak to a doctor about?
Chloe
OH MY GOSH, YES! I have this problem REALLY bad, i’m 17, and as long as I remember, I have felt like inanimate objects had feelings, or could feel pain, like, I pretty much felt to me like EVERYTHING was a sentient being, however, instead of feeling sad, I feel the way it would be appropriate if a human being were in the place of the object, such as, tonight, my mom went to Farm Fresh, and they were selling little 1 dollar plush farmer toys, my mom bought one for my dog, at first I was perfectly fine with it, put then my dog ripped it in a few spots, and I started sweating like CRAZY, about a minute later my dog had completely ripped the toy’s head off (oh my gosh i’m tearing up while typing this) I continued to be fine, except I felt nauseous, and needed to look at the ceiling while walking past my dog, one time I forgot about it and saw the now eviscerated remains of the plush toy, I ran to the bathroom and “lost my dinner,” my mom had to drive back to farm fresh to buy me one of the plush toys, that I am now protecting from my dog upstairs, I get sad when looking at it because it has a happy, innocent look on it’s face and all I can think is “Oh my God, how am I supposed to tell him that my dog killed his brother?!?”
I am researching this condition for my 16 yr. old son. He has been dealing with intrusive thoughts for a year or so but just recently he says he worries that objects feel pain. He feels guilty if he tears a sheet of paper out of a notebook, for instance. He is on the mild side of the autism spectrum. I read through most of these posts and have learned a great deal about this but I didn’t see any discussion about treatments. Has anyone had any success treating this?
Thanks for the article and all the posts!
Wow! Others who feel the same??! JACKPOT!
I am very much like all of you. I am 43 and have been this way since day dot. What is interesting is my 11yo son, just last month, told me he ate his last biscuit in his lunch box because he felt sad for it. It was all alone. Left out and he needed to eat it simply because he could not cope with it alone.
Ive had that fealing for objects for as long i can remember.
I still keep my soft teddies on my bed cause if i would put them away id feel terrible like they have feelings.
Last week i had forgot my lunch box at work with some leftover chicken and i felt terrible knowing i had to throw the lunch box away, i atempted to clean it but realised what i was doing and i just had to trash it.
Im feeling sad writing this but thats life i guess.
I am 22y/o diagnosed with ADD/Aspbergers
I am 62, and have not been diagnosed with either autism or OCD. I do indeed suffer from worry over inanimate objects: I pick up paperclips, etc. from the sidewalk, I rescue pencils from the trash at work when they have been sharpened down to stubs. I have worried about this unusual trait, so I am encouraged by the responses to this post. Thank you.
I’m not an adult yet but I do have pervasive developmental disorder and this has affected me since a very young age and it really helps to see that other people understand what it’s like if I touch something but I wanted the other thing I can’t get the one I wanted because it will hurt the feelings of the thing I just picked up. And I can’t have anyone move anything in my room because they’re all going to think I don’t love them anymore but I do! I probably sound insane, but it’s how I feel and I’m afraid I will never be able to get over this and it makes me worried about how I will be once I graduate and live on my own.
When I’m walking around at school, or anywhere really, I might see a rock on the ground. Or a stick. I’ll try to walk past it, but I’m already thinking about this: if I don’t pick up this stick, it will never be picked up. It will never be found by me again, never be singled out as that one stick I didn’t pick up. It will be long gone. Blown away in a storm, brutally shredded by a lawnmower. At that point I don’t care how crazy I look. I’ve walked like 20 yards away from it now. I will run back to that stick and put it in my pocket. I’m almost in tears at the point I grab it and run away. Many people don’t talk to me, I pick up every acorn by an oak tree. I’ve never considered the possibility of me having autism. I suffer from Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, Dermatillomania, Scopophobia, And the Depression which I’ve recently gotten over, but will probably come back when I start high school in a month. I had no idea this was an actual disorder! I know that reading this won’t stop my problem, but I feel so much better that there’s a really good handful of others that understand 😀
I do it at 50. Not as much as when younger and before meds, but if the anxiety is high and I can’t shake it off quickly, I’ll start looking for a place to cry. Meds are pretty good but I doubt I’ll ever feel real joy again, which makes me want to cry too. Lol
With the right Dr. you’ll be able to overcome the crippling compulsions, which are riding on the anxiety subway.
My Doc thinks that GAD has always been my problem. I always thought that anxiety sounded like nonsense, but calling it something else doesn’t make it any more real.
Reading this made me so sad! I have always had this problem. Both of my parents have it too. I have avoided having children because I’ve always been afraid I would panthers trait on. I’m well-educated and have a good job, but I’ve never gotten over this.! The only thing that helped was anti-depressants, but when taking them, I was numb to everything. Inhale to repeat to myself “it’s ok. It doesn’t feel anything.” But it makes me sad to know my parents have the same issue.
I never used to be able to eat animal shaped biscuits and would cry when other people did, I still get a lump in my throat when I think about an abandoned doll I wasn’t allowed to retrieve from the road (my dad dragged me away) and a special rock I found one day on the beach but lost, and that must have been almost 10 years ago. I can’t bring myself to throw away my many stuffed toys (though I’ve gotten less obsessed with keeping them comfortable and not having favourites). The weird choked feeling just hits in unexpected situations (I can’t deal with people personifying cars and stuff, because of the implications it would eventually have if a thing could break or run out ect., or talking about things suffering even in a joking way it freaks me out) but I can usually manage to numb it (I have to actively suppress the same feeling occasionally when eating meat), I don’t have autism, I do have suspected ADD and some anxiety nonsense.
First of all, I’m shocked! There are so many replies on this article! I didn’t really think that so many people would read such an article and actually respond to it, as having emotions for objects has always been pretty much….weird. And people would usually ignore it. Anyways: I know how you’re feeling. I have been feeling emotions for objects all my life, and sometimes I am able to ignore it, move on, and tell myself that that bottle getting kicked around by my friends is just a bottle and doesn’t have feelings. Or that the banana being mouldy because I didn’t eat it doesn’t feel sorry for itself, isn’t really sad, in fact it couldn’t even be happy in the first place, it’s just a fruit. But sometimes, it just doesn’t work like this.
I am having mild anger issues. So sometimes, it rarely occurs but it happens, I start kicking objects or punching things because I’m really angry on a person or the circumstances (mostly a person though) and I start crying and feeling sorry for the object afterwards, not the person, not myself, but the objects. Why did I punch that wall? Did it deserve it? I should’ve rather punched the person. But…did my fist deserve me to punch someone? Now it hurts. My poor fist. Oh no, I punched his nose and now it’s bleeding. Why did I do this? Does his nose really deserve that? It’s bleeding, oh my god, it’s probably crying now, why did I do this?
Thoughts like this make me think I’m crazy, but it happens…sometimes daily, sometimes not even once in a week. I am really surprised that this isn’t an officially recognised illnesss or disorder yet. I, we, have a problem and want to know how to fix it, but a psychologist would most likely simply laugh at us.
I have to add: I have not been diagnosed with autism (yet, I’m barely 17 years old), I randomly found this article because I’ve been searching Google for feelings, emotions towards objects, which I’ve always felt since I can remember. The younger I was, the stronger the feelings were, though.
I’d consider myself an introvert at most, but seriously autistic would be an exaggeration, even though I am a shy person that’s a bit more reserved and I’ll be honest, I have problems talking to people when I’m feeling uncomfortable (for example when I’m around lots of people who are not exactly my closest friends). But I wouldn’t say that I generally show typical autistic behaviour. So I’m really curious if any of you guys who actually haven’t been diagnosed with any kind of autism are feeling like I do.
What’s also pretty weird, I have emotions for body parts. Just the thought of punching someones stomach and damaging his organs makes me sad sometimes. They didn’t deserve it. But he did!
I’m also barely 17 and have had the same issue all my life. I get so sad every time I see someone neglect or even just critisize an object. For some reason, I’m no where as sensitive towards people and it pisses me off because I sometimes get so sad about an object being tossed around that I start to cry. I’m a 6″ 185lb dude, and I know it sounds ridiculous but I just can’t control these emotions. Just like you, I was looking up what my condition is called. Pretty sure its Anthropomorphism but I just want help.
Yes I’m the same, but I think I know why you only feel sorry for objects and not people.
Object are vulnerable. Objects serve us and do their very best for us without question. Theyr’e always there for us no matter what, Even if we treat them badly they will still be there for us..
People are none of these things. People are quite capable of looking after themselves and often do so at at the expense of others.
I could go on and on but it would take all day and more.
Hi everyone,
I found this post so interesting as it is related entirely to my research project entitled ‘Personification an Autism’. As we all know, personification is ascribing human attributes to objects. In this forum, we notice that both adults with and without autism personify, which poses a question of how different the personification is? There has been recent concern from the autism community regarding how consistently personifying affects their daily lives. This has inspired me to conduct this research. Another aim is to determine whether or not personification is related to synaesthesia.
To aid in the research, I am inviting interested participants to complete an online survey. All information is private, and will be kept strictly confidential.
Your participation is greatly appreciated. https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/99RLLDV.
I hold memories in things. When the memory fades, The feeling is still attached. I think the problem you are looking for isn’t Synesthesia exactly as no two autism spectrum difficulties are the same but it does sound relatively close to Aphantasia as it isn’t what you do say when you try to describe what you experience but it is in what you don’t say because this is what you miss in experiencing. You will find the same with me. When I tell a story, In the story they will be something missing that one individual can see but another individual cannot. Whether this helps I dont know.
Hi Bernie
That is very interesting. Ive never heard of Aphantasia. I am going to look into this thanks for the info.
Best wishes
Steve
adultswithautism.org.uk
I’ve suffered these agonies since very young childhood. It’s hard to pass on or throw anything away, especially something with a face. It took me six reads of your first few lines to get over the sadness you describe so that I could read on. My sister isn’t autistic but she feels the same about things with faces, though not so much about things without. Her house is a lot tidier than mine and her life in general a lot more orderly.
I have not been diagnosed as autistic and I do not think I am, but my sister has asserted that I am to the rest of my family in the past. I was not happy with this, as I believe that I have more insight into other people’s feelings than her and more than most people.
I think that I have some mild autistic traits, and this is one of them. I do have feelings for certain objects and I find it hard to throw things away when they are no longer useful to me.
While I do not think this is as strong as it seems to be for others here, I feel this especially for objects that are made to bring happiness, like trinkets, toys, party paraphernalia, clothes (children’s especially), etc.
When they lie discarded and forgotten, it is sad. When they were never used or wasted, it is sadder. If they were of low quality, it seems sadder still, as though they were doomed from birth/manufacture.
I am a 30 year old biomedical scientist, I have never been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum but I am a deeply anxious person, always second guessing people’s motives. I too have the innate involuntary ability to project personalities on to objects. In my case it’s soft toys, I suppose it must be the face. I have several different toys and would be genuinely heartbroken if I lost one. I am lucky to have found a girlfriend who is tolerant of it, she also indulges herself in this lifestyle too. We went for a walk in the woods several months ago and when we returned the the car it had started to rain and we noticed that there was a cuddly toy on the bench with no one in sight. It had been on the floor and was dirty but as much as I tried to resist the compulsion to “rescue” the cuddly bunny, the inevitable flow of emotions drove me to pick her (yes her) up within about 20 seconds and took her back, washed and dried her and now she is proudly (more importantly safely) sitting here with me now. I’ve decided that I’m not going to fight the urge anymore and just accept that I am a man who feels bad for lonely soft toys. You are NOT alone!
I am so glad to find this thread. I want to know why I feel sorry for inantimate objects as well. Since I was a child my heart has been torn for stuffed animals.
Once when I was about 8 or 9 I visited a museum exhibit with a doll in an incubator. I could not bear the thought of that doll lying there all alone in the dark at night when the museum closed. I cried and cried. My dad asked why but I was too ashamed to say.
Later in life, through much introspection, I concluded that the doll represented me. A few years before the museum incident, I had spent a month in the hospital and felt very alone, especially at night.
So I think I was projecting my feelings on the doll, feelings of isolation and fear I had supressed while in the hospital.
(Sidenote: fast forward 30 years and I gave birth to a real baby girl whom I had to leave in an incubator for 15 days. Imagine how difficult that was.)
So my theory is that we project onto stuffed animals and dolls our own feelings of abandonment and rejection. This is why we can’t see them thrown away or torn apart.
I have no idea what to do about this, I am not a psychologist nor do I favor Freud’s theories in particular.
I only hope to stir the conversation as I am anxious to hear what others think.
I have this a lot! I always want to finish every single thing on my plate at meal times, not because I feel bad about wasting food, but because I feel the food was made for a purpose (to be eaten) and by not eating it it hasn’t fulfilled its purpose and therefore is sad. I always tell myself that the food doesn’t mind but I still kind of believe it. This also makes it hard to throw anything away, because everything has feelings and throwing it away is mean, even if it’s broken I still want to keep it. If I break things I always feel bad, partly because it’s broken, but also because it’s sad for the object that it’s now broken. I have no idea why, but it does make things quite hard for me, as no one else really seems to understand it. Anyone else get this with all objects having feelings, not just the ones we particularly love?
Yes, definitely!
I have this too! I have NOT been diagnosed with OCD yet. But I have done pretty much all quizzes there is and everyone one of them are posivitive that I do have OCD. And with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) there is a symptom that you have to check twice or more before throwing stuff away, and with sympathy for objects it can make it much harder to throw away stuff. And I dont feel like the food gets sad because it doesnt get eaten. I feel like I am hurting the food by eating it. And this is very difficult when you love food like me. And when I brake something I feel like I am hurting it and making it very sad. Like right now I hate to erase letters because I feel like I am taking away the letters friends. And it makes me feel very guilty and just kind of depressed. It is very rare that I a trash bag away without hugging it. It just feels like it will be sad otherwise. I might be feeling like this because I feel like inanimate objects cant hurt anyone, and cant betray etc, which some humans do. I have a lot of different sad and guilt feelings when I throw something away or break it, If I break an object I might start to cry. And the worst thing I know is to see ANYTHING crying. Doesnt matter what it is. Please help me with this. Please do not suggest doctors and such, because I am Swedish and I guess the majority of you here are from other countries.
Thank you.
P.S
I hate change, it makes me depressed, that might be a reason.
Hi Rachael! I’m 15 and I too have the same feeling for inanimate objects. I feel depressed whenever I something crumpled like my blanket or a towel etc. I remember an experience when I had lost a ball that I used to play with around the age of 9. The ball was I white ball with a smiley face on it. The moment I started thinking about the ball, I always pictured the face turning into a frowning one which often made me cry everyone I think about it. A few days later my uncle found the ball and the rElie I got was unimaginable and even after 7 years I still have it in the cupboard. I find it really difficult to throw anything. I just feel sad whenever my mother cuts the vegetables and throws the inedible part. It makes me feel how sad the vegetables must be feeling. After finding this site I realised that I’m not the only one with this feeling and that has made a feel a lot better.
Thanks For Reading!
Darsh
A few days ago, I dropped a plate and it shattered, and I felt like I had just committed an accidental murder. I also sometimes feel like inanimate objects are judging me when I use them. Like when I play the piano, I worry that the piano thinks I’m not good enough for it.
I´m 62 and was diagnosed 2½ years ago, but at long as I remember, I´ve felt, that inanimate objects have feelings and could be hurt by being overlooked. Not anymore, though – most of the time. Last year, I put some plants out on our road in a box for any garden-person to take – and when I saw them standing there later, all alone , I felt so sad and worried for them —-me a grown woman! One hour later the box was taken. Phew!
This very childish trait has made me wonder for years – but as I apparently share it with other aspies – I accept it as a trait. (I am very synaesthetic too, if there is a connection to that). I also wonder, if it has to do with the tendency to feel abandoned, – which I wasn´t. It has been a bothering emotional problem for me from age three. Would that be a “trait” too?
It saddens me to read your article but it relieves me to have another reminder that one of my many “oddities” is a hallmark autism trait. Today, as I walked up to my little truck to run an errand, I felt so TERRIBLE for her because she has a few scabs on her nose that were not there before. I wished I could go get her a paint job right away & make it better.
Because I was not diagnosed until my late 30’s, I thought I was simply materialistic in some odd way due to my very real attachment to objects. I became very attuned to the energy of objects as I entered my 40’s & I stopped IGNORING those feelings and instead used the feelings to part ways with things I owned via waves of purging. Sometimes a week a purging would mean giving away or tossing 43 objects and sometimes a day of purging would mean I donated 16 books. It was like saying good-bye to old friends who just were not contributing to my life any more.
Most recently, I got rid of 1000 items over 6 weeks to prepare for relocation. It’s wonderful now to look around my flat full of 2nd hand items and know each has its story & every ottoman or old book has meaning. It’s like coming home to silent friends!
I do have conversations with them and I am NOT crazy. For example, while assembling an old table gifted to me: “We’re NOT doing this today, Table! Now let me tighten these legs or you’ll be all wobbly. Why must you give me a hard time? We’re in this together, yes?!”
To me, it’s like when people talk to their plants in order to send out positive energy. It’s just something I DO. If I strive to be kind to people then why can’t I be kind to things?
My bigger issue is personifying objects. I’ve been given a VERY hard time because of it. But the few things I personify have great meaning to me and, frankly, I like them more than many of my so called friends. My little truck has been there for me when no one else has. She has patiently helped me schlep furniture that vehicles twice her size would normally haul. She’s kept me safe when I’ve had to pull over and nap after hours of driving. Having used public transit in the worst of weather as a child (my single mum could not afford a vehicle), I APPRECIATE her and treat her well. My mechanic calls her by her name and he gets many bonus points for that!
I remember that while growing up, very often the ONLY place that did not stir up anxiety was my bedroom. Each object evoked a certain feeling & I kept everything just so and beyond tidy. Having my sister leave the room messy could send me into a tailspin of anxiety that was debilitating.
I prefer a simple and spare lifestyle. I enjoy previously owned objects and now I wonder if it’s because there’s some sense of “adopting” things as I would a pet (??)
Psychologically speaking, perhaps those of us who are autistic find it easier to project emotion onto personified items because it’s so terribly difficult to adequately express ourselves around humans. I’m often so excited that I can identify with things being discussed in a conversation among neurotypicals that I can’t stop talking which can be tough on a group as, like many people with Aspergers, I cannot control the volume of my voice. Either that or I’m so overwhelmed that I’m fairly silent. And we don’t have to worry about such stressors with objects, do we. . .?
I have felt similarly for my cars and mourned them deeply when they had to be hauled away. The only comfort I have is they will live on in other cars when used for parts. Also, perhaps the junkyard is like a retirement home where the cars get to rest and swap stories about the good ol’ days.
This is definitely me since childhood. I felt sympathy for all sorts of objects, most of all my things – my room, my bed, my toys, my ornaments. I needed to try to be fair to all my toys and often felt sad or guilty of one was left out, devastated if one was “hurt” i.e. broken. I think this is quite normal in children – psychologists call it animism.
But, while I have taught/forced myself to be less sentimental with most things, I still feel this way about my books and especially my soft toys (around 50 of them, plus 50+belonging to each of my 2 boys!) which all have their own names, have feelings and personality, show love and compassion. It is these that I turn to for comfort when I’m depressed, anxious or stressed, even more than to my husband!!
I couldn’t bear to part with them, I feel sorry for any of my kids soft toys that have been left out and I’ve cried when my youngest has lost a soft toy – and not just for my son! I find it hard sometimes seeing soft toys in shops knowing that I can’t give them all a good home and also feel awful if there’s one I don’t like the look of!!
If this is part of my ASD, that would explain a lot. I’ve never known why I feel so strongly about this.
I’m 37 and in the States… I’m the same way with my daughter’s toys. I find I encourage them to get out their baby toys and play with them for a bit. I’ve seen a doctor for 20 years and they don’t think I have anything beyond anexity and depression. My brother and cousin feel this way, but I’m the worst about it.
Same with me. 38, in the States, not diagnosed as on the spectrum, but been fighting severe depression and anxiety for 20 years.
Hello thank you for this post. I had this as a child (not sure if it was from myself or learned from my parents) and I think my sisters did too. My mum has it – she will feel sorry for cardboard boxes left out in the rain. I have mild colour synasthaesia (seeing letters and numbers in colour). I had assumed that having emotions for inanimate objects was related to hoarding (which we have in our family) and had not considered it could be to do with autism.
My eleven year old daughter is autistic..non-verbal, extremely well versed on-line , with devices, coordinated,..etc
I simply wanted to post a photo, (one of many),..
she sleeps with her tv remote control , “as if it’s her teddy bear”.Always.
Thank YOU, for this insight
Hmm I’m not sure it only related to autism….I mean, I can understand the synaesthesia thing, as I have that and ascribe it to everything, but my theory on why I’m deeply sad when I see things like guitars that don’t get played anymore, or cameras that don’t get used (to cite his examples) probably relate to something else – I don’t think this is just an autism thing, I know plenty of people who have this.
Do you not think that possibly the reason we have sadness over things like guitars, cameras and so on is probably more to do with the fact that these object are a: man made and so designed for a purpose, so it’s kind of depressing on a lot of levels to see them big discarded, though i think that possibly has something to do with it being depressing seeing a sort of abandoned relic of consumerism , b: they have a very inherent, fundamental air of utility surrounding them, c: when we view a thing that we have a strong association with we tend to create a sort of back story to it, and relate it entirely to a story as to its use, that we have created.
So in short, the object contains a huge amount of meaning and value judgements that we have ascribed to it. For instance, i attach a lot of sentimentality to musical instruments, because I’m a musician. However, I have absolutely no interesting in things like iphones or gadgets or something that a lot of other people find valuable, because I have no interest in those objects.The same goes for my attachment to some things like a lipstick, say – people who don’t wear lipstick probably wouldn’t care so much about a specific shade or something.
There’s also an intentionality issue here – if we weren’t aware of what the object was, it wouldn’t immediately pop up on our radar. The example I always use is to think of something like a bowl of oranges in a room, and how you would experience the perception of that if you have no conception of what an orange was and no real perception of the colour orange – in this case, you would experience the sense data relating to the orange, but because you had no prior built up picture of the orange, you would see it, but it wouldn’t hold meaning or potential value to you, so your brain would likely ignore it.
The brain tends to “pick out” its reality, and organise the environment according to things its looking for or think it needs. For instance, the old anecdote, about australians being unable to see Cooks’ ships (it was possibly hawaii, but the story is cherry pciked anyway, so I can’t find anything to verify it). while untrue (and pushing a sort of inherent pro-colonial attitude